INTRODUCTION

[treystorm]

hi guys,
since i find it hardest to write an excellent introduction, and it is often said it is a first impression of your essay, id like to receive some feedback on this introduction. Also please give me some tips and recommendations if your time permits. thank you very much.

TOPIC : “In Cosi the insane characters are quite normal”

In Louis Nowra’s play Cosi, he exhibits the proclaimed insane nature in the lives of many of the inmates as being adjacent to the norm rather than the contrary. Through the juxtaposition of those deemed by society to be insane against those considered sane, Nowra successfully questions the audiences understanding of and opinions on the definition of the mentally ill at the time of the 1960s. In such a state of affairs where the world is just emerging out of the ‘hippy’ era, the concepts of free love and infidelity put the understanding of being morally rational into a state of great confusion, making the distinction between sane and insane quite obscure. Thus it is often evident throughout the play that those inside the ‘asylum’ have similar interests to those in the outer world and vice versa. Hence, although in terms of political and societal ideals the ‘madmen’ do deviate from a sane nature, in degrees of priority and behaviour the insane can be noted to be more conventionally normal.

[Bad Student]

In Louis Nowra’s play Cosi, he exhibits the proclaimed insane nature in the lives of many of the inmates as being adjacent to the norm rather than the contrary. 

I think it's a bit unclear who "he" refers to. Perhaps you could avoid using "he" by putting that sentence into a passive form.

[brenden]

~~will do in next few days, please remind me if I haven't after a few days~~

[brenden]

ARGH I JUST DID THE WHOLE THING AND THEN PRESSED BACKSPACE BUT IT MADE THE PAGE AND FEEDBACK GO AWAY /SOBS



In Louis Nowra’s play Cosi, he exhibits the proclaimed insane nature in the lives of many of the inmates as being adjacent to the norm rather than the contrary. Nice line. What I liked to do with the first line of my intro was to have a "Contextualising sentence" - something that gives a general overview as to one or many of the historical/social/cultural context(s) of the play. Then makes it easier to talk about what the author is doing with views and stuff in society. I haven't actually read Cosi so forgive me if this makes no sense but Eg. "Despite large scale loss of life and propoganda, the Vietnam War acted as a catalyst in Australian society for a shift in values towards that of free love and the sanctity of human life." Now we can refer back to how one character takes the stereotypically conservative/masculine view that the war is good whilst some other character transitions into a leftist thinker, Nowra endorses a more accepting view of love/illness/xyz. You can also take another sentence after that for society in general and work Nowra into it naturally. I like doing that because it literally seemed like you were introducing something and hid any formula well. You have to preheat the oven before you stick in the turkey.Through the juxtaposition of those deemed by society to be insane against those considered sane, Nowra successfully questions the audiences understanding of and opinions on the definition of the mentally illHaving the contextualising sentence would also save you doing this, previous sentence is more crisp without that -->. I'd be hesitant on words like "successfully", too. Seems rather subjective. He can definitely question, but who's to say what success is and if he got there? at the time of the 1960s. In such a state of affairs where the world is just emerging out of the ‘hippy’ era, the concepts of free love and infidelity put the understanding of being morally rational into a state of great confusion,This sentence world work well directly after the CS, as you can already mention that 'era' making the distinction between sane and insane quite obscure.Nice idea/sentence! However you'd want to start using synonyms now. There's only too many times you can say insane and sane. Thus it is often evident throughout the play that those inside the ‘asylum’ have similar interests to those in the outer world and vice versa.I don't like this sentence. Vice versa doesn't seem like it belongs in an essay like this at all. It'd look better if you used ";the inverse also proves correct" or something like that. VV seems too casual. I also don't like it beginning with "Thus" and it being followed by the thesis statement, with "hence".  While neither beginnings are inherently wrong the flow just breaks when it's one after the other, you know? Also, 'thus' looks like an inappropriate sentence starter into something else that would flow better. If I could remove the full stop... "Concepts of free love and infidelity put the understanding of being morally rational into a state of great confusion, because of this it is often evident through the play that the inmates have similar interests"... I dunno, it just doesn't seem to work to me. Because of the confusion it is evident that interests are similar? I could be wrong, I haven't read the play, it just looks off. Hence, although in terms of political and societal ideals the ‘madmen’ do deviate from a sane typical/standard/normalised/'normal'/socially accepted/expectednature, in degrees of priority and behaviour the insaneafflicted/atypical/mentally ill can be noted to be more conventionally normal. The insane of society are the conventional norm of society? o.O. If you can pull that off, up-high (h5)



Cool man, solid intro . Structure is sound, I would add a CS. Just keep writing and improving, that's my tip, because the foundation is all here. Good stuff