This is too late for your sac but I'll give it a crack anyway. Bit rusty at LA just an FYI
Parenting styles play
s a major role in
the modern society,
where every parent wants their children to be as successful as possible
and to have the opportunity to live a fulfilled life.
Sentence was really long to read it ruined the flow haha In
an the opinion piece "overprotective parents stifle growth",
in the 19 October 2014 issue of The Daily News (The Daily News, 19/11/2013), retired principal Jane Brown
contends try not to use contends, it makes it sound like you're trying to use a checklist to write an essay. Switch it up for something like asserts, highlights, argues - google lists of them and try and put more (I think they're called authorial verbs) of them in your essay that today's parents "overprotect"
I personally will avoid quoting at all in the introduction because it won't give you any points at all and if you write the whole thing in your own words it shows a better understanding. Also be really careful that you're not quoting the contention, it might be seen as a flaw in understanding if you do so.their children and explores
(good more words like that) the consequences on the future of their children. Brown uses a reasoned and informative
toneAgain same deal as with contends. Blatently saying tone like that makes it sound like you're just sticking it in there so you can fill the checklist. I guess it breaks the flow? switch it up for something like approach, primarily
trying to appeal to the readers I'd avoid appeal as well, trying to target? who are parents the
mselves, but also readers that care about their children's well-beings.
The photograph accompan
ying the
opinion seems unnecessary to me to restate that it's an opinion piece - also here give a brief description of the imagine and what it's ofpiece supports Brown's point of view, presenting children as fragile objects that's requires care.
You can also say that the image complements the article (enhances)Brown
first argues that parents are "mollycoddling" their children.
You've quoted the article and not explained what the effect of the word is. For this I want you to tell me what the connotations of the word are - what comes to mind when you hear it?, then I want you to tell me what Brown intends to do to the audience, does she make them want to feel outraged or fearful, what exactly is it? Tell me about how this technique either builds or strips her credibility. Its really good to pick up when an author wrecks themselves and point it out, I think it shows a really good understanding - so dont be afraid to do so! Brown,"as a professional" sees this problem as "perfectly clear", this adds credibility to her argument since she can draw up on her past experience as a principle.
But why has she used those words?!?!? She presents that "overprotecting" leads to "defenseless young people" who are "unable to cope with future challenges". This alarms the reader about their welfare of their children, leading them to reconsider their style of parenting. By mentioning that "overprotective" parents often "provide a continuous taxi service","running little errands" and "even complete their children's homework." Brown attempt to place the reader thinking about their past experiences and recognizes that they are being "overprotective", linking them to the consequences such actions.
Ok this whole paragraph just kind of feels like a "fuck you" with evidence haha.
While you're getting your technique right, I'd suggest instead of quoting 3 or 4 things in a row, quote one thing explain all the things I wrote above ^^, then move on to the next thing. It's better to explain 4 words thoroughly than to hardly explain 20.Brown also states that "overprotective" parenting creates incompetent children. She generalizes all "teenagers today", describes that they are all "incapable of making a decision on their own.","followers, not leaders." and" still reliant on their parents for their creature comforts." This negative portrayal of all teenagers are the direct results of "overprotective" parenting. This is an attempt at fear and encourages parents to review their parenting style. She also states that only by experiencing "real pain and deal with disappointment", they can "learn how to cope with life". Brown implies that children with "overprotective" parents are "mollycoddled" and often don't experiences these pain and failures which are needed for them to become "resilient adults".
Same deal here. I think maybe you're just getting overwhelmed by trying to analyse like 4 words at once. Strip it back and I think you'll find it easier. Try and thoroughly explore each word trhat you quote - so quote carefully!Furthermore, Brown asserts that being "overprotective" destroys children's future. She once again emphasizes the consequences of such parenting, illustrating the long term damage such as "depriving them of the skills...in the future" and "they cannot possibly learn...a problem in youth."
try and avoid quoting really long chunks if you can, especially while you're getting your skills up to scratch. Just quote the key words that you think are the most powerful, at least while you're starting out. I'd limit quotes to 4 or 5 words, but typically I will quote one or two. Quoting huge chunks doesnt show understanding, its the analysis.Appealing to the reader's common sense ,
Brownsuggests that children will be better at solving problems if they had the experience.
At the same time, instill
singa sense of fear in the parents, cajoling the parents into thinking that their child will be unskilled and inexperienced. The loaded language "so afraid","hurt" and "abducted"
appeals aims to ....to the readers' parental instinct, resulting them to "refusing them to let...at least 14."
Poor quoting I think. You can even type what the sentence is about and then quote "at least 14" - the idea behind the quote doesnt emerge cause it's so fragmented The intention of such action should be keeping the children away from harm, but based on Brown's research, "overprotective" parenting actually results "denied opportunities to meet friends", "becoming lonely and isolated".
Hang on here, aren't you analysing the article, not agreeing with it? Make sure you always include the reader in it!!This research from Children's society
leads the readers to see their erroraims to persuade parents into .. x ,to reconsider their parenting methods, encourages them discontinue such actions and adopt a more suitable method on controlling their children.
Brown then provides a solution on this issue. Based on the Children's society's findings, she proposes that by "allowing children freedom to play", it can helps children to "practice making...deal with conflict."
quote like this. "practice deal[ing] with conflict" - see how it flows better when you edit it a bit. You can do that in the exam as long as you have the brackets in there.This
iscontrast
ed to the consequences of "overprotective"
quote what exactly you're talking about, what are the consequences that are contrasted? and provides a better alternative to the parents, she entices the parents to switch to this method of parenting so their children do not become "depressed,overaggressive,antisocial and delinquent".
why is that a bad thing, explain to me why the parents dont want their kids to become depressed?? How does this aim to make them feel ect ect refer to what I was saying in the first paraOtherwise, they will "losing the ability go develop...fully functional adults". The "mountain of evidence" clearly appeal to the readers sense of fear and responsibility, linking them to the dire future of their children, they are more likely to adopt the alternative for their children's well beings.
explain the otherwise by analysing the words you've quoted rather than quoting more :p ~description of image and how it aims to affect the reader here~The photograph supports Brown's view. The young boy in the photo links to the metaphor in the article,"wrapping our young children in cotton wool." The boy, despite in the protection of cotton wool, is looking sad and vulnerable. It suggests to the reader that "overprotection" is damaging and creates vulnerable young people.
yeah more of stuff like tihs, good! The sign "Handle with care","is society raising a generation of sooks?" Implies that parents are treating children like an object, resulting "sooks" that are not capable with reality.
why is this a problem, ect ect refer to 1st para again The rhetorical question encourages self reflection from the parents, to choose the better option put forward by Brown. Rhetorical questions are very shallow analysis I would avoid ever analysing them in the essay simply because you can write the exact same analysis for every single occurance of it. Try and get a bit more analysis out of the image - you should be able to write an entire paragraph on the image.Both the opinion piece and the photograph presents a reasoned
(pragmatic??) view on "overprotective" parenting.
Brown, using emotive language and statistics, appeals to the readers's fear Ok dont mention the actual "techniques" being used, instead here sort of like the introduction say what she believes kinda, her "mini contentions" on their children's well being, providing the readers with consequences of such parenting. Linking to the article, the photograph also provides an empowered image on the effect of "overprotective" parenting. They have encouraged the reader to concede that being "overprotective" is an ineffective way to control their children and there's better alternatives.
You can analyse her writing a little bit here, esp if she screws up. Something like the article was very effective until the point where Brown contradicted herself and consequently lost the reader's trust.
Good luck! ![Smiley :)](https://www.atarnotes.com/forum/Smileys/default/smiley.gif)