Could someone please correct my prac introduction on - Whose reality

[kateaugu]

   “Reality bites- no one can escape reality “

According to philosopher Rene Descartes reality consists of two separate realms: a physical realm and a mental realm. Often individuals throughout the world will seek to live their lives in the mental realm for a variety of reasons. This is primarily because the physical world is a very harsh place filled with devastation and pain or simply because the world around them has not lived up to their expectations, hence they are not satisfied or content with their lives. At some point in our lives we have all tried at least once to escape the callous reality that we are faced with and enter an ideal world in our minds. Either by consuming illicit substances, taking part in behaviour or activities we would not normally do all the way to the small things such as creating a false identity online or even daydreaming. This all gives us an escape, a chance to do, feel ,say whatever we desire without judgment from others. As well as this according to psychologist Sigmund Freud we escape reality (daydream), to relive tension that we have experienced as a result of unfulfilled wishes, thus the world we create inside our minds proves better and more fulfilling then one that is physically around us and we all do escape it one way or another. However, a limit must be drawn otherwise too long in our own world can deem us as insane or deluded just like Blanche from a “Street car named Desire”. Blanche appeared so deluded and unaware of her surroundings, that in the end was admitted to a mental asylum. Furthermore, the level and severity depends on our persona and the way we do it, however the concrete reality will always remain and we are going to face it even when we least expect it .For example when using internet games such as the “world of war craft” or the “Sims”, there is only a certain amount of time we can “pretend” to be the characters where’ve created until we go back to reality and get a “hit” of it. By this it shows that individuals can escape reality to a certain extent, however there are still some cases were fantasy has taken over a person’s life.

[brightsky]

   “Reality bites- no one can escape reality “

According to philosopher Rene Descartes reality consists of two separate realms: a physical realm and a mental realm. Not an ideal opening sentence as far as VCE is concerned. Answer the given topic first before doing any analysis/evaluation/discussion.Often individuals throughout the world will seek to live their lives in the mental realm for a variety of reasons. This is kind of vague and perhaps represents a slight misapprehension of dualism. We can never live *in* our minds; we will always be attached to the physical realm. This is primarily because the physical world is a very harsh place filled with devastation and painSweeping generalization. Perhaps a bit cynical. or simply because the world around them has not lived up to their expectations, hence they are not satisfied or content with their lives. At some point in our lives we have all tried at least once to escape the callous reality that we are faced with and enter an ideal world in our minds. Either by consuming illicit substancesCliched but pertinent nonetheless., taking part in behaviour or activities we would not normally do Such as?all the way to the small things such as creating a false identity online or even daydreaming. This all gives us an escape, a chance to do, feel ,say whatever we desire without judgment from others. As well as this according to psychologist Sigmund Freud we escape reality (daydream), to relive tension that we have experienced as a result of unfulfilled wishes, thus the world we create inside our minds proves better and more fulfilling then one that is physically around us and we all do escape it one way or another. However, a limit must be drawn otherwise too long in our own worldRevise. can deem us as insane or deluded just like Blanche from a “Street car named Desire”. Blanche appeared so deluded and unaware of her surroundings, that in the end was admitted to a mental asylum. Furthermore, the level and severity depends on our persona and the way we do it, however the concrete reality will always remain and we are going to face it even when we least expect it .For example when using internet games such as the “world of war craft” or the “Sims”, there is only a certain amount of time we can “pretend” to be the characters where’ve created until we go back to reality and get a “hit” of it. By this it shows that individuals can escape reality to a certain extent, however there are still some cases were fantasy has taken over a person’s life.

I think that as an introduction, it's perhaps too long and a bit rambling. In other words, you are revealing too much in your introduction. Also, much of it is rather repetitive, at least on a conceptual level. Keep your introductions succinct. It's only meant to be an 'introduction' that prepares the reader for the bulk of your essay. This said, there are some solid ideas, although you tended to generalise at times, and the examples you raised were pertinent and varied.

Hope this isn't too harsh and it of some use to you.

[kateaugu]

Thanks it was a big help.Esp before my real SAC next week .