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Author Topic: english oral presentation - PLEASE READ AND ADD FEEDBACK  (Read 10557 times)  Share 

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bradysayer

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english oral presentation - PLEASE READ AND ADD FEEDBACK
« on: February 03, 2009, 12:17:54 pm »
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any help , or comments or critism is welcomed .
thanks..


ABORTION

On the topic of abortion, I am Pro-choice, otherwise known as ‘For-Abortion’,
I’m going to start by telling a story which is the main reason that I am pro-choice.

I used to live down the road from a girl who was about 4 years older than me, she was roughly 17 when I was 13. From what I remember, and the pictures I have seen, she was a good looking girl, and she was a fun sort of person who liked to go out a lot, one night during the holidays she went to a party with some friends. When she had decided that she wanted to go home, she rang a taxi as her parents had told her to do. She waited for about 45 mins-1hour but the taxi hadn’t come, so she decided that she would walk home, as it was only a 10 minute walk which she had walked before, just not at night. On the walk home, she had to cross through a paddock and a small park. When she walked through to the end of the paddock there was a man standing just next to a tree, when she saw him she ran. But she was wearing high heels and had a few drinks that night, so he caught her. This man took her around the corner into a small park and covered her mouth while he raped her. The girl went back home afterwards without telling anyone, about 4 months later she had to go the doctors and she continuously felt sick and couldn’t attend school, the man didn’t wear a condom and this girl found out she was pregnant. She then had an abortion.

Although I am pro-choice, there is an exception, I believe that it should be the woman’s choice up until 24 weeks into the pregnancy, after 24 weeks an abortion is considered ‘late-term’ and I believe that late term abortions should only be allowed under extreme circumstances which will be mentioned later in the presentation. The reason why abortions are considered late-term after 24 weeks is because it has been determined that a feotus can be removed from the womb at 24 weeks gestation and survive, this raises the question, is this the point when the human life starts? During my oral presentation I will: explain why I believe women should have the choice before 24 weeks, reasons why women should be allowed to abort a fetus, give details about the typical profile of a woman who is seeking an abortion and hypothesize the type of life a child may have if brought into a world in which it was not wanted or cared for.

When incidents like the one with the girl down the road occur and other rape victims become pregnant, how could anybody be against abortion? It’s just common sense to allow exceptions for women to have abortions, or should girls in the same position as this girl be made to have a baby which will constantly remind her of the night that she was raped.

No contraception is foolproof, and anyone can find themselves pregnant against their will, until foolproof contraception is available, legal pregnancy termination up to 24 weeks will remain necessary. The closest thing to foolproof contraception is a vasectomy or a tubal ligation (woman having her ‘tubes tied’). Some methods of contraception have as little as 73% chance of working, which is about the same chance of Lleyton Hewitt winning the Australian open, however this is still higher than using no contraception at all, as the chance of becoming pregnant from a single act of intercourse varies from 4-20 percent. Giving women the choice allows them to either continue or terminate the pregnancy if the method of contraception they are using fails.

The typical profile of a woman seeking abortion includes: aged in her 20’s, single, well educated, childless and employed. These women COULD have a child, and that child may attend a nice school and live in a nice home and be fed well. But what if the mother resented that child because they didn’t have the life that they wanted to live? The child would then grow up feeling, unwanted and blamed. Sure, having food and shelter are necessities, but perhaps being wanted and needed is more fundamental in the upbringing of children. If a mother loves a child they will do everything in their power to provide for that child, however, if a child is born at a time that was not convenient for the mother, the mother may not take the best care of that child. Perhaps, if a woman feels that it is not the right time in her life to have a child, and wants to wait till a later stage, the woman should therefore take extra care and use multiple forms of contraception, for example, the pill and a condom.

Babies born as prematurely as 20-23 weeks are nearly always born brain damaged and severely disabled, meaning that they have a very poor quality of life to look forward to. Doctors and specialists inform us that a feotus can survive after 24 weeks gestation, which is the point some people argue is where life begins, these people are usually against late-term abortions. I generally agree with these people, however there are circumstances in which my opinion varies, for example, if a child is going to be born with a disability or a disease, and the doctors do not discover this until after 24 weeks, or it slowly develops through the pregnancy, the baby will have a life that’s not worth living. If a mother doesn’t think that they could live with their child having a disease or a disability, and cannot support that baby, then it should be her choice to terminate the pregnancy late-term.

A mother’s life should come first, she has a life, she may only be young, but she has lived through different stages of her life already, she has experiences and has built many relationships, whereas, an unborn child has no relationships and doesn’t matter in the world, it has no wants or desires and hasn’t experienced life outside the womb. The mother’s physical and emotional needs should be at the forefront.

There are many far better ways to reduce the number of late-term abortions. People who object to late-term abortions should be campaigning to make early abortions easier to obtain, and to increase the availability of proper sex education and access to contraceptives.




   

Eriny

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Re: english oral presentation - PLEASE READ AND ADD FEEDBACK
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2009, 01:26:57 pm »
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It's pretty good. The anecdote is very effective. I read through it, so it's not really boring and it is informative.

It might be a good idea to contrast late-term and regular abortions. You make the point that after 24 weeks if the baby was born, it would be able to survive. So, you might make the point that before that 24 week point, the foetus is literally considered to be a parasite and while it is human potential, little more so than a sperm or an egg (you would probably want to word it rather more subtly than I have). I think the point that differentiates between 24 weeks and before 24 weeks could be emphasised better.

I'd also like to see you bring up the arguments that 'pro-life' individuals make and argue with them. Some say that abortion is the same as murder (explain why it isn't) or that it undervalues human life and that God doesn't want it, etc. If you can bring up these arguments and attack them it will make your own argument stronger because you actively recognise the points of your opponents and then say why they are wrong.

I think you should mention in your introduction that there are two main things that you are arguing. The first is that abortions should be available to women. The second one is that a foetus past 24 months should not be aborted unless it is under extreme circumstances. Speeches are supposed to use this kind of signposting so that the audience knows exactly what you'll be talking about. It will also help you organise your points better. So, you argue the first contention and then the second one. At the moment, it seems that some of your paragraphs could be rearranged in order to fit a more sophisticated structure - all your points about why abortions should be available should go before all the points about why abortions after 24 weeks should not be available. I think it would make things less jumpy and clearer.

You should also conclude your speech by summarising your two main arguments and the reasoning behind them.

How long do you have to speak? Have you timed your speech as is? Do you need more stuff or are you right on time? In any case, I think this is a great first draft and I think it can get even better with work.

mtwtfss

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Re: english oral presentation - PLEASE READ AND ADD FEEDBACK
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2009, 03:29:00 pm »
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Don't bring that into the classroom, you should know most of it well enough anyway, especially the story regarding your neighbour, say it like you know it, understand it and passionately believe it, by not needing to read anything.

bradysayer

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Re: english oral presentation - PLEASE READ AND ADD FEEDBACK
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2009, 05:14:50 pm »
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its 5 minutes minimum, but i think the max should be about 6.30-7 mins no more.
at the moment i think its about 6 mins, but i might be able to throw in a small paragraph saying
what most pro-life advocates argue. i slightly changed it after posting that and rearranged the paragraph after the story and put it last, as my teacher said i should do this arvo..

what kinds of ideas should i say about what pro-life advocates argue?

thankyou

Velox

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Re: english oral presentation - PLEASE READ AND ADD FEEDBACK
« Reply #4 on: February 19, 2009, 05:56:50 pm »
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Probably to late now :), but I would cut/move the introduction part, just start with the story and maybe reword the ending (of the story) into a stronger statement about abortion.
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SoLe!

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Re: english oral presentation - PLEASE READ AND ADD FEEDBACK
« Reply #5 on: February 19, 2009, 07:02:17 pm »
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Good idea re thread. Not sure if it was worth making my own, or just posting where more people are likely to look (and stopping ~10 threads on same thing...perhaps). Below i have posted mine, if mods feel that this is the wrong to post it then perhaps move/delete? Anyway, cheers for anyone who can be bothered reading it. note: i realise it is supposed to be persuasive, but i have written as reasonable and calm as possible since it is such a controversial topic. PS OP, ours is supposed to be 5-6 minutes which is about ~700ish words, yours seems pretty long, but i guess its different for each school.

Today, I feel impelled to raise the issue of the current humanitarian crisis in the Gaza strip. I believe that far from being a justifiable defence, Israel’s incursion is inhumane, morally wrong and WILL NOT achieve the goals that it has set for itself. The precarious nature of such a controversial topic requires that we understand something of the history of Gaza. Secondly, we will look at the ongoing blockade and  recent incursion. Finally we’ll assess what conclusions can be drawn. Each of these will help unravel the position and sentiment behind the arguments of both Israel and the Palestinians.

Gaza is a small coastal strip of land about the size of the Mornington Peninsula. However, this is where the analogy ends. The Gaza Strip is flat, has an arid climate and consists mostly of desert and urbanised areas. While the land itself is ancient, the population that inhabits Gaza is extremely young, with 50% of the people being under the age of 18. Gaza is also under the control of the democratically elected Hamas, the Islamic Resistance Movement, which came to power in 2005. Hamas’ charter explicitly called for the destruction of Israel, although they have also said they are willing to negotiate. Their position drew support from many Palestinians, who lived under exceedingly harsh conditions. For example the country suffers from an unemployment rate of 45%, among the highest in the world.  Early hostilities between Hamas and Israel were confined to verbal warfare, which was eventually curtailed by a 6 month ceasefire. However, the mutual trust that had been built was shattered in December 2008, when Israel killed 3 Palestinians on the border of Gaza.

The subsequent incursion by Israel into Gaza has been extremely violent and bloody. According to Al Jazeera English (9/1/2009) – “More than 1,300 Palestinians were killed in the conflict, while only 13 Israelis died in the 22-day war on the Palestinian territory. This is a 100:1 ratio. How can this be justified? Such one sided loses suggest a slaughter has occurred. In-fact The Australian recently ran an article claiming that “(quote) 288 civilians were killed, including women, and children up to the age of 16, about 25 per cent of the total dead(end quote)”. We must honestly ask ourselves, how did Israel let the civilian death toll reach such levels?


As well as the fighting from the incursion, Israel has been deploying a blockade. This blockade has been active for the last 3 years, but was recently stepped up in light of the incursion. It is now one of the key issues in resolving the crisis in Gaza. The blockade has been condemned worldwide, especially by the United Nations. Many member countries are outraged at the blockading of food, water and other necessities. THE UN Relief and Works Agency is responsible for feeding 900,000 refugees in Gaza, yet can only get food packets out at a daily rate of 30,000, which gives an idea of just how long those at the end of the queue have to wait. John Ging, head of the Agency, has recently come out and said “We have the infrastructure, we have the staff, but we don’t have the food,” The situation, however, is about to become even more dire, due to an increase in banned goods, for example Israel has banned the import of plastic and the UNRWA will run out of essential plastic packets for the food distribution within the month.

The incursion and blockade have also come under criticism from top Israeli officials. This suggests that there are doubts about the effectiveness of the incursion. Ephraim Halevy, the former head of the Mossad intelligence service, wrote in the Israeli press earlier in the month, that the government in Jerusalem could have stopped the rocket attacks long ago by lifting its siege of Gaza." If Israel's goal were to remove the threat of rockets from the residents of southern Israel, opening the border crossings would have ensured such quiet for a generation." he said.
The issue at hand in Gaza is extremely complex. It is not as simple as black or white. The fact of the matter is that the blockading of humanitarian aid and necessities plus the disproportionate loss of Palestinian lives in the incursion were criminally inhumane acts, which should never have occurred. Thankyou
« Last Edit: February 19, 2009, 07:04:13 pm by SoLe! »
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chlloe

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Re: english oral presentation - PLEASE READ AND ADD FEEDBACK
« Reply #6 on: February 19, 2009, 11:57:17 pm »
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I did my oral last year on dredging :)
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ice_blockie

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Re: english oral presentation - PLEASE READ AND ADD FEEDBACK
« Reply #7 on: February 20, 2009, 08:31:11 pm »
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i realise it is supposed to be persuasive, but i have written as reasonable and calm as possible since it is such a controversial topic. PS OP, ours is supposed to be 5-6 minutes which is about ~700ish words, yours seems pretty long, but i guess its different for each school.

FEEDBACK: You have chosen a particularly thorny issue which is complex to understand and also to explain. You have done a good job in conveying the details of the issue but I think you have tried too much in getting all the details in and missed out on opportunities to hammer you point and use some persuasive techniques, albeit obvious, to show to your teacher that

a) you understand the point of persuasive language
b) you can effectively use it to convince your audience

What I think you could consider is simplifying down the issue to the core principles, i.e. what is one particular thing which I want to address? Is it the immorality of the invasion, is it the crimes against humanity? Is it the impinging on national sovereignity what I want to address? Be careful in separating the issues as you clearly know, explaining the background to a particular point is labour intensive and you don't have enough time.

Take the example of Richard Pratt's court appearance over corporate collusion by his recycling company Visy. This is quite similar to your speech in that:

a) The issue involves several issues at hand including corporate ethics, immorality, greed, industry duopolies and other things I won't mention to save space.

b) Most people don't know what 'corporate collusion' is.

c) Most people only knew Richard Pratt as the President of Carlton...

So what to do?

1) You have to simplify the concepts - you have to strongly use anecdotes because you don't have time to explain every detail of the history of Gaza and the dispute between Palestine and Israel.

2) Cull your information paragraphs. Attempt to paraphrase and use less statistics - remember this is a persuasive speech not an information report. I understand you want to appear informed and reasonable, but too many statistics and people won't listen to you - just like listening to the ASX reports or AGM....

2.7% increase in industry market share resulting in annual earnings up by 12% including 6% expenditure from expansion plans in the last quarter promoting growth in yadda yadda yadda

3) Be slightly emotional - I know you have to be informed but use a little more parallel construction or affirmative language - let's put an end to the bloodshed, let's put an end to the hurt, let's put an end to the loss of life

4) Reiterate your contention throughout. Affirm what you want to happen rather than saying Israel is a ratbag at the start and then saying the whole thing is complex and so we can't say who's definitive right or wrong. Nor do you have to do say who the ratbag is. Just call for an end to violence and qualify it with saying that all loss of life is unwarranted...and that the latest attacks constitute a violation of human rights/ integrity or push for the idea of restorative justice rather than the popular retributive justice occuring now.

All this stuff you might want to reflect upon as you have decided to grapple with a rather difficult issue. Remember what I've said is only a personal opinion and you don't have to listen to anything I said. Good luck for your speech!


dejan91

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Re: english oral presentation - PLEASE READ AND ADD FEEDBACK
« Reply #8 on: May 05, 2009, 09:58:03 pm »
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Is anybody willing to correct my oral, or perhaps glance over it? :)
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Re: english oral presentation - PLEASE READ AND ADD FEEDBACK
« Reply #9 on: May 05, 2009, 10:07:26 pm »
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i got A+ for my oral on police and judicial corruption. :D:D

teacher28

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Re: english oral presentation - PLEASE READ AND ADD FEEDBACK
« Reply #10 on: May 06, 2009, 10:18:46 am »
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Is anybody willing to correct my oral, or perhaps glance over it? :)

PM it to me...
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Re: english oral presentation - PLEASE READ AND ADD FEEDBACK
« Reply #11 on: July 06, 2019, 08:19:56 pm »
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can someone pls help me with mine, i'm completely stuck