feedback, how I can improve it to make it better
Here are some tips for your introduction, I'll (or maybe someone else will) give some more feedback on other sections later, but I'll give you this for now.
1. Your definition of osmosis could be better. If this is the definition your teacher told you to use, then use it – but it not you can improve it. Osmosis is the passive movement of water from a high concentration to a low concentration across a semipermeable membrane
2. You should try to link in ‘hypertonic’, ‘isotonic’, and ‘hypotonic’ into your introduction since you talk about it later. What do each term mean and how are they relevant in the context of the potato.
3. Your aim doesn’t have to be explaining how you are going to achieve it, just what it is. You may also want to consider why you would want to determine the concentration of dissolved solids in a potato cell.
4. Your hypothesis isn’t quite worded right – the grammar is a bit off. Also, you hypothesis doesn’t fully explain the relationship between the IV and the DV. You should also relate this back to your aim.
5. The way you’ve stated your IV makes it sound like you’re changing the mass of the sucrose, not the mass of the potato slice.
6. The DV is not specific enough. The gain/loss in the potatoes could be interpreted as a increase/decrease in the number of potatoes. You need to be more specific about what you are measuring
7. With your controlled variables, like with the other ones, you need to be more specific still. I would say ‘number of potato slices used is controlled’ and instead of saying the amount of solution, use more specific terms. What measurement precisely are you controlling… mass? Volume? You could also add more controlled variables as there are other things that you kept the same across trials (I'm assuming).
Hopefully this is clear, but feel free to ask for any clarification and feel free to disagree with me on something, especially if your teacher has told you to do something in a certain way - after all, they are the ones marking it. Leading on from this, if possible, it would be a good idea to get some feedback from your teacher before submitting it (if they are happy to do so) as they will be able to tell you exactly what they are looking for.