Paul's Guide on How to Get a Girl in 9 Steps!

[paulsterio]

Well pi has suggested: "btw, you should write a dating/picking-up guide on AN. You've just got so many tips! " So here it is everyone!
Firstly, this is meant to be funny, I will not be responsible for any girls hating you after you have followed my advice


Step 1 - Avoiding Conflict
The first thing you want to do is find a girl who has as few conflicting interests with you as possible. As of late, a lot of ladies seem to be annoyed when the guy gets an ATAR that is either too high or too low. The only way to counter this effect is to find a girl who is older or younger than you and is not in Year 12 at the moment. If you intend on having multiple girls, it is also advisable to have a backup plan so that you can explain to them what's going on if you happen to get caught out. The general rule is never to buy them the same presents! A guy was busted recently on A Current Affair for two-timing!


Step 2 - If you can't Avoid Conflict, how to Circumvent it
Find out whether the girl you like wants a guy with a higher or a lower ATAR. You now have to find out about how she's going academically and use Mao's SS Calculator and atarcalc.com in order to calculate her ATAR. If the girl wants an ATAR lower than hers, that's easy, just make a lot of mistakes on your exams, and you'll be pleasing her, remember, LOVE>ACADEMICS! If she wants a smart guy, you're really lucky, but there's just more pressure to do well, as if there's not enough from your parents.


Step 3 - Research your girl's Study Design
When you're studying a VCE subject, you have to seek out a document known as the Study Design, this tells you what is assessable for that particular course. You have to do the same with your girl. You have to know what she likes and what she's looking for. In order to find out her Area of Studies, you need to become good friends with her best friends. They should know that you like her and hence, they will be able to advise you and help to set you up. It's also great to have them on your side, they are your greatest resources, never forget the study design.


Step 4 - Do your homework
Nothing beats pre-reading on your subject to find out what the challenges and nuances are. The same thing applies here. What's her favourite song? What cake does she like? What does she find special? Is she a romantic?


Step 5 - Approach each Area of Study individually
Just like with every subject, if you approach all AOS's at the same time, you will end up utterly confused and you will ultimately...fail. So approach them separately. AOS 1 might be "become smarter" - so do that before moving onto AOS 2. AOS 2 might be "become a poet" because she likes poems - so address that before going onto the next one.


Step 6 - Complete the SACs with care
Apart from SACs being assessed coursework where the girl will assess you as a person and as to whether you have met her set criteria. Every time you go on a date with her or every time you spend a good amount of time with her, this is a SAC, take it as if you'd take an exam. Take it seriously. Come nicely dressed, be a nice person and be sweet. Don't overdo it, it's overkill, don't use integration to find the area of a circle. You just want her to have a good impression of you, but be cute at the same time.


Step 7 - Brush up your knowledge
When you've decided you've had enough of SACs and want to go out with her already, you're going to need to brush up on your knowledge. Is there anything else you want to know about her that could make it or break it. Is there anything which you felt you have not addressed in SACs and want her to know before you sit your exam. This is the time to brush up on that knowledge. You should also keep talking to her often and make sure she has a positive impression of you still. This step is optional, if you're a risk taker, proceed.


Step 8 - Practice Exam time
Before sitting your final exam, you need to do some practice exams. This is where your best friends come into play. Talk to them about how you're going to ask your girl out and see if they think that it's a good idea. Never do it over the internet or over the phone, do it in person! Once you have completed your practice exams and are happy with the quality of your answers, i.e. what you're doing, you're ready for the big day. It's good to practice as much as possible and remember that practice is perfect.


Step 9 - The Big Day! THE EXAMM!!!
So now you're ready to ask her out, right? Good. Think about it one last time and make sure everything is organised. Where are you going to do it? Are you sure you have everything you need. Nothing is worse than walking into a calculator exam without a calculator...right? Ok, so you're all prepared, now just execute your plan, try as hard as you can, you never know what happens, but if you give it your best shot, I'm sure you'll find success.


If she said yes, CONGRATS you now have a girlfriend. If she said no, well don't be disheartened, it's happenned to me before, I know how you feel, just try not to worry about it, but learn from your mistakes and maybe things just weren't meant to be. It's just like I was never meant to be good at English. Never let it get to you, and sure, be sad, because that's the best emotion to have at this stage, but move on and at least be friends with her.


Ok guys, so that's my guide on how to get a girl in 9 easy steps. I hope you have enjoyed reading it, please post comments below and just a reminder that this is for informational purposes only. Everyone is different and may not react in the same way as another person.
Good luck guys! <3

p.s. This is a joke

EDIT: Fixed Formatting

Moderator action: removed real name, sorry for the inconvenience

[dc302]

Can you cram for this?

[thushan]

LOOOOOOOOOOOL!

[burbs]

whut

[Mech]

WhatthefuckamIreading. 

[Reckoner]

Don't overdo it, it's overkill, don't use integration to find the area of a circle.

LOL

[Water]

                                                   "Slams head onto table:"                    against:                 : oTL

[Wazzup]

WHATTHESHIZZZLE!! :| for reaal?

[paulsterio]

hahaha no not for real it's a joke

[TrueTears]

If you intend on having multiple girls, it is also advisable to have a backup plan so that you can explain to them what's going on if you happen to get caught out. The general rule is never to buy them the same presents!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6zLvXsUUmI&feature=relmfu

[pi]

You took my quote out of context...

[paulsterio]

You took my quote out of context...

Whoops!

Moderator action: removed real name, sorry for the inconvenience

[paulsterio]

Man, I failed this I got 25 D: it was a 7th subject so it didn't get counted

[Panicmode]

Ah lawl. Made my day.

[Furbob]

wait, usually you have to wait for a while after the exam until offers come out...

is this where you find out whether you get your first preference (da wun.) or your unfortunate second preference (the rebound) ?