Good parenting or child abuse?

[ninwa]

http://www.news.com.au/national/mother-forces-thief-son-into-parade-of-shame/story-e6frfkvr-1226120076399

[Eriny]

I think it's horrible. I don't know what the kid actually did, but children lie and steal sometimes and while those things should be punished this is way out of line.

[MuggedByReality]

     heh, as soon as I saw it was a thread on parenting, I knew it would be ninwa's


         I agree with Eriny, it's extreme and could possibly reinforce the negative behaviour.

[s.ay]

The potential long term damage that can stem from public humiliation at any age is awful, let alone at such a vulnerable stage in life. He is a child, and although I am only assuming here, he committed an offense that was typically childish. His parents' behaviour is equally immature, and may potentially hinder his development and attitude.

[ninwa]

Okay, I'm definitely against this part:

"At one point the boy had taken off the Shrek ears. My daughter walked past and heard the mother say, 'Put them back on or I'll smack your head in'."

But I honestly thought the concept itself was a good one. Kids at that age don't listen to reason; a "good talking to" does shit all. They need to learn that there are consequences for their actions, and that consequences don't just mean "get sent to your room with your computer and xbox and gameboy". And it's not like he was like that for a whole day - the article says "less than an hour".

Parents are way too soft these days, and I honestly think the lady who contacted child safety services is a dumbass.

[playsimme]

^ I completely disagree. Kids don't have to be treated like dogshit in order to learn, if you treat them with no respect as a HUMAN - they'll grow up learning not to respect too. Besides, he's 10 - immature age = immature mind.. what the mother did was extremely immature equally. (forcing him to wear 'ears'? really?)

[tony3272]

The public humiliation is going too far, but they do need to be punished properly nonetheless. If you let kids get away with crap then they'll grow up learning not to respect anyway.

[Water]

An appropriate Lesson once in a "blue moon."

Show that kid who's boss.

[Eriny]

Okay, I'm definitely against this part:

"At one point the boy had taken off the Shrek ears. My daughter walked past and heard the mother say, 'Put them back on or I'll smack your head in'."

But I honestly thought the concept itself was a good one. Kids at that age don't listen to reason; a "good talking to" does shit all. They need to learn that there are consequences for their actions, and that consequences don't just mean "get sent to your room with your computer and xbox and gameboy". And it's not like he was like that for a whole day - the article says "less than an hour".

Parents are way too soft these days, and I honestly think the lady who contacted child safety services is a dumbass.

I think creative parenting can be clever because 'a good talking to' doesn't always work, but it always needs to be in line with what the child did wrong. Unfortunately, the article didn't have much detail on that, but it would have to be far beyond the ordinary bad stuff kids do in order to warrant that kind of punishment, and even then, I think public humiliation goes too far.

[Twenty11]

This case is probably too far. Mind you stealing is a severe crime that a child needs to learn is wrong and should be afraid of doing it again in the future.
But to be honest I think that in today's society child punishment has become so soft. Even physically disciplining your child is frowned upon.
I wouldn't want tomorrows generation growing up to think they are invincible to consequences.

[Hutchoo]

I agree with Ninwa and Water. How do you punish a 10 year old kid "properly" anyway?


And yeah, the lady who contacted the child services is (imo) a douchebag. Parents are too soft these days :/ Maybe that's why 99% of children are bigger smartasses than ever before? Imo, a good smack on the ass/bashing with a wooden spoon never hurt me XD.

[REBORN]

Proper punishment must be consistent, not too severe, delivered immediately and be appropriate.

If any of these 4 elements are not delivered then you're doing it wrong.

Eg: for this case, it is too severe and inappropriate.

[Eriny]

^ It probably wasn't delivered immediately either, since the parents would have had to prepare all of those signs.

This case is probably too far. Mind you stealing is a severe crime that a child needs to learn is wrong and should be afraid of doing it again in the future.
But to be honest I think that in today's society child punishment has become so soft. Even physically disciplining your child is frowned upon.
I wouldn't want tomorrows generation growing up to think they are invincible to consequences.

I think physically disciplining a child is essentially hypocrisy. We don't want children to hit each other and we teach them that physical violence is bad. So what kind of message does hitting send other than it's okay to hit, as long as you're the powerful one in the situation? The people in charge of the punishment need to be in control of themselves and operate with their heads rather than with violence. Besides, there are lots more effective ways to punish children non-violently.

[andy456]

I tend to agree with the parents choice of punishment. I mean if he stole a pack of gum or something small like that then their actions were obviously way over the top but first of all we don't know what that child has done. We don't know if he is consistently in trouble and his parents are at the end of their tether. At 10 you know what you're doing. You know when you are stealing and you know its wrong. His parents might have been showing him that such crimes would attract negative attention from the community and may lead to him being excluded. Wearing 'shrek ears' was a bit excessive and I can't seem to understand why they might do that.
But their punishment seems to have worked. ' "The boy just kept his head down and was staring at the ground," she said.' Obviously he didn't want to be there. Maybe now he will think twice before stealing which is the goal of punishment, isn't it?

And yes the lady that called Child Services, what a douche. Seems like a bit of an overreaction. I wonder what she would do if she saw a parent smack their child in the supermarket? Children need to be punished more these days. I remember if I had a fit in a supermarket because I wanted something I would get a smack. So I didn't. Children these days just run freely screaming there heads off. Smack your damn children people!!!!

[ninwa]

^ I completely disagree. Kids don't have to be treated like dogshit in order to learn, if you treat them with no respect as a HUMAN - they'll grow up learning not to respect too. Besides, he's 10 - immature age = immature mind.. what the mother did was extremely immature equally. (forcing him to wear 'ears'? really?)

Not so immature as to not realise that stealing is wrong. When you were 10, did you know it is wrong to take something that isn't yours?

If you treat a child like a delicate petal with no brains, it'll grow up into a spoilt brat with no concept of responsibility. If you treat a child like an adult (to the best of your and their ability), it'll be more likely to grow up into a functioning member of society.

I think physically disciplining a child is essentially hypocrisy. We don't want children to hit each other and we teach them that physical violence is bad. So what kind of message does hitting send other than it's okay to hit, as long as you're the powerful one in the situation? The people in charge of the punishment need to be in control of themselves and operate with their heads rather than with violence. Besides, there are lots more effective ways to punish children non-violently.

I'd say this was a pretty effective non-violent punishment.

I think sometimes parents resort to physical punishment because all other avenues are closed, and in those cases it is okay. I remember being smacked when I was little and slapped once when I was older, and each times it was because I was being a little shit who completely ignored every single time my parents/grandparents tried to tell me off verbally. I can't help but think the majority of the anti-smacking crusade are people who have probably never had children and therefore never experienced that kind of frustration.