Dear diary,
I dream of her every night. Sometimes, she calls out my name “Mitch” and tries to reach out to me. Sometimes, she is just watching, her face expressionless...but I can tell of the pain that exists behind those eyes. It has been likes this since her admittance to the mental institute. I do not know when it will end. I tell myself it will all be okay, that one day, she will come out of the place and we can live happily ever after. But Mitch rejects Blanche does he not? Doesn't he talk about she is "unclean" and "not fit for his mother"? I thought that both recognised the impossibility of the relationship. Yes, it is true that Mitch still loves Blanche, but the prospect of a relationship is not there (IMO) But as the days go by, I lose my hold on this illusion...the only thing keeping me sane and able to cope with reality...that Blanche will never be in my arms. And every day, Stanley tells me to forget her, not knowing that it is impossible to do so.
Stanley...why? Why is he so...what is this, I don’t even...I don’t even know what it is about him that is so primeval. I notice every second day or so, he hurls the meat from the butcher straight at Stella like an animal from the jungle fresh from the kill, a ravening beast. Be very careful here. This is a direct quote from the original play. It could be taken as plagiarism as it is not placed in quotation marks. I understand what you are trying to achieve here, but an examiner might see it differently What kind of behaviour is that? The guy would Mitch refer to Stanley as "the guy"? That's a rather modern phrase. is married, but he regularly sizes up other women walking along the street, or at work, or at the bowling venue, giving them smouldering looks. What is with that guy? Does he believe he is some kind of super-human, at the centre of everything, that he deserves everyone’s attention? It’s like at our Saturday night poker games, Stanley can’t bear to lose a round, he just has to be the winner. He resembles an immature baby, who just has to have that toy, and will throw a tantrum until you relent to his demands and give it to him; this kind of behaviour sustains his delusional belief that he is at the centre of the universe, because he got what he wanted in the end, and will continue to do, as it is impossible to make his do otherwise, the big strong man that he is.Mixed up tenses here/sentence reads very weirdly. Read it out allowed and see if you can understand what I mean. He’ll knock out anyone that conflicts with his sense of reality, that he is the centre.
He irks me so, these days, makes me sick and weary, grumpy, tired, you name it. Wish I had some real friends, friends that cared about me and my feelings; Stanley only looks after Stanley...and occasionally the ‘family’ that he has. Poor Stella and Manderly, I feel for them. Ah Blanche...do you know what Stanley said to me as the doctors took away Blanche ?...he told me I was better off without her, that she was a “retarded cuckoo nutcase who needed a good beating Is this something Stanley would really say?”. He said that I needed to meet some real girls, the right type of girls who don’t go around pretending their bedroom is a ballroom in Egypt or something. Said I need to meet girls who don’t hide behind the illusion of makeup and fancy clothes. Real, down-to-earth women who can hold their own ground. It was always going to happen, the conflict between Blanche and Stanley; it was inevitable, waiting to burst. Blanche relied heavily on illusions to hide the truth, hide the reality of her situation. No one can blame her, she had a dark past, she needed some comforting and love.
It’s interesting, the whole rape case. As the days go by, my opinion on the case shifts to Blanche’s side. Even though she could be quite delusional, she was not insane; she could tell black from white...most of the times. Once, I brought up the issue with Stanley. He snarled at me, nearly pulled my face out, yelling “The way she went about, she was asking for anything she got, okay!? Stop bringing it up, I’ve told you enough times!” Interesting interpretation of reality there. That just pretty much sealed the deal. Since when does anyone ask for that? Yes, Blanche could be very...provocative at times, but she wasn’t insane. Stanley just didn’t like Blanche; she told me that once, and I did not believe her, unfortunately. Stanley was always a dominant character, barrelling his way through anything to find the truth, whatever the consequences. That’s just asking for chaos from day 1 one when put into contact with Blanche, who depended on illusions to cope with reality.
What I am more curious about is Stella. Blanche is her sister, the only remainder of her life at Belle Reve. Why does she not believe her, even when Blanche is clearly right? Yes, her marriage would be at stake, but is that worth more than the truth? Stella has an odd habit of averting her eyes when reality does not make sense. That night that Blanche had to witness Stanley beat her up during the poker game...after leaving to Eunice’s house, she comes straight back? I explained to Blanche that this was ordinary, that they were crazy about each other, that once in a while, people do get mad at each other, especially when drunk...but now I am not so sure. I heard about Stanley’s birthday gift to Blanche. How can you allow your husband to do that to your own sister? Placeholder Lol what?
Every day, I go over the final scene This is a diary entry. At no point in time is the fourth wall broken and therefore Mitch has no knowledge of being in a play, the last time I saw her. The time when she needed me most. When Stanley held me back from saving a lost soul direly in need of directions. I am seriously contemplating the idea to go and visit her one day. She’d like that, I hope. Though, I wonder if she will remember who I am. Recognise me. See me for who I am, even though I have committed such atrocious acts against her. That worries me. I am hoping for the best. Else, I don’t have much to go on for.
And if God choose,
I shall love thee better – after death!
Again, be careful of plagiarism!
General comments
- This reads a bit like an essay
- You have chosen to write a personal diary as Mitch, therefore, if you wish to explore the ideas you do, you have to explore them from the perspective of Mitch. You can not write an intricately woven analysis, remember, Mitch doesn't know everything that Stanley knows/the audience knows.
- I'm having trouble finding a tangible link to the prompt except for this, That’s just asking for chaos from day 1 when put into contact with Blanche, who depended on illusions to cope with reality and to be honest this sounds half imaginative / half essay. You need to find a way of making the link to the prompt more explicit without actually stating "LOOK HERE ---> LINK TO PROMPT !!!11!!"
- There is nothing wrong with doing a combination of an essay and an imaginative piece, but you have to adopt the correct format. A diary entry is not the right format for such a piece. A psych analysis of Stanley/Blanche would be perfect for this approach.
- If you wish to persist with this form just remember, you are writing as the character. You have to think, "Would the character say/think/write this?" If the answer is no, then you shouldn't write it.
- Nice vocabulary but syntax at times does need some tweaking.
-All in all I'd say this is a mid-range piece looking at around a 5~6/10
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