YR 12 oral presentation regarding asylum seekers - PLEASE REVIEW!

[TheAntiSocialist]

Holy shit. Got tingles reading draft number two. Very manipulative - I love it. The start is very gripping however I'd be careful with opening with lines that are so contradictory to your contention. It certainly 'grabbed' you but I'm not sure it was fully utilised. Everyone will think you're against asylum seekers and doign a huge flip more obviously might be more effective. Currently, I can see people being confused. But wow, much improvement. I'm impressed.

TY alot....I'm glad I have improved some...

Orals would be probably be the easiest of English for me COMPARATIVELY speaking (stressing this)...

'Cause I'm a person who needs time - lots of time so that better ideas can come to my head...

Kinda sad when I think about...I reckon I have already spent AT LEAST 15 hours on this darn speech...but I guess its good just to go at the best I can 

[Mr Keshy]

Just curious here to possibly improve my English

On the third line of draft 2, should it be "come" or "came".. I read it as the latter first, then realised I was wrong. I thought that since it was a past thing "just last year", you would use came..

Sounds great overall, far better than the initial draft

[brenden]

Defs 'came'

[FlorianK]

I Defs 'came'

[Mr Keshy]

I was trying to avoid the overuse of the two words to prevent a post like this from occurring. lol

[Mr Keshy]

Hahahaha fucking Florian.
Coming to the meet up Kesh?

Yep, when are you going mate? Or are you already there! I can leave any time now, it'll take me an hour to get there.

[brenden]

Yep, when are you going mate? Or are you already there! I can leave any time now, it'll take me an hour to get there.

There are a few of us going early. Ill be there in about 55. Meeting early just to shop and stuff at 11am (I'm late) at MC so come along if you like otherwise 12pm Flagstaff

[FlorianK]

I'm doing an assignment atm, if I'm able to stay up until 3am I'll join in via skype for a sec

[Mr Keshy]

There are a few of us going early. Ill be there in about 55. Meeting early just to shop and stuff at 11am (I'm late) at MC so come along if you like otherwise 12pm Flagstaff

Where/what is mc?

Maccas? Haha

[brenden]

Melbourne central!

[Mr Keshy]

Melbourne central!

As if I didn't know that, I'll take this to the appropriate thread haha

[TheAntiSocialist]

As if I didn't know that, I'll take this to the appropriate thread haha

  it's fine...of course I would appreciate it 

Just kidding with the angry face 

[Smiley_]

How long does your speech go for ?

[TheAntiSocialist]

How long does your speech go for ?

Approximately 5:20 minutes - I'm trying to cut some because I need it to be dead-set at 5:00 - this is because the min is 4:30 and max is 5:30...I'm trying to play safe with time by being in the middle

[Mr Keshy]

it's fine...of course I would appreciate it 

Just kidding with the angry face 

Because I didn't read the bottom bit, I felt so bad that I made you cross hahaha.