[English] Context Writing - The Rugmaker Expository Piece. Please critique!

[bumblebeebob]

Hey everyone

This is the first time I've ever posted on the site so please don't hate me if I've inadvertently posted this is the wrong place. I'm currently in Year 11 and this is the first ever context piece I've ever written, not even sure if it is entirely expository...this was a SAC from earlier in term 3, and my teacher gave it a 34/35. I'm just wondering what others think about it because I'm not entirely sure that my teacher is truly competent with teaching VCE, he was quite vague when explaining how to write an expository context piece (except that we needed to discuss a different real-life conflict in each paragraph and link it somehow to the novel) and so I subsequently spent a lot of time trying to teach myself from the VCAA exam reports and this amazing resource  . Also, I really want see where I can improve in prepartion for next year (I'm aiming for 35-40 SS, perhaps higher, please tell me if I'm deluded  )

The context was 'Encountering Conflict' and our novel was 'The Rugmaker of Mazar-e-Sharif'. Also, the conclusion was terribly rushed, I had no idea how to end it and hence it's terribly written :/ haha

Thanks in advance, much appreciated 



‘The experience of conflict changes people’s priorities.’

Conflict is an attribute fundamental to the spice of human life. No matter if it manifests itself constructively or grievously, conflict has always been the element of life that will sculpt our opinions, inspire purpose within our values and affirm our beliefs, building our character and formulating our priorities. We swear allegiance by these, but where a confliction arises, ready to attest our character, it is simply human nature to re-evaluate our priorities.

All too often we as the over-consumerised populace of the Western world fail to appreciate and value the seemingly simplistic rights that we are accustomed to; take, as an example, our rights to education. We see education as a compulsory concept, one where a life is impoverished without it in some form, be it scholarly or vocationally. Our view is such only because we know in our sheltered part of the world, the clouds will not rain shrapnel; we never have to live with the irrepressible fact that simply existing is a danger to our lives. However, as exemplified in Najaf Mazari’s 2008 autobiography The Rugmaker of Mazar-e-Sharif, when people must live a life of dissonance, priorities are vastly divergent and in some instances, the priorities we as the relatively privileged possess do not even register on the radar of those under incessantly obdurate conflict. As a 37 year old man, Najaf recounts his childhood schooling in Afghanistan, recalling it as an ‘absurd waste of time’ when contrasted with the ‘real work of living’; evidently the ongoing conflict of his homeland, in which he consequently worked, aged just eight, to assist his family to financially recuperate after the death of his father and older brother Gorg Ali, had impacted dramatically on his prioritisation of social conventions, namely education. But life as a settled man in Australia procures a contrasting perspective on education in Najaf; as he no longer has to fear for his or his family’s lives – specifically that of his daughter, Maria - he can appreciate education, can relish in “the noise of children chattering happily…” as they learn in a country where their physical toiling and fear of terrorism at their school is unnecessary. Had Maria remained in Afghanistan, she would have totally been denied education of any kind, but her life in Australia allows her the opportunity to transform education into a priority.

Lust for hegemony can alter priorities during conflict. In an analogous struggle to Najaf’s woe in extremist Afghanistan from 1973 to 2000, the current supermarket duopoly embroiling underappreciated Australian farmers and both supermarket giants Coles and Woolworths is a more relatable embodiment of conflict changing the priorities of all involved. Woolworths, who posted a $1.3 billion profit for just the first half of this year, are currently plastering celebrity chef Jamie Oliver on every marketable medium as possible as part of a new ‘Jamie’s Garden’ promotional crusade in their consumerism war against Coles. However, rather sensibly once you consider Woolworth’s billion-dollar-plus half yearly profit and Oliver’s estimated $261 million net worth, the supermarket has requested that growers, many of whom are paid far too poorly for their world-class produce, foot the bill for this marketing campaign at 40c per crate of produce (essentially 2.5% of their pay) after Woolworths has already purchased it and effectively own it.  The fact that growers already pay 5% in marketing levies contrasted against the ridiculous sums of money generated by their affluent employer substantiates that supplier loyalty is of far less importance to major companies when consumers and their cash are at stake, affirming the premise that priorities are altered by dissent. This is further evidenced within The Rugmaker as the war between the Mujahedin and the Russian Communist Party raged in what Najaf describes as an ‘explosion laboratory’ that is his homeland between the years of 1973 and 2000, where civilian loss was rife across Afghanistan as a by-product of war between two parties. Conflict doesn’t differentiate between a supermarket and warfare; whichever it ensnares, priorities will transmute.

Of course, conflict is not just about two opposing parties raging a pernicious international war with innumerable fatalities; conflict, in any of its myriad facets, can manifest itself within individuals anywhere imaginable; even in the Australian Football League. The current Essendon FC drugs saga can be paralleled with Najaf’s plight in Australia as a refugee at Woomera Detention Centre; both had entrusted others with their health and safety, evoking intrapersonal conflict within both and thus changing their perceptions of authority figures.  Players were injected with alleged banned substances under a supplement program instigated by senior club officials yet carried out by qualified sports doctors. One would rightfully believe – in an advanced country - that by going to a doctor would mean one’s health and safety is the epitome of importance; that what they would inject into your body would be legal but above all benign.  To ‘place your fate in the hands of other people is never a happy situation’, and Najaf struggles to adapt to existence as a ‘powerless’ refugee in ‘the land of Australia’. His lengthy inner turmoil, however, and the desolation experienced by less fortunate refugees at Woomera see Najaf advance within the system as he decides to embrace the opportunities, albeit simple - such as serving breakfast at the mess – presented to him during his time in detention. Whether it is Najaf or Essendon, the conflict they experienced respectively is evidence that conflict can procure different priorities from different people.

Whether we like it or not, squabbles, dissent, quarrels and conflict will always be present at any turn in the road. But no matter if we accept it with grace or abhor the very notion, it is simply human nature that we will change our priorities.