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December 14, 2025, 06:15:07 pm

Author Topic: Essay on I'm Not Scared No.4- Please please look and help if you can.  (Read 6026 times)  Share 

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MBBS

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Here's another essay, any help/comments pointing me in the right direction would be greatly greatly appreciated. Grammar might not be perfect I typed it up in a hurry.

Ammaniti's depiction of Barbara as a symbol of the children's ignorance, 'Why's it always
me?' suggests Acqua Traverse to be the product of moral-retardation. The children's
moral-education is clearly distorted and the catastrophic accident to occur warns against
the dangers of such a society. The use of a series of adjectives, 'raucous', 'sadistic' and
'fear' conveys imagery of dictatorship bestowed upon the children and the subsequent
drudgery that results thus metaphorically highlighting the necessity for freedom.

Ammaniti portrays the children to be engaged in serious matter, 'voting,' an action
primarily associated with adults hence likening the children to adults. The selfish manner
in which they respond deflecting all their problems to a scapegoat, Barabara, 'lamb sins,'
suggests them to be literary doubles of the adults of Acqua Traverse. Salvatore's hesitancy
and weak, 'whisper' vote highlights acknowledgement of 'evil' yet his follow through is
exemplary of the moral prostitution amongst the adults. The subsequent catastrophe is a
warning from the author to highlight the dangers that come with such a society.

Ammaniti's tone likens the society to a food chain as Michele depicts Barbara to be a
'lamb.' The adjectives, 'slit', 'froze' and 'sadistic' suggests this to be a crude society
Ammaniti disapproves of. Skull's exposure/exploitation of the weak, 'You pull...knickers'
furthers this notion and places blame at the hands of the rich; the ones in power. Michele
is then the victim of such a society just as his parents are. In the face of adversity and
desperation, Michele contemplates a lie, 'I could tell...window' just as his parents do and
his decision to persevere separates him from the residents of Acqua Traverse with the town
about to disintegrate around him just as in the house, 'At every movement...down.' It is an
ordeal that leaves an impression on Michele and is integral to the text as it demonstrates
that justice and solid ethics are not necessarily intertwined.

Michele's language in the recollection of the ordeal, 'wrong day' suggests this to be
destiny parallel to his experience in the house. Parallels can be drawn between the snow and
the evils in Michele's life, as the snow is seemingly anonymous, silently. What Ammaniti
portrays here is a boy ignorant of the dangers to follow. The snow is ironic as it is
minuscule in size yet potentially devastating suggesting Michele to be without perception of
the magnitude of his opposers. The juxtaposition of the enlightened and omniscient tone of
an adult recalling events and immature language associated with a boy, crawl, taunt
highlights the progress yet to be made for Michele.

Michele's decision to persevere in the house is pivotal to the text. It highlights that
there is an avenue for escape from the seemingly inescapable situation Michele is in,
metaphoric for the dangers he is currently ignorant to. His immature thinking is juxtaposed
by his omniscient account of the 'Gran Sasso' augmenting the progress in maturity Michele is
yet to make hence pardoning him for his childhood ignorance/innocence.



PringlePop

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Re: Essay on I'm Not Scared No.4- Please please look and help if you can.
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2010, 07:56:17 pm »
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1) This close analysis is too short to score a high mark. Your essay is less than 500 words; I would think that all high-scoring responses are closer to or greater than 1000 words long.

2) One of the big deals about the Literature exam is that you show movement between the passages, particularly focussing on character development and other major links (in language, themes, views+values, etc). Signposting (something like "Passage 1 demonstrates....whereas in Passage 2....") is the way to indicate this.

3) I can't really tell if you've only focussed on one passage. I recommend that you focus on at least two, and make references to the third one where appropriate. Perhaps this explains the length of your essay...

4) You've focussed on the passage/s pretty well, but you also need to move on to 'wider/bigger readings' in the close analysis. A couple of paragraphs discussing the author's wider concerns is neccessary to score a high mark. Begin one of these paragraphs (which should be about your overall 3rd) with "In the wider context of (text), (author) explores..." and the second of these paragraphs (closer to end, if not the concluding paragraph) with something similar.

Your focus on metalanguage, as well as your vocab, is brilliant! I didn't write as well as you in Year 11 :)
I haven't actually read this text so I can't provide any specific help, but hopefully somebody else here can. And yes, you are heading in the right direction. Good work! :D
« Last Edit: October 23, 2010, 08:11:00 pm by PringlePop »
English: 46 / Literature: 42 / Legal: 40 / Methods: 37 / Spec: 33 / Chem: 31 (I regret doing this subject!)

ATAR = 97.10

KLDYS - Class of 2010

MBBS

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Re: Essay on I'm Not Scared No.4- Please please look and help if you can.
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2010, 08:19:32 pm »
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Wow thanks for your help, what you said makes a lot of sense. I felt that way about my writing in that I didn't really compare the two passages enough.(we get two at this stage not three)

My teacher says I should also try and find contrasting ideas within the two passages. What the hell does she mean? I should find things that proves a point and then things that disproves it? :S Confused...

Your help is more than appreciated, you doing Yr.12 Lit? What SS you aiming for etc?

PringlePop

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Re: Essay on I'm Not Scared No.4- Please please look and help if you can.
« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2010, 08:39:09 pm »
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Yeah, I am doing Year 12 Lit. In terms of SS I'm desperately hoping for 40+ :D

With "contrasting ideas", I think s/he means that you need to find whatever demonstrates the complexities and contradictions within the characters. For example, one of my texts this year is Emma by Jane Austen. The heroine thinks that she's the matchmaker and understands all the causes and contexts of individual behaviour. Basically, she's blinded by imagination. But in some of the sample passages, you can see that she is deeply flawed and really has no idea about what's REALLY going on around her.  

In a story like 'I'm not Scared', you could find ideas that seem contradictory. Like I said, I haven't actually read the text, but if it's about children you could look for some of the following ideas:
- innocence vs. experience
- child vs. adult dynamics
- systematic  crime and corruption vs. the blissful ignorance/naivety of children

Basically, whatever the author uses to shatter our perceptions of the idealistic, romanticised landscape (I did a little research!)

Given that it's a short novel, 'I'm Not Scared' would probably have a lot of symbols, metaphors and other forms of imagery. If there is indication of violence/corruption (guns, swear words, dead animals, unnatural child sexuality) discuss how these shatter the perceived innocence of children. The community seems very insular, so perhaps the author explores the ways in which children are forced to mature in such harsh surrounds (this could very well be your wider reading!)

Hope that helps :)
« Last Edit: October 23, 2010, 09:06:07 pm by PringlePop »
English: 46 / Literature: 42 / Legal: 40 / Methods: 37 / Spec: 33 / Chem: 31 (I regret doing this subject!)

ATAR = 97.10

KLDYS - Class of 2010

MBBS

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Re: Essay on I'm Not Scared No.4- Please please look and help if you can.
« Reply #4 on: October 23, 2010, 08:50:51 pm »
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It really does help. Thankyou sooooo much.

My Literature teacher doesn't believe I should take Lit next year thinking I'll do poorly. I am soooooooo determined to get 40+.
I write up 4-5 essays a week on the book we do. Honestly I treat it like it's a matter of life and death so thank-you soooooooooo much on your help. Your great! I gave you positive Karma by the way! :)

PringlePop

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Re: Essay on I'm Not Scared No.4- Please please look and help if you can.
« Reply #5 on: October 23, 2010, 09:02:13 pm »
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Oh wow, thanks for the karma :D
I hadn't noticed that LOL

Personally, I recommend that you do Literature. Your writing is very promising and I don't think you'll have much trouble getting 40+ with more and more practice. At the beginning of the year I started writing very English-style for Literature, and I think (no, I HOPE!) it's cured now.

Writing multiple essays is good if they get better each time. Don't write so much thinking that it will miraculously make you better. Write one, get the teacher to mark it, then write some more. Avoid making the same mistakes over and over again.

Also, you shouldn't be writing to a time limit in the early stages of developing these Literature-style essay skills. Give yourself the freedom to thoroughly consider the ideas presented by the author.

You needn't panic like me. You have more than a whole year to master these skills. I have 2 weeks :'(

Just out of curiosity, which school do you go to?
English: 46 / Literature: 42 / Legal: 40 / Methods: 37 / Spec: 33 / Chem: 31 (I regret doing this subject!)

ATAR = 97.10

KLDYS - Class of 2010

MBBS

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Re: Essay on I'm Not Scared No.4- Please please look and help if you can.
« Reply #6 on: October 23, 2010, 09:05:22 pm »
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Catholic Regional College Sydenham. Yourself? It's an awful school.

Yes, I found that if I timed myself more often than not I'd compromise my writing to fit into the time limit. That's not really effective learning. It's better if I learn how to write properly then go for time.

PringlePop

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Re: Essay on I'm Not Scared No.4- Please please look and help if you can.
« Reply #7 on: October 23, 2010, 09:09:21 pm »
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The school I attend hasn't done so well in Literature in like...well, ever! But hopefully that changes this year :D

Good luck with everything!
English: 46 / Literature: 42 / Legal: 40 / Methods: 37 / Spec: 33 / Chem: 31 (I regret doing this subject!)

ATAR = 97.10

KLDYS - Class of 2010

MBBS

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Re: Essay on I'm Not Scared No.4- Please please look and help if you can.
« Reply #8 on: October 26, 2010, 06:59:03 pm »
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Hey my teacher wrote 'Excellent' on the bottom of that essay^^

I had a real SAC on the same book and I feel it was about the same quality as that one ^^ so hopefully I got at least an A. Fingers crossed.