What does VCENotes think of my introduction formula?

[chrisjb]

What up VN english board! Long time no see! Anyway, I'd like some feedback on this introduction formula, all suggestions+improvements are welcome!

Here is the outline:

The (emergence/ resurgence) of (issue/ cause of issue/ debate around issue) (across/over geographical region/ time span) has prompted (Author’s full name) to enter into the public debate surrounding this prominent issue. In (his/her text type, Name of text), (Author’s last name) (tone in adjective form) asserts that (contention). The (text type), (appearing in/ presented at publication source), is geared towards (target audience), and (Author’s text type) caters particularly for this demographic.

Here is how it looks when done with an article:

The resurgence of the debate surrounding how Australia should process asylum seekers over the last several months has prompted Andrew Bolt to enter into the public debate surrounding this prominent issue. In his opinion piece "Think of the Afghanis!", Bolt rationally and logically asserts that Australia has a responsibility to open her borders to all legitimate refugees. The opinion piece, appearing in the Herald Sun, is geared towards a wide range readers who are concerned about the issue, and Bolt’s article caters particularly for this demographic.

(If you couldn't tell, the article I wrote about does not actually exist)

WEEEEEOOOOOOAAAWWW! Not too long before exams guys! Good luck everyone and thanks in advance for the help I love you all so much!

[chrisjb]

man! I have already found a mistake with it, there's no refference to the name of their article.... Easily fixed.

[EvangelionZeta]

Be prepared for two articles.

[REBORN]

ouch...snap that.

haha nah I reckon it's awesome. I'll be using it for my y11 exam!

[HarveyD]

do you need to mention the targeted audience?

[SamiJ]

ouch...snap that.

I'll be using it for my y11 exam!

Why did I have the feeling you were year 12 lol

[chrisjb]

Be prepared for two articles.

you serious man? When have they ever had two articles!?

Anyway, it's easy to modify if there's two articles. just add in 'likewise, in such and such an article' or 'on the other hand, in such and such an article'

[teacher28]

What up VN english board! Long time no see! Anyway, I'd like some feedback on this introduction formula, all suggestions+improvements are welcome!

That works and includes the relevant information and observations. However, be careful to not sound too "formulaic" (to quote the assessors). If it starts to get too long and complex you could include the reference to the target audience within the piece and in your conclusion.

My suggestion is that you add a phrase that shows you understand the essence of the text: does it , for example, "argue in staunch support of...", or is it "a scathing criticism of" or "a passionate plea for"?

It's not impossible that there would be two passages as well as a piece of visual text -- VCAA is a fickle friend!

[flash36]

There's every chance it'll be two articles this year.

[funkyducky]

Keep in mind that vcaa likes to mix things up a little, this formulaic approach is generally quite obvious when it doesn't fit the text and it's context perfectly. When an examiner sees a formulaic essay, they're going to bundle it in the mid-range...

[chrisjb]

What up VN english board! Long time no see! Anyway, I'd like some feedback on this introduction formula, all suggestions+improvements are welcome!

My suggestion is that you add a phrase that shows you understand the essence of the text: does it , for example, "argue in staunch support of...", or is it "a scathing criticism of" or "a passionate plea for"?

I like this idea... I'll work on it and see what I can do.

EDIT: Going over it again, I reckon your little addition fits well at the vague little line of 'enter into the public debate surrounding this prominent issue'... Instead something like 'question the veracity of such and such' or 'argue in staunch support of ' or 'question society's acceptance of/view of/attitute towards such and such' (like you said, something that is specific to the article)... I'll see how it goes. I think I like it better.

[chrisjb]

Keep in mind that vcaa likes to mix things up a little, this formulaic approach is generally quite obvious when it doesn't fit the text and it's context perfectly. When an examiner sees a formulaic essay, they're going to bundle it in the mid-range...

that's a good point too... perhaps a set structure isn't as much the right way to go as a general guide to make sure everything is included..

[chrisjb]

Be prepared for two articles.

you serious man? When have they ever had two articles!?

Well, shows what I know :p