Well. VCE. That was a thing that happened.
I feel like I wasted so much time this year. Even though I can see that I've done a lot of work, it just never seemed to be reflected in my scores and exams, which makes me wish I had of tried harder in ask my subjects, not just my 'top 4'. Even with my parents telling me that I needed time off to refresh and not burn out, I just look back at where my time went and see so much more opportunities to become more familiar and comfortable with the content. Wasted time... Academic regret... Can you understand where I'm coming from?
Last year for my 3/4 exams, I went into them (bio especially) knowing I had done as much as I could. I felt ready and confident to tackle whatever curveballs vcaa decided to throw at us that year. And I came out of those exams feeling despondent and resigned myself to study harder in the next year, to make up for it in my year 12 subjects.
Even though I did well last year yet still felt disheartened following the exams, even though my teachers have all said that if I found the exams tricky, so would the rest of the state, even though my family teased me for studying too much and I earned the reputation amongst my friends for living in the library during lunchtimes and spares... I still feel disappointed in my efforts this year.
When I was young, I had this imaged scenario where my year 12 self would come back to talk to me. They were studious, they were accomplished, they were organised and everything I wished to become. On top of all that, they were basically an adult. It turns out that my year 12 self is a lot different. I spent half the year not having confidence in who I was as a person or whether I was good enough for anyone, really. If only I could go back in time to speak with myself before this year...
I guess I am proud of myself overall, and however much I study there's always more to do. If I get into my uni course, I'll take the opportunity then to make up for my lost potential during high school. VCE is done, whatever atar and study score I get has been decided.