Arranged Marriages vs Love Marriages

[curry_bro]

...'after i become a consultant'... 'after i become an associate prof'... 'after i become the dean of medicine'... 'after i become ruler of all doctors internationally'...
we are listing thushans future achievements yes?


haha but in all seriousness, i think a mutual relationship b/w parents where you both decide what you should both do with your lives is very effective, as it allows for situations to be tackled from all perspectives, which acts as a protective factor against poor choices. the same applies with marriages, either your own or a single parent's second attempt.

[Mr Keshy]

Haha same here. It used to be "after you finish school," now it is "after 4th year uni". Perhaps later it will be "after you become a registrar."

Hehe 

With this girl before, how much convincing did you do before you gave up? Did it make you angry that your parents chose to go against you??

[WINGARDIUM]

I think you'd definitely know yourself better than they would.

I'd also suggest that by the age of 18 you should be able to look at things rationally and make good decisions. It's one of the biggest decisions in life. Whoever you marry may be the person you live with for the rest of your life, who will be a parent to your own children some day. You should be able to make that choice about who that person is on your own.

If only it were this simple. Being a girl, I cannot afford to date guys at my leisure until I find "the one" (I can already imagine the things crazy curry aunties would say about me). In that sense, an arranged marriage is a logical option as it would save me the shame of getting together with a "bad guy" and getting preggers etc (lol). Now that I think about it, I do kinda understand why they would prefer an arranged marriage. Another important point I'd like to make is that when you get married, it would be crucial for your parents to accept your partner (regular curry gatherings and such).

Arranged marriages have evolved as was raised before, and I guess they are now more suited to 'modern times' but society still frowns down upon "arranged" marriages [as is evident even on this forum]. Any suggestions as to why?

[Mr Keshy]

If only it were this simple. Being a girl, I cannot afford to date guys at my leisure until I find "the one" (I can already imagine the things crazy curry aunties would say about me). In that sense, an arranged marriage is a logical option as it would save me the shame of getting together with a "bad guy" and getting preggers etc (lol). Now that I think about it, I do kinda understand why they would prefer an arranged marriage. Another important point I'd like to make is that when you get married, it would be crucial for your parents to accept your partner (regular curry gatherings and such).

Arranged marriages have evolved as was raised before, and I guess they are now more suited to 'modern times' but society still frowns down upon "arranged" marriages [as is evident even on this forum]. Any suggestions as to why?

There's always those jokes "where did you meet mum?" "at our wedding".. I think people are generally stumped that people spend a lifetime with someone they hardly knew in the beginning.

But yeah, I don't want to have "ex's" and all that so I'm going to be extremely patient.

Can you imagine a non-curry girl at a curry get together. 

[MonsieurHulot]

If only it were this simple. Being a girl, I cannot afford to date guys at my leisure until I find "the one" (I can already imagine the things crazy curry aunties would say about me). In that sense, an arranged marriage is a logical option as it would save me the shame of getting together with a "bad guy" and getting preggers etc (lol). Now that I think about it, I do kinda understand why they would prefer an arranged marriage. Another important point I'd like to make is that when you get married, it would be crucial for your parents to accept your partner (regular curry gatherings and such).

Arranged marriages have evolved as was raised before, and I guess they are now more suited to 'modern times' but society still frowns down upon "arranged" marriages [as is evident even on this forum]. Any suggestions as to why?

Why can't you afford to date guys? If you don't want to get pregnant to a bad guy then there's a pretty simple way of avoiding it.

[Mr Keshy]

Why can't you afford to date guys? If you don't want to get pregnant to a bad guy then there's a pretty simple way of avoiding it.

I think she means she can't afford to have multiple relationships (different times obviously  ) It's the shame that may haunt her at every curry gathering she goes to.

[MonsieurHulot]

I think she means she can't afford to have multiple relationships (different times obviously  ) It's the shame that may haunt her at every curry gathering she goes to.

Wow, it's considered shameful to have dated a number of guys? Why is that?

[CaiTheHuman]

Wow, it's considered shameful to have dated a number of guys? Why is that?

Society instantly deems said girl a Slut. Well in Asian Communities that is.

[WINGARDIUM]

@Monsierhulot, what Kesh and Cai said 

There's always those jokes "where did you meet mum?" "at our wedding".. I think people are generally stumped that people spend a lifetime with someone they hardly knew in the beginning.

But yeah, I don't want to have "ex's" and all that so I'm going to be extremely patient.

Can you imagine a non-curry girl at a curry get together. 

I shall have to be very patient indeed! *sighs*

Hahaha! That would be so awkies..

[thushan]

If only it were this simple. Being a girl, I cannot afford to date guys at my leisure until I find "the one" (I can already imagine the things crazy curry aunties would say about me). In that sense, an arranged marriage is a logical option as it would save me the shame of getting together with a "bad guy" and getting preggers etc (lol). Now that I think about it, I do kinda understand why they would prefer an arranged marriage. Another important point I'd like to make is that when you get married, it would be crucial for your parents to accept your partner (regular curry gatherings and such).

Arranged marriages have evolved as was raised before, and I guess they are now more suited to 'modern times' but society still frowns down upon "arranged" marriages [as is evident even on this forum]. Any suggestions as to why?

I reckon its because arranged marriages are seen as a thing of the past, and erroneously people may think that things of the past are bad - hence the reason why words such as 'old-fashioned' and 'backwards' are used pejoratively. Hence, by association, in a by and large progressive society, arranged marriages would themselves be negatively viewed and there would be a bias against them, but they may actually have some merit.

@Monsierhulot, what Kesh and Cai said 

I shall have to be very patient indeed! *sighs*

Hahaha! That would be so awkies..

Hmm. What if a guy had a history? I don't know, but I'd have mentioned my history if anyone (even the girl's parents) asked me. I'd have mentioned that I had made these mistakes in the past for these reasons, and this is what I learnt from them. Perhaps that way, yes I might get stigmatised as someone with a history, but I'd be seen as someone who is honest, admits to mistakes and learns from them.

[Mr Keshy]

Wow, it's considered shameful to have dated a number of guys? Why is that?

It's shameful for me as a guy too..  (Stigma)

@Monsierhulot, what Kesh and Cai said 

I shall have to be very patient indeed! *sighs*

Hahaha! That would be so awkies..

My parents probably would expect that she would be Tamil as well hahaah.

[thushan]

And my mum is adamant that my girl must be Sinhalese.

[Mr Keshy]

And my mum is adamant that my girl must be Sinhalese.

Me personally, I prefer tamil chicks anyway so it's all good, win=win .

But I don't get how parents can force their children to "carry on" as they say, with only one single race when, they themselves, brought up their child in a multi cultural and racial society.

Do they believe that there is some merit or something?

[thushan]

It's shameful for me as a guy too.. I just don't like the idea of having more than one girlfriend in my life.. Neither do I want to have a girlfriend with a previous relationship either.

Kesh - I don't think that's a good attitude. It shouldn't be shameful - past relationships are just that, past relationships. Your motive in those relationships then would have been commitment, but things may have gone awry between you two (in your past relationships) which would have necessitated a breakup. Nor should you judge people who have been on past relationships because they may themselves have been committed.

I myself have been in two quasi-relationships that lasted less than a week; both times my parents stepped in and broke us up. Whilst I was really upset both times, I take it in good faith that I will be thankful that they did that when the time comes.

[Mr Keshy]

Kesh - I don't think that's a good attitude. It shouldn't be shameful - past relationships are just that, past relationships. Your motive in those relationships then would have been commitment, but things may have gone awry between you two (in your past relationships) which would have necessitated a breakup. Nor should you judge people who have been on past relationships because they may themselves have been committed.

I myself have been in two quasi-relationships that lasted less than a week; both times my parents stepped in and broke us up. Whilst I was really upset both times, I take it in good faith that I will be thankful that they did that when the time comes.

I think you're right. But I'm still only 17 so I till have some time to mature, and things will probably change then. Good eye opener though, no one has ever criticised that idea until now.