[English] "Anna Bligh outperforms Julia Gillard" language analysis

[Water]

The recent tragic event of the inundation in the state of Queensland which has caused much distress amongst the Australian public has become the spotlight in Australian News and international community. An opinion article by Susie O Brian, “Anna outperforms Julia Gillard in the greatest leadership test of all,” published on 14th January 2010, Herald Sun, reveals her support in Anna’s Blight performance as a state leader as outstanding and one who has shown to be “genuinely in control.”  Complimenting the article is a captured portrait of Julia Gillard behind Anna Bligh,  which reflects Anna Bligh taking responsibility and her commitment in resolving the floods. However, the issue of the flooding and the measure of destruction it will afflict Queenslanders is yet to still be determined.

The article is approached in a robust and strident nature to appeal to O Brien’s audience, the Australian public, with a sense of importance then shifting to feelings of compassion and empathy. This is emphasized through the emotive introductory, “Today, more than ever…it’s about how they make people feel” positioning the reader to feel convinced that the “old” system of state bureaucracy will crumble through Anna Bligh’s vehement display as a person of leadership.  Empowerment is vested into the reader with the inclusive “we can scrutinize our politicians….with 24 hour live TV coverage” to convince any readers in doubt, that the power of the government is in the hands of the public. By heightening the confidence of O Brien’s audience, her readers are compelled to feel more critical and ardent in the issue from the onset of the article. O Brien employs recounting of Bligh’s performance “in recent months she has seemed scripted and vulnerable,” to illustrate her transition from a leader who has become capable and reliable. It also evokes sympathy and compassion from the reader, through the foreboding “struggling women….facing likely defeat at the next election” to evoke the reader to forget Anna Bligh’s previous credentials as misgiving and to create an image of Bligh as renewed liken to a “true stateswoman.” This is designed to paint Bligh as the underdog in the discussion, thereby compelling the reader to sympathize with the state leader and invites the reader to be part of the discussion.

O’Brien shifts her attention to Julia Gillard through the scathing “has been hitting the wrong notes,” during the time of crisis in Queensland. The ridicule of Gillard is further emphasized with the nonchalant “she seems unsure about…her role” thereby appearing as unreliable and disheveled. Moreover, with the critical “Clearly..she is not speaking with any direct knowledge” positions the reader to effectively believe that perhaps Julia Gillard is not deserving to appear in Queensland to lead as “she’s played little more than catch up.” Thus, compelling the reader to recognize Bligh, in parallel with the headline, as “outperform[ing]  Gillard” in terms of leadership and composure. The Prime Minister is sharply contrasted with Bligh who offers an air “calm[ness] and..genuine..emotion” to the public. O Brien’s flattery and complimentary tone is highlighted with the emotive “when she lets emotion show in public, the tears are real.” Gillard is further juxtaposed against Anna Bligh as someone who is a standing inspiration for future generations of political leaders and forthright to able to break the traditions of “old school” politics, in which Gillard is categorized as "old school". The reader is led to believe that the Queensland flooding has been rested with someone who is well equipped to address the issue with ardency and confidence.

At the same time, the coupling image of Bligh and Gillard placed above the text complements the author’s contention and her article.  The distinct colouring of Gillard’s “black mourning suit” implies of death, sadness and decay. To some of O Brien’s readers, the dark suit may provoke anger and outrage as Queenslanders with optimism seek to find perseverance, and hope for the future, rather than be confronted with colors that portray pessimism. This is in stark contrast to Anna Blight’s white appearance, symbolic of hope and determination for a bright future. Thus she establishes to the Australian public, that she is ready to assume the role of leadership. With an expression of seriousness and authority, she is alleviated as someone who is trustworthy and stout. The blurring of Gillard with the background illustrates her position as someone out of place with the situation. This is reinforced with O Brien’s ridicule “She is not speaking with any direct knowledge….and this shows.” Thus, undermining the position of Julia Gillard, though a prime minister, completely unnecessary in the Queensland disaster.

Through the coupling of the article and an image that parallels with the text, O Brien compels her readers to view Anna Light in a positive light; as a person, who is able, well equipped to handle the situation and one who has even surpassed Gillard’s leadership skills even with her position as a Prime Minister. Despite, the disaster that has devastated many families and homes, O Brien inspires hope and determination in her audience through Blight’s pursuit for a Queensland that will “emerge stronger than ever.”

[appianway]

The recent tragic event of the inundation in the state of Queensland which has caused much distress amongst the Australian public has become the spotlight in Australian News and international community.This sentence is far too long. Make it snappy An opinion article by Susie O Brian, “Anna outperforms Julia Gillard in the greatest leadership test of all,” published on 14th January 2010, Herald Sun, reveals her support in Anna’s Blight performance as a state leader as outstanding and one who has shown to be “genuinely in control.”Once again, this sentence is too long. Your grammar needs to be a bit sharper: it's a bit obfuscatory.  Complimenting the article is a captured portrait of Julia Gillard behind Anna Bligh,  which reflects Anna Bligh taking responsibility and her commitment in resolving the floods. However, the issue of the flooding and the measure of destruction it will afflict Queenslanders is yet to still be determined. Link it more to the author. You've included points which could hypothetically be in the body - use more tone words and look at the different points of the author's argument.

The article is approached in a robust and strident nature to appeal to O Brien’s audience, the Australian public, with a sense of importance then shifting to feelings of compassion and empathy. I hate to be a grammar Nazi, but this sentence is really clumsy. Like the others, it needs to be shorter. If you want, you could say something like O Brien adopts a strident tone to substantiate the importance of the issue. This is complemented by the use of a compassionate tone, as seen in...This is emphasized through the emotive introductory, “Today, more than ever…it’s about how they make people feel” positioning the reader to feel convinced that the “old” system of state bureaucracy will crumble through Anna Bligh’s vehement display as a person of leadership.  Empowerment is vested into the reader with the inclusive “we can scrutinize our politicians….with 24 hour live TV coverage” to convince any readers in doubt, that the power of the government is in the hands of the public. By heightening the confidence of O Brien’s audience, her readers are compelled to feel more critical and ardent in the issue from the onset of the article. O Brien employs recounting of Bligh’s performance “in recent months she has seemed scripted and vulnerable,” to illustrate her transition from a leader who has become capable and reliable. It also evokes sympathy and compassion from the reader, through the foreboding “struggling women….facing likely defeat at the next election” to evoke the reader to forget Anna Bligh’s previous credentials as misgiving and to create an image of Bligh as renewed liken to a “true stateswoman.” This is designed to paint Bligh as the underdog in the discussion, thereby compelling the reader to sympathize with the state leader and invites the reader to be part of the discussion.This is probably just me, but I think your overall contention in this paragraph needs to be stronger. You might be talking about tone or something, but I don't feel a sense of unity with all of the points in here

O’Brien shifts her attention to Julia Gillard through the scathing “has been hitting the wrong notes,” during the time of crisis in Queensland. Do not analyse quotes in your first sentence!The ridicule of Gillard is further emphasized with the nonchalant “she seems unsure about…her role” thereby appearing as unreliable and disheveledHOW does this emphasize it? Be more specific. Moreover, with the critical “Clearly..she is not speaking with any direct knowledge” positions the reader to effectively believe that perhaps Julia Gillard is not deserving to appear in Queensland to lead as “she’s played little more than catch up.” Thus, compelling the reader to recognize Bligh, in parallel with the headline, as “outperform[ing]  Gillard” in terms of leadership and composure.This sentence does not make sense. The Prime Minister is sharply contrasted with Bligh who offers an air “calm[ness] and..genuine..emotion” to the public. O Brien’s flattery and complimentary tone is highlighted with the emotive “when she lets emotion show in public, the tears are real.” What creates the tone?Gillard is further juxtaposed against Anna Bligh as someone who is a standing inspiration for future generations of political leaders and forthright to able to break the traditions of “old school” politics, in which Gillard is categorized as "old school". The reader is led to believe that the Queensland flooding has been rested with someone who is well equipped to address the issue with ardency and confidence.

At the same time, the coupling image of Bligh and Gillard placed above the text complements the author’s contention and her article.  The distinct colouring of Gillard’s “black mourning suit” implies of death, sadness and decay. To some of O Brien’s readers, the dark suit may provoke anger and outrage as Queenslanders with optimism seek to find perseverance, and hope for the future, rather than be confronted with colors that portray pessimism. This is in stark contrast to Anna Blight’s white appearance, symbolic of hope and determination for a bright future. Thus she establishes to the Australian public, that she is ready to assume the role of leadership. Maybe be more precise with WHY this happens hereWith an expression of seriousness and authority, she is alleviated as someone who is trustworthy and stout. The blurring of Gillard with the background illustrates her position as someone out of place with the situation. This is reinforced with O Brien’s ridicule “She is not speaking with any direct knowledge….and this shows.” Thus, undermining the position of Julia Gillard, though a prime minister, completely unnecessary in the Queensland disaster.

Through the coupling of the article and an image that parallels with the text, O Brien compels her readers to view Anna Light in a positive light; as a person, who is able, well equipped to handle the situation and one who has even surpassed Gillard’s leadership skills even with her position as a Prime Minister. Despite, the disaster that has devastated many families and homes, O Brien inspires hope and determination in her audience through Blight’s pursuit for a Queensland that will “emerge stronger than ever.”

My comments always come across more negative than they should... sorry! Work on your grammar - your arguments lose clarity and your work isn't as eloquent as it could be. Also focus on justifying your claims and creating coherence in your body paragraphs.

[Water]

Thanks appianway, I took on the experimental structure of EZ, Aden, Burberry which i saw in the essay submissions and english directory and wanted to try it out, perhaps I didn't get it right haha xD. As I was writing, I was sure that in this essay I had some parts that just didn't quite "hit it."

Thanks for pointing them out! Will be working on it , at this instant  :smitten:

[Water]

The recent tragic event of the inundation in the state of Queensland has become the spotlight in Australian News and international community. An opinion article by Susie O Brian, “Anna outperforms Julia Gillard in the greatest leadership test of all,” published on 14th January, Herald Sun, reveals her support in Anna’s Bligh performance as a state leader. In the eyes of O Brien, Anna Bligh has demonstrated to be an outstanding leader and one who has shown to be “genuinely in control. The article is complemented by a captured portrait of Julia Gillard behind Anna Bligh, which reflects Anna Bligh taking responsibility for the floods. However, as O Brian addresses the issue in support of Bligh’s efforts, the flooding and the measure of destruction it will afflict Queenslanders is yet to still be determined.

The article is approached in a robust and strident tone to appeal to O Brien’s audience, the Australian public, with a sense of importance. This is complemented by the use of compassion and an empathetic tone through the emotive introductory, “Today, more than ever…it’s about how they make people feel.” It is designed to position the reader to feel convinced that the “old” style of bereaucractic communication will crumble through Anna Bligh’s vehement display as a person of leadership.  Empowerment is vested into the reader with the inclusive “we can scrutinize our politicians….with 24 hour live TV coverage” to convince any readers in doubt, that the power of the government is in the hands of the public. By heightening the confidence of O Brien’s audience, her readers are compelled to feel more critical and ardent in the issue from the onset of the article. O Brien employs recounting of Bligh’s performance “in recent months she has seemed scripted and vulnerable,” to illustrate her transition from a leader who has become capable and reliable. It also evokes sympathy and compassion from the reader, through the foreboding “struggling women….facing likely defeat at the next election” to evoke the reader to forget Anna Bligh’s previous lack of credentials as a misgiving and to create an image of Bligh as renewed liken to a “true stateswoman.” Through this, O Brien paints Bligh as the underdog in the discussion, thereby compelling the reader to sympathize with the state leader and to offer Bligh a second chance to redeem herself in the upcoming election.

(Just didn't change this bit) O’Brien shifts her attention to Julia Gillard through the scathing “has been hitting the wrong notes,” during the time of crisis in Queensland. The ridicule is further emphasized with the nonchalant “she seems unsure about…her role” to paint Gillard as unreliable and incompetent in the issue demonstrated through her inaction. Moreover, with the critical “Clearly…she is not speaking with any direct knowledge” positions the reader to effectively believe that perhaps Julia Gillard does not deserve to appear in Queensland to lead as “she’s played little more than catch up.” Thereby O Brien convinces the reader to recognize Bligh is “outperform[ing]  Gillard” in terms of leadership and composure. The Prime Minister is sharply contrasted with Bligh who offers an air “calm[ness] and..genuine..emotion” to the public. O Brien’s establishes a flattery and complimentary tone with the emotive “when she lets emotion show in public, the tears are real.” Through this, the reader is invoked empathy and compassion for Blight’s position in this adversary. Gillard is further juxtaposed against Anna Bligh as someone who is a standing inspiration for future generations of political leaders and forthright to able to break the traditions of “old school” politics, in which Gillard is categorized as "old school". The reader is led to believe that the Queensland flooding has been rested with someone who is well equipped to address the issue with ardency and confidence.

At the same time, the coupling image of Bligh and Gillard placed above the text complements the author’s contention and her article.  The distinct colouring of Gillard’s “black mourning suit” implies of death, sadness and decay. To some of O Brien’s readers, the dark suit may provoke anger and outrage as Queenslanders with optimism seek to find perseverance, and hope for the future, rather than be confronted with colors that portray pessimism. This is in stark contrast to Anna Blight’s white appearance, symbolic of hope and determination for a bright future. Thus she establishes to the Australian public, that she is ready to assume the role of leadership. By doing so, she portrays herself as a leader who is reliable, thus compelling some readers to side with her in future elections. With an expression of seriousness and authority, she is alleviated as someone who is trustworthy and stout. The blurring of Gillard with the background illustrates her position as someone out of place with the situation. This is reinforced with O Brien’s ridicule “She is not speaking with any direct knowledge….and this shows.” Thereby, it undermines the position of Julia Gillard, though a prime minister, completely unnecessary in the Queensland disaster.

Through the coupling of the article and an image that parallels with the text, O Brien compels her readers to view Anna Bligh in a positive light; as a person, who is able, well equipped to handle the situation and one who has even surpassed Gillard’s leadership skills even with her position as a Prime Minister. Despite, the disaster that has devastated many families and homes, O Brien inspires hope and determination in her audience through Bligh’s pursuit for a Queensland that will “emerge stronger than ever.”