Advanced english AOS Discovery creative

[sde508]

Can anyone please have a look at my discovery creative? I'm not sure and really stressed whether I should start a new creative and scrap this one or not...
My teacher gave me a high A range mark when I handed in my draft fbefore the half yearies, and one of the HSC creative markers said the same as well. I was confident that I would get high A mark as well for my half yearies but I got 11/15 first time and my teacher pushed it up to a 12. I've tried to gain feedback from the marker since I was so confused what I should do (as my teacher and hsc creative marker said it was high A range but I didnt) but I've gotten into serious trouble as theres this stupid protocol at my school that we are not allowed to ask markers for any feedback (only able to ask my class teacher).

Im so stressed out for my creative, I don't know if I should start a new one or polish this one more... please help me out

[joannelovescake]

So I just had a quick skim through your creative and your language seems to be very advanced and formal, well done on that. However try not to overdo it with the academic language because sometimes sentences can lose their meaning if they're too overpacked and enhanced. Sometimes keeping it simple has a bigger impact. Also it is very important that you kept your story to a brief, short moment and didn't extend it over a longer period.

However I think you lost marks because the discovery in it isn't crystal clear; I can see where you're coming from, but try to make the discovery stand out more. Depending on the stimulus of the exam, it might be even harder to adjust it, but ensure that your story has a clear and straightforward sense of discovery in it (I cannot stress this enough  ). I got a 13/15 for my half yearly because my story didn't explicitly demonstrate discovery. I was so upset because my language, format and setting were near perfect. I was so proud of it and it was very demotivating to get back a mark like that.

I know, it's stupid and frustrating, because we as writers can clearly see the deep and intellectual discovery behind our stories and it isn't really our fault that the marker doesn't get it even though it is assumed they should since they're HSC markers/ teachers. I hope this helped!