English Advanced Common Module

[Sibel]

Hi this is my essay for the common module based on 1984 and Gattaca. The question is "To what extent does the exploration of human experience in Nineteen Eighty Four and a related text of your own choosing invite you to reconsider your understanding of loneliness?"

Loneliness is emotions of sadness due to alienation, either physically or emotionally, which can be triggered by a variety of aspects of the human experience. The dystopian texts, of Gattaca written and directed by Andrew Niccol and Nineteen Eight-Four written by George Orwell, display loneliness to be gained due to the experiences enforced by the control of a totalitarian power. These human experiences include the differences in beliefs, faithless nature and the lack of individuality.

Individuals challenge and play with civilisation, gaining power over the natural ways, of creation, which is why there is no God depicted in either texts, nature is ceasing to exist, remaining an individual with loneliness. In 1984, the dialogue spoken by O’Brien to Winston includes, “If you are a man, Winston, then you are the last man. Your kind is extinct; we are the inheritors”. The threatening tone defeats the protagonist and it commences in, “there had been a moment … of luminous certainty, when each new suggestion of O’Brien’s had filled up a patch of emptiness and become absolute truth”. The effect of this scene is daunting to the audience, as the present tense reflects that Winston isn’t as strong as was first perceived, due to his desperation to fulfill his emptiness, caused from a limited amount of faith, with Winston claiming before with a tone of confidence “they can’t get inside you. If you can feel that staying human is worthwhile ... you’ve beaten them”. Throughout the book, Winston defined freedom as “the freedom to say that two plus two make four” but towards the end, “to die hating them, that was freedom”. ‘Two plus two is four’ is a recurring motif, representing the idea that Winston is in control of his mind and emotion. It is daunting since Winston has lost both of the things he defined as freedom, becoming one with no purpose and faith. Similarly, in Gattaca, the time of Vincent’s birth, he was immediately taken from the mother to perform the first scientific test, a close up shot where the lens is focused on the scientist rather than the mother or baby. The mother is positioned in the background, emphasising the lack of joy in a new life; when she is seen, she has a worried face rather than relief and happiness. The facts of Vincent’s chances of problems are read without emotion, a close-up stressing the doom on the father’s face. Already, from the beginning, the audience comes to realise that our current values of nature are challenged and confronted. The lack of faith in a beyond human power results in the parents to be nervous as they believe everything is under human power. This propagates them to feel alone, afraid and faithless; all aspects of loneliness. The limitation in their faith results in the loss and crushing of humanity, leaving individuals lonely within their characters resulting in loneliness to be derived from a range of experiences. 

Since the societies are depicted negatively, yet individuals are manipulated to conform, individuals willing to rebel, hence hopeful, remain alone in their belief. In 1984, the humanity of Winston’s mother and the proles expressed repeatedly throughout the book, a constant reminder that there is still hope. Winston’s mother appeared only in Winston’s dreams and flashbacks, representing a better past than the present days, “she had been an unusual woman … the standards that she obeyed were private ones”. We see the protagonist developing his own standards with the choice of rebelling, including the use of the diary. Within the diary, he wrote “a completely helpless gesture, an embrace, a tear, a word spoken to a dying man, could have value in itself. The proles … remained in this condition … they were loyal to one another … the proles had stayed human”. His admiration for humane characteristics identified through the use of asyndeton has had an effect on the audience, feeling hope for the society to overthrow the Party. While there is hope depicted in Gattaca, it is presented in different ways; through the strength of the protagonist. Vincent is doomed at birth but developed the belief that he will achieve. He has been doubted by his family, including his brother, Anton, where it’s vividly shown through a birds-eye view of the swimming sequence. The scene begins with Anton’s dialogue “you know you’re going to lose” with a tone of confidence in his voice, proposing a challenge for Vincent. The diegetic music becomes fast paced, energetic, a reflection of the adrenalin rush due to physical and emotional triggers. The voice over of the narration which Vincent provides states “this was the one moment when my brother was not as strong as he believed, and I was not as weak”. While this is a victory for Vincent, he remains challenged by society but determined to reach his dream. The continuous suggestions that there is still a fight fought by the protagonists, yet they persist to be hopeful places them in the category of loneliness as they are excluded from the prominent point of view.

Individuals with no expression, emerging a sense of uniformity results in the lack of individuality, leaving individuals experiencing loneliness. In 1984, Winston’s wife, Katherine, is described to have “not a thought in her head that was not a slogan, and there was no imbecility, absolutely none that she was not capable of swallowing if the Party handed it out to her”. The extent of conformity to the Party is expressed through the metaphor of ‘swallowing’. This is reinforced with the use of “our duty to the party” as a recurring motif, emphasising the patriotic behaviour of most citizens of Oceania. Likewise, in Gattaca, in the scene when people are entering the building of Gattaca, the sense of uniformity is depicted through costume and dull lighting, with all characters dressed in tight, restrictive and conservative suits. It is also illustrated in the use of advanced technology to check the validity of workers, with urine samples, blood pricks, and exercise; this is all part of conformity. The boldness of the personalities of these characters, and robotism is a fear held by the authors of the texts; the blankness. The robotic behaviour of humans is juxtaposition with the excessive use of advanced technology; the two are merging into one. A society enforcing humans to be blank and expressionless humans, no longer defined as such based on our present understanding of what makes us human, creates a lack of individuality, leaving loneliness to be prominent due to this specific experience.

The dystopian texts, Nineteen Eighty-Four and Gattaca, provide a warning of the “not too distant future” based on the society of control and power which the composers both lived in. This type of society propagates the understanding of loneliness to be derived from a range of experiences. Experiences consisting of the inability to connect, the loss of faith in the unseen, and differences of opinion.

[distorm]

Hello! Here's my feedback for your essay

mah feedback

Hi this is my essay for the common module based on 1984 and Gattaca. The question is "To what extent does the exploration of human experience in Nineteen Eighty Four and a related text of your own choosing invite you to reconsider your understanding of loneliness?"

Loneliness is emotions of sadness due to alienation, either physically or emotionally, which can be triggered by a variety of aspects of the human experience. Hmmm. Your thesis statement is lacking some strength here because it doesn't fully answer the question. Yes, you've smashed the 'understanding of loneliness' portion of the question, but remember that the directive verb is 'how', asking you to consider how the texts 'invite you to reconsider' loneliness as an experience. Maybe tweak your opening sentence to better smash the question. The dystopian texts, of Gattaca written and directed by Andrew Niccol and Nineteen Eight-Four written by George Orwell, display loneliness to be gained due to the experiences enforced by the control of a totalitarian power. These human experiences include the differences in beliefs, faithless nature and the lack of individuality. A solid and straightfoward introduction to your texts and your body paragraphs here. Now, bring it back to the question. How does an exploration of 'differences in beliefs, faithless nature and the lack of individuality' transform our perspective on loneliness, as the audience.

Individuals challenge and play with civilisation, gaining power over the natural ways, of creation, which is why there is no God depicted in either texts, nature is ceasing to exist, remaining an individual with loneliness. Now this is a nice thematic topic sentence!!! A strong and confident statement that links back to the question. What a pack-a-punch! In 1984, the dialogue spoken by O’Brien to Winston includes, “If you are a man, Winston, then you are the last man. Your kind is extinct; we are the inheritors”. The threatening tone defeats the protagonist and it commences in, “there had been a moment … of luminous certainty, when each new suggestion of O’Brien’s had filled up a patch of emptiness and become absolute truth”. The effect of this scene is daunting to the audience, YESSS!!! By linking the technique to the audience reception, you're smashing the question!! as the present tense reflects that Winston isn’t as strong as was first perceived, due to his desperation to fulfill his emptiness, caused from a limited amount of faith, with Winston claiming before with a tone of confidence “they can’t get inside you. If you can feel that staying human is worthwhile ... you’ve beaten them”. Beautiful analysis here. But maybe break this sententence into two as the quotes make it a bit too wordy. Throughout the book, Winston defined freedom as “the freedom to say that two plus two make four” but towards the end, “to die hating them, that was freedom”. ‘Two plus two is four’ is a recurring motif, representing the idea that Winston is in control of his mind and emotion. It is daunting since Winston has lost both of the things he defined as freedom, becoming one with no purpose and faith. Nice! Similarly, in Gattaca, the time of Vincent’s birth, he was immediately taken from the mother to perform the first scientific test, a close up shot where the lens is focused on the scientist rather than the mother or baby. The mother is positioned in the background, emphasising the lack of joy in a new life; when she is seen, she has a worried face rather than relief and happiness. The facts of Vincent’s chances of problems are read without emotion, a close-up stressing the doom on the father’s face. Already, from the beginning, the audience comes to realise that our current values of nature are challenged and confronted. The lack of faith in a beyond human power results in the parents to be nervous as they believe everything is under human power. This propagates them to feel alone, afraid and faithless; all aspects of loneliness. Okay now bring it back to the audience here. How does our perception change upon seeing the lack of faith The limitation in their faith results in the loss and crushing of humanity, leaving individuals lonely within their characters resulting in loneliness to be derived from a range of experiences. I like this paragraph. Solid analysis that packs-a-punch. While your thesis is there (the idea that loneliness is derived from a plethora of human experiences), the paragraph can be further strengthened by rewording that linking sentence to better hammer the question. Maybe something along the lines of 'The lack of faith pervading both texts ultimately provokes responders to consider the pervasiveness of loneliness across the human condition, in its capacity to be derived from a range of experiences..(a bit of a scrappy example, but something along those lines)

Since the societies are depicted negatively, yet individuals are manipulated to conform, individuals willing to rebel, hence hopeful, remain alone in their belief. Another pack-a-punch! In 1984, the humanity of Winston’s mother and the proles expressed repeatedly throughout the book, a constant reminder that there is still hope. Winston’s mother appeared only in Winston’s dreams and flashbacks, representing a better past than the present days, “she had been an unusual woman … the standards that she obeyed were private ones”. We see the protagonist developing his own standards with the choice of rebelling, including the use of the diary. Within the diary, he wrote “a completely helpless gesture, an embrace, a tear, a word spoken to a dying man, could have value in itself. The proles … remained in this condition … they were loyal to one another … the proles had stayed human”. His admiration for humane characteristics identified through the use of asyndeton has had an effect on the audience, feeling hope for the society to overthrow the Party. Beautiful. While there is hope depicted in Gattaca, This is a smooth transition and comparison to the next text. Amazing! it is presented in different ways; through the strength of the protagonist. Vincent is doomed at birth but developed the belief that he will achieve. He has been doubted by his family, including his brother, Anton, where it’s vividly shown through a birds-eye view of the swimming sequence. The scene begins with Anton’s dialogue “you know you’re going to lose” with a tone of confidence in his voice, proposing a challenge for Vincent. The diegetic music becomes fast paced, energetic, a reflection of the adrenalin rush due to physical and emotional triggers. The voice over of the narration which Vincent provides states “this was the one moment when my brother was not as strong as he believed, and I was not as weak”. While this is a victory for Vincent, he remains challenged by society but determined to reach his dream. The continuous suggestions that there is still a fight fought by the protagonists, yet they persist to be hopeful places them in the category of loneliness as they are excluded from the prominent point of view. Another paragraph with beautiful analysis and a well-developed idea! Once again, try to be more explicit when it comes to answering your question in this paragraph.

Individuals with no expression, emerging a sense of uniformity results in the lack of individuality, leaving individuals experiencing loneliness. In 1984, Winston’s wife, Katherine, is described to have “not a thought in her head that was not a slogan, and there was no imbecility, absolutely none that she was not capable of swallowing if the Party handed it out to her”. The extent of conformity to the Party is expressed through the metaphor of ‘swallowing’. This is reinforced with the use of “our duty to the party” as a recurring motif, emphasising the patriotic behaviour of most citizens of Oceania. Likewise, in Gattaca, in the scene when people are entering the building of Gattaca, the sense of uniformity is depicted through costume and dull lighting, with all characters dressed in tight, restrictive and conservative suits. It is also illustrated in the use of advanced technology to check the validity of workers, with urine samples, blood pricks, and exercise; this is all part of conformity. The boldness of the personalities of these characters, and robotism is a fear held by the authors of the texts; the blankness. The robotic behaviour of humans is juxtaposition with the excessive use of advanced technology; the two are merging into one. A society enforcing humans to be blank and expressionless humans, no longer defined as such based on our present understanding of what makes us human, creates a lack of individuality, leaving loneliness to be prominent due to this specific experience. Again x2, another amazing paragraph! But it can be even stronger with explicit links to the question. Maybe refine your linking sentences to further smash that question.

The dystopian texts, Nineteen Eighty-Four and Gattaca, provide a warning of the “not too distant future” based on the society of control and power which the composers both lived in. This type of society propagates the understanding of loneliness to be derived from a range of experiences. Experiences consisting of the inability to connect, the loss of faith in the unseen, and differences of opinion. Hmm, your conclusion is lacking a bit here. To end it off, maybe include a sentence that links those three ideas, to your thesis.

You've produced an amazing essay! Your language is clear and succinct. Your analysis is amazing. And your ideas- they're critical, thorough and well-supported. You should be proud!!

My only advice to you, is to try and be more explicit in answering your question. Remember that every paragraph in your essay should be working together to smash that question, so every word counts! Also, some sentences ended up a tad too long and wordy in your essay, so try to shorten those or break them up into separate sentences for greater clarity.

Hope I helped!!