Oral: Climate Change Public Policy

[M_BONG]

Hi!

So I finished my POV oral last night and was looking for general comments on it. I haven't looked through it in detail and as such grammar mistakes/typos may occur throughout the speech.

Any help/feedback/criticism will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

[nerdmmb]

This is really good.
Just one suggestion though, try making it sound a bit oratorical since it appears to be more of a formal essay. -- that's the advice I always get and also to have a really punchy conclusion..


But overall, I think its really good.

[M_BONG]

This is really good.
Just one suggestion though, try making it sound a bit oratorical since it appears to be more of a formal essay. -- that's the advice I always get and also to have a really punchy conclusion..


But overall, I think its really good.

Thanks!
I did have that slight worry; in that I may not be engaging with the audience sufficiently.

I might add some rhetorical devices in my speech but that may risk it sounding far too informal/laid-back?

[emilyhobbes]

haha love the stab at Tony Abbott

You've got great sign posting, have obviously done your research and have great vocab, but the only thing I'd be worried about it losing your audience's interest. I'm not sure if that's part of your assessment, but for me, engaging the audience was like a third of the marks, and I'm just noticing your speech is quite jargon heavy and dense and may be a bit difficult to follow, that'd be something I'd work on but that's just my opinion

good luck! 

[brightsky]

Hi!

So I finished my POV oral last night and was looking for general comments on it. I haven't looked through it in detail and as such grammar mistakes/typos may occur throughout the speech.

Any help/feedback/criticism will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

Attached.

Apologies if any of the remarks are a little bit too acerbic.

[nerdmmb]

Thanks!
I did have that slight worry; in that I may not be engaging with the audience sufficiently.

I might add some rhetorical devices in my speech but that may risk it sounding far too informal/laid-back?

A few rhetorical tools here and there won't hurt - it'll only make it more engaging As emilyhobbes mentioned, many schools including mine set a criteria for the level of engagement with the audience.

Have you tried recording yourself present it (always works for me) and then watch over it to see where you'd like to make adjustments?

[vox nihili]

This is really good.
Just one suggestion though, try making it sound a bit oratorical since it appears to be more of a formal essay. -- that's the advice I always get and also to have a really punchy conclusion..


But overall, I think its really good.

I only had a really quick look because I'm a little busy at the moment (if you want to get in contact with me I can have a closer look later), but it's I definitely second this. You're a beautiful writer, but you definitely need to make this a speech! You can afford to be a little informal as well

[M_BONG]

Attached.

Apologies if any of the remarks are a little bit too acerbic

Thanks guys!

Brightsky: your feedback/correction is extremely useful. Indeed I do debating and I am really bad at signposting (ie. NOT saying "Now I am going to talk about this etc". so I tend to lose structure/signposting marks) so I went extra-cautious in not repeating this mistake in my oral presentation. As for the difference between an oral presentation (persuasive speech) and a debating speech, I was never taught at Year 11 level how to do one; so I don't actually know the difference between the two.

But from the gist of your remarks, would I benefit a lot more by targeting the lowest common denominator (ie. more informality, less jargon) in my point of view oral? I know you can be technical without sounding robotic but would you suggest more informality?

You seem to dislike my signposting (eg. Now I am going to move on to my third point etc..). Do you recommend just saying my next point without any transition from my previous point? Or would a brief linking word like "furthermore" be appropriate?
I really appreciate your detailed correction, at 11PM!

[brightsky]

Thanks guys!

Brightsky: your feedback/correction is extremely useful. Indeed I do debating and I am really bad at signposting (ie. NOT saying here I am going to talk about this etc. so I tend to lose structure/signposting marks) so I went extra-cautious in not repeating this mistake in my oral presentation. As for the difference between an oral presentation (persuasive speech) and a debating speech, I was never taught at Year 11 level how to do one; so I don't actually know the difference between the two.

But from the gist of your remarks, would I benefit a lot more by targeting the lowest common denominator (ie. more informality, less jargon) in my point of view oral? I know you can be technical without sounding robotic but would you suggest more informality?

You seem to dislike my signposting (eg. Now I am going to move on to my third point etc..). Do you recommend just saying my next point without any transition from my previous point? Or would a brief linking word like "furthermore" be appropriate?
I really appreciate your detailed correction, at 11PM!

There is no real structure to which you must conform. I find that most of first-rate speeches are bereft of any structure. Obviously, it is in your interests to present your ideas in a logical fashion, however, if you adopt too rigid a structure, the rhetorical force of your speech might be attenuated, and your audience might lose interest. Every sentence of your speech should pack a punch, and in order to achieve this, you will most likely have to reduce the amount of jargon and statistics in your speech, and increase the number of 'rhetorical hammers'. By that, I mean sentences or phrases which hit the nail on the head, and which make the audience nod in agreement. Conjunctions like 'furthermore' and 'moreover' are optional, but definitely not mandatory. It is not all that important to ensure that your audience has a lucid idea of the structure of your speech. What is important is that your audience takes something away from your speech.