This is my first real crack at writing an expository essay (or something like an expository) and I'm looking for people to tear it apart and provide some feedback, it would be a huge help.
Without connection to others there is no me
Connection to others – it’s a basic human need. It has its roots buried deep within us, from the primal instinct of safety being in numbers. Yet its effects are far more profound than that. For many, an individual’s sense of self can be moulded and shaped from the connections they have to others. It is these connections and interactions that create the person – the individual. Psychologist Abraham Maslow believed belonging and connection to others to be part of a “hierarchy of needs” – things that a person must sequentially achieve to be content with themselves. So if belonging and connection are indeed necessary for humans, is it so farfetched to believe that those same connections can influence the individual?
Maslow’s idea resonates with me personally as in my own life, ideals and beliefs that I align with are the result of the connections I have made with others – ultimately creating the individual I am today. As a simplistic example, the pride I have for my country does not lie with my birth land of Australia, but rather for the land my parents came from, Poland. This should not make sense for if my life were immediately analysed from birth, I would have no connection to any place or person from Poland – and yet, I do. Through the upbringing from my immigrant parents, I now feel a true and honest connection to Poland. The ideals and customs brought by them and placed unto me since birth inevitably brought me to this end result. It was speaking Polish at home, rather than English. It was attending Catholic Church every Sunday. It was the traditions around Easter, that a traditional Polish egg soup called “Zurek” be eaten post-mass, and on Christmas Eve where a large feast of anything but meat was to be eaten before mass. These traditions that my parents were brought up with, that I was brought up with, eventually helped solidify my Polish identity. I have no nationalistic pride for Australia; it is all aimed at Poland – for I am Polish. An integral part of who I believe I am – the result of my connection to my parents.
Others similar to me can also attest to Maslow’s ideas and hence the notion that identity is the product of connection. Patti Miller’s memoir “The Mind of a Thief” follows the story of herself and through her process, several Aboriginals as they attempt to find, understand and reconcile connections with who they are. Williams is a proud member of the Wiradjuri tribe, so much so that she is attempting to fight for her tribes’ right to the land wrongfully taken from them by the government. For someone such as Williams to have the tenacity to fight for their tribe – it is clear that this connection is an important part of her. Her relationship to her tribe, whilst being a factor that undoubtedly affects who she is, is not as prominent as the relationship she has with her mother. Williams states that being “Wiradjuri or not” is “passed down on the mother’s side” – being Wiradjuri, something that is an essential part of Williams is the result of her mother. It is from the connection that Williams has with her mother on a physiological level that has created a part of Williams that is ingrained within her – something so strong that she fights for it.
As it can be seen, the connections and relationships experienced by individuals can impact an individual’s sense of self. However, let us consider for a moment someone who in Maslow’s hierarchy has not yet been able to reach the platform where relationships can blossom. In the first two platforms of his hierarchy, Maslow believes that the physical well-being of a person and their safety must be taken care of (sequentially) before any type of ‘belonging’ can occur.
Genie was a child found by child welfare authorities in the 1970s after spending 12 years locked in a room, alone, and severely malnourished. By Maslow’s standards Genie was not able to fulfil the first two stages of his pyramid and thus, unable to achieve any type of meaningful connection – this of course added to her severe abuse, neglect and social isolation. For Genie, someone with no connections or interactions – can she have an identity? Does she have beliefs or aspects of society that she can identify with? On a basic level, can she even comprehend the ideas of following a particular sports team? Upon her rescue and placement into a hospital it was said that Genie “showed no signs of attachment to anybody in particular” – further agreeing with her non-existent connections.
However, as time progressed and researchers studied and interacted with Genie, she was able to form connections with others as her first two needs were met and so, she was able to progress further up the pyramid. She was able to form a bond with her mother, with Susan Curtiss (a lead researcher) and Marilyn Rigler, one of her foster caretakers. Genie found places where she belonged, such as her second foster home – a place she regarded so highly that upon subsequent lower quality foster homes she communicated with her non-existent skills “I want live back Marilyn house”. Genie was able to form an identity. Considering Maslow’s standards, Genie reached a point where she was able to connect to others, and maintain these relationships. It is only after these connections that some form of identity was able to be created. Prior to her connections she was in essence, nothing and no-one.
The SBS television program “Who do you think you are” also explores these ideas of identity and connection by having celebrities explore their family histories. Musician, John Butler, attempted to find out more about his past and where he came from. In his search, Butler found out that the Dobro guitar given to him by his father was passed down through the generations from his great grandmother. Butler sees his Dobro guitar as something that “helped define his career” and it is the product of his family connection. A defining part of who Butler is, as a person and a musician, is the result of the connections with his family on a physiological level.
Similar to Williams from “The Mind of a Thief”, Butler comes to find out that his name “comes from the female side” of his family as his great-great-grandfather took his Mother’s maiden name. Through familial ties – a connection spanning several generations – something that is a part of John Butler is yet again, the result of his connections to others. It is who he is, who he is known as, part of his band and world, and it all comes from his family.
Connections to others are not always clear. They may be current such as family and friends. They may be distant going through different generations and worlds. Sometimes, they may not even exist. However, given the opportunity, the connections that we experience and interact with inevitably lead us on a course of who we are, and who we are to become. As is the saying “show me your friends and I will tell you who you are”, too true is it that who we are is influenced by those around us.
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