(URGENT) I don't know what to do anymore!

[90+FTW]

I think everyone overestimates me! I'm not joking, whenever I'm trying to be serious about something...like "I honestly think I'm going to badly on this SAC" everyone and I mean EVERYONE (including my teachers) laugh and say "You? You'll be fine." AND IT PISSES ME OFF. I feel like everyone has these ridiculous expectations set up for me when I'm already stressed enough

UGH!!!!

[thushan]

I think everyone overestimates me! I'm not joking, whenever I'm trying to be serious about something...like "I honestly think I'm going to badly on this SAC" everyone and I mean EVERYONE (including my teachers) laugh and say "You? You'll be fine." AND IT PISSES ME OFF. I feel like everyone has these ridiculous expectations set up for me when I'm already stressed enough

UGH!!!!

Ah man I feel your pain. If anything they just have confidence in you. Take it as confidence, not expectation.

[pi]

Out of interest (and not saying you're at fault there), but why do you keep saying stuff like that if you have this feeling that they're not going to be encouraging?

Personally, I'd just keep those feelings to yourself or maybe bring them to a more supportive environment.

Just my thoughts.

[Limista]

Out of interest (and not saying you're at fault there), but why do you keep saying stuff like that if you have this feeling that they're not going to be encouraging?

Personally, I'd jut keep those feelings to yourself or maybe bring them to a more supportive environment.

Just my thoughts.

I say these types of things occasionally as well.

I think it's because I want someone to empathise with me, by responding along the lines of, "I know what you're feeling. The teacher said the SAC was going to be a killer and I also really don't feel prepared. Haven't been studying a lot for it lately because I'm so preoccupied with debating/admin work for the school/German oral (etc.). I think this is going to break my SAC streak and I'm really worried what my parents will say if I screw up". In other words, whenever I'm in this position where I express negativity, I want someone to stress along with me. I want someone to say that they are also not prepared, so I don't feel as inadequate.

But when people distance themselves from you by saying, "No, you're going to do fine. Look at you!", I feel like they are not really addressing my concerns, but rather, avoiding the emotional mess I am in. They do not want to get tangled within the web that an anxious year 12 student has constructed for herself. These people took the highway, instead of 'my' way; they chose to travel along the easier en-route. The smarter option is, after all, not to embroil oneself in the affairs of another.

[pi]

Fair enough.

But here's a different perspective from the other side, having been on the receiving end of a lot of these "Oh I'm going to fail, only did <understated #> hours of study this week blah blah blah, bound to get <very low> score blah blah blah I wish I was smart like <you, someone else> blah blah blah" from people I know (having been in "high achieving" cohorts in school in now in uni), I actually find it quite annoying.

I can see what they're going for, some kind words and some confidence as you said, but I'm not sure they're going about it in the "right way", especially when it happens again, and again, and... again.

Now I personally have a few problems with this.
1) From the outside it appears they're just fishing for compliments and lowering everyone's exceptions for when they pull out a great score. Which really appears to be wasting everyone's time.
2) Over-modesty is actually worse than arrogance for me. I'd honestly rather have a guy say "I'm going to smash this exam" and actually smash it rather than have a guy saying "I'm going to fail this exam" and then smash it.
3) In some regards, shows a total disregard for the feelings of everyone else. Say a high achiever is talking to friends who consistently are "lower achievers" than them (by marks, for example), will those friends feel better by their smarter friend who they look up to saying how "screwed" he/she is for the next assessment? Will they feel any more confident? Probably not, it's likely to lower everyone's confidence. I actually know a few people who do this on purpose, and I really hate it. It's selfish, disgusting and I'm not a fan at all.
4) The people who say all of this, but ALSO then are the people who ask about everyone else's marks (or at least those of the "top students") and are pretty keen on letting everyone else know how they went. It's worse if they ask for someone's marks behind their back too. Ultimate academic douche-baggery in my books.
5) When you do give them some comfort, they say something like "But look at <person X>, they've done soooooo much better than me and done sooooo much more study". I can't understand why some people care so much about other people's marks, so at this point I give this person a blank look and walk off to a more chilled crowd.
6) People using the word "fail" to mean what a friend might consider to be a "good/acceptable score". I know people in uni who do this, and safe to say they are the ones with less friends than all the others.

Not saying you one of those people who when saying "I'm actually not going to go so well" end up saying it like above (in fact I'm certain you're probably not one of those people just from your forum presence!), but I know a lot of people who don't mean to sound like that, but actually do because they've never been on the receiving end. And from observing, those people end up wondering why people don't want to talk to them about academics or why they have less mates than they started off with. In a way, I feel sorry for them for that ignorance.

I have no idea if any of that was coherent, but it's a topic that really frustrates me having been in environments where I'm hearing this stuff nearly ever second day (usually from a minority of people).

/rant, feel feel to disagree.

[thushan]

Woah, someone's pissed.

[Limista]

lol - I don't know why I can never take you seriously pi   

I was smiling the entire time I was reading your 'little' spiel haha.

That said, your argument definitely has a lot of substance and I can see where you are coming from. I don't think I've been exposed to such pessimistic people to the same extent that you have. Perhaps this explains the lack of frustration coming from me. 

[pi]

lol - I don't know why I can never take you seriously pi   

Hahaha I struggle to take myself seriously most of the time LOL

Woah, someone's pissed.

I'm never "pissed", you should know that Just a healthy rant that I always wanted to write.

[90+FTW]

ow I personally have a few problems with this.
1) From the outside it appears they're just fishing for compliments and lowering everyone's exceptions for when they pull out a great score. Which really appears to be wasting everyone's time.
2) Over-modesty is actually worse than arrogance for me. I'd honestly rather have a guy say "I'm going to smash this exam" and actually smash it rather than have a guy saying "I'm going to fail this exam" and then smash it.
3) In some regards, shows a total disregard for the feelings of everyone else. Say a high achiever is talking to friends who consistently are "lower achievers" than them (by marks, for example), will those friends feel better by their smarter friend who they look up to saying how "screwed" he/she is for the next assessment? Will they feel any more confident? Probably not, it's likely to lower everyone's confidence. I actually know a few people who do this on purpose, and I really hate it. It's selfish, disgusting and I'm not a fan at all.
4) The people who say all of this, but ALSO then are the people who ask about everyone else's marks (or at least those of the "top students") and are pretty keen on letting everyone else know how they went. It's worse if they ask for someone's marks behind their back too. Ultimate academic douche-baggery in my books.
5) When you do give them some comfort, they say something like "But look at <person X>, they've done soooooo much better than me and done sooooo much more study". I can't understand why some people care so much about other people's marks, so at this point I give this person a blank look and walk off to a more chilled crowd.
6) People using the word "fail" to mean what a friend might consider to be a "good/acceptable score". I know people in uni who do this, and safe to say they are the ones with less friends than all the others.

1) This is probably the most ignorant thing I have ever heard. Sure make assumptions. Firstly, I AM NOT FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS (I suffer from OCD, Manic depression and GAD) so this is a compulsive aspect of my character, and I take solace in discovering that other people are just as stressed as I am. I don't feel so alone.

2) When I say I am going to do badly at something, I GENUINELY believe so, also bear in mind that what others consider a good mark, I may consider a bad one. That is just a personal expectation and my MANY friends have never been offended by this - or believe me, they would have said so. P.S I am not trying to be arrogant. Again ignorant, and rude.

3) I always listen to my friends when they are constantly overstressed and when they believe that they will fail, I am strictly frank with them, which is why it angers me that they don't treat me equally.

4) WTF? I don't do this - don't know where the fuck you pulled this from, but sure, lets assume. I'm actually very shy with telling people I know my marks. My teachers are the ones that tell my class my marks. You think I enjoy that?

5) AGAIN, this really just follows on from the previous ignorant remark.

6) refer to 2

[pi]

You have misread my post completely, none of it was specific to you or SugarMinted (or anyone else)! There is no way I would ever throw some accusation like that to someone I don't know or have seen 5 posts of. Which is why I kept saying things like "what they're going for" or "The people who say..." rather that anything else that could imply I was referring to anyone in this thread.

My post was a general perspective from the side of the "listener", not specific to anyone. More of a rant, which I thought I made pretty clear (clearly not clear enough).

Apologies if I have offended you (which it appears I have), but that was not my intention at all as none of it was aimed at you specifically.

For the record, this was the only post I made specifically to you:

Out of interest (and not saying you're at fault there), but why do you keep saying stuff like that if you have this feeling that they're not going to be encouraging?

Personally, I'd just keep those feelings to yourself or maybe bring them to a more supportive environment.

Just my thoughts.

And now that we know you have OCD, Manic depression and anxiety, I can see how it's not really that relevant. But just putting it there as what I did say to you specifically.

Have you discussed this matter with your psychiatrist and your teachers (who if they know about your medical history and are still telling others your scores, are fkn douchebags)?

[hobbitle]

1) This is probably the most ignorant thing I have ever heard.
etc

Generally i'm with pi, although there are clearly exceptions (as in your case).

I also hear the OP though, as I also find it really irritating if I were to express doubt about how I went in an exam (always just mild disconcertion in the form of a facial expression rather than ever actually saying "I totally failed") and the response is always something like "I'm sure you did fine".  For me, 'fine' is not good enough and my definition of 'fine' is probably a lot higher than many peoples.  Maybe not ANers but hey.  Most peoples 'fine' is a pass.  My 'fine' is 80%.  So I hear you, OP, when you get annoyed when people say 'you'll be fine'.  Everybody has different expectations of themselves.

[pi]

So how exactly would you guys respond to someone who needs genuine encouragement?

With my close friends, I tend to not talk about exams too much. I think we all have this mutual understanding of sorts that worrying about what you got wrong isn't going to be too productive and isn't great for your mood, we might go through a few questions we know we got right for confidence and maybe a few that we know were a bit ridiculous that's about it. Usually exam talk stops on exam day. We're pretty chill lot, so all it's good (Y)

However there's always that moment when one of us might actually be disappointed about how they went, and typically our approach is to bag the crap out of the exam and just remind each other that it's really just one exam and not the end of the world. Stuff like: "Yeah how bullsh*t was that question!.. I swear the Faculty never tests the core concepts... Mate, only the pros would have got that.. Next time we'll smash out a few more hours in the library, get better at <topic Y>... Remember at school, "more than just marks", we've got this, we won't let a bad grade stop us from being good people [for MHS mates obviously]... If it helps, I don't think I did much better, it was a killer...etc etc.".

A lot of encouraging and criticizing of the paper (which is usually justified LOL), works with my group of friends, but as I said, we're a fairly chill bunch

[Stick]

OP, this is something that I can identify with on an incredibly personal level and I think that everything that has been said here is just about right. I'm still very much so working through it all myself, but I've found that finding that one person who you can trust and talking to them about it is the best thing you can do. If you'd like to discuss this further with me, I'd be more than happy to chat to you via PM. We're both in this one together.

[thushan]

With my close friends, I tend to not talk about exams too much. I think we all have this mutual understanding of sorts that worrying about what you got wrong isn't going to be too productive and isn't great for your mood, we might go through a few questions we know we got right for confidence and maybe a few that we know were a bit ridiculous that's about it. Usually exam talk stops on exam day. We're pretty chill lot, so all it's good (Y)

However there's always that moment when one of us might actually be disappointed about how they went, and typically our approach is to bag the crap out of the exam and just remind each other that it's really just one exam and not the end of the world. Stuff like: "Yeah how bullsh*t was that question!.. I swear the Faculty never tests the core concepts... Mate, only the pros would have got that.. Next time we'll smash out a few more hours in the library, get better at <topic Y>... Remember at school, "more than just marks", we've got this, we won't let a bad grade stop us from being good people [for MHS mates obviously]... If it helps, I don't think I did much better, it was a killer...etc etc.".

A lot of encouraging and criticizing of the paper (which is usually justified LOL), works with my group of friends, but as I said, we're a fairly chill bunch

What also works is a rant on FB about how stupid and random the exam was

[~V]