Expression

[WhoTookMyUsername]

How should i go about getting my expression up to scratch?
At the moment my teacher says its sort of a drag to read because of the way i present my points.
Now i can definitely see where shes coming from, as it is a bit cluttered and a bit too clunkily sophisticated. Although i'm definitely not putting excessively complex words in that no one knows, and im not sitting there with a thesauras and wondering what complex words to put in, its just when theres a lot of these semi complex words it tends to muddle it up a bit i guess...

Another problem i'm having is my sentences are a bit too long, but i struggle to connect related points and evidence if they're split across different sentences.

Any advice would be great, thanks!

[pi]

This may help us help you: are your essays planned? Do you know what each paragraph is trying to achieve prior to writing it?


btw, even "semi-complex" words (not exactly sure what they are) aren't necessary to write an excellent essays. Only use words that you are confident with.

[WhoTookMyUsername]

Yes and yes, its not that im not comfortable with using the words. All the words are used are in their perfect context, but its ju st when they are used together they seem sort of clunky i guess. . How do i avoid this? Does this mean ineed to change my sentences so they accommodate more simple words?

[pi]

Hmmm, I think it would be easier if you posted up a sample couple of sentences? What does "clunky" mean in your writing?

I would try using simpler vocabulary. As you've said, you have your essays and paragraphs planned beforehand, so the only issue you have seems to be over-complicating your sentences with overly verbose language. One strategy to use would be to "chop up" your longer sentences and try to not to say "too much" in one sentence.

If you are quoting from a text, don't over-quote (or use quotes that are too long) to make it look forced. This is a problem I had early on with my Ransom essays, and it really did reduce the general flow of my piece.



edit: missed a word lol

[charmanderp]

Sample essays would be good.

[VivaTequila]

This is the exact thing that I tutor for! ROFL.

I battled with it so hard in year 12, so I believe I'm in a pretty good position to be able to give advice.

What worked for -me- was doing literature - when you read books using ye olde english, pretty much all of them are written at the absolute heights of beautiful expression and language. Read Frankenstein in your spare time because that just about takes the cake.

A combination of studying Lit and harassing English teachers got my expression up to scratch. What you really need to do is make an appointment with your teacher where you say "can I see you for an hour so that we can write an essay from start to finish?"

Basically just explain that you have trouble structuring your sentences, and you were wondering if they were able you figure them out.

If you were anything like me, you'd have know WHAT you wanted to say and you could have verbally iterated it with ease, but putting pen to paper and expressing it using higher diction was slightly harder and challenging. I always started a sentence and fumbled through it so that clauses didn't necessarily agree with each other, or I simply didn't know how to finish it concisely.

Ask your teacher (and even though it's the weirdest question, I know because I asked it many a time last year) if they can help you finish off the sentences that you start but you don't know how to finish.

For me it always worked something like this

> Explain to teacher what paragraph is going to be about
> Discuss it
> Get a good feel for an introductory topic sentence
> Begin to write it
> Get stuck halfway through
> Get teacher to help you out and finish off the next few words
> Edit to get meaning

rinse and repeat.

[WhoTookMyUsername]

Thanks for the advice, but Its not using higher diction thats my problem...its sort of the opposite i guess. My teacher said if you look at each sentence in isolation their mostly very good, but its when you put them all together that the moderately complex words with a few syllables and longish sentences starts to muddle and drag on a bit ( this sentence is long lol). I used to struggle formulating senteces, but i dont have that trouble anymore... Maybe im too unrestricted so i try and use more complex words, im not sure lol...
I have been building up a vocab list, maybe thats the problem, integrated too many of the more complex words into my writing vocab. Ugh, i know in essence i need to "tone it down" but when a complex word fits perfectly it means i have to alter my senteces slightly to accommodate simpler words! ( i was doing the opposite with LA)

One strategy to use would be to "chop up" your longer sentences and try to to say "too much" in one sentence.

Just to make sure, did you accidently miss a not there? ( not too much)

Maybe overly verbose is a good description.

Ugh ... the obvious sentences that are good examples i already know what im doing wrong ( unneccessary adjectives etc.), and with the rest of them its sort of many sentences in combination i guess lol

[pi]

Just to make sure, did you accidently miss a not there? ( not too much)

Yep, woops, my bad

[VivaTequila]

Thanks for the advice, but Its not using higher diction thats my problem...its sort of the opposite i guess. My teacher said if you look at each sentence in isolation their mostly very good, but its when you put them all together that the moderately complex words with a few syllables and longish sentences starts to muddle and drag on a bit ( this sentence is long lol). I used to struggle formulating senteces, but i dont have that trouble anymore... Maybe im too unrestricted so i try and use more complex words, im not sure lol...
I have been building up a vocab list, maybe thats the problem, integrated too many of the more complex words into my writing vocab. Ugh, i know in essence i need to "tone it down" but when a complex word fits perfectly it means i have to alter my senteces slightly to accommodate simpler words! ( i was doing the opposite with LA)

One strategy to use would be to "chop up" your longer sentences and try to to say "too much" in one sentence.

Just to make sure, did you accidently miss a not there? ( not too much)

Maybe overly verbose is a good description.

Ugh ... the obvious sentences that are good examples i already know what im doing wrong ( unneccessary adjectives etc.), and with the rest of them its sort of many sentences in combination i guess lol

Verbosity got me a 48 in English. It's all about as Mech once said on the forums... drawing in the reigns on you're vocab use. You need to know what to use, when, and where.

Idk how to help because I don't understand the problem - are your sentences convoluted? Or can't you begin them at all?

I guess you could try to say the exact same thing conversationally and the translate the direct sentence to writing, and work from there...?

[WhoTookMyUsername]

It's not a problem with articulation, it's more of a problem with the "flow" of the piece i guess -> not flow in terms of me not being able to put pen to paper, or flow in terms of being able to select the right words, but flow in terms of the overall "feel" of a piece i guess. Feels to "clunky". I know what i need to do in theory -> use some simpler words, shorter sentences, but it's harder to put it into practice; especially seeing as i've been trying to use more complex words etc. :S

[ThyJovan]

I know what you mean *sigh* it's the reason why I went from A+s to As on both my Language Analysis and Speech. Don't seem to be having the problem in Lit though.

[charmanderp]

One tip that I give to anyone with this problem (one I used myself) is to say what you've written out loud after each sentence (obviously in practice, not during an exam/SAC). You'll find that it'll jar on your tongue if it's incoherent, and if you try to say it more simply that's probably the best way to write it also.

[WhoTookMyUsername]

Seem to have cleared it up to a large extetnt :S
last essay i wrote i tried to make my sentences a bit shorter with less syllables per word (lol) and teacher gave me 9 -9.5
Thanks for all the advice!