TABOO TOPIC: Pornography/Erotica

[Russ]

If you have a google scholar search of sexual scripts/porn and relationships etc. there's a bunch of stuff there

Despite the URL, this is a reasonable approach (and is rather short). This is a brief, but referenced article

[MonsieurHulot]

If you have a google scholar search of sexual scripts/porn and relationships etc. there's a bunch of stuff there
Despite the URL, this is a reasonable approach (and is rather short). This is a brief, but referenced article

Thanks, they're both interesting reads.

[slothpomba]

I would partially disagree with the notion that pornography addiction is a symptom, not a cause.

I didn't say that. I pointed out that it is possible to become addicted to things that are crucial to our survival like food in a very small minority of cases. You eat to the point of compulsive obsession. The sex drive seems like no exception. This small proportion of people who become addicted to food or pornography is hardly at a crisis point like Stick's speaker suggested though or above any kind of normal level, porn is no heroin.

What i was trying to say was that many people who are supposed "addicted" or "overuse" pornography might be doing so because of other conditions they previously had, much in the same way depressed people are more likely to abuse alcohol.

Dependence is where going without it is almost maddening. I'm convinced almost everyone who watches it could go a few days or a week and not be a total wreck.

-------------------

This is a brief, but referenced article

I looked it up in Ulrich and it's not a peer reviewed journal, you can publish pretty much whatever you like without anyone checking out whether its scientifically true or accurate (eg. not total bullshit).

Despite the URL, this is a reasonable approach (and is rather short).

The other article doesn't even appear to have been published at all.  Indeed, all the citations i could find point back to that website it was uploaded on, the social costs of pornography, so it appears it originated on that website and perhaps was even written for that website (they obviously have an agenda to push as well).

If the history of dodgy science has taught us anything, its that publication and peer review are crucial to science as we know it. There's no reason we should accept these articles are worth anything, they haven't been published in peer reviewed journals and checked by experts who do understand these things.

None of us here are experts in this field so we lack the knowledge to comprehensively evaluate them properly.

You seemed to be firmly convinced that it causes harm, so, where are the proper articles that convinced you? Unless you just thought it was reasonable or it fitted your view and just ran with it. I got no problem if you want to do that but it clearly ain't science

[Russ]

Yes, I am aware of what peer review is, there's no need to be patronizing. In this context, I didn't find it particularly relevant, so I didn't bother ticking the box that says "peer reviewed only"

If you insist though, go look at issn 1072-0162,

[thushan]

How about take the precautionary principle and just abstain from pornography altogether? You could use your imagination instead to satisfy your sexual fantasies. There'd be conflicting evidence, and there are some reasonable arguments to suggest porn could negatively affect relationships. Plus, most of us are quite progressive here...but chances are there are a lot of other people out there, girls included, who will not be okay with your watching porn. Hence, perhaps it would be a good idea, purely for the sake of future relationships, to stay on the safe side and not watch porn if you can help it. Perhaps you could forgive yourself if you succumb to temptation occasionally, but best not to watch it on a regular basis.

What you guys reckon?

[ninwa]

How about take the precautionary principle and just abstain from pornography altogether? You could use your imagination instead to satisfy your sexual fantasies. There'd be conflicting evidence, and there are some reasonable arguments to suggest porn could negatively affect relationships. Plus, most of us are quite progressive here...but chances are there are a lot of other people out there, girls included, who will not be okay with your watching porn. Hence, perhaps it would be a good idea, purely for the sake of future relationships, to stay on the safe side and not watch porn if you can help it. Perhaps you could forgive yourself if you succumb to temptation occasionally, but best not to watch it on a regular basis.

What you guys reckon?

I think that strays dangerously into the territory of shaming people for having perfectly healthy sexual drives and desires, which could be a lot more damaging than watching porn.

[paulsterio]

How about take the precautionary principle and just abstain from pornography altogether? You could use your imagination instead to satisfy your sexual fantasies. There'd be conflicting evidence, and there are some reasonable arguments to suggest porn could negatively affect relationships. Plus, most of us are quite progressive here...but chances are there are a lot of other people out there, girls included, who will not be okay with your watching porn. Hence, perhaps it would be a good idea, purely for the sake of future relationships, to stay on the safe side and not watch porn if you can help it. Perhaps you could forgive yourself if you succumb to temptation occasionally, but best not to watch it on a regular basis.

What you guys reckon?

Thush, I don't understand why people who think watching porn is OK should change their opinion to say that it's not OK. I think that that's a backwards movement, that we're not encouraging openness and understanding, because no matter how you look at it, people are going to watch porn. I would say that it's much better if those who don't think watching porn is OK change their views, because if everybody thinks that watching porn is OK, many people are much more likely to be open about it and it no longer becomes a taboo topic - the reason why it is taboo at the moment is because there's a large group who aren't OK with others watching porn.

Just my opinion, of course, but I just think that some issues might actually be caused by the fact that it's a taboo topic.

[thushan]

How about take the precautionary principle and just abstain from pornography altogether? You could use your imagination instead to satisfy your sexual fantasies. There'd be conflicting evidence, and there are some reasonable arguments to suggest porn could negatively affect relationships. Plus, most of us are quite progressive here...but chances are there are a lot of other people out there, girls included, who will not be okay with your watching porn. Hence, perhaps it would be a good idea, purely for the sake of future relationships, to stay on the safe side and not watch porn if you can help it. Perhaps you could forgive yourself if you succumb to temptation occasionally, but best not to watch it on a regular basis.

What you guys reckon?

I think that strays dangerously into the territory of shaming people for having perfectly healthy sexual drives and desires, which could be a lot more damaging than watching porn.

Hmm. Not necessarily I reckon. It's a matter of personal choice, really. We can be okay with other people watching porn, but we may ourselves abstain from it simply as a precaution. I would say that it's okay to speak up, saying that it is perfectly okay, but at the same time we do have to protect our relationships. So we may be able to say it is okay, but we can abstain from it because others (particularly those important to us) say it's not okay. However, watching porn would not be a bad idea if your partner is okay with it.

How about take the precautionary principle and just abstain from pornography altogether? You could use your imagination instead to satisfy your sexual fantasies. There'd be conflicting evidence, and there are some reasonable arguments to suggest porn could negatively affect relationships. Plus, most of us are quite progressive here...but chances are there are a lot of other people out there, girls included, who will not be okay with your watching porn. Hence, perhaps it would be a good idea, purely for the sake of future relationships, to stay on the safe side and not watch porn if you can help it. Perhaps you could forgive yourself if you succumb to temptation occasionally, but best not to watch it on a regular basis.

What you guys reckon?

Thush, I don't understand why people who think watching porn is OK should change their opinion to say that it's not OK. I think that that's a backwards movement, that we're not encouraging openness and understanding, because no matter how you look at it, people are going to watch porn. I would say that it's much better if those who don't think watching porn is OK change their views, because if everybody thinks that watching porn is OK, many people are much more likely to be open about it and it no longer becomes a taboo topic - the reason why it is taboo at the moment is because there's a large group who aren't OK with others watching porn.

Just my opinion, of course, but I just think that some issues might actually be caused by the fact that it's a taboo topic.

Haha I didn't suggest that we should say that its not OK - I said that it would be a good idea to not watch it ourselves, whilst a significant fraction of the population thinks its not okay and will shun you for it, damaging your relationships (hence the reason why it is taboo). It would be a backwards movement if we were to actually shun people ourselves for them watching porn. But we don't have to do that. We can be okay with others watching it, but maybe it is best if we do not watch it so as to not potentially damage our relationships. Unless our partner were okay with it.

[Mech]

What if two people in a relationship want to watch porn together?

[thushan]

In that case, it's all good.

"However, watching porn would not be a bad idea if your partner is okay with it."

[Mech]

Now I am wondering how common that is in relationships.

[thushan]

Now I am wondering how common that is in relationships.

I'd have thought a low number. But in all honesty, no idea. Anyone got figures?

[ninwa]

Hmm. Not necessarily I reckon. It's a matter of personal choice, really. We can be okay with other people watching porn, but we may ourselves abstain from it simply as a precaution. I would say that it's okay to speak up, saying that it is perfectly okay, but at the same time we do have to protect our relationships. So we may be able to say it is okay, but we can abstain from it because others (particularly those important to us) say it's not okay. However, watching porn would not be a bad idea if your partner is okay with it.

I guess we just have difference conceptions of what the boundaries should be in a relationship - and that's perfectly fine

Personally, I believe that your sexuality is your business only, and I have no right to interfere in it whether I'm in a relationship, engaged or married to you. Even if I were not okay with porn myself, I would never expect any partner of mine to abstain from it.

[thushan]

That's good. Yeah, you're right, I guess different people have different boundaries.

However, I would say that not every woman/man would be okay with their partner watching porn and demand that you abstain. Then again, all you'd need to do is to well...abstain (if you think it's a reasonable demand). However...the other concern is that your potential partner may leave you if he/she found out (from admission or otherwise) that you HAVE watched porn before. Is this a legit concern?

[Russ]

If your partner leaves you because you have previously, at some point in your life, watched porn, then you dodged a massive fucking bullet and you should be thankful for watching it.

Now I am wondering how common that is in relationships.

I'd have thought a low number. But in all honesty, no idea. Anyone got figures?

44% according to one study (yes, peer reviewed)

Incidentally

Those who viewed SEM only with their partners reported more dedication and higher sexual satisfaction than those who viewed SEM alone.