Close Analysis Practise/Workshopping Thread! - Exam 2013

[charmanderp]

Are full essays allowed in the sticky?

Yep - that's what the distinction is for! (:

[AwayBroadcast]

Okay, took the criticism on board and rewrote the entire essay XD
Here's the new essays equivalent I suppose of the paragraph you looked at. Any criticism on the new one would be much appreciated Hopefully it's better!! hahaha

Throughout ‘In Cold Blood’, Capote characterises Perry Smith as in incredibly vain man who thrives on flattery to such an extreme that his own beliefs seem to be put forward with the sole intention of receiving this flattery, through both his own words and the reactions of others. This is demonstrated in passage two, where Perry’s dream illustrates the fact that he views himself to be a constant victim who deserves to be saved by others. By consistently bringing attention to this fact throughout his work, Capote allows the reader to draw a comparison between Perry and Herb Clutter, who as shown in passage one, was a true victim entirely undeserving of the fate he received. In forcing the reader to realise this of their own accord rather than having it spelt out to them, Capote allows the readers own criticisms to be stronger, thus delivering a strong critique of Perry’s character in amongst the sympathetic retelling of his life before the murders.

I also just wanted to ask, do you guys prefer extract or passage? And also, how else could I refer to the book without having to repeat the title? I was using 'novel' but then my teacher informed me that I should not, as it's non-fiction. Any ideas?

Thank you so much guys!

[achre]

Here's a (fragment of a) paragraph from a passage analysis of Portrait of a Lady, Whispers of Immortality and The Waste Land (What the Thunder Said).

Eliot

This kind of nostalgic cynicism is typical of modernist literature, informed by the tedium of routine and the struggle to establish a sense of identity in a deterministic, mechanical environment. This is what enhances the significance of passage three's impersonal and non-temporal content. Departing the superficiality and psychology of the modern world, Eliot substitutes worry for enlightenment. The key symbol at play in "What the Thunder Said" is water- the dessicated landscape produces some disquieting, craggy imagery that unsettles the indulgent and secular spirit of the work's social context.

My teacher's big gripe with all some of my essays is that I don't draw enough from the actual text, I don't have quotes or examples. I rewrote the above trying to incorporate that, do you think it sounds better?

Eliot rewrite

This kind of nostalgic cynicism is typified by the compound and contrast of the assonant line "expert beyond experience" in Eliot's description of Donne, and the installation of hyphenation and parentheses to suggest anxiety and apprehension. ("For indeed I do not love it (...) How keen you are!"). It all suggests something of the struggle to establish a sense of identity in the modernist milieu of determinism. Departing this superficiality, Eliot substitutes worry for enlightenment, drawing out dessication - disquieting and craggy imagery that unsettles the indulgent and secular spirit of the work's social context, and breaking it in a "damp gust/bringing rain". The function of this enjambed line is twofold: it firstly undermines the potentially romantic nature of the poem; the individual spectacle of nature is corrupted by the disjointed flow of the line. Secondly, it emphasises the presence of the puryifying and quenching element, inducing relief from the drought of spirituality.

I think the second is far too long for me to reasonably be able to write in an hour, at least consistently, and I feel like it detracts from its connection to the other two passages, but he liked it. Thoughts, opinions?

[Excelsior]

Here's a (fragment of a) paragraph from a passage analysis of Portrait of a Lady, Whispers of Immortality and The Waste Land (What the Thunder Said).

Eliot

This kind of nostalgic cynicism is typical of modernist literature, informed by the tedium of routine and the struggle to establish a sense of identity in a deterministic, mechanical environment. This is what enhances the significance of passage three's impersonal and non-temporal content. Departing the superficiality and psychology of the modern world, Eliot substitutes worry for enlightenment. The key symbol at play in "What the Thunder Said" is water- the dessicated landscape produces some disquieting, craggy imagery that unsettles the indulgent and secular spirit of the work's social context.

My teacher's big gripe with all some of my essays is that I don't draw enough from the actual text, I don't have quotes or examples. I rewrote the above trying to incorporate that, do you think it sounds better?

Eliot rewrite

This kind of nostalgic cynicism is typified by the compound and contrast of the assonant line "expert beyond experience" in Eliot's description of Donne, and the installation of hyphenation and parentheses to suggest anxiety and apprehension. perhaps 'the hyphens and parentheses suggest...' would be better ("For indeed I do not love it (...) How keen you are!"). It all suggests avoid repetition, perhaps you could use 'demonstrate' something of the struggle to establish a sense of identity in the modernist milieu of determinism. Departing from this superficiality, Eliot substitutes worry for enlightenment, drawing out dessication typo: 'desiccation', this part of the sentence is not very clear - disquieting and craggy imagery that unsettles the indulgent and secular spirit of the work's social context, and breaking it in a "damp gust/bringing rain". The function of this enjambed line is twofold: it firstly undermines the potentially romantic nature of the poem, as the individual spectacle of nature is corrupted by the disjointed flow of the line. Secondly, it emphasises the presence of the puryifying and quenching element do you mean rain? it might be clearer to say that, inducing relief from the drought of spirituality.

I think the second is far too long for me to reasonably be able to write in an hour, at least consistently, and I feel like it detracts from its connection to the other two passages, but he liked it. Thoughts, opinions?

I'd say that your second passage is a lot better than the first - specific textual evidence and analysis is what the examiners are looking for. I just suggested a few things to make the expression even clearer, but its very good. 

[honey-corowa]

Does anyone have some reasonably quick and easy tips on how to make the literature pieces sound more like a passage analysis and less like an english text response? Finding it very frustrating

[Excelsior]

Hi Honey-Corowa! I'd say that just making sure you analyse the passages in lots of detail and using plenty of metalanguage will ensure that your passage analysis doesn't sound like a text response. Just launch straight into analysing the language and then link your comments to the other passages and then the text as a whole. You'll be fine! 

[zerbe6]

Thanks Lollymatron for your feedback

[Lolly]

Thanks Lollymatron for your feedback

No worries

[Lukechapman333]

Does anyone have any tips on how to not write passage analysis like a text response? I wrote about 15 text response exams in preparation for the english exam and now i feel like all of my literature passage analysis looks like a text response Does anyone have any suggestions on what i should do?

[mseleanor]

Does anyone have any tips on how to not write passage analysis like a text response? I wrote about 15 text response exams in preparation for the english exam and now i feel like all of my literature passage analysis looks like a text response Does anyone have any suggestions on what i should do?

I suppose you do the inverse of text response. So instead of backing up your arguments and ideas with evidence, you start with a close and detailed analysis of the language in your passages/poems, and from there you draw your ideas. Looking at it like that has really helped me, particularly when you continually remind yourself to start and base your response around the language itself.

Hopefully this helps 

[MnB]

Does anyone have any tips on how to not write passage analysis like a text response? I wrote about 15 text response exams in preparation for the english exam and now i feel like all of my literature passage analysis looks like a text response Does anyone have any suggestions on what i should do?

I wouldn't be worried, just back yourself. Know your stuff and the marks will come

[catnus]

Though it pales in comparison to many others... Here's my attempt on Shakespeare's 'The Tempest'

Prospero's acknowledgment that 'the rarer action is in virtue than in vengeance' alludes to the fact that despite all his power and might, he is 'one of their kind', and essentially human in nature. His volte-face towards 'nobler reason' is not only symbolic of his assumption of his own humanity, it also resolves the tension which surrounds Prospero's plans for retribution as the play reaches its denouement. Indeed, his decision to renounce his 'Art' is an implicit acknowledgement of the role of magic in Antonio's usurpation of Milan and his own exile to the island. Wishing to return to civilised society with Miranda, his eschewal of his powers, his decision to 'break [his] staff... and... drown [his] book' is an open recognition of the way in which he could no longer afford to isolate himself any further, his books and staff therefore acting as symbols of his desire to retreat from the realities of human existence and his pre-occupation with the acquisition of knowledge. Prospero's declaration that he had 'bedimmed/The noontide sun' and performed feats which emphasise the fiercely destructive and manipulative elements of his power, essentially dramatises the act of renouncement itself for the audience, insisting upon the scope and extent of the powers which Prospero is surrendering. Having restored order and balance, according to his own conception of it, Prospero must set aside the 'rough magic' which was a barrier to his forgiveness of Antonio and Alonso, and therefore, his return to Milan. Indeed, his renunciation of his ability to open 'graves at [his] command' is an explicit acknowledgement of his human condition and limitations, an acceptance of his own mortality and humanity, and the last key to the restoration of order and harmony, ultimately symbolic of the end of the emotional tumult of The Tempest. 

[Patches]

I'm doing Capote this year, I'll give it a try.

Okay, took the criticism on board and rewrote the entire essay XD
Here's the new essays equivalent I suppose of the paragraph you looked at. Any criticism on the new one would be much appreciated Hopefully it's better!! hahaha

Throughout ‘In Cold Blood’, Capote characterises Perry Smith as in incredibly vain man who thrives on flattery to such an extreme that his own beliefs seem to be put forward with the sole intention of receiving this flattery, through both his own words and the reactions of others. I think it's surely more complex than that. He craves attention because he has always been denied it; he's narcissistic because nobody else grants him any attention. Capote surely has a lot more sympathy for him than you suggest. This is demonstrated in passage two, where Perry’s dream illustrates the fact that he views himself to be a constant victim who deserves to be saved by others. By consistently bringing attention to this fact throughout his work, Capote allows the reader to draw a comparison between Perry and Herb Clutter, who as shown in passage one, was a true victim entirely undeserving of the fate he received. In forcing the reader to realise this of their own accord rather than having it spelt out to them, Capote allows the readers own criticisms to be stronger, thus delivering a strong critique of Perry’s character in amongst the sympathetic retelling of his life before the murders.Is it a critique of Perry's character? Think about the epigraph at the start of the book :
(english translation)

Brothers that live when we are dead,
 don't set yourself against us too.
 If you could pity us instead,
 then God may sooner pity you.

Surely Capote's first response to Perry is pity - pity at the waste of a life and of the potential he shows (painting, singing etc). At least in my reading, Capote suggests Perry's narcissism is a product of his neglect, rather than an inherent flaw to be criticised. Think - 'Perry Smith's life had been no bed of roses but pitiful, an ugly and lonely progression towards one mirage after another.'

Here's a paragraph on The Freedom of the City if anyone else is studying it...

It is emblematic of the aimless Skinner’s wasted potential that he enter the first passage reciting lines from King Lear. Unlike Lily and Michael. Skinner clearly possesses an educated mind. His name, Adrian Casimir, implies in its sophistication the kind of upbringing that allowed him a brief stint at ‘grammar school’ and has imprinted upon him an acute understanding of the hypocrisies of class and status. Lear’s statement – ‘in nothing am I changed/but in my garments’ – is given voice by Skinner as a condemnation of the aspirational Michael, committed to assimilating himself to the ‘dominant class’ by metaphorically donning their attitudes. Skinner’s satirical news-report – ‘three gutties become freemen. Apologies, Mr Hegarty! Two gutties’ reflects Skinner’s ingrained sense of persecution, his experience of failure externalised in a show of ‘defensive flippancy’ to anyone with a sense of self-improvement. ‘Gutties’ are the cheap canvas shoes ever-present in the Bogside, a slur repossessed as a token of unity and solidarity among the poor. Skinner’s refusal to grant Michael the title suggests he regards Michael’s mimicry of the attitudes of the establishment as a betrayal of his heritage and his unspoken responsibility to ‘the poor’. While Skinner satirically brandishes the ‘Union Jack in one hand and a ceremonial sword in the other’, Michael will only ‘reluctantly [put] on the robe’, conflicted as he is between his ideological instinct for symbolic protest and his realisation that Skinner is ‘not interested in civil rights… at all.’