On the topic of Standard English, could someone look at mine? I've done lots of criticising; now it's your turn to return the favour 
Yes, it's a bit too long. I'm still working on that bit. And yes I'm aware that I could have put in ethnolects, but I decided not to for this essay, otherwise it would have become even longer 
I'll take my best shot at it

. Though, admittedly, this is a pretty daunting task bearing in mind all the excellent feedback you've given on this thread LOL
The question to ask is: ‘Why not use Standard English all the time?” Standard English (SE), as a codified and standardised variant of English, is the language of education and most formal affairs. Its usefulness stems from its clarity and connotations of overt prestige. However, SE’s standardised nature forbids the expression of any form of identity, such as group identities within friends, national identities or even individual identities. Therefore, although SE has its uses and is important to society, its sphere of application is nevertheless limited.
SE allows messages to be communicated clearly to a wide audience. As it is the language of education, SE is the dialect of English understood by the largest proportion of English speakers, regardless of their country, cultural background or regional dialect. Therefore, SE is very effective in texts with an informative function, such as newspapers, corporate brochures and non-fiction books. Also, due to its widely known status, SE is inclusive, as opposed to regional dialects and slang
This link might have worked better if it was broken into two, see below. This is exemplified in the Immigration Department’s new guide for employers to reduce the amount of Australian slang in the workplace. According to the guide, common Australian expressions like “this machine is cactus”, “just bring a plate” and even the diminutive “arvo” are easily misunderstood by those of ethnic origin, even though they are readily understood by Australians and create rapport amongst Australians that understand these expressions due to their connotations of Australian culture
This is a fairly heavy sentence. In contrast, SE, as the language of English education, does not present these issues and is a much more viable and inclusive means of communication in the workplace. Similarly, SE was used by Julia Gillard in her Motion of Condolence speech given in 2011. Due to the national audience, SE was necessary to ensure that all English speakers, regardless of their ethnicity and cultural background, would understand the speech. This universal comprehension meant that messages like “we offer those loved ones our deepest sympathies” and “it’s with very great sorrow that I offer words of condolence to Australians” reached the audience exactly as intended, and indicates the importance of SE when communicating to wide audiences.
Strongly presented argument, at times a little more of an explicit link between your idea and the example might have served to increase coherence within the paragraph. The link you did provide, "due to its widely known status..." just needed a small phrase linking that to its inclusiveness. Perhaps, separating out the contrasting "regional dialects and slang" will allow you to elaborate further on how it's more inclusive. Equally, SE creates overt prestige through the user’s demonstration of education in the English language. As SE represents education
bit of a tenuous link here (as it stands) does education necessarily mean formality and authority?, its usage marks formality and authority, which is another reason why SE is used in government documents, newspapers and court documents as well as in formal settings in general. Therefore, one criterion the BBC mentioned this year to spot a scam is the lack of SE, demonstrating SE’s connotations of professionalism. Another example is Julia Gillard’s misogyny speech, given last year against Tony Abbott. Usage of SE in this instance reflected the formal parliamentary setting and Gillard’s status at the time as Prime Minister. Syntactically, complex sentences like “I was very offended on the behalf of the women in Australia when…the Leader of the Opposition said…” and parallelism evident by the repetition of utterances beginning with “I was offended” reinforce authority and formality, while constant lexical reference to the “Leader of the Opposition” highlights the social status of the man she was attacking, which reflects her own social status. When Gillard attacked Tony Abbott, her SE insults, like referring to Abbott as “hypocritical” and as a person “light on accepting responsibility”, or as a person who “needs a mirror” to “see what misogyny in Australia looks like”
expression a bit odd here, typo? Also, perhaps a point to note is that SE is the language of institution, if Julia Gillard had presented her speech with non-standard features everywhere then would it have held as much weight within the 'institution' of government?. Although the dysphemistic connotations of her speech are apparent, the usage of SE nevertheless upholds the formality of the occasion and maintains the speech’s appropriateness. SE’s connotations of formality thus explain Burridge’s comment that “Standard English is perceived to be intrinsically superior to other varieties”.
However, non-Standard English varieties are much more useful in social situations than SE
Might need a bit more specificity here, perhaps bring in social intimacy or identity here?. The other side of Burridge’s comment is that “examples are easy to find where nonstandard dialects appear to do things better”. As mentioned above, SE reinforces authority and social distance, which is undesirable in social contexts. Non-Standard English, therefore, is capable of reducing social distance and creating rapport between interlocutors, something unachievable by SE. Swearing is an example of this. As mentioned by author Kate Holden, using the f-word is “the quickest way to relax an audience”. It creates covert prestige amongst a group by subverting societal norms to not swear, and thus strengthens group identity. Therefore, the f-word has acquired various semantic properties. It can denote indifference (f that), act as an intensifier (f-ing awesome), act as a dysphemistic insult (f-ing stupid or f you) and can even denote coitus, which was its original tabooed meaning, and all of these demonstrate the growing acceptance of this word. This was shown by Kevin Rudd’s leaked online video in 2012 about the “f-ing language”, in reference to learning a difficult Chinese speech, and how it did not alienate him from the public; rather, people praised Rudd for being human and Australian. Similarly, slang can, according to Burridge, “serve the dual purpose of solidarity and secrecy”. As a group-specific informal variety of English, slang can cement group identity and exclude unwanted people. In Australian hospitals, for instance, hospital staff have been known to use the initialism “FLK” (funny looking kid), the adjective “cactus” (dead) and the dysphemistic “crumbles” (old and frail patients on the verge of death). Through such dehumanising language, the hospital staff members allow themselves to better deal with the reality of their job, identify caring for such patients as routine, identify shared interests and thus create group identity, while simultaneously creating a code incomprehensible to others, objectives not achievable through SE. Therefore, the effectiveness of non-Standard English in reducing social distance demonstrates the shortcomings of SE and why it should not be used all the time.
Furthermore, non-Standard English varieties have greater linguistic freedom to create meaning. SE’s standardised nature means its vocabulary takes a much longer time to expand. In contrast, non-Standard neologisms may be coined at any time to express certain meanings more concisely than would have been possible in SE. This is the basis for many morphological word formation processes. Blends, like “chillax”, a blend of chill and relax meaning to calm down; and “vomatose”, a blend of vomit and comatose to denote something disgusting; and compounds, like “tree hugger” for extreme environmentalists; and “couch potato”, denoting a physically lazy person, combine semantic properties from the words used in their formation to concisely communicate specific meanings that SE lacks words for. These creative word formation processes also reflect the changes made to society and these are often sped up through the speed of online communication. Some neologisms reflect the advent of technology, like “memes”, referring to mimicked themes denoted by humorous pictures and words or the blend “geobragging”, constantly bragging about a person’s geographical location to gain attention. Others reflect important events in society, such as “twerking”, to denote Miley Cyrus’s performance habit of a protruding bottom and the compound “mummy porn”, which came to popularity following the publication of the novel “Fifty Shades of Grey”. Still other neologisms are formed mainly for humorous purposes, like the blend “bozone”, a blend of “bogus” and “ozone” referring to a substance surrounding stupid people that obstructs intelligence and “typochondriac”, a blend of “hypochondriac” and “type” to denote a fear of proofreading. Here, the humour derives from the blending of ozone, which is chemical jargon, and stupidity, which is ostensibly the polar opposite of the connotations of jargon, and from the phonological, semantic and morphological similarities between “hypochondriac” and “typochondriac”, and such humorous language play is not as feasible with SE. Therefore, non-Standard English has a much wider palette of linguistic resources at its disposal and is hence more versatile than SE.
SE is the main tool of communication in society due to its clarity, formality and overt prestige. It is the language of choice for the government, media and business for these reasons. However, SE’s standardised nature and its formality may be obstacles in effective and enjoyable social communication. Therefore, SE is a useful tool of communication in general, but it is just one linguistic tool out of many.
Overall, VERY well substantiated essay, your examples very strongly supported your arguments and by extension your contention. I would note however, at times the examples lacked a slight link between your 'idea' and your examples. Metalanguage criteria wise, good demonstration of understanding. In terms of ideas and structure, fairly well balanced and tightly structured; each argument was pertinent to your contention and was argued in a logical order. At times though the number of examples might potentially have detracted from the argument of the paragraph (your final paragraph is what brought this point up for me) you did offer analysis but some of the examples there were longing for some even deeper exploration, there were some very interesting examples such as "typochondriac" and "geobragging" where a deeper analysis into why they were humorous as well as why they were non-standard would have strengthened the paragraph even more.
All in all, well argued and evidenced essay. Expression occasionally gets a bit heavy but to be completely honest that's just nitpicking
Edit: added just a comment in the latter half of the essay cause I was very tired the first time I went through it 