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October 14, 2025, 04:36:22 am
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Author Topic: [English] Section B - Summer of the Seventeenth Doll  (Read 1921 times)  Share 

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molecular.

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[English] Section B - Summer of the Seventeenth Doll
« on: September 01, 2016, 10:49:46 pm »
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« Last Edit: September 02, 2016, 10:28:11 pm by molecular. »
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zhen

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Re: [English] Section B - Summer of the Seventeenth Doll
« Reply #1 on: September 02, 2016, 11:22:52 pm »
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I'm wondering if you took down your essay, since I can't see it anymore. But here are my corrections anyway, since I already did it and I don't want it to go to waste. Also, I'm in year 11, so take my advice with a grain of salt.
« Last Edit: September 02, 2016, 11:27:43 pm by zhen »
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zhen

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Re: [English] Section B - Summer of the Seventeenth Doll
« Reply #2 on: September 02, 2016, 11:23:53 pm »
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The attatchments couldn't fit in one post, so here's the second part.

I forgot to say in the attachments, but the highlighted green parts are the parts that I liked and the highlighted yellow parts are those that I think you need to work on.
« Last Edit: September 04, 2016, 12:03:57 am by zhen »
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molecular.

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Re: [English] Section B - Summer of the Seventeenth Doll
« Reply #3 on: September 03, 2016, 01:53:24 pm »
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Quote from: zhen on September 02, 2016, 11:23:53 pm
The attatchments couldn't fit in one post, so here's the second part.

Hey mate, your advice was excellent - I'll change a few things !!! Being in year 11 doesn't mean that your advice is less weighted and you clearly understand how to write succintly, so all respect bro.
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