Close Analysis Practise/Workshopping Thread! - Exam 2013

[Lolly]

If anyone could have a look please. Wh

Albee’s play Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? I know you're typing it up but don't forget to underline the titleresponds to the development of popular dissatisfaction in the patriotic institutions of post-second world war America. Albee develops allegorical allusion throughout his absurdist production to convey his view that the noble society envisaged by the signatories of the declaration of independence has faltered.This sentence is pretty busy and a bit wordy. I think you could break it up a bit. Apart from that, all good. I think that once you get the passages in the exam though, you should make the introduction more specific to the passages themselves.

Albee’s allusion to George and Martha Washington through Martha and George facilitates the development of an allegorical reading in which the illusion of the child is a motif for the progress of American Society.Again, this topic sentence is too convoluted. Try to keep the sentence structure simple but elegant The cycle of “fun and games” and distortion of truth which propels the play’s narrative is established as Martha uses the plot of “that Bette Davis film” to develop a thinly veiled criticism of the “modest” nature of their lifestyle.same thing. Also I think you need to get straight into the passages rather than talking generally about the narrative. As Martha contrasts George with the ironic description of “modest Joseph Cotton” a symbol of male sexuality, she bemoans their “modest cottage”.too much information here and not enough deep analysis. I think you need to organise your analysis better. You could split it up by saying " With Martha's comparison of George to the ironic description of " modest Joseph Cotton", Albee creates a sense of.....[insert here your interpretation of what Albee is saying about society and/ or the human condition ]. As Martha insists that the ambiguous “she” is “discontent”, she makes it clear that she blames George’s failure to progress within the college for their circumstances. Yep so you've found what Martha is implying but you've still stuck in the plot - look *above* the plot in your analysis.Martha’s claim of dis-contentedness becomes critical as later in the play she reveals that “only one man has ever made [her] happy”. The fact that man is George shatters one of the central precepts of the play (that Martha really is seeking escape) and gives the audience pause to consider what other fundamental truths may simply be illusion. This sentence is good and so is your consideration of audience and overarching analysis. As Martha states that their son was “raised as best I can against… vicious odds, against the corruption of weakness and petty revenges”, Albee develops an implicit link between the “corruption” facing American society, the “vicious odds” that surrounded the birth of a nation and the fate of the son. yay 4 views and valuesAs George counters that their son is “a son who is deep in his gut sorry to have been born”, Albee contends that rather than triumph over the “vicious odds”try to avoid repeating quotes, America has instead fallen.goodgood except I would make the link between the logic of your interpretation and the quote more specific. I'd also more overtly mention how the "son' is used as a personification of American society In the development of this dialogue Albee contrasts the vision of the founding fathers with the realities of contemporary society.Is this a summary/gathering in sentence or analysis? I can't really tell, it's sort of just floating there. I think it would serve well as a topic sentence. In doing so Albee argues that America’s self image of messianic democracy is itself a grand delusion.Great last sentence but I think you could have made your analysis lead more logically and clearly to this summation.

[Lolly]

Just a friendly reminder to post paragraphs only please, as I/we don't have enough time to mark full essays.

[Lolly]

Hi all If someone wouldn't mind, could you guys tell me what you think about this essay i wrote  on Capote's 'In Cold Blood'? I can't remember which passages I used, but hopefully that won't make it difficult to pass on some advice!

Hey, do you mind if I just do one paragraph?

Perry Smith thrives on flattery, and even when he is not actively trying to flatter himself, his beliefs and memories succeed in doing so anyway. Try to be more analytical rather than descriptive. even writing something like " Capote characterises Perry Smith as..." would be better, especially if you go on to explain why Capote has portrayed him in this way and show how the writer has implied views and values. We see this in extract two, where Perry tells Dick about a recurring dream he has had since he was a child. The dream begins with Perry in a jungle, attempting to steal diamonds from a tree he knows is protected by a snake. As he begins to take one, the snake falls on him, and he can ‘hear [his] legs cracking.’ At that point, a ‘yellow, “sort of parrot”’, ‘taller than Jesus’ comes down to save him, taking him to ‘paradise’, but not before it has brutally slaughtered those who have wronged him.Don't retell the story, it's unnecessary This dream illustrates the fact that Perry sees himself as a genuinely good person, someone who is always a victim and deserves to be saved, and even avenged.but what is the author saying through this passage about society/humanity? What is Capote criticising or endorsing? Just remember that this isn't text response This contrasts with extract one, where we are shown that Herb Clutter, who was a genuine victim, was also a genuinely good man, - in essence, Capote characterises/portrays Herb as..Herb is what Perry believed himself to be.Restructure this sentence Perry’s dream, however, contains more than just the belief of what he deserved.Vague. By the way, you need a summary sentence here to wrap up your paragraph " Thus, Capote criticises...(what kind of general overarching comment is he making about society through these characters?)


Sorry if my marking seems harsh!! Just try to analyse more, rather than just recounting the story. Also try to discuss how views and values are woven throughout the text. Hopefully this feedback helps a bit.

[achre]

Just a friendly reminder to post paragraphs only please, as I/we don't have enough time to mark full essays.

Are full essays allowed in the sticky?

[thecreeker]

This is a body paragraph from my analysis on "All the Pretty Horses" by Cormac McCarth. Some feedback would be brilliant if you have the time


Similarly the defining act of violence in passage two-Blevins’ murder- is met with an almost inaudible “pop” as McCarthy portrays the extent to which society has become desentized to the horrors within it. The false sense of security within the reader as the captain “put one arm around the boy” is ensconced in the brutality of the act of follow.  The paradoxical nature of the simile “like some kindly advisor” evidences the growing deceit within the novel, as the captain transforms into a murderer without reservation. The confounding nature of this act is portrayed in McCarthy’s description of Blevins as he utilises the diminutive adjectives “small” and “ragged” to detail a figure that all but “vanish[es]” from the world. McCarthy marriages the disbelief of Rawlins’ comment “they caint just walk him out there and shoot him” to the “flat sort of pop” marking Blevins’ demise, to portray the alienation of the two Americans’ moralistic foundations. Thus, the reader comprehends that the romantic ideals governing Cole’s and Rawlins’ view of violence at the outset of the novel is misplaced within reality.

[brightsky]

This is a body paragraph from my analysis on "All the Pretty Horses" by Cormac McCarth. Some feedback would be brilliant if you have the time


Similarly the defining act of violence in passage two-Blevins’ murder- is met with an almost inaudible “pop” as McCarthy portrays the extent to which society has become desentizedYou mean desensitised. to the horrors within it. The false sense of security within the reader as the captain “put Small grammatical error. Avoid as much as possible.one arm around the boy” is ensconced in the brutality of the act of followAnother slip; I don't think the examiners will mind but best to keep these slips at a minimum..  The paradoxical nature of the simileGood language engagement. “like some kindly advisor” evidences I personally don't really like this word...sounds awkward, but meh.the growing deceit within the novel, as the captain transforms into a murderer without reservation. The confounding nature of this act is portrayed in McCarthy’s description of Blevins as he utilises the diminutive adjectives “small” and “ragged” to detail a figure that all but “vanish[es]” from the world. McCarthy marriages Never knew 'marriages' was a verb. I think 'marries' is what you're looking for.the disbelief of Rawlins’ comment “they caint just walk him out there and shoot him” to the “flat sort of pop” marking Blevins’ demise, to portray the alienation of the two Americans’ moralistic foundations. Thus, the reader comprehends that the romantic ideals governing Cole’s and Rawlins’ view of violence at the outset of the novel is misplaced within reality.

This is really good stuff. Despite the minor slip ups, I can't really fault it. Everything is there.

[mseleanor]

I took the views on board and wrote another essay! I still need to work on avoiding descriptive and recounting sentences, though. Otherwise if somebody could look at this I'd appreciate it

These are two analytical paragraphs

Passage One demonstrates the forceful pride in the advocacy of civilization. The forceful manner in which Pentheus labels Dionysian worship on Mount Cithaeron as an “astounding scandal” establishes the rage with which he conducts his rule of Thebes. The militant tone in which he resolves to “hunt out” Bacchic worshippers that includes even his own mother, Agave, suggests a tyrannical leader threatening destruction to any form of conduct that disrupts his understanding of order. The images of metropolis evoked by “iron fetters” and “walls”, in which Pentheus wishes to entrap Dionysus, attribute Pentheus’ stringent determination to restore order to Thebes to the concept of civilization itself, an image through which Euripides portrays it as rigid and oppressively inhibiting. After the spiteful soliloquy, Pentheus’ ironic profession: “is not his arrogance an outrage?” further paints the character as excessively prideful and thus embodying the extreme, excessively cruel characteristics of nomos (civilization). Concurrently, the dramatic irony Euripides here establishes foreshadows Pentheus’ demise, his own arrogance already beginning to delude him to the reality of his own state.

Passages One and Three reflect the dangers inherent in the oppression Pentheus enacts, particularly the sexual repression of women at a societal level. The foolish pride exhibited by Pentheus is intertwined with his vigilant oppression of women. The possessive reference to “our women” connotes ownership and a dominant sense of male superiority as he conveys blatant disgust towards thoughts of their “gadding about” and submission to “lecherous men”, language that belittles the grounds of the female rebellion. However it is Pentheus’ own doing that results in his ironic fate by female destruction. Escaped from the oppressive rule of the city of Thebes, the Bacchae are burst into another extreme. Their violent murder of Pentheus is illustrated by vivid imagery evoked by descriptions of their “hands thick with blood” and their “tossing and catching” of Pentheus’ body in Passage Three, demonstrating the savagery and brutality inherent in the complete, rebellious submission into the primal forces of nature. It is as a result of Pentheus’ rigid imposition of order that forced women from one extreme to another – from stringent subjugation to this sheer embodiment of sparagmos. The further dramatic irony of Pentheus donned in female garb in Passage Two signifies how stifling order breeds the very conduct it tries to repress in perhaps its most extreme form possible; the transition from Passage One, where Pentheus is militantly condemnatory of their “outrageous Bacchism” and Passage Two where Pentheus is in fact dressed as a “frenzied Bacchic woman” reflect the inherent inability of civilization to repress elements of nature and the extremity that will result.

[thecreeker]

Never knew 'marriages' was a verb. I think 'marries' is what you're looking for.

Thanks Brightsky
Yeaa ahaha "marriages", you could tell I was tired when I wrote this but I guess the hard work is finally reaping some rewards then
Just a question, how many words should I be aiming for to hit the high A to low A+ range in the exam. My main problem is time, and I barely hit the 800 in an hour...

[jeanweasley]

Thanks brightsky, that was a very insightful comment. I'll get to reading more analyses about the text so I can develop my interpretations; also can you tell me more about epicureanism, I haven't come across this piece of philosophy before.

[brightsky]

Thanks Brightsky
Yeaa ahaha "marriages", you could tell I was tired when I wrote this but I guess the hard work is finally reaping some rewards then
Just a question, how many words should I be aiming for to hit the high A to low A+ range in the exam. My main problem is time, and I barely hit the 800 in an hour...

you'd want to aim for well in excess of 1000 words. It may seem difficult to do this now, but trust me the adrenaline you get during the exam will cause you to write a hell lot faster. (have you sat any practice exams by the way? if so, you'd no what I mean..) most important thing is to keep track of the time. if you are planning on writing, say, 6 paragraphs, then make sure you complete each paragraph in under 10 mins. get a stopwatch and time yourself. once you hit the 10 min mark, finish the paragraph and move on. don't dwell too much on particular sentences. no one really cares if there is a grammatical error here and there. main thing is you get all the ideas across. but judging by the quality of the passage analysis above you should be fine.

 

Thanks brightsky, that was a very insightful comment. I'll get to reading more analyses about the text so I can develop my interpretations; also can you tell me more about epicureanism, I haven't come across this piece of philosophy before.

epicureanism advocates the maximisation of mental and sensual pleasures. basically hedonism except with the mental component added in. although epicureanism has been criticised by many philosopher, I don't think it can be dismissed so readily. is it antony's conduct in Egypt inherently damnable? yes, he is abrogating his duty towards rome, but what makes the performance of duty inherently moral? read into Kantian deontology, although don't mention kant in your essay; you may be shot.

[brightsky]

I took the views on board and wrote another essay! I still need to work on avoiding descriptive and recounting sentences, though. Otherwise if somebody could look at this I'd appreciate it

These are two analytical paragraphs

Passage One demonstrates the forceful pride in the advocacy of civilization.Good but not sure what you're trying to say. The forceful Avoid repetition.manner in which Pentheus labelsAvoid at all costs. 'Labels' is a pedestrian verb. Dionysian worship on Mount Cithaeron as an “astounding scandal” establishes the rage with which he conducts his rule of Thebes. The militant tone Good.in which he resolves to “hunt out” Bacchic worshippers that includes even his own mother, Agave, suggests a tyrannical leader threatening destruction to any form of conduct that disrupts his understanding of order. Okay.The images of metropolis evoked by “iron fetters” and “walls”, in which Pentheus wishes to entrap Dionysus, attribute Pentheus’ stringent determination to restore order to Thebes to the concept of civilization itself, an image through which Euripides portrays it as rigid and oppressively inhibiting. After the spiteful soliloquy, Pentheus’ ironic professionLove the language engagement.: “is not his arrogance an outrage?” further paints the character as excessively prideful Find synonyms. Hubristic? Conceited? Megalomaniacal? and thus embodying the extreme, excessively cruel characteristics of nomos (civilization)Ah yes Greek philosophy. Love it. . Concurrently, the dramatic irony Euripides here establishes foreshadows Pentheus’ demise, his own arrogance already beginning to delude him to the reality of his own state.Solid paragraph.

Passages One and Three reflect the dangers inherent in the oppression Pentheus enacts, particularly the sexual repression of women at a societal level. Good. Clear and succinct. (The phraseology of the opening sentence of the previous paragraph obfuscated the content methinks.) The foolish pride exhibited by Pentheus is intertwined with his vigilantOdd adjective. oppression of women. The possessive reference to “our women” connotes ownership and a dominant sense of male superiority as he conveys blatant disgust towards thoughts of their “gadding about” and submission to “lecherous men”, language that belittles the grounds of the female rebellion. However it is Pentheus’ own doing that results in his ironic fate by female destruction.Lovely. Escaped from the oppressive rule of the city of Thebes, the Bacchae are burst into another extreme. Their violent murder of Pentheus is illustrated by vivid imagery evoked by descriptions of their “hands thick with blood” and their “tossing and catching” of Pentheus’ body in Passage Three, demonstrating the savagery and brutality inherent in the complete, rebellious submission into the primal forces of nature. It is as a result of Pentheus’ rigid imposition of order that forced women from one extreme to another – from stringent subjugation to this sheer embodiment of sparagmos. Excellent.The further dramatic irony of Pentheus donned in female garb in Passage Two signifies how stifling order breeds the very conduct it tries to repress in perhaps its most extreme form possible; the transition from Passage One, where Pentheus is militantly condemnatory Good vocab.of their “outrageous Bacchism” and Passage Two where Pentheus is in fact dressed as a “frenzied Bacchic woman” reflect the inherent inability of civilization to repress elements of nature and the extremity that will result. Much better than the first paragraph. Love the way you intersperse your Argued Reading with references to the relevant passages. Top stuff.

[mseleanor]

Thank you so much brightsky! I'll work on finding some more appropriate similes to 'prideful' because I think I used that around 10 more times in the rest of the essay 

[Lolly]

Massive improvement Miss Eleanor. I am impressed.

[mseleanor]

Massive improvement Miss Eleanor. I am impressed.

Thank you so much 
 
I think what I needed was to keep practising in order to develop my ideas more logically, and your advice really helped my approach to the analysis!

[thecreeker]

Sorry to spam this thread but could you guys look over this as well.
It's the last two paragraphs in the essay, and I was wondering if the conclusion did its intended job  in the two lines- basic summary of my interpretation related to the text without being too english-y. I was trying to go off a couple of essays on the essay compilation thread but I might not have related it to the passages as explicitly as I wanted.

Contrary to this damning vision of society in passages two and three, passage one depicts the images that Cole and Rawlins envision at the outset of their journey. Even the harsh images of wild horses “biting and kicking” are suppressed in the euphemism “some evil dream of horses” as McCarthy laments a society tearing away from its spiritual foundings.  The melodic tone utilized in Luis’ “tales of the country” elucidates an air of deep longing that the reader indeed attributes to Cole. Yet, in the confession “war had destroyed the country” coupled with the oxymoronic phrase “the cure for war is war”, Luis implies that this dream is one that had long faded into the depths of a suppressive world.

Within the passages McCarthy ultimately attributes the degradation of the human dream to the rapid onset of a deeply mechanical society. Thus, All the Pretty Horses is a lamentation, and a cautionary reminder of the dying human dream and the “country” it embodies.