O.k so I'm starting to think I should revise for English.
Can someone please give me some feedback on this piece?
Maybe an indication of a mark it would deserve?
Thanks
Article:
http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/death-in-your-pocket-20100109-lzry.htmlThe cartoon there isn't what I analysed, it was in TSSM 2010 and was a photograph. Also, it's probably just a dejavu.
The growing violence on Melbourne streets has recently sparked debate on whether the community is too lenient on those that unnecessarily arm themselves with knives. In response to this emerging issue, Simon Overland, the Chief Commissioner of Victoria Police wrote an opinion piece targeted towards “parents and carers” in the National Times entitled “Death In your pocket” in which he employs a worried and caring tone to contend that the wider community should take action against the growing knife culture within the society. Overland’s piece is accompanied by an intimidating photograph intended to support his contention through fear and sense of insecurity.
Overland emphasizes his dominantly caring tone, with phrases such as “sad reality” and “urge the community”, intending to eliminate the aggressive image often attributed to police, in an attempt to avoid critical judgment from the reader. His opening paragraph, in which he tells of a “tragic death of [a] 21 year-old”, reinforces his caring tone through the use of the word “tragic” implying that he is not comfortable with this piece of news. This allows the reader to find ease in reading his article and to accept Overland as being credible. Overland believes that “people should be able to walk our streets safely, without fear of attack or recrimination”; which is essentially what everyone wants, especially parents. In saying this, Overland has essentially guaranteed the support of his target audience early on in the piece allowing him to continue on with propositions as to how this issue may be resolved.
Complementing his worried tone, Overland utilizes statistics to “Shock” the audience with the increasing number of “children as young as 10 carrying knives” in the hope that parents and carers will realize the seriousness of this growing knife culture, and consequently take action in resolving the problem. Overland continues on to question the reader as to “who these kids are” and “why [these kids] are arming themselves with knives” only to reveal that “these are kids who live in our neighbourhoods” instigating the reader to feel a sense of responsibility to guide these young knife-wielders. Continuing on, Overland urges parents and carers to “ensure that [they] are educating [their] children about the dangers of violence”, further emphasising the duty placed on carers to guide their youth in response to the growing knife culture.
In an attempt to add credibility to his position, Overland identifies himself as “Chief Commissioner of Victoria Police”, forcing the reader to acknowledge his expertise in the issue. Overland promises that he is “committed to doing everything in [his] power to stop street violence”; this reassures the reader that he is working to resolve this issue, further gaining the reader’s trust. This also actuates the reader in joining the cause and to team up with “Chief Commissioner” to “stop street violence” through the acknowledgment that he is doing his part and so should the community. Overland then continues on by saying that police had “confiscated twelve weapons” on one day, no doubt proving to the reader that the commissioner is truly “committed” to resolve this issue. Overland also considers other suggestions that due to the “publicity we would not find anyone carrying knives”, undeniably adding to Overland’s credibility. However, Overland quickly rejects this idea and reassures the reader that people “would engage in [crime] regardless of prior notification”; Overland then promises that he will stay committed and “continue to use police intelligence to identify [dangerous] areas” to “seize weapons before they are used in crime”, intending to comfort the reader through the promise that knife-related crimes will decrease through his commitment.
Overland firmly believes that “this [issue] is about protecting the rights of the broader community” and he makes no “apologies for taking decisive steps to tackle violence”. This shift to an assertive tone indicates to the reader that Overland is growing tired of the “blame” put on police and the “uninformed public debate” and suggests that everyone, including the reader, “must take immediate action”, positioning the reader to fear the consequences if action is not taken in resolving the problem. Overland then shifts back to a more caring tone and advises parents and carers to have “honest dialogue” with their kids on the implications of carrying knives. This shift in tone, as well as the gentle advice, helps to once again calm the reader and allows them to really ponder on their responsibility as parents and carers in putting an end to this “knife culture”. Overland concludes his piece by retelling of the aforementioned victim of knife culture, appealing one last time to the reader’s sympathy and requesting to “unite in [the] determination to turn the tide against violence and tackling this knife culture”. The reader is left with the obligation to take action and not tolerate those who arm themselves with knives.
Similar to Overland’s piece, the photograph supports the disapproval of the growing knife culture. In the background, there seems to be a car flashing lights on a person who seems to be a suspect of a crime. The portrayal of a criminal instantly strikes fear in the reader, which is quickly recovered when the reader sees the three police officers attending the scene. This supports Overland’s promise that they will be committed to stop violence. Furthermore, one of the police officers seems to be holding a machete, no doubt confiscated from the suspect. This undeniably suggests Overland’s claim that police will “seize weapons before they are used in a crime”; leaving the reader doubtless that Overland truly is after the safety of our streets. Noticeably, the scene in the photograph seems to have taken place in one of the many city streets, providing the reader with a sense of insecurity and need to take action in reducing criminal activity on Melbourne streets.
Both Overland’s piece and the photograph intend to leave the reader feeling as though knife culture is growing in society, and if left with no response, will continue to grow. Overland’s piece undoubtedly positions the reader to feel responsible in taking action, while the photograph dominantly instills fear and a sense of insecurity into the reader. The issue of whether or not knife wielders are treated harsh enough is presently sparking debate, and unless it is resolved, will continue to do so.
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