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April 03, 2026, 07:36:57 am

Author Topic: Language analysis- 'Oprah winfrey is just a talk show host'  (Read 1331 times)  Share 

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soccerboi

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Language analysis- 'Oprah winfrey is just a talk show host'
« on: February 02, 2012, 07:46:29 pm »
+1
Well, heres a language analysis that i have written, could i please get some feedback on how to improve it and a possible mark out of 10?
Btw, the conclusion is one post below, it exceeded the attachment limit so i put it in the next post.
Cheers

The link to the article is below:
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/opinion/oprah-winfrey-is-just-a-talk-show-host/story-e6frfhqf-1225967939094
« Last Edit: February 04, 2012, 06:12:22 pm by soccerboi »
2011:| Further | Accounting | Vietnamese |
2012:| English | Specialist | Methods | Chemistry |
2013: Bachelor of Commerce and Engineering @ Monash Uni (Clayton)

Hard work pays off. If you don't think so, you're not working hard enough.

soccerboi

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Re: The Essay correction thread!
« Reply #1 on: February 02, 2012, 07:47:15 pm »
+1
and its conclusion..
2011:| Further | Accounting | Vietnamese |
2012:| English | Specialist | Methods | Chemistry |
2013: Bachelor of Commerce and Engineering @ Monash Uni (Clayton)

Hard work pays off. If you don't think so, you're not working hard enough.

werdna

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Re: The Essay correction thread!
« Reply #2 on: February 02, 2012, 07:47:33 pm »
0
You should post essays in this forum. :)

soccerboi

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Re: The Essay correction thread!
« Reply #3 on: February 02, 2012, 07:50:56 pm »
0
Oh wops, okay thanks for that, i will from now on :)
2011:| Further | Accounting | Vietnamese |
2012:| English | Specialist | Methods | Chemistry |
2013: Bachelor of Commerce and Engineering @ Monash Uni (Clayton)

Hard work pays off. If you don't think so, you're not working hard enough.

paulsterio

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Re: The Essay correction thread!
« Reply #4 on: February 02, 2012, 08:16:45 pm »
0
You should include the original article (or a link to it) too :)

soccerboi

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Re: The Essay correction thread!
« Reply #5 on: February 02, 2012, 09:15:19 pm »
0
2011:| Further | Accounting | Vietnamese |
2012:| English | Specialist | Methods | Chemistry |
2013: Bachelor of Commerce and Engineering @ Monash Uni (Clayton)

Hard work pays off. If you don't think so, you're not working hard enough.

Rhettski999

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Re: Language analysis- 'Oprah winfrey is just a talk show host'
« Reply #6 on: February 04, 2012, 07:15:57 am »
+1
6-7ish. But can I be the first to say, for this early in the year, you're doing very well!!

Ok just some general comments.

1) your intro can be polished much further. Your opening line doesn't contain the contention. After reading the article, I would say the contention is something like 'the author contends in a assertive, almost mocking tone that Oprah's recent visit to Sydney encapsulated unnesecary and overwhelming media hype which undercuts her social persona'

When you contextualise the issue, be creative- ie 'fiery debate surrounding'

Tone-give more than one. Tone shift? Where? Why?

Don't say persuasive devices. Be specific, an array...such as...

2) Your way of paragraphing is good. Though the actual prose can be improved, with time and practise of course. At times I felt your sentences were simplistic and a little verbose, your language will begin to solidify as time passes, as I said.

If you focus in as much detail as you can on a particular quote, it shows you know your stuff.
..."same level of security...as a head of state" eludes to the tainted notion of elitism. Then go on to analyse why the writer has done this and its effect on readers.

Good luck with English through the year, writing peices of this calibre this early screams success!

P.S. if you want to be dedicated, consider analysing the comments on the site as a point of contrast to the article. This was required of all students on last years paper, so perhaps practicing with and without comments is vital to success. Maybe skipping the first comment...
« Last Edit: February 04, 2012, 07:23:37 am by Rhettski999 »
2011 Results
English-37/ A, A+, A.
Literature-36/ B, A, A (20/20 for Hamlet)-My life is complete :P
Legal Studies-43/ A+, A+, A+
Australian History-33/ B+, B+, B+
Health and Human Development-39/  A, A+, A+

2010:
Religion and Society- 29 (LOL)

ATAR- 89.10