Language Analsysis

[BlueYoHo]

For our SAC we need to do a language analysis essay thing on three difference articles. Which means in our essay we need to have a paragraph that we can compare the different uses of PLT's and compare and contrast the writer's technique, etc.

Anyway I'm not really confident with it so I'm not sure if what I'm doing is right. I've done this so far:
(This one's only on one article and one illustration).
(It's on an article from the Age that's on the bushfires).


The article and illustration both complement each other as they seek to pressure the reader by appealing to their sense of fear and insecurity, conveying the seriousness of the issue through statistics and vivid illustrations. Although the two pieces work to strengthen the arguments and debunk the issue, however, they attempt to persuade the reader in different, separate ways. Campbell almost attacks the authorities by savagely questioning their manhood, and making them look incompetent through the use of statistics; adding depth to his article, rendering it more persuasive. Whereas the illustration symbolically depicts the intensity of the bushfires by having several hands stick up from the ground or ashes to represents their desperate struggle for survival and help. More importantly, these black hands - most likely burnt from the fires - seem to be not only reaching out for help, but also, as primary school children are taught, raising their hands for answers.


Am I doing anything wrong? Or is there something else that I'm not doing?
Please and Thank You.

[TrueTears]

Is this your introduction, or one of your body paragraphs?

[BlueYoHo]

One of my body paragraphs. Teacher said its supposed to come like second last.

Intro
Body 1 - analyse the first article
Body 2 - analyse the second article
Body 3 - analyse the third article
Then this Compare and Contrast paragraph that I just published
Conc.

[TrueTears]

Hmmm the way our teacher said to plan out our essays is exactly like your setup, except we don't have a compare and contrast paragraph after the third body. Our teacher said you can compare/contrast a bit in the conclusion, but it is not necessary.

[BlueYoHo]

Oh really? Lucky you. No we have to do one

[TrueTears]

Yeah, you compared those 2 very well and you have mentioned all the implications as well. The only thing I would suggest is still to keep  mentioning the different effects on audience. That's one thing that the examiners are really looking for. As long as you mention some effects on audience and can back it up with evidence, then you will immediately grab the examiner's attention.

[EvangelionZeta]

Make sure you do what your teacher says for the SAC - the exam is another question, but you want to be in line with what your school requires.

On your paragraph->here it is with corrections to the actual writing itself...

The article and illustration both unnecessary, take out complement each other as they seek to pressure the reader by appealing to their sense of fear and insecurity, conveying the seriousness of the issue through statistics and vivid illustrations. Although the two pieces perhaps add "both" here instead work to strengthen the arguments and debunk the issue, however, unnecessary, take out they attempt to persuade the reader in different, separate ways. Campbell almost unnecessary attacks the authorities by savagely questioning their manhood, and change to something like "whilst simultaneously" making them look incompetent through the use of statistics; adding either replace the semicolon with a comma, or change "adding" to "this adds" depth to his article, rendering it more persuasive. Whereas change to a different connective, such as "In contrast".  Whereas sounds awkward here the illustration symbolically depicts the intensity of the bushfires by having several hands stick up from the ground or ashes to represents grammar their change "their" to whoever you're talking about specifically, since it's too vague here desperate struggle for survival and help. More importantly, these black hands - most likely burnt from the fires - seem to be not only reaching out for help, but also, as primary school children are taught, raising their hands for answers.

[BlueYoHo]

Woah thanks