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October 05, 2025, 07:10:01 am

Author Topic: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)  (Read 732970 times)

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studybuddy7777

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #495 on: August 06, 2016, 07:52:56 am »
Ahaha no worries at all! Yes I've heard how bad the Module B question was :P

Without giving it another full read through (and forgiving the absence of the conclusion), right now I'd put it at perhaps the crossover between a Band 4 and a Band 5, maybe a 13? Give or take  :)

Oh yep okay my teacher gave me a 15/20 for that one (with a conclusion) :D I had to regurgitate all that plus more on to several pages in 40 minutes.. Writing non stop the whole time and only just finished.
Good to see how other people mark it though :)

jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #496 on: August 06, 2016, 02:11:54 pm »
Oh yep okay my teacher gave me a 15/20 for that one (with a conclusion) :D I had to regurgitate all that plus more on to several pages in 40 minutes.. Writing non stop the whole time and only just finished.
Good to see how other people mark it though :)

Cool! I'm a harsh marker so that sounds about right ;)  sounds like you did really well! Happy to give the feedback ;D

studybuddy7777

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #497 on: August 06, 2016, 02:15:34 pm »
Thanks :) lets just hope i did as well (or well at all) for the trial exams!!

VanDani

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #498 on: August 06, 2016, 04:46:32 pm »
Module B Essay - English ADV
Shakespeare’s Hamlet engages its audience through its exploration of personal crisis; to what extent does your interpretation of Hamlet align with this view?


Shakespeare’s Hamlet explores the universality of personal crisis through both physical and perpetual representation of human mortality and morality. Through Shakespeare’s comprehensive expression of the tensions between Renaissance Humanism, religious orthodoxy and aristocratic responsibility, an audience is moved to a deeper acceptance of the atypical revenge hero’s contradictory rhetoric and actions. As a result of the play’s enduring representation of the complexity of human mortality, the contemporary audience can still be thoroughly invested and engaged in Shakespeare’s perplexing representation of the human issue, that of convoluted and conflicting ideologies and the illustration of personal crisis. Ultimately, Hamlet’s indecisive moral crisis serves as both his distinguishing Renaissance humanist feature, and the flaw that leads to his eventual destruction.

Shakespeare represents the milieu of Elsinore and the contextual relevance of the Elizabethan era as a defining factor in Hamlet’s internal disjuncture. Shakespeare’s illustration of Elsinore as an “unweeded garden”, torn apart by regicide, demonstrates the relative inability of the environment to facilitate stability for Hamlet. Additionally, the transitionary context of the Elizabethan age fuses feudal and modern ideals, Maynard Mack states, “Hamlet’s world… reverberates with questions,” thus, its uncertainty compounds hamlets ponderous nature.  Consequently, Hamlet, who is innately a contemporarily thoughtful man, hesitates when confronted with his feudal task of revenge. This inherent humanism is displayed through dramatic monologue as he questions, “What a piece of work is man.”As he reflects on humanity as “noble in reason” and “infinite in faculties,” Hamlet comes to the realisation that, within his current moral framework, he is unable to take a life. However, his impotence to abandon his task, due to his fundamental duty to his late father; traps him within a vice of procrastination. As such, the transition of Elsinore into the modern era deprives Hamlet of the stability he requires to negotiate the morality of his task, which is prevented by his humanist tendencies. 

Despite his modern ideological leanings, the contextual power of Christian morality is still readily apparent in Hamlet’s preoccupation with sin and divine judgement. This power is evident through his incapability to kill Claudius while he is praying, as he avoids sending “this same villain to heaven.” Therefore, Hamlet is faced with the paradox that killing Claudius would result in the spiritual sin of regicide, whilst not killing him would be an immoral sin against his father. Further self doubt is caused through Hamlet’s self-destructive desire for death, and the ultimate relief it would bring from his moral antagonism. This is exhibited as he contemplates that his “sullied flesh would melt, thaw, and resolve itself into a dew,” as he longs for freedom for his duty without directly neglecting it. However, his fear of “what dreams may come...must give us pause,” indicates his apprehension towards the eternal condemnation that would follow his suicide. Therefore, Hamlet is unable to find solace in Christian tradition, and instead is further detached from his duty, and is deeply wracked with guilt at the thought of immorality.

Hamlet’s stifling indecision is represented as his personal crisis within the play as a whole, requiring resolution in order to achieve progress. Thus, this culminates in his antic disposition; which is demonstrated as a reflection of the internal disjuncture which has driven him throughout the play. Hamlet’s metatheatrical performance of The Murder of Gonzago exhibits an ultimate representation of his insanity, as he aims to “catch the conscience of the King.” However, despite the culmination of these measures, what truly coerces his eventual transformation is his recognition of his own mortality. Thusly, this is explored through the perpetual imagery of Yorick’s skull, Hamlet realises that “a man’s life [is] no more than to say ‘one’,” and as such, his moral deliberation is futile. As Henry Mackenzie notes, “the imminence...prompts Hamlet’s actions,” which in turn, enables him to become the atypical revenge hero he has long aspired to be. Hence, his cathartic death, subsequent to his fulfilment of his filial duty, therefore relieves him of the tension and struggle that has characterised his passage throughout the play, and as such, ultimately allows him to achieve peace.

In Conclusion, Shakespeare’s Hamlet engages and involves contemporary audiences through the perplexing conflicts between religious responsibility, filial duty and expression of renaissance humanism. Through these three pillars, the representation of personal crisis can be thoroughly explored. Moreover, it is Hamlet’s hesitative internal antagonism that serves as his fundamental humanist trait, and as such, it inevitably culminates to his downfall.
 







ssarahj

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #499 on: August 06, 2016, 04:55:57 pm »
Module B Essay - English ADV
Shakespeare’s Hamlet engages its audience through its exploration of personal crisis; to what extent does your interpretation of Hamlet align with this view?


Hey VanDani, welcome to the forums! Unfortunately you haven't met the posting requirements to receive feedback. The post exchange policy is explained here Free Essay Marking Explanation and Policies but in short it's 15 posts per essay, so if you hang around the forums for a bit you'll be up to 15 in no time (check out this thread if you like: Make Your First Post! ) Just let us know when you reach the post count and your essay will be marked. Thanks!  ;D
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anotherworld2b

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #500 on: August 07, 2016, 11:25:36 pm »
Hi I was wondering if I could get some feedback on my response  :)
I wanted to ask for the 15 points rule is that an accumulation of the total your posts or 15 posts
after each response being marked?
« Last Edit: August 09, 2016, 06:51:08 pm by anotherworld2b »

jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #501 on: August 08, 2016, 12:31:15 am »
Hi I was wondering if I could get some feedback on my response  :)
I wanted to ask for the 15 points rule is that an accumulation of the total your posts or 15 posts
after each response being marked?

Definitely! On my to do list ;D and it's accumulative within reason, like, if you haven't posted in 6 months then we might ask you to post some more, but you are definitely sweet ;D

anotherworld2b

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #502 on: August 08, 2016, 09:18:44 am »
Definitely! On my to do list ;D and it's accumulative within reason, like, if you haven't posted in 6 months then we might ask you to post some more, but you are definitely sweet ;D

 ;D thank you
the more feedback the better because I'm still rather confused on how approach the question
on how perspective can be constructed

jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #503 on: August 08, 2016, 12:20:36 pm »
Hi I was wondering if I could get some feedback on my response  :)

No problem, feedback is attached!

Spoiler
‘Unpolished Gem’ by Alice Pung encapsulates the quintessential perspective of the struggles experienced by second generation migrants assimilating into Australian society without losing their traditional Chinese Cambodian migrant roots. Fantastic introduction to the text. Pung conveys this particular perspective through the structure of her autobiography illustrating her personal growth in character, the effective use of language features and her point of view. Good introduction, but I'm missing a central THESIS. Try to start your essay with a big idea, some main thing you want the essay to be about. Essentially, the perspective you want to analyse. Then, bring in the text as an example of your Thesis. By adding something more conceptual to the start of your introduction, you put the focus on conceptual rather than textual concerns.

One major structure in ‘Unpolished Gem’ follows Alice’s growth from a child to an adult as she adapts to the english language as part of Australian culture. Retell, and further, this doesn't really qualify as a "structure," it is just a story arc. English was something that a young Alice Pung struggled with pronunciating fluently. Retell. To emphasise her struggle Pung utilises dialogue to illustrate her broken english with a spoof accent  ‘essose mi plis I nid to go to da toylit’. Alice’s struggle with english was further emphasised by Pung’s point of view that ‘Initially as a child English was a foreign language “foreign words did not seem to slip out of me as easily as the contents of my bladder...” Retell. Despite initial difficulty with English Pung was able to adapt and learn English during her schooling however a as result of acculturation Pung was later unable to communicate in her mother tongue “littered their language with English Terms, until every second word was in the foreign.” Retell, you are telling us what happened in the text, but remember, your marker has read the text! These contrasting events in Pung’s life changing from being unable to communicate coherently using english to her fading ability to speak her mother tongue expresses a disconnect from her ethnic roots despite her efforts to assimilate. This is a good conceptual statement, but you aren't analysing to back it up! Alice’s integration into Australian culture seems to cause her Chinese/Cambodian roots to fade.This is depicted through Alice’s mother lamenting ‘Mine can’t speak to me anymore’ which is further reinforced by Alice saying ‘now there weren’t even enough words to say how I was feeling all feelings was reduced to the simplest of three emotions: I am happy, I am sad or I am angry’ and ‘Yet the more I studied at school, the more mute I became’. Technique for these quotes? Pung’s effective use of dialogue in particular events in her life encapsulates perspective of the struggles experienced by other second generation migrants as they battle with the conflict losing their traditional migrant roots as they assimilate into Australian culture. Some neat conceptual ideas here, but the approach is a little too text focused.

You have some good ideas here, but the big piece of feedback I have is that your response is too text focused.

What I mean by this is, you are essentially recounting the details of the text and then linking your ideas to these details. While the ideas are fantastic, linking them to the plot or characters is not effective analysis, it turns into textual retell. Remember, your marker has read the text, you don't need to tell them what happened. Further, this response is constructing a perspective. How do we do that?

Composers construct perspectives with techniques. Similes, metaphors, imagery, alliteration, dialogue, etc etc. Instead of just recounting the text, your response needs to explore how techniques have been used by the composer to create a perspective. What that perspective is, that's up to you (and you give me an idea of it in your introduction already). Your sentences should look something like this:

The composers use of TECHNIQUE, "QUOTE," develops the perspective of BLAH.

No plot details, no riff raft, just techniques and an explanation of how they work! Be sure to also link this to the audience where possible. See your criteria:

Explains clearly how language features, text structures and stylistic choices communicate a particular perspective.

Who is the composer communicating to? The audience, so that's a vital part as well ;D

As you continue to expand the response (more body paragraphs and a conclusion) I'll be able to chat more about things like structure, maintaining a Thesis, etc, but removing retell should be your focus for the moment ;D that and being a little more conceptual in your Thesis, which I mention above ;D



anotherworld2b

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #504 on: August 08, 2016, 05:26:38 pm »
Would this be better? Then would you integrate language features, text structures and stylistic choices in each paragraph?

‘Unpolished Gem’ by Alice Pung encapsulates the quintessential perspective of the struggles experienced by second generation migrants assimilating into Australian society without losing their traditional Chinese Cambodian migrant roots. The prevalent pursue of assimilation conflicts with cultural identity causing a generational chasm due to Australia’s cultural influences on second generation migrants. Alice delves into the perspective of fellow second generation migrants who struggle to adapt to Australia’s culture as her own ethnicity is eroded by western influences. Pung conveys this perspective persistently in ‘Unpolished Gem’ through language features, text structures and stylistic choices.
« Last Edit: August 09, 2016, 07:02:44 pm by anotherworld2b »

ssarahj

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #505 on: August 08, 2016, 05:48:27 pm »
Would this be better? Then would you integrate language features, text structures and stylistic choices in each paragraph?

1. Discuss how Unpolished Gem has been constructed to present a particular perspective.

‘Unpolished Gem’ by Alice Pung encapsulates the quintessential perspective of the struggles experienced by second generation migrants assimilating into Australian society without losing their traditional Chinese Cambodian migrant roots. The prevalent pursue of assimilation conflicts with cultural identity causing a generational chasm due to Australia’s cultural influences on second generation migrants. Alice delves into the perspective of fellow second generation migrants who struggle to adapt to Australia’s culture as her own ethnicity is eroded by western influences. Pung conveys this perspective persistently in ‘Unpolished Gem’ through language features, text structures and stylistic choices.

Hey anotherworld2b! I just saw your intro and I thought it would be quicker for you if I gave you some feedback.

Spoiler
‘Unpolished Gem’ by Alice Pung encapsulates the quintessential perspective of the struggles experienced by second generation migrants assimilating into Australian society without losing their traditional Chinese Cambodian migrant roots. (could be reworded to be clearer e.g. "... into Australian society and their quest to hold onto their...")The prevalent pursue pursuit of assimilation conflicts with cultural identity causing a generational chasm due to Australia’s cultural influences on second generation migrants. You could reword this to be simpler: "... causing a chasm between generations of migrants" since you mention 'influences' later on. Alice Pung (Just refer to the composer by her last name from here on.) delves into the perspective of fellow second generation migrants who struggle to adapt to Australia’s culture as her own ethnicity is eroded by Western influences. Pung conveys this perspective persistently in ‘Unpolished Gem’ through language features, text structures and stylistic choices.

Your choice of language here is great (only some minor nit picky corrections to maintain the flow) and I can see a definite improvement in this intro compared to the one Jamon marked earlier today! I'm pretty familiar with the concepts you're talking about (my module for Year 12 Extension 1 incorporates a lot of cross-cultural stuff etc.) and I'm impressed with how you're expressing these big, complex ideas so succinctly. Keep working at polishing the rest of your response and feel free to post it back up for Jamon to have another look!
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anotherworld2b

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #506 on: August 08, 2016, 07:18:02 pm »
thank you so much ssarahj
I really appreciate your feedback  ;D
« Last Edit: August 09, 2016, 07:01:51 pm by anotherworld2b »

jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #507 on: August 08, 2016, 07:46:47 pm »
Would this be better? Then would you integrate language features, text structures and stylistic choices in each paragraph?

1. Discuss how Unpolished Gem has been constructed to present a particular perspective.

‘Unpolished Gem’ by Alice Pung encapsulates the quintessential perspective of the struggles experienced by second generation migrants assimilating into Australian society without losing their traditional Chinese Cambodian migrant roots. The prevalent pursue of assimilation conflicts with cultural identity causing a generational chasm due to Australia’s cultural influences on second generation migrants. Alice delves into the perspective of fellow second generation migrants who struggle to adapt to Australia’s culture as her own ethnicity is eroded by western influences. Pung conveys this perspective persistently in ‘Unpolished Gem’ through language features, text structures and stylistic choices.

I agree with Sarah, definitely a great revision, good work! I'm still looking for the development of a Thesis. Take your big idea of assimilation (without the specifics), and write it as your first sentence.

EG - Assimilation is a challenge to the cultural identity of individuals, whose perspectives are challenged by _______________ (do your thing). Indeed, ‘Unpolished Gem’ by Alice Pung encapsulates the quintessential perspective of the struggles experienced by... (launch into the rest of your paragraph).


Getting that Thesis established early will be super important for maintaining a solid argument as your response develops!  ;D

anotherworld2b

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #508 on: August 08, 2016, 09:21:30 pm »
Thank you so much for your feedback :D
I was wondering what do you mean by 'perspectives are challenged by...' would it be in regards to language features, text structures and stylistic choices?
I agree with Sarah, definitely a great revision, good work! I'm still looking for the development of a Thesis. Take your big idea of assimilation (without the specifics), and write it as your first sentence.

EG - Assimilation is a challenge to the cultural identity of individuals, whose perspectives are challenged by _______________ (do your thing). Indeed, ‘Unpolished Gem’ by Alice Pung encapsulates the quintessential perspective of the struggles experienced by... (launch into the rest of your paragraph).


Getting that Thesis established early will be super important for maintaining a solid argument as your response develops!  ;D

jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #509 on: August 08, 2016, 11:48:46 pm »
Thank you so much for your feedback :D
I was wondering what do you mean by 'perspectives are challenged by...' would it be in regards to language features, text structures and stylistic choices?

I was just giving a rough example, I didn't mean anything by it specifically, you could link it to that though if you like! ;D or you could link it to the concept itself. But you shouldn't use my wording specifically, instead come up with your own! Communicate whatever concept you want to  ;D