Dropping out of Medicine? I need advice!

[thushan]

He's tried sitting down with his parents... :/ it's beyond that. It's come to a head. It's clear that "its my way or the highway."

[nosuperstar]

He's tried sitting down with his parents... :/ it's beyond that. It's come to a head. It's clear that "its my way or the highway."

[paulsterio]

Aurelian, that's actually a really good idea and I was thinking of doing that, just writing them a very detailed letter and going away for a while. I think the thing is, they also need to see how much this means to me, the truth is, the more I falter and seem weak about what I want, the more they'll push their case.

But yeah, I think the neutral mediator is a good idea as well guys, but the issue with that is it's really hard to find someone neutral. And the thing with mediation is to try and find a compromise. At the end of the day, it doesn't really help, because neither my parents nor I am willing to compromise, which could be an issue.

[Stick]

So, today, I check my email and I come across a little bad news and a little good news and am left with a big headache. Bad news first, my request to transfer to BSc/BEd was rejected, but that's not a big deal to me anyways, because I can just do a DipEd/Masters after my degree. But the good news is that my BSc/BCompSc transfer request went through.

(Image removed from quote.)

Anyways, I have until the 10th to respond to whether I want the offer or not and really, the issue is that I don't know what to do. There are really only three things I can do:
1) Accept the offer
2) Decline the offer and continue with Medicine
3) Decline the offer and defer Medicine

The deferring option is looking increasingly nice, giving me a year off to get my act together and work out what I really want, but the crux of the issue is that I don't want to defer and deferring won't do anything to change the circumstances I'm in. I'd rather not spend a year sitting around at home doing nothing.

So, that really leaves me with the top two options, Science or Medicine. Is this life changing for my future? Probably not really, considering I never really wanted to become a doctor anyway. Is it life changing for me right now, in the present? Yes it is, I've come across many obstacles on my way here. I've copped it from parents, who don't really understand why I want to transfer, I've copped it from peers, some of whom still think I'm crazy to drop out of Medicine and I've copped it from other peers who think dropping out of Medicine is selfish because I "stole someone else's spot". Well, I guess it kinda is, and if the person who happened to lose their place at Monash Med because of me, well I'm sorry.

But that's not my great dilemma. My great dilemma is how to deal with the parents. They strongly oppose my decision and I've received threats my way, including things such as disownment, kicking me out...etc. Of course I could just transfer and like #yolo it but it doesn't solve the situation. It's not an issue of whether my parents actually will kick me out or not, because either way, I'm fine. However, I really do want them to accept and understand the decision I have made, understand that it wasn't an easy decision, understand that there were very specific reasons to why I decided to choose what I chose. It's important to both me and the relationship I have with them for them to understand that.

And that's where I need advice, I know some of you have dealt with difficult parents in the past? How did you overcome your obstacles? Don't say "sit down and talk to them", because I've done that.


Anyways, here's a word to all the prospective medical students out there:

I don't know who might read this, but chances are, once upon a time, I was like you. If you asked me why I wanted to do Medicine, I would say I wanted to do Medicine to help people, but that's complete bullshit, I wanted to help people - sure who doesn't - but that was not the reason I wanted to do Medicine. Like everyone else, I had four reasons - chicks, money, power and chicks. The thing with this is that, you find yourself chasing really artificial and superficial things which don't really get you anywhere.

Chicks? I've lied to so many, saying I do Education or I do Science because I just think saying you do Medicine is the absolute worst way to pick up a girl, ever. (Sorry Thush, pi and co.) Unless, of course, she's doing Medicine as well. Dev (taiga) puts it really nicely by saying - "nobody dates within their course apart from the nerds down at the med faculty" - true story, medical students tend to want nobody else and nobody else wants them. Sad life.

Power? What power? You're exchanging X years of being a slave for X years of being in a position of minor power. Is it worth it? Not really.

Money? Yeah, if you're a hotshot physician or surgeon you'll be raking in the cash, but the truth is, you're going to be underpaid for a very long time before you get there and even when you do get there, you'll probably understand by then that there's more to life than money. So in the end, you might make more than everyone else in total, but the enjoyment you get out of your money, well, that's questionable.

So why do people still want to do Medicine so much? So many year 12s are obsessed with getting into Medicine. But why? It's not because they like the profession, it's because they like the concept of the profession. You know how, you can sometimes fall in love with the concept of someone, falling in love with the qualities they have instead of the person they are? It's the same thing here. You fall in love with the concept of Medicine because everyone around you makes it out to be perfect. It's just like chasing that girl that everyone seems to have a crush on. You'll chase her because you haven't found your true love yet. Medicine is the same, you'll chase it because it's the dream of so many others and because you haven't found anything better to chase, so why not chase the hardest?

It's actually quite perfectly logical, and with the added pressure of parents and friends, of course Medicine seems like the right profession. After all, parents have a great impact on our decisions. It's not just parents, but it's the attitude of everyone else, even medical students themselves, even the university. Medical students are special, they're the only bunch who don't get to pick subjects, the only bunch who spend less than half their degree on campus, they stand out from the crowd. Being a doctor isn't a bad thing to be either hey? When you're finding reasons to want to do Medicine, you'll probably be able to find thousands, if not, there's always that "I'll get a Porsche one day" line!

You know, in the end, you'll probably stick with Medicine even if it turns out to not be what you want, but it seems like everyone is so happy for you. I never smiled when anyone congratulated me for getting into Medicine, it's like I'm happy that I've achieved something great, but not happy with achieving what I have achieved. I've known what I wanted to be since I was in Year 10, I just got carried away for a while there, it was a waste, but I really hope that someone who doesn't truly want to do Medicine (or any other profession for that matter), reads this and understands that it's one thing to chase the dream, but it's another thing when you truly see what it is.

Paul, I am so proud of you. You are definitely not alone - in fact, I don't think you're even in the minority. It seems there are a hell of a lot of students who fall in love with the "idea" of medicine, but if the career suddenly changed and the money and power aspect were gone, I doubt we'd have the influx of students who enrol every year. Please don't take this in the wrong way mate, but I never thought you wanted to be a doctor. You seem so passionate about Science and computing as a whole and medicine wasn't something I thought fitted with you.

I too am afraid I'm falling in love with the "concept" of medicine and while my parents thankfully aren't pressuring me into anything, I am wary that I could be entering a field which perhaps I don't truly belong in. I guess this is fuelled by my interest for Biology and Chemistry, which have given me even more reason to force myself into the career path. It's taken me a while to realise that I just need to explore Biology and Chemistry more before I just into any professional-type qualification. There are so many career ideas I have in my head, but I'm so conflicted by all sorts of both logical and irrational reasons.

I admire your ability to take a stand. From experience, I think Aurelian's idea is a good one, but considering the strong conflict of ideas here, I'm not sure if that will even work. To be honest, I'd just feel like yelling at them and telling them that you aren't the person who could look after such vulnerable people for the rest of your life. I mean, it'd be very selfish if you didn't allow patients the best care possible. Perhaps try it from that angle, rather than what you want, if that makes sense. Otherwise, I can only observe with empathy. :/

Moderator action: removed real name, sorry for the inconvenience

[Limista]

Otherwise, I can only observe with empathy. :/

Yeah, same. Hope life gets better soon and the tension/stress/pressure you're feeling alleviates somewhat. I can't really seem to give any advice that hasn't already been mentioned.

[pi]

But yeah, I think the neutral mediator is a good idea as well guys, but the issue with that is it's really hard to find someone neutral.

Maybe one of your school teachers that your parents might respect?

[WhoTookMyUsername]

You're in a very unfortunate position and for that i sympathise with you.
Really i think your only option is to do what you want to do, and if that's definitely not medicine - and if you pursue medicine, i daresay you'll regret it every day of your working life.
How you can deal with your parents, well that's the hard part, personally I would gather one last ounce of energy, sit down with them, work through it rationally, communicate and see why they want you to continue with medicine, rebut their arguments calmly and logically if you can. Personally i think face to face is better than a letter, but as a last resort writing a letter then letting it all cool down is a good step.

As a somewhat irrelevant sidenote, for any year 12 students answering the question "why do you want to do medicine" is crucial for your career choice. I really had little clue at the start of this year, and luckily my parents didn't pressure me any way, but slowly i've more and more been able to develop an answer that not only is substantial and unique, but one that i truly believe in when i say it. That's the most important thing i reckon. Best not to generalize, but anyone who can truly believe their own motivation is probably going down the right path in the pursuit of med. This is the one question no one else can answer for you, and in searching for my motivation throughout the year i've learnt quite a bit about myself and where i want to go.

[nisha]

Dude, my parents wanted me to be a dentist. Tbh, i loved that concept of earning loads of money and having this amazing house near the beach....anyways. I loved having the idea of it. I wanted to be a dentist for 4 years, until in year 12 it hit me that I actually would hate looking into people's stinking mouths all-day everyday and cleaning up after them when they don't know how to brush. It scared the hell out of me that my parents wanted it so badly for me. They didn't care if I LIKED the profession, but so that they could boast to all the curry community that their daughter was a dentist.
There it is. At societies core.

Then after, I realised. Hey, STUFF THAT SHIT. I'm not doing that. I don't want to waste my life doing something I don't want to do. Found out that I have a huge passion for chemistry and drug development. Now, I'm considering doing Pharmaceutical Science (which has a 81 clearly in), because I kinda don't give a shit what they think. In the end, I'll be happy and thats all I want. They never threw me out and slowly are getting used to the idea that I am my own individual person and I am capable of making my own decisions, and if it all stuffs up, well, thats my problem.

To conclude, my massive life story-> Go for the computer science course/science. Do what you like dude. If they kick you out. They kick you out. One day they will have to realise that you are no longer a boy, but a man who CAN make their own decisions.

[Truck]

Dude, my parents wanted me to be a dentist. Tbh, i loved that concept of earning loads of money and having this amazing house near the beach....anyways. I loved having the idea of it. I wanted to be a dentist for 4 years, until in year 12 it hit me that I actually would hate looking into people's stinking mouths all-day everyday and cleaning up after them when they don't know how to brush. It scared the hell out of me that my parents wanted it so badly for me. They didn't care if I LIKED the profession, but so that they could boast to all the curry community that their daughter was a dentist.
There it is. At societies core.

Then after, I realised. Hey, FUCK THAT SHIT. I'm not doing that. I don't want to waste my life doing something I don't want to do. Found out that I have a huge passion for chemistry and drug development. Now, I'm considering doing Pharmaceutical Science (which has a 81 clearly in), because I kinda don't give a shit what they think. In the end, I'll be happy and thats all I want. They never threw me out and slowly are getting used to the idea that I am my own individual person and I am capable of making my own decisions, and if it all stuffs up, well, thats my problem.

To conclude, my massive life story-> Go for the computer science course/science. Do what you like dude. If they kick you out. They kick you out. One day they will have to realise that you are no longer a boy, but a man who CAN make their own decisions.

+1 to this.

Ultimately, as cliche as it is, you are the one who will have to live your life, not your parents, and I think the worst possible thing that could happen is for you to live a life where 5 or 10 years down the track you can't look at your parents the same way because you feel that they ruined your life or are somewhat responsible for the unhappiness you may or may not feel as a result of your career choice. They may be angry at you for changing courses, but imagine how angry you'll be and how much resentment you'd harbor if you were condemned to being mediocre at something you barely enjoy for the rest of your life, partially thanks to them. Would not make for good Christmas dinners.

[kenhung123]

Wow I never heard of something like this before.

[Bhootnike]

i know you dont understand hindi,
but man.. this video from 3 idiots (indian film): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_hDOcPuiV8
sums up ur case i reckon,

its crucial to do as you said, win over your parents, make em realise its your life and happiness, not society's.

[Truck]

i know you dont understand hindi,
but man.. this video from 3 idiots (indian film): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_hDOcPuiV8
sums up ur case i reckon,

its crucial to do as you said, win over your parents, make em realise its your life and happiness, not society's.

I watched that movie with English subs! was pretty good.

[appianway]

This is a difficult situation.

In your position, I would defer for a year, and shadow a teacher or something like that. No profession is perfect. Being a teacher involves dealing with a lot of behavioral problems, taking on extra work during vacations, babysitting, and sometimes working in dangerous environments (though being a doctor is surely the same in this regard). Being a teacher doesn't have perfect job security, but Australia has a shortage of good science teachers.

If you stay in medicine, there are ways to ultimately end up at a similar position. You could go into lecturing, you could still go into high school education, you could go into policy if that interests you. Both are people oriented professions. Keep that in mind as a comfort for whatever path you choose - your life course will change a lot over the next 50 years.

Furthermore, most professions involve you being a slave for something for a while. I'm strongly considering entering academia, but that requires 5 years of PhD + 2-6 years of being a postdoc, where you work in someone else's lab with quite modest salaries... and with no guarantee of ever landing a permanent position. I'm torn because I know I could enter something lucrative like investment banking and rake in the cash, but I'm passionate about physics.

Sorry to play the devil's advocate, but think through the pros and cons of this situation. I know a lot of people who've been in your shoes, and I had a friend who wanted to transfer out of medicine, but his grades were too bad because he hated it so much. He described himself as being trapped for life. I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you, and I'm sure that irrespective of what you choose, you'll find a niche that suits your interests and personality.

Edit: If you do decide to transfer, will your parents definitely throw you out? If so, do you have the financial resources to support yourself? That's a big thing...

[Eriny]

But yeah, I think the neutral mediator is a good idea as well guys, but the issue with that is it's really hard to find someone neutral. And the thing with mediation is to try and find a compromise. At the end of the day, it doesn't really help, because neither my parents nor I am willing to compromise, which could be an issue.

Can you convince them to go to counselling or mediation? It shouldn't be too hard if they think they're right, they'll just expect that the mediator will agree with them and that will be the end of it. This thread could go on for years but nobody will come up with an easy way to actually address this with your parents (you could change and then lie to them so they think you're still doing med, but come graduation I think they'd realise). If you want to change degrees, it won't be easy unless you have enough money to support yourself, and even then I wouldn't describe becoming estranged from your parents as an 'easy' solution.

Even though a lot of parents seem like they pressure their kids into certain careers just because they want to impress their friends, I think there is probably more to it. They probably want to see their kid safe and secure and wealthy (and it doesn't hurt if their kid can bankroll them into retirement!) without really considering that independence and satisfaction are also worth having.

Appianway's point is really interesting too. Sometimes what we're passionate about doesn't make for a sensible career choice, maybe for some people the lifestyle you get from a particular profession and income level is more important than job satisfaction. It's also really hard to tell how you'll feel about your job in the future. Work experience/shadowing is a really good suggestion so at least you'd have a bit more understanding of what you'd be sacrificing. I'm still in the 'drop out of med' camp though.

[Tonychet2]

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