In need of advice for Advanced English Essay

[Lumenoria]

Hi all,

I was just wondering if a paragraph solely dedicated to the plot/context to the explored texts is really necessary for an Advanced English AOS conceptual essay (belonging). I've integrated both my prescribed and related texts' plot/context into one paragraph in which I outline their significant ties to belonging. I've usually approached essays like this in previous years and have been able to attain A range marks, however essays in Senior years seem to be marked much more critically. This paragraph is pretty lengthy and I'm already concerned about my word count at an excessive count 1600, which obviously cannot be written within the span of 50 minutes.  Furthermore, I emailed my draft to my teacher for feedback and she said while I've made strong links between the texts, I could also just skip it and just expand some points on each text. I'm really considering this, but I feel like it'll be awkward if I just dive into my analysis after the intro.

Also, how do you link your topic sentences to your essay question effectively? Based on the feedback, I seem to be struggling with engaging my analysis it back to the thesis which I'm really stuck about.

I'm really conflicted on my paragraph structure. I want to synthesise two paragraphs into just one because I feel like I don't link the two well enough. However, I'm not sure if it's better to write about two instances of not belonging in one or describe belonging/not belonging in one. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I hope you understand what I mean. My current paragraph structure is;

Intro
Plot/Context
Not belonging in prescribed text
Not belonging in related text
Not belonging in prescribed text
Belonging in related text
Conclusion

If anyone could point me in the right direction or give me any advice, that would mean a lot. Thank you so much for reading!

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey Lumenoria! Welcome to the forums!

So I'll try my best to answer your questions, but if anyone else has an opinion definitely weigh in!

I was just wondering if a paragraph solely dedicated to the plot/context to the explored texts is really necessary for an Advanced English AOS conceptual essay (belonging).

Absolutely, definitely not. AoS doesn't really assess context, not significantly anyway, and we never care about plot. Like you, I also did paragraphs like this up to Year 10, but in the HSC they are completely unnecessary. The contextual and conceptual links should be embedded throughout your analysis as your teacher seems to suggest of course everyone has their own style of essay writing, but a paragraph explaining plot and context of each text is space you almost definitely can't afford, for no benefit to your mark

Also, how do you link your topic sentences to your essay question effectively?

All sorts of ways! Using the same/synonymous key terms as the question is the easiest way, and usually the most effective because it is direct and obvious. Remember, if you are writing a paragraph on "not belonging," you need to be frequently linking the analysis back to that concept with phrases like, "thus demonstrating the negative effects of not belonging on the individual," or, "The composer highlights the benefits of isolation, through _______." Frequent linking phrases show that you are continually analysing with respect to the question

I'm really conflicted on my paragraph structure.

Hmm, could you do:

- Intro
- Belonging in prescribed
- Belonging in related
- Not belonging in prescribed
- Not belonging in related
- Conclusion

That or something similar is how I'd structure it, based on what you have so far. Does your prescribed allow a discussion of belonging in any sense (even if it is a tad limited)?

[Lumenoria]

Hey Lumenoria! Welcome to the forums!

So I'll try my best to answer your questions, but if anyone else has an opinion definitely weigh in!

Absolutely, definitely not. AoS doesn't really assess context, not significantly anyway, and we never care about plot. Like you, I also did paragraphs like this up to Year 10, but in the HSC they are completely unnecessary. The contextual and conceptual links should be embedded throughout your analysis as your teacher seems to suggest of course everyone has their own style of essay writing, but a paragraph explaining plot and context of each text is space you almost definitely can't afford, for no benefit to your mark
 

All sorts of ways! Using the same/synonymous key terms as the question is the easiest way, and usually the most effective because it is direct and obvious. Remember, if you are writing a paragraph on "not belonging," you need to be frequently linking the analysis back to that concept with phrases like, "thus demonstrating the negative effects of not belonging on the individual," or, "The composer highlights the benefits of isolation, through _______." Frequent linking phrases show that you are continually analysing with respect to the question

Hmm, could you do:

- Intro
- Belonging in prescribed
- Belonging in related
- Not belonging in prescribed
- Not belonging in related
- Conclusion

That or something similar is how I'd structure it, based on what you have so far. Does your prescribed allow a discussion of belonging in any sense (even if it is a tad limited)?

Hey, thankyou so much for the detailed response, it helped me out so much! And yeah, it's extremely limited because the source of belonging is the ultimate catalyst that drives the character not to belong, so I guess you could say it's kinda counteractive. I could really focus on the tiniest belonging aspect there is to it, but I feel like the direction of my arguments wouldn't be clear because I can't really draw an effective conclusion due to its inevitably detrimental impacts, you know? I hope I'm making sense hahaha. The prescribed text is Othello, if that helps.

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey, thankyou so much for the detailed response, it helped me out so much! And yeah, it's extremely limited because the source of belonging is the ultimate catalyst that drives the character not to belong, so I guess you could say it's kinda counteractive. I could really focus on the tiniest belonging aspect there is to it, but I feel like the direction of my arguments wouldn't be clear because I can't really draw an effective conclusion due to its inevitably detrimental impacts, you know? I hope I'm making sense hahaha. The prescribed text is Othello, if that helps.

Right right! I'm with you - I've done Othello so sort of know what you are getting at (it's been a while ahaha) - Maybe you could use the two paragraphs on Belonging to say, "Hey, in my Prescribed it is a vastly negative experience that leads to alienation. In my ORT it does the opposite, check out that comparison."

Then in your second two, explore how the alienation itself manifests -Clutching at straws a bit but I reckon it could work

[Lumenoria]

Right right! I'm with you - I've done Othello so sort of know what you are getting at (it's been a while ahaha) - Maybe you could use the two paragraphs on Belonging to say, "Hey, in my Prescribed it is a vastly negative experience that leads to alienation. In my ORT it does the opposite, check out that comparison."

Then in your second two, explore how the alienation itself manifests -Clutching at straws a bit but I reckon it could work

Ah yeah, I see what you mean. I'm a bit conflicted though, because then wouldn't that just end up consisting of three belonging and one not belonging as I previously mentioned? Like for instance, if I said in my belonging paragraph that 'it is a vastly negative experience that leads to alienation', as you suggested, that would just be not belonging, wouldn't it? I'm not sure how I would pull that off, either way hahah. Now I'm at a point where I'm just wondering whether it's actually that big of a deal to write in that structure as opposed to the 50-50 belonging/not belonging. I suppose I'll try to ask my teacher tomorrow if I have the courage to ask

[jamonwindeyer]

Ah yeah, I see what you mean. I'm a bit conflicted though, because then wouldn't that just end up consisting of three belonging and one not belonging as I previously mentioned? Like for instance, if I said in my belonging paragraph that 'it is a vastly negative experience that leads to alienation', as you suggested, that would just be not belonging, wouldn't it? I'm not sure how I would pull that off, either way hahah. Now I'm at a point where I'm just wondering whether it's actually that big of a deal to write in that structure as opposed to the 50-50 belonging/not belonging. I suppose I'll try to ask my teacher tomorrow if I have the courage to ask

Yeah I definitely see what you mean - Walking a tightrope aren't we aha!! This is the reason why writing in the Belonging/Not Belonging structure was always really tough for me. You might even want to look at another option. If your texts lend more naturally to not belonging, you could focus completely on that and explore the effects of not belonging! One paragraph on liberation, one paragraph on isolation, that sort of approach! Or you could explore the impact of not belonging on individuals, relationships, and communities? A few different options there

Never be afraid to ask your teachers a question! That is literally what they get paid for!

[Lumenoria]

Yeah I definitely see what you mean - Walking a tightrope aren't we aha!! This is the reason why writing in the Belonging/Not Belonging structure was always really tough for me. You might even want to look at another option. If your texts lend more naturally to not belonging, you could focus completely on that and explore the effects of not belonging! One paragraph on liberation, one paragraph on isolation, that sort of approach! Or you could explore the impact of not belonging on individuals, relationships, and communities? A few different options there

Never be afraid to ask your teachers a question! That is literally what they get paid for!

Yeah I totally would, but the question for this essay is 'An individual's interaction with others can enrich or limit their experience it belonging. To what extent does your understanding support this statement?', so I'm afraid I don't think I can hahahaha. In my draft, I've explored the two different ideas of insecurity/manipulation and prejudice (one for each text) and incorporated the concept of belonging/not belonging through how the characters' approach these ideas if that makes sense (the mention of belonging is still unbalanced though, as mentioned previously). Currently, I've answered the question with a 'significant extent' approach, but if I wanted to respond to the question with something like 'to some extent, while interactions do significant impact one's experience of belonging, it all ultimately comes down to how we perceive ourselves,' do you reckon that would be harder to pull off? I feel like my response could be potentially better with that approach but due to its specificity, my extremely tight word count would suffer even more. Sorry for asking so many questions hahaha, but I really appreciate your help

[jamonwindeyer]

Yeah I totally would, but the question for this essay is 'An individual's interaction with others can enrich or limit their experience it belonging. To what extent does your understanding support this statement?', so I'm afraid I don't think I can hahahaha. In my draft, I've explored the two different ideas of insecurity/manipulation and prejudice (one for each text) and incorporated the concept of belonging/not belonging through how the characters' approach these ideas if that makes sense (the mention of belonging is still unbalanced though, as mentioned previously). Currently, I've answered the question with a 'significant extent' approach, but if I wanted to respond to the question with something like 'to some extent, while interactions do significant impact one's experience of belonging, it all ultimately comes down to how we perceive ourselves,' do you reckon that would be harder to pull off? I feel like my response could be potentially better with that approach but due to its specificity, my extremely tight word count would suffer even more. Sorry for asking so many questions hahaha, but I really appreciate your help

Ahh I see! Hmm, I think potentially just keeping your response as it is would work better, especially if the word count is tight! Like, if you try and bring in that self perception idea, I think you'll find that you might not be able to do it justice in your word count with everything going on! In that case, it is better to leave it out

Oh it's no worries, always happy to help you brainstorm!

[Lumenoria]

Ahh I see! Hmm, I think potentially just keeping your response as it is would work better, especially if the word count is tight! Like, if you try and bring in that self perception idea, I think you'll find that you might not be able to do it justice in your word count with everything going on! In that case, it is better to leave it out

Oh it's no worries, always happy to help you brainstorm!

Yeah that's what I thought but I needed a second opinion, thankyou so much seriously!