English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)

[brenden]

Spoiler

Over time immemorial human beings have strived to discover relationships with their esoteric and physical surrounds which are sourced from the fundamental sense of curiosity, necessity or wonder and provokes appreciation of self and the broader society. This process ultimately engenders new ideas that illuminate facets of individuals and possibilities that were previously unknown. As such, the deprivation or endowment of self-discovery holds the dual capacity to challenge and develop an individual’s sense of discernment of the human nature. Manifestly demonstrated in Robert Frost’s romanticist poetry ‘Mending wall’ and ‘Home Burial’, and Liam Connor’s filmic production ‘Time’; encompasses aspects of personal metamorphoses, that are catalysed by human interactions with surroundings.

Acceptance is a quintessential virtue required in instigating the diversification of underdeveloped human relations. In ‘Mending Wall’ Frost depicts persona’s epiphany of his own and his neighbour’s authentic relationship. In the lines, “set the wall between us” ”we keep the wall between us” The motif of “wall”, emblemises the physical estrangement between the neighbours, with a combination of repetition and visual imagery of the landscape, Frost exhibits the authenticity of the scene, portraying the characters striving for labour while remaining emotionally and psychologically alienated. Additionally, the extended metaphor is furthered in the lines “something there is that does not love a wall” the symbolism of wall is reiterated further through the syntactical inversion of the anastrophe, where the “wall” represents the barrier between individual’s and their eagerness to  communication. As the essence of affiliation holds the capacity to include and exclude individuals, thus constraining the process of discovery.   

Through the nurturing of a multi-faceted aspect of discovery, individuals face the struggle of preserving ephemeral human relations, resulting in an evaluation of self and innate progression towards self-actualisation. Evidently, in ‘Home Burial’ Frost explicates the wife’s desire to escape proximity, the use of assertive tone “come down the stairs” illustrates the desperateness of the husband in an attempt to eradicate the fortified barriers of physical distance conceived by the wife, in unification, “staircase” functions as a symbol of existential physical and emotional partition which suggests their inability to be on common ground, her undoing her “doubtful step” downwards while he advances upwards towards her. As such, the notion of separation explicates the multifaceted human nature and how individual’s choice may restrain another’s ability to explore.

The tension between interpersonal connections determines one’s ability to rejuvenate future perception on self and broader society. The struggle ingrained within human connection is similarly manifested in ‘Time’, a contemporary tropfest short film, which accentuates the fractured affiliation between the young protagonist and his “friends”. This is palpable in the orientation, where the unnamed protagonist gathers with his comrades in the middle of a deserted forest. The employment of point of view shot in combination with the use of vector lines highlights the downfall of the protagonist who got beaten up and is impotent on the ground. The slow planning shot of the protagonist staring up into the bullies reiterates his vulnerability, which underscores his self-realisation of his engagement in flawed human affiliation. In addition, the injection of anguished soundtrack when the protagonist tears up like a little bitch illuminates the deplorable aftermath of confronting discovery, this is furthered through the framing and extreme close up shot on the tear which also proposes the endeavours of blemished human relationships as the notion of teardrop associates with struggles and depression; this underscores the detrimental ramification from reliance of others. 

'Mending Wall' deciphers the incompetence for interaction between the neighbours. As exhibited in the title, “mending” where the titular adjective suggests reparation and restoration but this is contradicted by the mixed connotations of the noun “wall” which is a divisive periphery representing obstacles preventing an individual’s eagerness to discover. Additionally, Frost’s use of active verbs, “sends” “spills” and “makes” conveys how the strange fluidity of “frozen ground swell” can create “gaps” so big that “two can pass abreast” combined with the caesura in the lines “the gaps I mean” Frost effectively reaffirms the conversational tone as the notion of “gaps” which symbolically represents the physical partition between the neighbours, which reiterates their inability to communicate, thus restrained to the introspective nature of humans. 

Likewise, in ‘Home Burial’ the concept of individual’s ineptitude to connect has been elucidated.  As displayed, the adversarial and fractured relationship between the wife and husband is palpable by her surety that he can “look” but “wouldn’t see” for from her perspective he is a “blind creature”. Frost uses dehumanisation in conjunction with the symbolism “blindness” to advocate the husband inability to communicate, thus disconnected to his surroundings. Moreover, the husband’s deterioration is established where it takes him “awhile” before he “as last” murmurs “oh,” and again “oh”. The husband’s utterance shows he has realised the flawed relationship; this is further reinforced with the fractured iambic structure on the following lines (18 and 19) which visually cue the highly charged and truncated conversation between them, which demonstrates the negative consequences of constrained relationship due to its capability to confine one from contemplation. 
     
Correspondingly, in 'Time', the central notion revolves around the introspection of interpersonal relationship and its confronting ramifications. Connor mimics the vulnerability of morality, where the climax is depicted through the process of the protagonist’s mother essentially dying, explicates the ephemeral nature of life. Through the use of slow panning shot, in conjunction with the mise en scene of the forest, plus the concentrated framing of plants, Connor symbolises Mother Nature and its capacity to limit ones desire for self-examination. This is furthered through the application of extensive sound techniques, as apparent in the ending scene, when the van falls into the lake, the instalment of non-diegetic background music, in combination with the use of slow motion shot; this triggers anticipation, panic, sorrow, faith and astonishment. As such, the melody slowly fades which highlights the treacherous situation, seen through the use of the underwater shot, Connor displays the protagonist's mother is running out of breath, supported with the diminishment of the soundtrack. Conclusively, the silence hints the fleeting qualities of life and the adverse ramification of unanticipated and impulsive self-realisation.

Through insightful representations of the dynamic human nature, Robert Frost’s ‘Mending Wall’, ‘Home Burial’ and Liam Connor’s ‘Time’ analogously forefronts the problematic nature of disorientated relationships, which has provided a perception of human beings, advocating discoveries which endangers disparate dilemmas hinging on individual’s situations. Conclusively, the authors have successfully illuminated audiences on the imbedded intricacies of discovery, and its preponderance in the enrichment of an individual’s perception of self, and the broader society.

Over time immemorial human beings have strived to discover relationships with their esotericesoteric is misused i think, or at least seems weird to use and physical surroundssurroundings which are sourced from the fundamental sense of curiosity, necessity or wonder and provokes appreciation of self and the broader society. Cool opening sentence. I'm nervous that you're going to end up throwing huge words at me that are supposed to be beautiful, but we'll see what happenesThis process ultimately engenders new ideas that illuminate facets of individuals and possibilities that were previously unknown. As such, the deprivation or endowment of self-discovery holds the dual capacity to challenge and develop an individual’s sense of discernment of the human natureBit awkward. Manifestly demonstrated what is manifestly demonstrated? these words are just stuck here a bit in Robert Frost’s romanticist poetry ‘Mending wall’ and ‘Home Burial’, and Liam Connor’s filmic production ‘Time’; encompasses aspects of personal metamorphoses, that are catalysed by human interactions with surroundings.
Cool! I can see you're really looking to broach big issues of discovery, which is fantastic.


Acceptance is a quintessential virtue required in instigating the diversification of underdeveloped human relations This sentence is just too much. When you shove too much 'fancy' words in a sentence, it detracts from what you're saying and probably starts to annoy your assessor. A little bit of it is okay and probably beneficial, but too much makes for ugly writing. In ‘Mending Wall’ Frost depicts persona’s epiphany of his own and his neighbour’s authentic relationship. In the lines, “set the wall between us” and ”we keep the wall between us” The motif of “wall”, emblemises the physical estrangement between the neighbours, with a combination of repetition and visual imagery of the landscape, Frost exhibits the authenticity of the scene, portraying the characters striving for labour while remaining emotionally and psychologically alienated This is an example of where 'too much' detracts, because I'm not fully sure what you're saying. You jumped form the physical disconnection to something about land and authenticity  and then another jump to 'striving for labor' --- just ensure that each of your ideas gets appropriate treatment and the time they deserve. if you have to leave something out, that's fine. it's better to have less done better than have lots done bt. Additionally, the extended metaphor is furthered in the lines “something there is that does not love a wall” the symbolism of wall is reiterated further through the syntactical inversion of the anastrophe, where the “wall” represents the barrier between individual’s and their eagerness to  communication. As the essence of affiliation holds the capacity to include and exclude individuals, thus constraining the process of discovery.   

Through the nurturing of a multi-faceted aspect of discovery, individuals face the struggle of preserving ephemeral human relations, resulting in an evaluation of self and innate progression towards self-actualisation. Evidently, in ‘Home Burial’ Frost explicates the wife’s desire to escape proximityescape proximity? this doesn't make much sense. this is where you have to be careful about the language , the use of assertive tone “come down the stairs” illustrates the desperateness of the husband in an attempt to eradicate the fortified barriers of physical distance conceived by the wife this is cool, in unification, “staircase” functions as a symbol of existential physical and emotional partition way too muchwhich suggests their inability to be on common ground, her undoing her “doubtful step” downwards while he advances upwards towards her. As such, the notion of separation explicates the multifaceted human nature and how individual’s choice may restrain another’s ability to explore.

The tension between interpersonal connections determines one’s ability to rejuvenate future perception on self and broader society. The struggle ingrained within human connection is similarly manifested in ‘Time’, a contemporary tropfest short film, which accentuates the fractured affiliation between the young protagonist and his “friends”. This is palpable in the orientation, where the unnamed protagonist gathers with his comrades in the middle of a deserted forest. The employment of point of view shot in combination with the use of vector lines highlights the downfall of the protagonist who got beaten up and is impotent on the ground. The slow planning shot of the protagonist staring up into the bullies reiterates his vulnerability, which underscores his self-realisation of his engagement in flawed human affiliation. In addition, the injection of anguished soundtrack when the protagonist tears up like a little bitch HAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK XD did you forget to delete this? so funnyilluminates the deplorable aftermath of confronting discovery, this is furthered through the framing and extreme close up shot on the tear which also proposes the endeavours of blemished human relationships as the notion of teardrop associates with struggles and depression; this underscores the detrimental ramification from reliance of others. 

'Mending Wall' deciphers the incompetence for interaction between the neighbours. As exhibited in the title, “mending” where the titular adjective suggests reparation and restoration but this is contradicted by the mixed connotations of the noun “wall” which is a divisive periphery representing obstacles preventing an individual’s eagerness to discover. Additionally, Frost’s use of active verbs, “sends” “spills” and “makes” conveys how the strange fluidity of “frozen ground swell” can create “gaps” so big that “two can pass abreast” combined with the caesura in the lines “the gaps I mean” Frost effectively reaffirms the conversational tone as the notion of “gaps” which symbolically represents the physical partition between the neighbours, which reiterates their inability to communicate, thus restrained to the introspective nature of humans.  i feel like your essay is at times more focussed on discussing human connection or relations than it is discovery. something to be wary of!

Likewise, in ‘Home Burial’ the concept of individual’s ineptitude to connect has been elucidated.  As displayed, the adversarial and fractured relationship between the wife and husband is palpable by her surety that he can “look” but “wouldn’t see” for from her perspective he is a “blind creature”.amount of strong words letting this sentence down Frost uses dehumanisation in conjunction with the symbolism “blindness” to advocate the husband inability to communicate, thus disconnected to his surroundings. Moreover, the husband’s deterioration is established where it takes him “awhile” before he “as last” murmurs “oh,” and again “oh”. The husband’s utterance shows he has realised the flawed relationship; this is further reinforced with the fractured iambic structure on the following lines (18 and 19) which visually cue the highly charged and truncated conversation between them, which demonstrates the negative consequences of constrained relationship due to its capability to confine one from contemplation. 
     
Correspondingly, in 'Time', the central notion revolves around the introspection of interpersonal relationship and its confronting ramifications. Connor mimics the vulnerability of morality, where the climax is depicted through the process of the protagonist’s mother essentially dying, explicates the ephemeral nature of life. Through the use of slow panning shot, in conjunction with the mise en scene of the forest, plus the concentrated framing of plants, Connor symbolises Mother Nature and its capacity to limit ones desire for self-examination. This is furthered through the application of extensive sound techniques, as apparent in the ending scene, when the van falls into the lake, the instalment of non-diegetic background music, in combination with the use of slow motion shot; this triggers anticipation, panic, sorrow, faith and astonishment. As such, the melody slowly fades which highlights the treacherous situation, seen through the use of the underwater shot, Connor displays the protagonist's mother is running out of breath, supported with the diminishment of the soundtrack. Conclusively, the silence hints the fleeting qualities of life and the adverse ramification of unanticipated and impulsive self-realisation.

Through insightful representations of the dynamic human nature, Robert Frost’s ‘Mending Wall’, ‘Home Burial’ and Liam Connor’s ‘Time’ analogously forefronts the problematic nature of disorientated relationships, which has provided a perception of human beings, advocating discoveries which endangers disparate dilemmas hinging on individual’s situations. Conclusively, the authors have successfully illuminated audiences on the imbedded intricacies of discovery, and its preponderance in the enrichment of an individual’s perception of self, and the broader society.


I get that you've gotta talk about human connection and relationships, which is a cool concept and works with Frost, but I think this is too disproportionally skewed away from discovery. like, you wanna use human connection as a springboard to discuss discovery, not discuss discovery amongst discussing human connection. atm it's like 70% human connection, 30% discovery, but it needs to be closer to hte other way around. Remember that your task is to explore issues of discovery, and human connection can be one method you use to do that, however, it needs to stay only a METHOD and not a task in and of itself.

The language at times also is way too much to have a positive influence on your assessor - i'd tone it down a bit good luck for trials!

[brenden]

Spoiler

The notion of self-discovery highlighted in “The Tempest” is manifested through the transformation of Prospero as he learns how to forgive. Prospero’s journey to self-discovery is reinforced by a sense of contrite release, as he learns to express remorse towards his past actions and perceives himself as responsible for his own demise. The symbolism of the storm “The noontide sun, called forth the mutinous, winds,/ And ‘twixt the green sea and the azured vault/ Set roaring war- to th’ dread rattling thunder” expresses Prospero’s emotional turmoil which is heightened by the ferocity of the tempest, as it represents the accumulation of rage Prospero has directed towards his brother, Alonso. The sound and lighting effects surround the stage building in intensity as Act 1. Scene 1. progresses further highlighting Prospero’s deep, merciless rage. This extreme level of indignation consumes Prospero causing him to contradict himself with the unfair treatment of his servant Ariel who he continues to enslave longer than originally agreed in order to serve his own purposes. Once Prospero is able to let go of the rage he holds, the responder witnesses a noteworthy change in his characterisation. Prospero reconsiders what his magic has achieved and promises to relinquish his powers and thus the metaphorical tempest inside of himself. Shakespeare has used visual imagery to convey the metaphor of the tempest as it subsides thus portraying the release of Prospero’s rage as he discovers he is able to forgive and move on. When Prospero throws his magic into the ocean it symbolises the release of his power as he realises that he does not need it, which represents the key part of his transformation.
 
Much like Prospero, Ellie in “Tomorrow When The War Began” experiences a character transformation, although hers is accentuated by the discovery of inner strength catalysed by the impact of war. Ellie’s new found strength is reinforced by her characterisation; she is able to maintain a clear head during her time of tribulation. Marsden’s use of irony highlights Ellie’s internal discovery “I wasn’t scared, just fascinated to see what would happen” as it represents the transformation of her character as she grows from her experiences to a point where she no longer fears both the internal and external war that surrounds it but simply accepts it. The acceptance of war and even death as a part of her life highlights Ellie’s transformation, which is further manifested in her self-discovery of her unknown strength. Ellie and Prospero both undergo a significant positive character transformation, as they both learn to accept and move on from the past tragedies that impact them, letting go of the darkness that clouds their minds.

The corruption of indigenous cultures at the hands of a ‘civilised’ world in the name of colonisation can be a negative outcome of exploration. The negative effects of physical discovery, highlighted by colonisation, are manifested in the characterisation of Caliban. Stephano and Trinculo manipulate Caliban to adopt modern hierarchical concepts with the intention of making Stephano king of the island. As Caliban discovers the civilised world he begins to lose his spiritual connection to the land and his culture. Although Caliban believes Stephano and Trinculo to be worthy of kings, he is not aware that they are both drunks with no regard for their civilised society who only perceive Caliban as a financial investment. They believe people will pay money to “see an indian” this use or irony demonstrates the manipulation and corruption of indigenous people around the world, conveying loss of culture by the hands of the ‘civilised world’. Caliban does eventually realise his mistakes, and much like Prospero, has his own transformation in which he repents his actions. Which includes plotting to kill Prospero. Caliban begs Prospero for forgiveness “And seek for grace. What a thrice- double ass/ Was I, to take this drunkard for a god/ And worship this dull fool!” which is bestowed upon him. Through the manipulation of Caliban the audience discovers the true nature of colonisation, and the effects it has on indigenous cultures. The discovery of new worlds can lead to negative impact upon that particular world, as Shakespeare symbolises through the characterisation of Caliban.
 
While “The Tempest” explores the discovery of new worlds, “Five Discoveries That Changed The World” explores discoveries of knowledge. The scientific discovery of fingerprints has moulded the way our society deals with crime today, enabling the law to identify victims and perpetrators far more efficiently. The photo of a fingerprint communicates the global value of this discovery demonstrated through the widely recognized close up shot of a human fingerprint. The composer’s use of an extreme close up shot heightens the significance of this discovery whereas the familiarity of the photo portrays an importance for this science within our advanced society. The recognisable picture is a symbol in our society for the criminal justice system further increasing its importance. Similarly to the discovery of new worlds this scientific discovery impacts the world as a whole.

The notion of self-discovery highlighted in “The Tempest” is manifested through the transformation of Prospero as he learns how to forgive.Nice and clear. Prospero’s journey to self-discovery is reinforced by a sense of contrite release, as he learns to express remorse towards his past actions and perceives himself as responsible for his own demise. The symbolism of the storm “The noontide sun, called forth the mutinous, winds,/ And ‘twixt the green sea and the azured vault/ Set roaring war- to th’ dread rattling thunder” expresses Prospero’s emotional turmoil which is heightened by the ferocity of the tempest, as it represents the accumulation of rage Prospero has directed towards his brother, Alonso. The sound and lighting effects surround the stage building in intensity as Act 1. Scene 1. progresses further highlighting Prospero’s deep, merciless rage. This extreme level of indignation consumes Prospero causing him to contradict himself with the unfair treatment of his servant Ariel who he continues to enslave longer than originally agreed in order to serve his own purposes. Once Prospero is able to let go of the rage he holds, the responder witnesses a noteworthy change in his characterisation. Prospero reconsiders what his magic has achieved and promises to relinquish his powers and thus the metaphorical tempest inside of himself. Shakespeare has used visual imagery to convey the metaphor of the tempest as it subsides thus portraying the release of Prospero’s rage as he discovers he is able to forgive and move on. When Prospero throws his magic into the ocean it symbolises the release of his power as he realises that he does not need it, which represents the key part of his transformation.Cool! Looking good so far
 
Much like Prospero, Ellie in “Tomorrow When The War Began” experiences a character transformation, although hers is accentuated by the discovery of inner strength catalysed by the impact of war. Ellie’s new found strength is reinforced by her characterisation; she is able to maintain a clear head during her time of tribulation. Marsden’s use of irony highlights Ellie’s internal discovery “I wasn’t scared, just fascinated to see what would happen” as it represents the transformation of her character as she grows from her experiences to a point where she no longer fears both the internal and external war that surrounds it but simply accepts it. The acceptance of war and even death as a part of her life highlights Ellie’s transformation, which is further manifested in her self-discovery of her unknown strength. Ellie and Prospero both undergo a significant positive character transformation, as they both learn to accept and move on from the past tragedies that impact them, letting go of the darkness that clouds their minds.

The corruption of indigenous cultures at the hands of a ‘civilised’ world in the name of colonisation can be a negative outcome of exploration. The negative effects of physical discovery, highlighted by colonisation, are manifested in the characterisation of Caliban. Stephano and Trinculo manipulate Caliban to adopt modern hierarchical concepts with the intention of making Stephano king of the island. As Caliban discovers the civilised world he begins to lose his spiritual connection to the land and his culture. Although Caliban believes Stephano and Trinculo to be worthy of kings, he is not aware that they are both drunks with no regard for their civilised society who only perceive Caliban as a financial investment. They believe people will pay money to “see an indian” this use or irony demonstrates the manipulation and corruption of indigenous people around the world, conveying loss of culture by the hands of the ‘civilised world’. Caliban does eventually realise his mistakes, and much like Prospero, has his own transformation in which he repents his actions. Which includes plotting to kill Prospero. Caliban begs Prospero for forgiveness “And seek for grace. What a thrice- double ass/ Was I, to take this drunkard for a god/ And worship this dull fool!” which is bestowed upon him. Through the manipulation of Caliban the audience discovers the true nature of colonisation, and the effects it has on indigenous cultures. The discovery of new worlds can lead to negative impact upon that particular world, as Shakespeare symbolises through the characterisation of Caliban. Notice that you don't discuss discovery until it's like "BANG - SURPRISE" at the end of the paragraph. If you could integrate discussion of discovery into your discussion of corruption as it occurs, I think that would be beneficial
 
While “The Tempest” explores the discovery of new worlds, “Five Discoveries That Changed The World” explores discoveries of knowledge. The scientific discovery of fingerprints has moulded the way our society deals with crime today, enabling the law to identify victims and perpetrators far more efficiently. The photo of a fingerprint communicates the global value of this discovery demonstrated through the widely recognized close up shot of a human fingerprint. The composer’s use of an extreme close up shot heightens the significance of this discovery whereas the familiarity of the photo portrays an importance for this science within our advanced society. The recognisable picture is a symbol in our society for the criminal justice system further increasing its importance. Similarly to the discovery of new worlds this scientific discovery impacts the world as a whole.Great paragraph. Perhaps a little short, but discovery discussed throughout bumps up the quality.


Your connection between texts is fine I think! You bridge them well between paragraphs and bring it back at the end of a paragraph and properly have a thematic relation or some level of connection between the texts you're talking about. Discovery was properly prominent and discussed well, with perhaps a minor amount of opportunities for expansion. I'd be really confident going into trials - do your best!!

[heids]

Hey Jaime, just a bit of expansion on Ned Nerb's and no harm getting two lots of feedback! (wrote stuff on the bus last night but didn't have internet so forgot about it till now)

Assume you also have an intro and conclusion

The notion of self-discovery highlighted in “The Tempest” is manifested through the transformation of Prospero as he learns how to forgive. Prospero’s journey to self-discovery is reinforced by a sense of contrite release, as he learns to express remorse towards his past actions and perceives himself as responsible for his own demise. The symbolism of the storm “The noontide sun, called forth the mutinous, winds,/ And ‘twixt the green sea and the azured vault/ Set roaring war- to th’ dread rattling thunder” should shorten this quote so that it fits into the grammar of the sentence, e.g. ‘The symbolism of the ‘dread rattling thunder…’  I've highlighted quotes blue throughout to show that you probably need a couple more, you have 1-2 per para and should probably aim for more like 3.  Also yeah, you do a bit of 'quote dump' where you go a bit like this: sentQUOTEence.  You're going forward with a smooth sentence and in the middle you just drop a quote and then pick up where you left off before the quote.  See examples below for how I suggest fixing it. expresses Prospero’s emotional turmoil which is heightened by the ferocity of the tempest, as it represents the accumulation of rage Prospero has directed towards his brother, Alonso. The sound and lighting effects surround the stage building in intensity as Act 1. Scene 1. progresses further highlighting Prospero’s deep, merciless rage. This extreme level of indignation consumes Prospero causing him to contradict himself with the unfair treatment of his servant Ariel who he continues to enslave longer than originally agreed in order to serve his own purposes this verges a bit on story-telling, discussing details of the plot that aren’t 100% relevant to your point – try the basic rule, if you don’t analyse something, don’t mention it. Once Prospero is able to let go of the rage he holds, the responder witnesses a noteworthy change in his characterisation maybe just coz I don’t know the text, but what do you mean by ‘the responder’?  If you just mean the readers, this could be significantly shortened.  Here’s my rewrite of this section: Once Prospero is able to let go of the rage he holds – symbolised by relinquishing his powers by throwing his magic into the ocean – blah blah blah.. Prospero reconsiders what his magic has achieved and promises to relinquish his powers and thus the metaphorical tempest inside of himself. Shakespeare has used uses visual imagery such as? to convey the metaphor of the tempest as it subsides thus portraying the release of Prospero’s rage as he discovers he is able to forgive and move on. When Prospero throws his magic into the ocean it symbolises the release of his power as he realises that he does not need it, which represents the key part of his transformation.
This could link to your ideas about ‘discovery’ more; think about WHAT he discovers and HOW he discovers it, and what that leads to.  What is the catalyst of this transformation?  What does he discover and how?  It’s really really great to discuss the metaphors etc., but then you need to focus on linking them even more to your deeper ideas about discovery!

Much like Prospero, Ellie in “Tomorrow When The War Began” experiences a character transformation, although hers is accentuated by the discovery of inner strength catalysed by the impact of war. Ellie’s new found strength is reinforced by her characterisation; she is able to maintain a clear head during her time of tribulation. Marsden’s use of irony highlights Ellie’s internal discovery “I wasn’t scared, just fascinated to see what would happen” Marsden's use of irony, as Ellie describes herself as "fascinated" rather than "scared", highlights Ellie's internal discovery... (see how the quote is worked into your grammar?) as it represents the transformation of her character as she grows from her experiences to a point where she no longer fears both the internal and external war that surrounds it but simply accepts it. Beautiful sentence! The acceptance of war and even death as a part of her life highlights Ellie’s transformation, which is further manifested in her self-discovery of her unknown strength. Ellie and Prospero both undergo a significant positive character transformation, as they both learn to accept and move on from the past tragedies that impact them, letting go of the darkness that clouds their minds.

The corruption of indigenous cultures at the hands of a ‘civilised’ world in the name of colonisation can be a negative outcome of exploration. This feels totally disjoined from the paragraph before – is there any way you can link them? The negative effects of physical discovery, highlighted by colonisation, are manifested in the characterisation of Caliban.A great tip for punchy writing: take out 'ed' verbs, like 'are manifested'.  You can make it punchier by making the characterisation the 'subject' or 'doer', like this: Caliban's characterisation manifests the negative effects of physical discovery. Rather than 'Y is manifested in X', this says 'X manifests Y'.  Stephano and Trinculo manipulate Caliban to adopt modern hierarchical concepts with the intention of making Stephano king of the island. As Caliban discovers the civilised world he begins to lose his spiritual connection to the land and his culture. Although Caliban believes Stephano and Trinculo to be worthy of kings, he is not aware that they are both drunks with no regard for their civilised society who only perceive Caliban as a financial investment. They believe people will pay money to “see an indian” this use or irony Again, quote integration: The use of irnoy in their belief that people will pay money to 'see an Indian'...demonstrates the manipulation and corruption of indigenous people around the world, conveying loss of culture by the hands of the ‘civilised world’. Caliban does eventually realise his mistakes, and much like Prospero, has his own transformation in which he repents his actions. Which includes plotting to kill Prospero. Caliban begs Prospero for forgiveness “And seek for grace. What a thrice- double ass/ Was I, to take this drunkard for a god/ And worship this dull fool!” which is bestowed upon him there are a number of small details throughout this that aren't necessary so should be scotched; details that don't contribute to your point always want to sneak in, so strive to cut them down!. Through the manipulation of Caliban the audience discovers the true nature of colonisation, and the effects it has on indigenous cultures. The discovery of new worlds can lead to negative impact upon that particular world, as Shakespeare symbolises through the characterisation of Caliban I cut that because you've said it before.
 
While “The Tempest” explores the discovery of new worlds, “Five Discoveries That Changed The World” explores discoveries of knowledge. The scientific discovery of fingerprints has moulded the way our society deals with crime today, enabling the law to identify victims and perpetrators far more efficiently. The photo of a fingerprint communicates the global value of this discovery demonstrated through the widely recognized close up shot of a human fingerprint. The composer’s use of an extreme close up shot heightens the significance of this discovery whereas the familiarity of the photo portrays an importance for this science within our advanced society. The recognisable picture is a symbol in our society for the criminal justice system further increasing its importance. Again, the underlined section could be make significantly more concise - and more specific, too, about how it is significant.  Saying 'it's recognisable which increases its importance' isn't the greatest you could write, because first you need to explain how that increases its importance, and second you want to highlight what exactly about it is important.  How has it impacted our society, specifically?  Linking word/verb, eg. 'hence' or 'this reveals that' Similarly to the discovery of new worlds this scientific discovery impacts the world as a whole. Sometimes positive, sometimes negative? (good thing to discuss)  Plus again you could be more specific: just saying 'it impacts the world as a whole' is limited, you want to show how it impacts the world.

Yeah, as Ned Nerb said, great effort, and you should walk confident into trials.

[Dump]

hey, trials is on monday, i would really appreciated if this can be checked up before sunday!!!!!! #NOPRESSURE
ahhaha its ok if you guys are busy, worth a try
MOD B - Critical Study of Text
MOD A - Comparative Study of Texts
Mod A has a very general question (from assignment i got 9/10), whereas Mod B they could ask anything, so yeah...... i didn't bother putting a essay cause if i focus on one thing i would most likely be screwed LOL. just gonna adapt to the q on the day
ty in advance

updated essays. trials in 24 hours x_x
Board of Studies requirement attached

[JesSizzle]

Hi all

Just wondering if anybody would like to comment and give me feedback for an english essay Im writing. I really struggle with english and it would mean the world to me if anyone could help me out because i really want to improve.    I just need to finish proof reading and then i will attach it along with the question and marking criteria.

I would very much appreciate your time and feedback   

[brenden]

Hi all

Just wondering if anybody would like to comment and give me feedback for an english essay Im writing. I really struggle with english and it would mean the world to me if anyone could help me out because i really want to improve.    I just need to finish proof reading and then i will attach it along with the question and marking criteria.

I would very much appreciate your time and feedback

Hey JesSizzle!

Totally . Finish your proof and post it up! (By the way, it's easier if people copy/paste the essay so no one has to download the file and fuck around with Word documents, but I don't really mind either way).

[JesSizzle]

Thank you so much from what i can tell your feedback is excellent please don't hold back i need all the help i can get





Question

Discuss how both Winton and Saed reflect their context in their values and ideas they represent and the ways their texts were created.

Marking Criteria for top band.

•   Demonstrates extensive and insightful understanding of the meaning of a pair of texts and the values and ideas they convey.

•   Evaluates skilfully the relationship between texts and contexts using well-selected and detailed textual reference.

•   Composes a perceptive analysis using language appropriate to audience purpose and form.



Values are inherent in every composer’s context and because of the subjective nature of texts; these values are reflected in texts. Tim Winton’s short story Big World and Zohra Saed’s What The Scar Revealed and Voices: Achieves Of Spines all contain inherent values of freedom and identity, however from these values we can further develop ideas such as, the inextricable connection with place that shapes ones identity and the role of oppression that motivates the pursuit of freedom. These fundamental ideas are common throughout these texts but the way the in which they have been interpreted and embedded within these texts correspond directly with the composers personal and cultural context.


The role of oppression in motivating the pursuit of freedom is a common idea reflected in both texts. Both motives and ramifications of the pursuit of freedom are represented differently in each text due to the personal context of each composer.
In Winton’s Big World freedom is a self-indulgence away from the oppression of the limited opportunities in their home town.
“We’d be like all the other poor stranded failures who stayed in Angelus. But now we’re on the road its time for second thoughts.”
The retrospective tone alludes to the sense of oppression and failure the characters have about their hometown, Angelus. However the use of the present tense and the idiom “its time for second thoughts” shows the audience that their pursuit for freedom consequently leads them into the uncertain future outside their familiar hometown. The ironic tittle Big Word also provides a sense of oppression that the character feels as they are oppressed by the limited opportunities as well as their monotonous jobs at the meatworks. Towards the end of this narrative the characters gain freedom but as a ramification they feel hopeless in the uncertain situation, however they no longer feel the oppression of monotony in their situation past in their hometown.
From Winton’s personal context growing up in rural Albany his characters emotions correspond directly to his personal experiences of the hopelessness and monotony of life after school and feelings of uncertainty about his writing career and future while he was an adolescent, this is effectively represented in his short story Big World

Saed whose pursuit for freedom is essential for her survival presents an alternate idea.
“She throws a tinselled veil up to the sky and catches lapis coloured doves”
Throughout the Poem What The Scar Revealed Saed creates vivid imagery and uses symbolism, Doves symbolic of freedom, and Lapis a precision stone reflects the extent to which she values freedom.
“ I taste the past from which we have escaped with our lives.”  Similarly in Voices: Archive of Spines Saed uses sustained metaphors evoking the senses. The personal taste connotes feelings of bittersweet, Nostalgic of her Afghan culture but appreciative of her new found freedom. From this textual evidence we can understand that the absences of freedom is detrimental to the characters and motivates her pursuit to freedom in a foreign country. From Saed’s personal context of growing up in Afghanistan before moving to America, the audience gains an insight into the difficulties Saed was faced when she moved to American and became immersed in a foreign culture. Her writing reflects both the the characters and her own pursuit for freedom and consequently their efforts to preserve their culture and tradition in a foreign place.

The inextricable connection with place that shapes ones identity is an idea that reflects the composer’s cultural context in their texts. Winton presents a spiritual and familiar connection to place that shapes his characters identity.
“ I’m vague about my whereabouts and look out at the monastery and church spires and whitewashed walls of the town while she tells me I’m throwing my future away”
The first person voice gives a sense that the audience is witnessing the characters internal thoughts, as they find themselves lost in and unfamiliar place. The narrator then recognises a church. This is a reflection of Winton’s cultural context growing up in fundamentalist Christian family. The familiar church can also symbolise both Winton’s and the narrator’s belief that religion can provide guidance in uncertainty. Also the father of the narrator is absent from the phone call as well as the story. Although in Big Word a father figure is not directly mentioned the character Vic Lang is a motif throughout the whole anthology. From Big World the audience is present with aspects of Winton’s cultural context of growing up in a matriarchal family that highly valued education and religion. Through his context Winton’s identity is reflected among the characters.

For Saed hey identity is shaped by her Afghan culture and family traditions. The absence of her culture in her foreign country where she resides is what motivates Saed to preserve it. From her cultural context leaving her country when she was only 1 year old. Through the memories and stories of her Aunts and grandmothers, the storytellers she preserves her lost identity that deeply connected her Afghan ethnicity. “Aunts who have embroided history onto the hems of sleeves and skirts”
In Voices: Archive of Spines this imagery of embroidery connotes feelings of pride and creativity it clearly represents the family pride of their heritage by using a metaphor to present the way they skilfully preserve their history and culture that shapes their identity “ Grandmothers tell the story of: how wounds heal only after they have memorised the moment of hurt” form this quote in What the Scar revealed Saed uses the umbilical chord scar and it pain as metaphor for the pain and suffering of leaving behind a culture but the recovery and resolution the characters find in persevering these memories of the characters birthplace. Saed’s deep connection to her birthplace and her valued Afghan culture is what shapes Saed’s identity. Winton’s characters identities are shaped by the components of the place they live in such as education, family and religion. Similarly both have the common issue of displacement but preserve their cultural identity through religion, tradition as well as family connects and place.


The role of oppression, motivating the pursuit of freedom as well as the inextricable connection between place and identity are to ideas that are common to both texts. However it is the techniques and the ways these ideas are imbedded into these texts that give the audience a deep insight into both the personal and the cultural context of the composers. All texts are constructs and therefore the ways in which ideas are interpreted will be derived from the composer context.

[brenden]

Spoiler

Thank you so much from what i can tell your feedback is excellent please don't hold back i need all the help i can get

Question

Discuss how both Winton and Saed reflect their context in their values and ideas they represent and the ways their texts were created.

Marking Criteria for top band.

•   Demonstrates extensive and insightful understanding of the meaning of a pair of texts and the values and ideas they convey.

•   Evaluates skilfully the relationship between texts and contexts using well-selected and detailed textual reference.

•   Composes a perceptive analysis using language appropriate to audience purpose and form.



Values are inherent in every composer’s context and because of the subjective nature of texts; these values are reflected in texts. Tim Winton’s short story Big World and Zohra Saed’s What The Scar Revealed and Voices: Achieves Of Spines all contain inherent values of freedom and identity, however from these values we can further develop ideas such as, the inextricable connection with place that shapes ones identity and the role of oppression that motivates the pursuit of freedom. These fundamental ideas are common throughout these texts but the way the in which they have been interpreted and embedded within these texts correspond directly with the composers personal and cultural context.


The role of oppression in motivating the pursuit of freedom is a common idea reflected in both texts. Both motives and ramifications of the pursuit of freedom are represented differently in each text due to the personal context of each composer.
In Winton’s Big World freedom is a self-indulgence away from the oppression of the limited opportunities in their home town.
“We’d be like all the other poor stranded failures who stayed in Angelus. But now we’re on the road its time for second thoughts.”
The retrospective tone alludes to the sense of oppression and failure the characters have about their hometown, Angelus. However the use of the present tense and the idiom “its time for second thoughts” shows the audience that their pursuit for freedom consequently leads them into the uncertain future outside their familiar hometown. The ironic tittle Big Word also provides a sense of oppression that the character feels as they are oppressed by the limited opportunities as well as their monotonous jobs at the meatworks. Towards the end of this narrative the characters gain freedom but as a ramification they feel hopeless in the uncertain situation, however they no longer feel the oppression of monotony in their situation past in their hometown.
From Winton’s personal context growing up in rural Albany his characters emotions correspond directly to his personal experiences of the hopelessness and monotony of life after school and feelings of uncertainty about his writing career and future while he was an adolescent, this is effectively represented in his short story Big World

Saed whose pursuit for freedom is essential for her survival presents an alternate idea.
“She throws a tinselled veil up to the sky and catches lapis coloured doves”
Throughout the Poem What The Scar Revealed Saed creates vivid imagery and uses symbolism, Doves symbolic of freedom, and Lapis a precision stone reflects the extent to which she values freedom.
“ I taste the past from which we have escaped with our lives.”  Similarly in Voices: Archive of Spines Saed uses sustained metaphors evoking the senses. The personal taste connotes feelings of bittersweet, Nostalgic of her Afghan culture but appreciative of her new found freedom. From this textual evidence we can understand that the absences of freedom is detrimental to the characters and motivates her pursuit to freedom in a foreign country. From Saed’s personal context of growing up in Afghanistan before moving to America, the audience gains an insight into the difficulties Saed was faced when she moved to American and became immersed in a foreign culture. Her writing reflects both the the characters and her own pursuit for freedom and consequently their efforts to preserve their culture and tradition in a foreign place.

The inextricable connection with place that shapes ones identity is an idea that reflects the composer’s cultural context in their texts. Winton presents a spiritual and familiar connection to place that shapes his characters identity.
“ I’m vague about my whereabouts and look out at the monastery and church spires and whitewashed walls of the town while she tells me I’m throwing my future away”
The first person voice gives a sense that the audience is witnessing the characters internal thoughts, as they find themselves lost in and unfamiliar place. The narrator then recognises a church. This is a reflection of Winton’s cultural context growing up in fundamentalist Christian family. The familiar church can also symbolise both Winton’s and the narrator’s belief that religion can provide guidance in uncertainty. Also the father of the narrator is absent from the phone call as well as the story. Although in Big Word a father figure is not directly mentioned the character Vic Lang is a motif throughout the whole anthology. From Big World the audience is present with aspects of Winton’s cultural context of growing up in a matriarchal family that highly valued education and religion. Through his context Winton’s identity is reflected among the characters.

For Saed hey identity is shaped by her Afghan culture and family traditions. The absence of her culture in her foreign country where she resides is what motivates Saed to preserve it. From her cultural context leaving her country when she was only 1 year old. Through the memories and stories of her Aunts and grandmothers, the storytellers she preserves her lost identity that deeply connected her Afghan ethnicity. “Aunts who have embroided history onto the hems of sleeves and skirts”
In Voices: Archive of Spines this imagery of embroidery connotes feelings of pride and creativity it clearly represents the family pride of their heritage by using a metaphor to present the way they skilfully preserve their history and culture that shapes their identity “ Grandmothers tell the story of: how wounds heal only after they have memorised the moment of hurt” form this quote in What the Scar revealed Saed uses the umbilical chord scar and it pain as metaphor for the pain and suffering of leaving behind a culture but the recovery and resolution the characters find in persevering these memories of the characters birthplace. Saed’s deep connection to her birthplace and her valued Afghan culture is what shapes Saed’s identity. Winton’s characters identities are shaped by the components of the place they live in such as education, family and religion. Similarly both have the common issue of displacement but preserve their cultural identity through religion, tradition as well as family connects and place.


The role of oppression, motivating the pursuit of freedom as well as the inextricable connection between place and identity are to ideas that are common to both texts. However it is the techniques and the ways these ideas are imbedded into these texts that give the audience a deep insight into both the personal and the cultural context of the composers. All texts are constructs and therefore the ways in which ideas are interpreted will be derived from the composer context.

Discuss how both Winton and Saed reflect their context in their values and ideas they represent and the ways their texts were created.

Marking Criteria for top band. Thanks for including this!

•   Demonstrates extensive and insightful understanding of the meaning of a pair of texts and the values and ideas they convey.

•   Evaluates skilfully the relationship between texts and contexts using well-selected and detailed textual reference.

•   Composes a perceptive analysis using language appropriate to audience purpose and form.



Values are inherent in every composer’s context and because of the subjective nature of texts; these values are reflected in texts Not the most pleasant sounding sentence. "context...text...text" stutters it a bit because of the repetitive sound. The semi-colon is also out of place. This sentence could be spruced up a bit and rephrased! . Tim Winton’s short story Big World and Zohra Saed’s What The Scar Revealed and Voices: Achieves Of Spines all contain inherent values of freedom and identity, however from these values we can further develop ideas such as, the inextricable connection with place that shapes ones identity and the role of oppression that motivates the pursuit of freedom.I really like the content of this sentence. That is, I don't like the sentence because it's a magnificent piece of artwork/writing, but I like what you're talking about (place, oppression) etc. Great job! These fundamental ideas are common throughout these texts but the way the in which they have been interpreted and embedded within these texts correspond directly with the composers personal and cultural context. Solid closing of the introduction. All in all, the writing could be 'glitzed up' a bit, but the content is good. (I'm talking about if the essay were to be perfect btw, your writing isn't horrible or anything like that)/b]


The role of oppression in motivating the pursuit of freedom is a common idea reflected in both texts.Good. I like that you're already integrating the texts and I like that you've told me what you're talking about in this paragraph (oppression and freedom) Both motives and ramifications of the pursuit of freedom are represented differently in each text due to the personal context of each composer.This sentence is just "plonked" here, when it could be easily be zazzed up a bit. You could even say "That being said, both the motives and ramifications of the pursuit of freedom..." --- you know what I mean? Even just adding that TINY "that being said" makes the sentence seem less "plonked" down.
In Winton’s Big World freedom is a self-indulgence away from the oppression of the limited opportunities in their home town.
“We’d be like all the other poor stranded failures who stayed in Angelus. But now we’re on the road its time for second thoughts.” Try not to have whole quotes as sentences. I honestly know how seriously tempting it is beacuse it makes things easier and simpler (I used to do this a lot in year 12 as well), but generally, we want quotes to be "silky and smooth" and integrated into the sentence (see: silky and smooth). If you can get virtually all of your quotes short to highlight the relevant language and none of the irrelevant language, and then integrate the short quote into your own sentence... that will bump you up a bit. Practise!!!
The retrospective tone alludes to the sense of oppression and failure the characters have about their hometown, Angelus. However the use of the present tense and the idiom “its time for second thoughts” shows the audience that their pursuit for freedom consequently leads them into the uncertain future outside their familiar hometown. The ironic tittle Big Word also provides a sense of oppression that the character feels as they are oppressed by the limited opportunities as well as their monotonous jobs at the meatworks. Towards the end of this narrative the characters gain freedom but as a ramification they feel hopeless in the uncertain situation, however they no longer feel the oppression of monotony in their situation past in their hometown. I like the analysis.
From Winton’s personal context growing up in rural Albany his characters character's with a possessive apostrophe emotions correspond directly to his personal experiences of the hopelessness and monotony of life after school and feelings of uncertainty about his writing career and future while he was an adolescent, this is effectively represented in his short story Big World feels like a bit of a big sentence here

Saed whose pursuit for freedom is essential for her survival presents an alternate idea. A comma after Saed and a comma after 'survival' wouldn't go astray.
“She throws a tinselled veil up to the sky and catches lapis coloured doves”
Throughout the Poem What The Scar Revealed Saed creates vivid imagery and uses symbolism, Doves symbolic of freedom, and Lapis a precision stone reflects the extent to which she values freedom. One way you might change up these two sentences by integrating the quotes could be something like ... "Saed's symbolism presents an alternatve idea that <...>, with "lapis colours doves" symbolising  <....>". That's what i mean by improving through better integration of quotes.
“ I taste the past from which we have escaped with our lives.”  Similarly in Voices: Archive of Spines Saed uses sustained metaphors evoking the senses. The personal taste connotes feelings of bittersweet, Nostalgic of her Afghan culture but appreciative of her new found freedom. From this textual evidence we can understand that the absences of freedom is detrimental to the characters and motivates her pursuit to freedom in a foreign country. From Saed’s personal context of growing up in Afghanistan before moving to America, the audience gains an insight into the difficulties Saed was faced when she moved to American and became immersed in a foreign culture. Her writing reflects both the the characters and her own pursuit for freedom and consequently their efforts to preserve their culture and tradition in a foreign place. The general expression and quality of writing is starting to drop off a bit in this paragraph.

The inextricable connection with place that shapes ones identity is an idea that reflects the composer’s cultural context in their texts. good clear topic sentenceWinton presents a spiritual and familiar connection to place that shapes his characters character's (with apostrophe), again)identity.
“ I’m vague about my whereabouts and look out at the monastery and church spires and whitewashed walls of the town while she tells me I’m throwing my future away”
The first person voice gives a sense that the audience is witnessing the characters internal thoughts, as they find themselves lost in and unfamiliar place. The narrator then recognises a church. This is a reflection of Winton’s cultural context growing up in fundamentalist Christian family. The familiar church can also symbolise both Winton’s and the narrator’s belief that religion can provide guidance in uncertainty. Also the father of the narrator is absent from the phone call as well as the story. Although in Big Word a father figure is not directly mentioned the character Vic Lang is a motif throughout the whole anthology. From Big World the audience is present with aspects of Winton’s cultural context of growing up in a matriarchal family that highly valued education and religion. Through his context Winton’s identity is reflected among the characters.

For Saed hey identity is shaped by her Afghan culture and family traditions. The absence of her culture in her foreign country where she resides is what motivates Saed to preserve it. From her cultural context leaving her country when she was only 1 year old. Through the memories and stories of her Aunts and grandmothers, the storytellers she preserves her lost identity that deeply connected her Afghan ethnicity. “Aunts who have embroided history onto the hems of sleeves and skirts”
In Voices: Archive of Spines this imagery of embroidery connotes feelings of pride and creativity it clearly represents the family pride of their heritage by using a metaphor to present the way they skilfully preserve their history and culture that shapes their identity “ Grandmothers tell the story of: how wounds heal only after they have memorised the moment of hurt” form this quote in What the Scar revealed Saed uses the umbilical chord scar and it pain as metaphor for the pain and suffering of leaving behind a culture but the recovery and resolution the characters find in persevering these memories of the characters birthplace. Saed’s deep connection to her birthplace and her valued Afghan culture is what shapes Saed’s identity. Winton’s characters identities are shaped by the components of the place they live in such as education, family and religion. Similarly both have the common issue of displacement but preserve their cultural identity through religion, tradition as well as family connects and place.


The role of oppression, motivating the pursuit of freedom as well as the inextricable connection between place and identity are to ideas that are common to both texts. However it is the techniques and the ways these ideas are imbedded into these texts that give the audience a deep insight into both the personal and the cultural context of the composers. All texts are constructs and therefore the ways in which ideas are interpreted will be derived from the composer context.


Cool! Good job.

I like the content of your essay. That is, where you start to discuss author techniques and compare values of the texts, I think you choose good stuff and have nice ideas and analysis and stuff like that. Keep going this way and thinking more and more about your texts. You're hitting the first point of the criteria well.

As noted, your expression could be sorted a bit. Mostly, integrating quotes better would be fantastic, and it would allow you to use more detailed textual reference as you saved space on quoting unnecessary stuff.

At some points, I felt like if you continued on in the same paragraph and just spoke about both texts in the paragraph, your point would be made more effectively, but then I'd see the paragraph split and a new topic sentence to introduce the accompanying idea of the second text. Maybe something structurally for you to experiment with.

Good luck with everything!

[JesSizzle]

Thank you so much this has been really helpful your feedback is so extensive thanks again

[brenden]

Thank you so much this has been really helpful your feedback is so extensive thanks again

You're super welcome! If you ever need help with your other subjects, feel free to post questions in the relevant boards!

[Dump]

hey hello, i've re-edited my essay and this time it comes with a actual question

'Discovery – Evaluate how discovery evokes new or renewed '

Over time human beings have been inspired to discover relationships with their esoteric and physical surrounds through the fundamental sense of curiosity, necessity or wonder and provokes appreciation of individual’s self-worth, identity, and the broader society.  As such, the deprivation or endowment of self-discovery holds the dual capacity to challenge and develop an individual’s understanding of the human nature. The multi-faceted aspect of discovery is manifestly demonstrated in Robert Frost’s Romanticist poetry ‘Mending wall’ and ‘Home Burial’, and Liam Connor’s short film ‘Time’; encompasses aspects of personal metamorphoses, that are catalysed by human interactions with surroundings.
Acceptance is a quintessential virtue required in instigating the changes in human relations. In ‘Mending Wall’ Frost depicts the persona’s epiphany of his own and his neighbour’s relationship. In the lines, “set the wall between us” and “keep the wall between us” the “wall” functions as a motif which exhibits the physical estrangement between the neighbours. In combination with the repetition of the ‘w’ sound in “wall” and visual imagery of the “wall” Frost reveals the authenticity of the scene, where the characters are restoring the wall while remaining emotionally and psychologically alienated. Additionally, the extended metaphor of the “wall” is furthered in the lines “something there is that does not love a wall” the symbolism of “wall” is reiterated further through the anastrophe, where the “wall” represents the barrier between individuals and their eagerness to communicate. Frost insightfully enlightens the readers by reaffirming that the ineptitude to maintain affiliation will result in an individual’s segregation with others which consequently constrains ones process of discovery.   
Through the nurturing of a multi-faceted aspect of discovery, individuals face the struggle of preserving temporary human relations. Evidently, in ‘Home Burial’ Frost explicates the wife’s desire to avoid interaction, where the “staircase” functions as a symbol of existential physical and emotional partition which suggests their inability to be on common ground. Moreover, the use of assertive tone displayed in “come down the stairs” illustrates the desperation of the husband in an attempt to eradicate the barriers of physical distance conceived by the wife, As such, the notion of separation elucidates the complex human affiliations and how one individual’s choice may restrain another’s ability to explore, ultimately shapes readers understanding of the human nature by providing rejuvenated insights of fractured relationships.
The struggle ingrained within human connection is similarly manifested in the short film ‘Time’, which accentuates the protagonist’s realisation of renewed insights of relationship between himself his friends. This is palpable in the orientation, where the unnamed protagonist gathers with his companions in a forest, the close up shot of the protagonist provides a central focus on his school uniform, which functions as a symbol of youth and innocence. Furthered with the employment of point of view shot in combination with the use of vector lines, the downfall of the protagonist when he was assaulted and becomes powerless on the ground is accentuated. In addition, the injection of diegetic sound of crying, illuminates the appalling aftermath of confronting discovery, where the protagonist losses his innocence through attain renewed insights about his friends. This provides the audience with insightful knowledge on the detrimental ramification from provocative introspection. 

The tension between interpersonal connections determines one’s ability to rejuvenate future perception on self and broader society. 'Mending Wall' deciphers the rejuvenated insights are not always positive through the neighbour’s inability to interact. As exhibited in the title, “mending” where the titular adjective suggests reparation and restoration but is contradicted by the mixed connotations of the noun “wall” which is a divisive periphery representing obstacles preventing an individual’s eagerness to discover. Additionally, Frost’s use of active verbs, “sends” “spills” and “makes”. Suggesting in order to discover, action must be pursued. In addition, the caesura in the lines “the gaps - I mean” Frost effectively reaffirms the conversational tone as the notion of “gaps” which symbolically represents the physical partition between the neighbours, this advises the readers of the influence one holds on the broader society, evident in Frost’s reiteration of the neighbours inability to communicate, thus incapable for further contemplation on self and the broader community. 
Likewise, in ‘Home Burial’ the notion of individual’s ineptitude to connect has been revealed.  As displayed, the adversarial relationship between the wife and husband is palpable by her surety that he can “look” but “wouldn’t see” for from her perspective he is a “blind creature”. Frost uses metaphorical comparison in conjunction with the symbolism of “blindness” to advocate their lack of connection, where they are disconnected to their surroundings. This is further reinforced with the fractured iambic structure which visually cue the highly truncated conversation; by Frost’s demonstration of the negative consequences of constrained relationship, leading to reader’s attainment of the acumen of the convoluted connection between couples.       
Correspondingly, in 'Time', the central notion revolves around the introspection of interpersonal relationship and its confronting ramifications. Connor depicts the climax through protagonist’s car accident, which explicates the ephemeral nature of life. Where the use of slow panning shot, in conjunction the concentrated framing of plants, Connor symbolises Mother Nature and its capacity to limit ones desire for self-examination. This is furthered through the application of extensive sound techniques, as apparent in the ending scene, when the van falls into the lake, the instalment of non-diegetic background piano melody, in combination with the use of slow motion shot triggers grief, sorrow, faith and astonishment. The diminishment of soft instrumental background music ultimately indicates the fleeting qualities of life and the adverse ramification of unanticipated self-realisation, further discerns the audiences about the vulnerability of morality.
Through insightful representations of the dynamic human nature, Robert Frost’s ‘Mending Wall’, ‘Home Burial’ and Liam Connor’s ‘Time’ analogously forefronts the problematic nature of disorientated relationships, which ultimately engenders new ideas that illuminate facets of individuals and possibilities that were previously unknown. Conclusively, both authors have successfully enlightened audiences on the imbedded intricacies of discovery, and its multitude in the enrichment of an individual’s perception of self, and the broader society.

Code: [Select]

[kyemadden8]

Hi this is an essay of was thinking of using in my exam could you please mark it for me

Thankyou

[Kezzdee]

Hey Ned Nerb, I've attached my English Creative for Discovery.
I'm having a lot of trouble overtelling in my story. Thanks for your help

[IkeaandOfficeworks]

Hi Brenden, this is my essay for Advance English and I also included the question. Thanks a lot!   

[heids]

Feedback on IkeaandOfficeworks' essay

Hello and welcome on board!   Unfortunately (for both you and me LOL) I’m not Brenden, but hope this helps

Okay.  What stands out to me is this:

You’re brilliant at analysing techniques and what they show – but then, you don’t use this to answer the question.

CLICK HERE for more a fleshed-out explanation of this

Imagine a starving person asks you for a piece of bread, and you give them a car tyre.  It may be an absolutely beautiful, absolutely damn amazing car tyre.  But, they’re starving!  They can’t eat that tyre (unless they’re too hungry lol), and they just want a piece of bread already!   They’d prefer the stalest, most crumbly and dry bread on earth than the most world-class care tyre.

Same thing here.  Even if your analysis is absolutely state-rank stuff, it doesn’t actually answer the question, it’s pretty useless.

So, in your next few essays (or your revision of this essay) I want you to do this FIRST, before you come up with a collection of brilliant techniques and quotes:

1.   Read the question a few times and try to get what it’s saying.  Think about it and say it in your own words until you feel you ‘get’ what the topic statement says.  In this case it’s something like discovery often helps us see ourselves and others in new ways.

2.   Turn it into a question: ‘Does the process of discovery help us see ourselves and others in new ways?’

3.   Now try and think of an answer.  You’re not thinking about your texts yet, you’re not even thinking about ‘writing an essay’.  You’re just thinking about what the answer is and why.  This’ll probably involve asking yourself a bunch of questions, like ‘discovery of what?’ ‘why/how would discovery help us see people in new ways?’ ‘does it always change how we see people?’ ‘why does it sometimes change us and sometimes not?’…………… and so on.

4.   Now, think about how the chosen three texts answer these questions.  What does ‘The Tempest’ show about how discovery changes how we view people?  What characters discovered something that changed how they saw themselves and each other? How did that discovery change their views?

5.   THEN and ONLY THEN can you think about techniques.  Once you say that ‘X discovery helped Y character to view Z character as a nicer person’, then you can try and find a technique that highlights this.


Discussing the topic, answering the question, is the ‘framework’ of a good essay, and the techniques don’t mean anything if they don’t fall inside that framework. 

So then, if you have a paragraph on ‘The Very Hungry Caterpillar’, your topic sentence could look something like: Through the caterpillar’s discovery of new and acidic fruits, Carle demonstrates that the caterpillar’s searching reveals to himself his capacity for perseverance through hardship. (and then throughout you’d show clearly how this answers the question)

(lol, I can’t even remember the storyline of that book, I’m just lamely copy-cat-ing one of the VCE state rankers on this site )

Then, the rest of your paragraph, you’d be explaining how that character or event(s) shows us that discovery changes our perceptions.  It’d look a bit like ‘The metaphor of ____ highlights how [character] changes from viewing herself as ____ to viewing herself as ____.’  Basically your topic sentence should be an answer to the question, and then your paragraph should be a collection of evidence/events/quotes/techniques/analysis that ‘proves’ or demonstrates how that TS answers the question.

And CLICK HERE for a few other comments directly on your essay

The process of discovery does indeed often lead to renewed perceptions of themselves and those around them. I’d recommend not starting with the words in the question; at the very least, put it in your own words (which should be a step in your planning anyway) because it shows you understand the topic, whereas repeating it word-for-word doesn’t ‘add’ anything In William Shakespeare's The Tempest, Edgar Allan Poe’s Tell-Tale Heart and Peter Weir’s Dead Poet’s Society, the impacts from the choices characters made, occasionally assisted in acquiring renewed perceptions of themselves and those around them. here, the essay already sounds just a bit like it’s skirting the issue: you’re talking about the choices characters make, rather than the process of discovery which was what the question asked. 

When Caliban asked for forgiveness in The Tempest, this decision facilitated in gaining renewed perceptions of the self.  Prospero perceived him as ‘savage’ after he attempted to violate Miranda, through the derogatory terms: ‘poisonous slave’ and ‘a thing of darkness’ supported by Miranda’s views: ‘a thing most brutish’. Caliban’s repentance through the religious metaphor: ‘be wiser hereafter/And seek for grace’ nice quote embedding! demonstrates Caliban’s capacity to possess sophisticated language contrary to the perception of the characters. His use of sophisticated language is further evidenced in his description of the island, in the aural imagery: ‘…The isle is full of noises/ Sounds and sweet airs/that give delight and hurt not/ Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments /Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices…’ demonstrating a complex understanding. complex understanding of what? And what does that show about how discovery changes our views of ourselves/each other?

 Todd in Dead Poet’s Society chose to follow John Keating’s ‘unorthodox teachings’ in hopes of achieving this complex understanding of the self that was a really smooth transition from the para before; well done on your linking!. The close up shot of the banners: ‘Tradition. Honour. Discipline. Excellence’ highlights the core principles of Welton that it stands for. In addition, the mise-en-scene of the candle ceremony establishes that the school imposes traditionalist ideals on its students. you have some beautiful analysis here, but remember that the point of all your evidence is to answer the question; so, if we know that the school has harsh traditions/principles, what does that show about how our views of humans are changed by discovery?  Every piece of evidence you pick, every quote, every technique, should have the aim of answering that question.The close-up shot of Todd’s handwriting ‘Seize the Day’ reveals his wish that he could contribute his ‘verse’. Furthermore, the establishing shot of birds flying symbolises the students wanting to break free from the strict principles of Welton needing only a catalyst, this parallels Keating and his class. The spinning shot of Keating covering Todd’s eyes in class creates a sense of transformation within Todd as he creates a physical verse revealing his capacity to create beautiful poetry to the class, as exclaimed by Keating: “…There’s a poet in you after all!”.

   
However, the Narrator in the Tell-Tale Heart shows no transformation of the self after his decision to murder. The hyperbole: btw, you do this a bit, but you don’t need a colon ( : ) between your technique and quote. It flows more smoothly if you go ‘The hyperbole “I heard many things in hell” shows that the narrator perceives…’  Or you could put a comma before and after the quote. “I heard many things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell” shows that the narrator perceives hypersensitivity as sanity. The personification: “It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain but once conceived, it haunted me day and night” emphasises the obsession the narrator feels in the idea of murdering the old man which completely contradicts his perception: “How, then am I mad?” The use of short sentences: “Object there was none. Passion there was none. I loved the old man. He had never wronged me. He had never given me insult. For his gold, I had no desire. I think it was his eye! yes, it was this!” reinforces the idea that there is a lack of concrete reason to commit murder and thus signals the reader that he is indeed ‘mad’. After the murder, the exclaimed sentences: “…I could bear those hypocritical smiles no longer! I felt that I must scream or die! and now --again! --hark! louder! louder! louder! louder!”… “Villains!”  demonstrates his failure to differentiate his villainy over theirs, revealing no sense of remorse and thus no change of the self.

This sense of remorse is also not apparent in Antonio in The Tempest and Cameron in Dead Poet’s Society and thus failing to achieve a sense of metamorphosis of the self.  Antonio’s decision to betray left Prospero and Miranda to suffer, through the metaphor: “The ivy which had hid my princely trunk/And suck'd my verdure out on't” highlighting the parasitic nature of Antonio, ‘sucking’ out all the life out of Prospero. This is paralleled by Cameron’s betrayal in his dialogue with Dalton: “There’s something called an honour code at this school…If a teacher asks a question, you tell the truth or you’re expelled!” highlighting Cameron’s conformity with the school’s traditionalist principles and having no regret in causing the dismissal of Keating. The wide shot of the students standing on their desks highlights the absence of Cameron’s participation suggesting that he does not possess a renewed perception of himself and others good that you’re trying to tie it back in to the topic. Similarly, Antonio’s dialogue with Sebastian about Caliban, after he was forgiven: “Very like; one of them/ Is a plain fish, no doubt marketable” demonstrates his greed, not acknowledging Caliban’s capacity to ‘seek grace’ yay! Beautiful quoting; it fits in and flows with your own sentence! and thus failing to realise a fresh insight of himself and others. Nevertheless, while there was no clear transformation of the self, the alliteration: “It is the beating of his hideous heart!” suggests that the narrator in Tell- Tale Heart possesses conscience although he mistook the old man’s heart to be beating instead of his.


In William Shakespeare's The Tempest, Edgar Allan Poe’s Tell-Tale Heart and Peter Weir’s Dead Poet’s Society, renewed perceptions on ourselves and others can sometimes be attained through the impact of the choices people make, with it comes the innate capacity for most individuals to have morality, however, it is ultimately the individual’s will to see a fresh perspective that will allow one to grasp a more complex awareness of the self and others. also remember that it’s totally okay if you don’t say something ‘fancy’ and ‘Englishy’.  If your last sentence answers the question, and you actually understand what you’re trying to say, then it doesn’t matter how boring it sounds – it’s better than something that sounds nice but doesn’t answer the question or you don’t even get what it’s saying.

Get back to me with ANY questions!