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October 12, 2025, 07:30:08 pm

Author Topic: Can anyone comment and maybe grade this essay?  (Read 1697 times)  Share 

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gideon100

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Can anyone comment and maybe grade this essay?
« on: November 07, 2011, 10:53:37 pm »
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I'm not too good at essays and probably should've started practicing since the start of the year, any comments would be good

The essay topic is from the Insight 2010 trial paper, in case you want to look at the stimulus material, theres just too much to type xD

Electronic communication is so prevalent nowadays that it is undermining the very nature of both written an dspoken language. Dicuss. Refer to at least two subsystems in your response.

The emergence of electronic communication has added variety to the English language while simultaneously blurring the lines between written and spoken language. The written mode has been substantially affected by technology, causing prescriptivist such as John Humphrys form the Daily mail to label texters as vandals destroying the English language. Throughout the last few decades, the dominance of electronic communication has reshaped our spoken language; lexemes from texting and online messaging have crossed over to spoken, thus blurring the lines between the two.

The prevalent use of electronic communication in modern society has had various effects on the written mode of language. Electronic communication such as SMS and online messaging has brought out several features such as abbreviations (e.g  gtg = got to go, brb = be right back), shortenings (probs =probably) and rebuses (l8 = late,  4 =for, Gr8 = great). Such lexical and morphological changes are due to the space and cost limitations of texting and the ever increasing need for speed. Similarly, twitter has signed up with Penguin books to convert the world’s greatest literature classics into a series of tweets, no more than 20 to aid the short attention span of the contemporary age. Additionally, since the introduction of the internet, there has been a great increase of word class shifts, especially nouns being used interchangeably as verbs. For example, “to google” (from Google), “to wiki” (from Wikipedia), and “to de/un-friend someone” (opposite of adding a friend in Facebook). Although there have been concerns by prescriptivists that “bad” or “lazy” language is taking over, there has been no linguistic evidence to back this up.  Shortenings such as those mentioned above have occurred throughout the history of English, long before the emergence of electronic technology. Everyday lexemes such as “pants” and “phone” were derived from their longer originals “pantaloons” and “telephone”. Similarly, evidence of word class shifts appear long before the internet was introduced into society such as the lexeme “task” which can also be used as a verb, “I have been tasked with this job”. Therefore, although the use of electronic communication has caused a change to our written language, it is not going downhill.

Similarly, electronic communication has caused certain changes to the way we speak. With the ever increasing number of inventions today, there have been insufficient new nouns to label them. Due to this, many existing nouns have gone through semantic broadenings, such as the animal “mouse” being labelled as a computer component, “virus” as a software that infects a system, and ”hibernate/sleep” when a computer enters a state which consumes les power than usual. These nouns have been embedded into our language that we barely notice their origins. Additionally, ever since electronic communication emerged, America has laid its roots in Australia due to its dominance in the global market for technology. American lexemes such as “cool”, “dude” and “buddy” have been able to spread easier through the media.

There is no longer a clear distinction between written and spoken language. Language from the written domain can be seen floating around our spoken discourse. Acronyms and shortenings from text and instant messaging such as “rofl’, “cbs” and “probs” are being used in teenspeak. Similarly, language once distinct to the spoken domain has crossed over to the written domain. Informal lexemes such as “dude” and “sup” from spoken discourse are now found all over online messaging. The use of these lexemes adds to the informality of such modes of communication by mimicking a real-life face to face conversation.

Overall, it can be seen that although the written and spoken modes are merging together, the prevalent use of electronic communication is not destroying our language, it is adding colour and variety to it and as Bruce Moore said “language is constantly evolving and this is part of the evolutionary process.”

Natters

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Re: Can anyone comment and maybe grade this essay?
« Reply #1 on: November 07, 2011, 11:19:34 pm »
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Similarly, twitter has signed up with Penguin books to convert the world’s greatest literature classics into a series of tweets, no more than 20 to aid the short attention span of the contemporary age
holy shit is that true?
ill keep reading, though im shit at essays ill throw in my two cents:

"Therefore, although the use of electronic communication has caused a change to our written language, it is not going downhill."
even this confuses me, how exactly can a language worsen/go downhill, it can be modified evolved, but it only ever get's better at it's purpose right? otherwise why would the changes occur

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These nouns have been embedded into our language that we barely notice their origins
doesnt quite make sense, though the point you made just before this was solid as f, i like it

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Additionally, ever since electronic communication emerged, America has laid its roots in Australia due to its dominance in the global market for technology. American lexemes such as “cool”, “dude” and “buddy” have been able to spread easier through the media.
imo before this you should have concluded that paragraph, and made this a seperate one, they don't quite flow cohesively
« Last Edit: November 07, 2011, 11:26:23 pm by Natters »

Natters

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Re: Can anyone comment and maybe grade this essay?
« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2011, 11:29:02 pm »
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overall it would probably grab a B if you wanted a grade

jonjon

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Re: Can anyone comment and maybe grade this essay?
« Reply #3 on: November 08, 2011, 06:21:56 pm »
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Okay, so firstly, i'm probably in the same boat as you, doing Eng lang this year. My two cents are probably not worth much, but hey, feedback is feedback (: I've only scanned through your essay quickly so disregard any comments that seem to be inaccurate.

Okay firstly, your essay does not really answer the question. You either take the side of "not destroying language" or "destroying the very distinction between spoken and written". You conclusion states it is adding colour and variety, yet a paragraph earlier, you state that there is no longer a clear distinction. Make sure to take a clear stance and display your point of view with confidence. Even though this appears to be an expository, it's in fact actually asking for an opinion. yes or no.

You incorporate examples of american influence, but this is not required. Further, you've truncated your paragraph by ending it with an example. There is no clear link back to your topic sentence. Make sure you link back. Moreover, i don't think the instance of american lexis would suit this essay particularly well, given that it is an essay regarding language deterioration.

Your first paragraph is excellent. Great incorporation of examples and a concise and succinct concluding sentence that links back to your main contention.

You seemed to have lost focus in your last two paragraphs, which probably lead to you incorporating ideas of americanisation, and unoriginal examples such as "rofl" etc. As a result, these last two paragraphs will pull you down quite significantly.

However, your use of language is relatively fluent, and not particularly verbose, so that is good. But do watch out for some informal expressions that you employ such as "...evidence to back this up".

Overall, i'd probably give it a 20/30.

iroflmfao

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Re: Can anyone comment and maybe grade this essay?
« Reply #4 on: November 10, 2011, 07:11:05 am »
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Someone went to the connect lecture ^^

thushan

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Re: Can anyone comment and maybe grade this essay?
« Reply #5 on: November 12, 2011, 11:52:19 am »
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Enjoy!

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