Close Analysis Practise/Workshopping Thread! - Exam 2013

[achre]

Wanna do some close analysis of small excerpts from The Waste Land on here? Actually, Eliot often writes of memory, have you noticed that? Even in the beginning of Waste Land:
How's this? Just came up with it.

The memory has earlier been described in Eliot's 'Rhapsody...' as a dissolving aspect of the psyche, its repeated use in this poem immediately establishes the concept of "desire" as a dissolving and disintegrating emotion, driven to it's [grammar?] basest form in a land barren of social integrity.

God, there's still so much Eliot I have left to read, I shouldn't have spent so much time nailing The Waste Land.
Memory's good. I don't know if it's the strongest point to lead off of in a discussion of The Waste Land (could totally work, how memories are wasted, how the memory of a pre-war Europe informs the spiritual and social consciousness of those living in a more fragmented environment), but if one of the passages was also from Rhapsody, it would definitely be a tidy path to follow.
Structure's good. Had to read the last line twice, but your fluency is otherwise very clear. 'Its' should be apostrophe-less, but Eliot did it as well, so nothing too devastating.
i feel like i'm sounding too much like a teacher also i meant to post this 10 hours ago
help

[Patches]

Would anyone mind having a look at this Capote one? It's the VATE 2012 paper although I can't find my copy of the passages =/


Capote’s meticulous construction of a world seemingly blessed by fortune asks us to question whether this image of ‘content existence’ is any more than a surface affectation. That the quiet prosperity of Holcomb is a product of persistent and honest work Capote accepts, but the description of ‘plentiful natural gas resources’ implies that a seemingly providential gift has fallen into the hands of only some of the ‘very varied stock’ that inhabit the village.  This combination of work and fortune, then, breeds an undercurrent of jealousy and even mistrust towards those in the community who have ‘done so well’, thoughts which remain unvoiced while ‘the waters of the river’ continue to pass unnoticed. When ‘foreign noises’ do arrive and shatter the security of ‘ordinary life’, the air of suspicion finds expression in the ‘glares’ of old neighbours. Capote is questioning the image of ‘sleeping Holcomb’, suggesting that although the townspeople were ‘sufficiently unfearful of each other to seldom lock their doors’ this apparent social harmony is essentially a construction, a papering-over of ‘drama’ and ‘mistrust’ that will be shattered when the village is roused from its sleep. The young Herb Clutter’s return to ‘doors locked’ and the ‘house dark’ serves to allegorically reveal, albeit passingly, that the image of content harmony is at its heart a fabrication.


This exposition of contrasting spheres of ‘comfort’ and ‘anguish’ mirror broader patterns of disharmony in America, serving to foreshadow the inevitable intersection that will be played out with Holcomb as the stage. The ‘yellow trains streaking down the tracks’ will not ignore the town forever, and when the dormant ‘fires of mistrust’ are re-ignited they cannot be extinguished. The description of these ‘fires of mistrust’ summons a powerful image of a primed explosive, needing only the slightest disturbance to explode and destroy the façade-world of ‘school socials and choir practices.’ The image Holcomb constructs for itself, Capote suggests, is an anachronism, an expression of devotion to a picture of a society which no longer exists, if it even ever did.


The ‘foreign sounds’ that finally do ‘impinge’ on the village are realised in Smith and Hickock, drawn as the antithesis to the quiet stasis of Holcomb. The description of Perry’s ‘serious literature’ – in reality pulp romances – reveals the jealousy that the apparent blessing of this vision of America arouses in those excluded. What Capote regards as truly ‘serious literature’ belongs to the world of ‘4-H clubs’ and ‘white, solid and spacious houses’, not Perry’s realm of poverty and neglect. Perry longs to participate in everything Holcomb represents, but his attempts are nothing more than transparent pretentions and delusions of importance. He ‘pretends to have written’ the poem he gives Cookie, poetry itself a symbol of the world he will never be a part of.


Capote refuses Perry this integration, and consequentially his longings to be party to all the things ‘a man ought to have’ find expression in his overwhelming narcissism and, when challenged, his fits of rage. This is partly due to his upbringing, expressed in a father who insists Perry can do no wrong while himself providing an abject example of familial disfunction. The poem, then, reflects Perry’s self-conscious view of himself as a different and perhaps superior member of a ‘race of men that can’t fit in’, who of course would ‘go far’ and ‘climb the mountain’s crest’ if not for an inability ‘to rest’. Perry’s grandiose view of his own talents and importance only betrays his craving for admiration, expressed in Cookie having ‘liked him, pitied him, babied him’, as if, as Capote suggests, he is still a child unable to ‘stay still’.

In this sense, we arrive to ‘the odour of spoiling apples’, a ‘rusting rake’ and a ‘parched and shabby lawn.’ Aside from establishing a mood of decay, these descriptions suggest that once the outside world has arrived in Holcomb its presence will not be erased. The ambulances ‘had driven across the grass straight to the front door’, as if oblivious to the destruction their passage created, perhaps a reference to the unintended consequences of the murders. And now ‘the tyre tracks were still visible’ for all to see – the intersection of these two Americas is permanent, and it occurs with tragic and lasting consequences for both.

[ggxoxo]

-

Would anyone mind having a look at this Capote one? It's the VATE 2012 paper although I can't find my copy of the passages =/


Capote’s meticulous construction of a world seemingly blessed by fortune asks us to question whether this image of ‘content existence’ is any more than a surface affectation. That the quiet prosperity of Holcomb is a product of persistent and honest work Capote accepts, but the description of ‘plentiful natural gas resources’ implies that a seemingly providential gift has fallen into the hands of only some of the ‘very varied stock’ that inhabit the village can you read this out loud and revise- I found your expression here rather awkward .  This combination of work and fortune, then, breeds an undercurrent of jealousy and even mistrust towards those in the community who have ‘done so well’, thoughts which remain unvoiced while ‘the waters of the river’ continue to pass unnoticed. When ‘foreign noises’ do arrive and shatter the security of ‘ordinary life’, the air of suspicion finds expression in the ‘glares’ of old neighbours. Capote is questioning the image of ‘sleeping Holcomb’, suggesting that although the townspeople were ‘sufficiently unfearful of each other to seldom lock their doors’ this apparent social harmony is essentially a construction, a papering-over of ‘drama’ and ‘mistrust’ that will be shattered when the village is roused from its sleep. The young Herb Clutter’s return to ‘doors locked’ and the ‘house dark’ serves to allegorically reveal watch out- split infinitive should be avoided at all costs; you might get away with it here and there but you never know who your examiner will be! Better safe than sorry!, albeit passingly, that the image of content harmony is at its heart a fabrication.


This exposition of contrasting spheres of ‘comfort’ and ‘anguish’ mirror broader patterns of disharmony in America, serving to foreshadow the inevitable intersection that will be played out with Holcomb as the stage. The ‘yellow trains streaking down the tracks’ will not ignore the town forever, and when the dormant ‘fires of mistrust’ are re-ignited they cannot be extinguished. The description of these ‘fires of mistrust’ summons a powerful image 1. You can probably use a better word than powerful; 2. You are using 'image' a lotof a primed explosive, needing only the slightest disturbance to explode and destroy the façade-world of ‘school socials and choir practices.’ The image Holcomb constructs for itself, Capote suggests, is an anachronism, an expression of devotion to a picture of a society which no longer exists, if it even ever did.


The ‘foreign sounds’ that finally do ‘impinge’ i'll reiterate this again at the end: don't quote for the sake of quoting unless you're going to analyse; there may be times where it works but generally just quoting (sans analysis) makes your work look messy and, contrary to what other people may say, GENERALLY won't garner you any marks. I think this is where language analysis in English intersects with Lit- quoting (and even identifying language features) carries no substantial marks- it's the analysis that counts)on the village are realised in Smith and Hickock, drawn as the antithesis to the quiet stasis of Holcomb. The description of Perry’s ‘serious literature’ – in reality pulp romances – reveals the jealousy that the apparent blessing of this vision of America arouses in those excluded. What Capote regards as truly ‘serious literature’ belongs to the world of ‘4-H clubs’ and ‘white, solid and spacious houses’, not Perry’s realm of poverty and neglect. Perry longs to participate in everything Holcomb represents, but his attempts are nothing more than transparent pretentions and delusions of importance. He ‘pretends to have written’ the poem he gives Cookie, poetry itself a symbol of the world he will never be a part of.


Capote refuses Perry this integration, and consequentially his longings to be party to all the things ‘a man ought to have’ find expression in his overwhelming narcissism and, when challenged, his fits of rage. This is partly due to his upbringing, expressed in a father who insists Perry can do no wrong while himself providing an abject example of familial disfunction dysfunction. The poem, then, reflects Perry’s self-conscious view of himself as a different and perhaps superior member of a ‘race of men that can’t fit in’, who of course would ‘go far’ and ‘climb the mountain’s crest’ if not for an inability ‘to rest’. Perry’s grandiose view of his own talents and importance only betrays his craving for admiration, expressed in Cookie having ‘liked him, pitied him, babied him’, as if, as Capote suggests, he is still a child unable to ‘stay still’.

In this sense, we arrive to ‘the odour of spoiling apples’, a ‘rusting rake’ and a ‘parched and shabby lawn.’ Aside from establishing a mood of decay this sounded slightly colloquial to me, these descriptions suggest that once the outside world has arrived in Holcomb its presence will not be erased. The ambulances ‘had driven across the grass straight to the front door’, as if oblivious to the destruction their passage created, perhaps a reference to the unintended consequences of the murders. And now ‘the tyre tracks were still visible’ for all to see – the intersection of these two Americas is permanent, and it occurs with tragic and lasting consequences for both.

Key points:

1- read your work out loud to fix expressions

2- don't overquote (see above)

3- try to avoid first person (we, us)

[achre]

this sounded slightly colloquial to me

Could you be more specific with what you mean by this criticism? (The fragment sounded offhand or casual?)
Will use of somewhat informal language invalidate or penalise an otherwise formally fluent essay, or are the assessors more interested in an essay that presents a well-supported and coherent analysis that reflects student engagement with the text?

[Patches]

Thanks for reading it over

I wrote it by hand and typed it quickly so there were a few typos left in.

3- try to avoid first person (we, us)

Are you sure? It seems a lot more fluid than saying the audience or the reader over and over again.

[ggxoxo]

Could you be more specific with what you mean by this criticism? (The fragment sounded offhand or casual?)
Will use of somewhat informal language invalidate or penalise an otherwise formally fluent essay, or are the assessors more interested in an essay that presents a well-supported and coherent analysis that reflects student engagement with the text?

'Aside from..' just sounds too informal to me. I know lit assessors try to be as 'objective' as possible when marking and trust me they are for the most part... but some things occur in the subconscious mind- like you may not hear the informality in 'aside from' but I kind of do and I guess there's nothing wrong with that; this is a part that's intrinsic within each examiner and you sort of can't prepare for it, which is why there is that EXTREMELY LITTLE BIT of luck component to it. This is where reading the assessment report and high-scoring responses come in handy- examiners are putting out what they like in an essay, etc.

My friend has sort of coined the 'rule of three'- generally, an examiner won't penalise you if it only occurs once but will start taking points of if it starts occuring frequently. It's most likely when the mistake occurs the third time but, again, 'three' can symbolise any number an examiner deems (subconsciously or consciously) as frequent.

And the reason why lit is so hard is that, for the most part, each criterion is weighted equally- that is, you really need to have good arguments, good structure, good language use. Don't sacrifice arguments over how you present it as that will only get you so far- I know people with the BEST ideas, as evident by their class contribution; but because they couldn't then turn that into a well-structured passage analysis, they failed to get above 40.

Thanks for reading it over

I wrote it by hand and typed it quickly so there were a few typos left in.
Are you sure? It seems a lot more fluid than saying the audience or the reader over and over again.

That's actually what the examiners are looking for- they're looking for two things (this is simplified obviously):

(1) what the author's views and values (and they'll look for things like: "Davis castigates..." or "Austen, thus, contemplates on..."

(2) how language use affects readers/audience

Again, subjectivity comes into play here; it's been drilled to me that first-person is prohibited in essays (because it sounds like you're having a conversation with someone) and, consequently, I've never written it in one- it is standard not to write in first-person in any formal essays (scientific reports, close analysis, text responses, etc). I've seen some essays though that have written first-person in their essays so there are exceptions.

You don't have to say 'readers' and 'audience' constantly; there are other ways to express what you mean without using those two. I can't think of any at the top of my head (only 'one sees through'-read other close analysis and try to emulate their style)

Also with that last topic sentence, you should probably revise it; it sounds like you're narrating- In this sense, we arrive to ‘the odour of spoiling apples’, a ‘rusting rake’ and a ‘parched and shabby lawn.’ My suggestion is to try to merge it with the next sentence (i.e. merge it with analysis instead of a stand-alone sentence)

[thecreeker]

This is the first two paragraphs from one of my analysis on the Bacchae. Would be great if I got some feedback.

For Euripides, the failure to acknowledge the roles of both control and revelry in one’s life, results in a significant imbalance, which threatens to destroy an individual in a totalistic fashion. As Pentheus first enters in passage one, proclaiming his intention to “hunt out” those who follow Dionysus, his superficial notion of control over the people of Thebes is evident. This is extended in his repeated labeling of the females as “our women”, the possessive connotations of his words hinting as to his controlling nature, a nature which indeed Cadmus proceeds to label as “arrogance”. This “arrogance”, reaffirmed in his labeling of Dionysus as an “upstart god”, is evoked in passage two, as the chorus speaks of the “oppressor’s rod” which has befallen the followers of Dionysus. Likened to the portrayal of Pentheus in passage two, passage one presents Pentheus as a “murderous man” underpinned by a brutal “violence” which he pervades as he threatens to “cut [Dionysus’] head from his shoulders”.  Yet, along with his seemingly critical portrayal of Pentheus, Euripides cautions the overtness of excessive revelry which he suggests is equally misguided. Instead, the image of Cadmus and Teiresias in passage one, who are said to “lack the dignity of [their] age” evokes the notion that an individual must be cautiously accepting of both facets of life, despite the judgment of society as a greater majority. Indeed, the fates that befall both Pentheus and Cadmus in the closing moments of the play suggest as to the ideal that true balance is yet to be fully attained in the Bacchae.

With the emphatic statement “I don’t despise religion. I’m a mortal man”, Cadmus alludes to the nature of faith as an ever present factor amongst the lives of the mortals in the Bacchae. As Teiresias proceeds to proclaim that “the god draws no distinction between young and old”, it is suggested that religion is inherently linked to society and thus, the people themselves.  Through the optic of this issue, Euripides suggests that indeed religion is a tool employed by the Gods to establish social dominance over humanity; and in doing so, subservience uncorrupted by “theological subtleties”.  As such, following the chorus’ stream of consciousness in passage three, their reference to “truths more than mortal” which “began in the beginning” and “are fixed and strong” further attests to the deep-rooted influence of religion within society.  Parallel to this, in passage two the chorus’ presents what is seemingly a warning to the “impious man” who “Heaven” will “[hunt] down”. These words highlight the futility of denying religion in the tainted view of the chorus, signaling that to defy the “powers of heaven” is indeed a precarious position in which to stand. Drawing upon these ideas, the arrogant discourse of Pentheus in passage one can only be labeled as inflammatory against the Bacchic rites, most evident in his branding of Dionysus as an “upstart god”.  As such, the tone of the chorus in passage two, in calling upon Dionysus to “bring [Pentheus’] violence to a sudden end” is attributed to the impiety of the man in failing to acknowledge religious intimidation.  However, in the act of the palace “crumbling to pieces”,  coupled with the chorus’ “scream of terror”  and later the death of Pentheus, the audience is awakened to the knowledge that the power of religion and as such the gods is not merely a metaphysical one festered within the minds of humanity, but capable of palpable destructive potential.

[charmanderp]

This is the first two paragraphs from one of my analysis on the Bacchae. Would be great if I got some feedback.

For Euripides, the failure to acknowledge the roles of both control and revelry in one’s life, results in a significant imbalance, which threatens to destroy an individual in a totalistic fashion. As Pentheus first enters in passage one, proclaiming his intention to “hunt out” those who follow Dionysus, his superficial notion of control over the people of Thebes is evident. This is extended in his repeated labeling of the females as “our women”, the possessive connotations of his words hinting as to his controlling nature, a nature which indeed Cadmus proceeds to label as “arrogance”. This “arrogance”, reaffirmed in his labeling of Dionysus as an “upstart god”, is evoked in passage two, as the chorus speaks of the “oppressor’s rod” which has befallen the followers of Dionysus. Likened to the portrayal of Pentheus in passage two, passage one presents Pentheus as a “murderous man” underpinned by a brutal “violence” which he pervades as he threatens to “cut [Dionysus’] head from his shoulders”.  Yet, along with his seemingly critical portrayal of Pentheus, Euripides cautions the overtness of excessive revelry which he suggests is equally misguided. Instead, the image of Cadmus and Teiresias in passage one, who are said to “lack the dignity of [their] age” evokes the notion that an individual must be cautiously accepting of both facets of life, despite the judgment of society as a greater majority. Indeed, the fates that befall both Pentheus and Cadmus in the closing moments of the play suggest as to the ideal that true balance is yet to be fully attained in the Bacchae.

With the emphatic statement “I don’t despise religion. I’m a mortal man”, Cadmus alludes to the nature of faith as an ever present factor amongst the lives of the mortals in the Bacchae. As Teiresias proceeds to proclaim that “the god draws no distinction between young and old”, it is suggested that religion is inherently linked to society and thus, the people themselves.  Through the optic of this issue, Euripides suggests that indeed religion is a tool employed by the Gods to establish social dominance over humanity; and in doing so, subservience uncorrupted by “theological subtleties”.  As such, following the chorus’ stream of consciousness in passage three, their reference to “truths more than mortal” which “began in the beginning” and “are fixed and strong” further attests to the deep-rooted influence of religion within society.  Parallel to this, in passage two the chorus’ presents what is seemingly a warning to the “impious man” who “Heaven” will “[hunt] down”. These words highlight the futility of denying religion in the tainted view of the chorus, signaling that to defy the “powers of heaven” is indeed a precarious position in which to stand. Drawing upon these ideas, the arrogant discourse of Pentheus in passage one can only be labeled as inflammatory against the Bacchic rites, most evident in his branding of Dionysus as an “upstart god”.  As such, the tone of the chorus in passage two, in calling upon Dionysus to “bring [Pentheus’] violence to a sudden end” is attributed to the impiety of the man in failing to acknowledge religious intimidation.  However, in the act of the palace “crumbling to pieces”,  coupled with the chorus’ “scream of terror”  and later the death of Pentheus, the audience is awakened to the knowledge that the power of religion and as such the gods is not merely a metaphysical one festered within the minds of humanity, but capable of palpable destructive potential.

The analysis in itself is really good. However, when I look at these two paragraphs my eyes are immediately drawn to how many commas there are! And then when actually reading it, they actually distract from the flow of your writing as well; there are too many breaks! Try and fix that up.

[charmanderp]

Could you be more specific with what you mean by this criticism? (The fragment sounded offhand or casual?)
Will use of somewhat informal language invalidate or penalise an otherwise formally fluent essay, or are the assessors more interested in an essay that presents a well-supported and coherent analysis that reflects student engagement with the text?

For me it's also that 'mood of decay' doesn't really mean anything, hence it sounds a bit flippant. Instead talk about what the consequences/implications of decay being a theme within the text are, and how that's constructed. Spell it out clearly.

[brightsky]

For Euripides, the failure to acknowledge the roles of both control and revelry in one’s life, results in a significant imbalance, which threatens to destroy an individual in a totalistic Malapropism, surely. 'Totalistic' is the adjective form of 'totalitarianism'. fashion. As Pentheus first enters in passage one, proclaiming his intention to “hunt out” Avoid quoting for the sake of quoting. Embedded quotes will not win you any brownie points from Lit examiners. Quote only if you intend to analyse.those who follow Dionysus, his superficial notion of control over the people of Thebes is evident. This is extended in his repeated labeling of the females as “our women”, the possessive connotations of his words hinting as to Inappropriate preposition. 'Hinting at' is what you want.his controlling nature, a nature which indeed Cadmus proceeds to label as “arrogance”. The language engagement is good.This “arrogance”, reaffirmed in his labeling Use a synonym. You've used this word already.of Dionysus as an “upstart god”, is evoked in passage two,Good link. as the chorus speaks of the “oppressor’s rod” which has befallen the followers of Dionysus. Likened to Awkward expression.the portrayal of Pentheus in passage two, passage one presents Pentheus as a “murderous man” underpinned by a brutal “violence”Expunge these embedded quotes. which he pervades as he threatens to “cut [Dionysus’] head from his shoulders”.  Yet, along with his seemingly critical portrayalUse another word. You've used this word already. of Pentheus, Euripides cautions the overtness of excessive revelry What are you trying to say? 'Overt' means 'manifest'...'overtness of excessive revelry' means nothing. which he suggests is equally misguided. Instead, the image of Cadmus and Teiresias in passage one, who are said to “lack the dignity of [their] age” evokes the notion that an individual must be cautiously You've used this word already.accepting of both facets of life, despite the judgment of society as a greater majority. Indeed, the fates that befall You've used this word already.both Pentheus and Cadmus in the closing moments of the play suggest as toWrong preposition. 'As to' literally means 'about', as in 'He warned me as to/about the deleterious ramifications of prolixity. the ideal that true balance is yet to be fully attained in the Bacchae.

With the emphatic statement “I don’t despise religion. I’m a mortal man”, Cadmus alludes to the nature of faith as an ever present factor amongst the lives of the mortals in the Bacchae. As Teiresias proceeds to proclaim that “the god draws no distinction between young and old”, it is suggested that religion is inherently linked to society and thus, the people themselves.  Through the optic of this issue, Euripides suggests that indeed religion is a tool employed by the Gods to establish social dominance over humanity; and in doing so, subservience uncorrupted by “theological subtleties”.  As such, following the chorus’ stream of consciousness Good language engagement.in passage three, their reference to “truths more than mortal” which “began in the beginning” and “are fixed and strong” further attests to the deep-rooted influence of religion within society.  Parallel to this, in passage two the chorus’ presents what is seemingly a warning to the “impious man” who “Heaven” will “[hunt] down”. These words highlight the futility of denying religion in the tainted view of the chorusI like the analysis., signaling that to defy the “powers of heaven” is indeed a precarious position in which to stand. Drawing upon these ideas, the arrogant discourse of Pentheus in passage one can only be labelled 'Label' is a bad word. Find better alternatives. as inflammatory against the Bacchic rites, most evident in his branding I hate gerunds. But 'branding' is still better than 'labelling'.of Dionysus as an “upstart god”.  As such,Be careful. 'As such' is not an all purpose conjunction. the tone of the chorus in passage two, in calling upon Dionysus to “bring [Pentheus’] violence to a sudden end” is attributed to the impiety of the man in failing to acknowledge religious intimidation.  However, in the act of the palace “crumbling to pieces”,  coupled with the chorus’ “scream of terror” Embedded quote. Delete. and later the death of Pentheus, the audience is awakened to the knowledge that the power of religion and as such Misuse of 'as such' again. There is no clear antecedent.the gods is not merely a metaphysical one festered Inappropriate verb. Gods do not 'fester' within the minds of mortals. You make gods sound like pestilence. within the minds of humanity, but capable of palpable destructive potential. Awkward. Capable of potential? Make sure you are know the distinction between actuality and potentiality.


Good language engagement. Good links to other passages. Work on expression and diction. Besides that, pretty solid. Sorry if my comments sound a bit harsh. I didn't intend them to be haha.

[thecreeker]

thanks guys, that helps a lot. My teacher doesn't actually tell me what to work on so that's just what I needed.
yeahh, I've been told about excessive use of commas before. Really need to get that sorted out
 Not harsh at all haha that's the sort of feedback I needed.

Just another question, should we start with an intro or not? I've always tended to start with a passing general comment on the author's intention but looking at how easily it could be shot down and hearing some stuff from other people too, I'm starting to think delving straight into analysis might be a safer route in the exam. Thoughts?

[brightsky]

I prefer the latter approach. Lit examiners hate general introductions that smack of prepared material. You'll be better off engaging with the passage from the get go. What were you thinking about including in the intro? For the most part, the author's intention matters very little. No one really knows or cares about what Shakespeare intended when he wrote "to be or not to be". He might have been in the midst of an existential crisis for all we know. Coleridge composed the Kubla khan under the influence of opium and all manner of narcotics. Chances are he was on a high when he wrote it and didn't really intend anything. Lit examinefs are more interested to read what you think about the play, what you feel when you read the passages. The essay should sound less like an essay and more like a spontaneous outflow of feeling.

#wanker

[jeanweasley]

Hi, I'm not the strongest person in Lit but I would love constructive criticism as I feel the following sounds too general compared to the wonderful analyses above. These are only the first two paragraphs of what I did in the SAC. I've yet to rework this one as I've not had any feedback. I guess, really, what I'm looking for is if to know if I am really cut out for a high score in this subject. Cheerios!

The ambitious dreams of Robbie in Passage One reflects Briony’s contempt for herself as the narrator of ‘Atonement’ and portrays the effects of her crime in Passage 3 where Robbie responds violently to Briony’s excuse of ‘growing up’ as the reason for understanding her crime. As contrast, Passage Two depicts the power of authorship and echoes McEwan’s thoughts on post-modernism disregarding that ‘the age of characters and plots’ as obsolete and reflects Briony’s depiction of Robbie in Passage One in the stream of consciousness form popularised by ‘Virginia Woolf’.

Robbie’s ‘irregular’ and ‘heavy’ breathing coupled with a ‘savage’ look reflects Briony’s attempt of atonement. Here, Briony depicts Robbie as an aggressive and violent as an imagination of how she thought Robbie would respond to her understanding of her crime because in reality, Robbie died before she could ask for forgiveness. Briony uses Passage One and Three as a contrast to show the depth of her crime. Briony had ruined Robbie’s turn at being the ‘hero’ as he would never be able to ‘begin’ his life as a doctor or use his knowledge. Briony depicts herself as the criminal who robed Robbie’s ‘freedom’.

[charmanderp]

I also never used introductions. Instead I'd get straight into using one of the paragraphs, though I would try to initiate some kind of argumentative discourse that somewhat resembled an 'introduction'. But it was still based on passage analysis.

[brightsky]

The ambitious dreams of Robbie in Passage One reflects Briony’s contempt for herself as the narrator of ‘Atonement’ and portrays the effects of her crime in Passage 3 where Robbie responds violently to Briony’s excuse of ‘growing up’ as the reason for understanding her crime. As contrast, Probably just typo, but change to 'In contrast' or 'By contrast'.Passage Two depicts the power of authorship and echoes McEwan’s thoughts on post-modernism disregarding that ‘the age of characters and plots’ as obsolete and reflects Briony’s depiction of Robbie in Passage One in the stream of consciousness form popularised by ‘Virginia Woolf’. The comments in this paragraph are a little too general. Your aim is to analyse the passages closely. Sweeping remarks won't do you any favours. Although I guess you intended this paragraph to serve as something of an introduction?

Robbie’s ‘irregular’ and ‘heavy’ breathing coupled with a ‘savage’ look reflects Briony’s attempt of attempt at not attempt ofatonement. Here, Briony depicts Robbie as an aggressive and violent as an imagination of how she thoughtFix expression. Robbie would respond to her understanding of her crime because in reality, Robbie died before she could ask for forgiveness. Too much plot summary. Not enough analysis. Work with the assumption that the Lit examiners know the text through and through. Don't waste time explaining obvious stuff. (Although I haven't read your text, so I might be off the mark here.Briony uses Passage One and Three as a contrast to show the depth of her crime. Briony had ruined Robbie’s turn at being the ‘hero’ as he would never be able to ‘begin’ his life as a doctor or use his knowledge. Do you see how this sentence is merely explanatory? Cut the explanations. Load the paragraph with language engagement and big ideas.Briony depicts herself as the criminal who robed Robbie’s ‘freedom’.

Need more language engagement. You need to analyse specific words, and phrases. Note the repetition of words. Note the use of punctuation (except if you're analysing Shakespeare). Note the scene construction. Also, discuss big ideas. Cut the explanations. (Lit examiners don't like being told the obvious.) Think about what the text reveals about humanity and society. Believe it or not, Lit is about discovering what it is to be human. The analysis above sounds more like a text response than a Lit essay.