Chinese Essay - critique appreciated

[brightsky]

在动物王国的一天
             
             今天我为了一些微不足道的事跟父母怄气，把自己关在房间里。我闷闷不乐地把电视打开，电视里正播放着《动物世界》。
         看着看着，我忽然感到一股力量把我拉进了电视。周围的一切一下子变得一片朦胧。等我清醒过来，我发现自己正站在一片广阔的草原上。无数的小鹿、斑马、长颈鹿在草原上悠闲地散布、吃草、奔跑、玩耍。一条弯弯曲曲的小溪横跨着草原，几头大象正在水中戏水。我恍然大悟，原来我来到了动物王国。
         我正欣赏着眼前的美景，一只老虎突然从远处跑来，动物们都四散逃命。我跟着小鹿跑进了一个茂密的森林。眼看老虎就要追上来了，我忽然看见前面有一个小山洞，慌不择路地躲了进去。因为洞口小，老虎进不来。等我转过身去，发现老虎还在洞外徘徊。我害怕极了，只好呆在山洞里不出来。
         天慢慢地暗了下来。山洞里也渐渐变得又黑又冷。我已整天没吃东西了，肚子饿得直响。这时，我想起了家，想起了妈妈做的饭，想到父母对我的保护和关爱。我后悔不该跟父母怄气。
   这时，一切又模糊了起来，转眼功夫我又回到了熟悉而温暖的卧室里。我发现父母正着急不安地站在门前。我哭着跑到了爸爸妈妈的身边，把他们紧紧地抱在怀里……

[jayfan]

original and interesting! good enough in my opinion

[charliemei123]

wowwww >.< did you do this for  ur outcome last week???

[brightsky]

nah, this is something else.

I failed the outcome. Ask jx. :p

[charliemei123]

WOW hahaha what did you get for your outcome?? my teacher was harsh with the marking: she gave 17/20 as the highest and then it was 15/20 and then the rest did really really bad..this essay is really good btw, is it hw or did you do it just for fun....

[charliemei123]

what XJS class are you in this year?? i thought you would be in my class

[charliemei123]

oohhh soo you go on Saturday then?? i went to glenny >.< ur name was on the my class roll

[cltf]

As it turns out when it comes to SACs there are 3 types of teachers. The one that mark you up. The ones that mark structure only. And the ones that like interesting essays. If you get the third one, have fun.

and very good essay.