English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)

[BPunjabi]

I will mark yours today BPunjabi. We held lectures over the weekend for HSC students which has caused a back log, I just marked the short ones between my Uni classes today and I'm saving your longer one for after my tutorial today so I can give you the proper time needed to mark a full length essay. Your work will be marked in the coming hours, I've started on it but felt like I needed to wait until I had proper time to allocate to you to give you the best feedback possible. It's coming!

Thank you so much, was just getting a bit stressed that they were so bad, they wern't worth marking. Thanks for your time.

[Lauradf36]

All I really need advice on is how to properly integrate readings/productions, could someone check if I have done it in this para? Thx!

Hamlet is primarily concerned with the search for meaning in a corrupted world. The theme of corruption is explored in productions such as the Simon Russell Beale adaptation, where Hamlet expresses disgust at the disruption of the Great Chain of Being. This was a sense of moral order highly valued in Elizabethan times, with the king placed as the head of the Church, and thus an act of murder or treason against him was seen as a sin against God. Due to the subversion of this order through Old Hamlet’s murder, Hamlet perceives Elsinore to be “an unweeded garden that grows to seed, things rank and gross in nature possess it merely.” (1.2) The motif of dying vegetation is employed throughout the play to represent the decaying morality of the disrupted world. The metaphorical depiction of Elsinore “growing to seed” also suggests an aspect of wastefulness in this kingdom. Hamlet is later almost prophetic in his belief that this corruption will ultimately lead to death and destruction, stating that “Foul deeds will rise, though all the world o’whelm them to men’s eyes.” (1.2) Hamlet’s use of imperative language demonstrates his firm conviction in the “foul” corruption of Elsinore. The theme is hence integral to the play, and continues to have textual integrity to audiences today seeking meaning in a corrupted world.

[zachary99]

Thanks for your advice Elise! Its appreciated

[elysepopplewell]

Hey Guys;

Module A please. I find this the most difficult out of the three as I find the concept of leadership with political views a bit struggling, but here it goes. Thanks so much btw.

Spoiler

Does the treatment of personal morality in Julius Caesar and The Prince reveal similarities or reinforce the text's’ distinctive qualities?

Morals are distinctive qualities which every human possess, but how they choose to act upon it builds up and forms their character. I don't think this is worded as well as it could be in the end part of the sentence here. "act upon it" doesn't sound as though it is relating to morals, but more emotion. Perhaps, "how an individual chooses to action their moral duties/compass/direction/sense..." Sheakespeare's Dramatic play, ‘Julius Caesar’ conveys this the imposed idea of morals by forging the historical concept of the Roman monarch, Julius Caesar, with Shakespeare's political context, while focusing on a goodwill vs hatred and free will vs fortune approach. Probably will need some rewording so that we only say Shakespeare once but, it needs to be said at the start where I inserted it, and not at the end.In comparison, political treatise ‘The Prince’ Name the composer, and a date in brackets if available incorporates historical events as well to evidently support the concepts put forward to assist a leader/a monarch in running a perfect kingdom. As both texts use historical references to compare qualities exposed in righteous characters, Is this missing the end part?

‘Julius Caesar’ is a dramatic play, written by William Shakespeare in 1599 This information could and should be put in the introduction I think! That way you can get right into analysis here and the information won't take away from your points. depicting the historical monarch Julius Caesar whose life is influenced by the playwright’s, No need for a comma here. Elizabethan era political context. Shakespeare attempts to communicate to the audience his dilemmas with the ruling government which is implemented into the playpossessive apostrophe here.s four main characters and the machiavellian capitalise Machiavellian choices they adopt. These four main characters are Antony, Brutus, Julius Caesar and Cassius who have opposing ideals of morality and good will vs hatred. This sounds too introductory - your marker knows these characters and they won't need to be introduced to them by you Throughout the play, the evident power struggle between good and evil persists which reinforces ideas of morality and more importantly persuasion. In Antony's funeral speech (page 745) I'd suggest against page numbers because you haven't identified the edition of the book you are reading, so the page number doesn't mean much to a marker. Instead, I'd be inclined to just use a description of the scene, "the funeral scene" or "scene 5." , it is noticeable how Antony contains the qualities to seduce the fickle plebs in seeing the horror and mutiny behind Brutus’ act of murdering Caesar.  At this point we are nearing towards the end of the paragraph and we haven't yet had anything to do with textual analysis. I'd be getting rid of the introductory details at the beginning, and instead concisely outlining in just one sentence that the characters are vehicles for the struggle between good and evil morality.The repetition of “Brutus was an honourable man” throughout the speech? manipulates the situation relating to Shakespeare wanting to seduce his crowd into choosing a side within the play and their problems with the Queen. From this scene it is evident that Shakespeare attempts to beguile the crowd into realising the problems with the infamous Queen Elizabeth and how it could dramatically place England into turmoil if she suddenly dies without a heir. This paragraph lacks concision and detail. The sentence at the beginning should identify the focus of the essay in relation to the essay question. Then, each sentence thereafter should either be detailing a specific example from the text with a technique, or explaining that technique in relation to the essay question. If your sentences aren't doing these, then they are waffling. So, I suggest cutting back on the first few sentences, and then hitting hard with the analysis. It is a Module A essay, so a sentence or two on context is fine as it is relevant.

In comparison What are you comparing? Not just the texts - because that is clear in the introduction. "In comparison to the use of characters as a vehicle for the struggle between..." or something like that. Be specific.is Niccolo Machiavelli's political treatise ‘The Prince’ written in 1509 Again, dates should be in the introduction for his lord, Lorenzo De Medici. During the composition of the Prince, Italy was in a turmoil state as Italian leaders were being assassinated and quickly replaced, similar to the concept presented in Shakespeare's play. Great link!Machiavelli himself was a political associate who had a strong relationship with the past governor of Italy though it broke the relationship broke? Try formalising this instead of being colloquial. after the new leader took back the reign and exiled Machiavelli. ‘The Prince’ specifically is a guideline contrasting the perfect handbook to running a kingdom. It seems that Machiavelli totally disregards morals if it means becoming the ideal ruler.  Machiavelli believes that if a leader has the power to gain people's goodwill, then that ruler has no reason to fear hatred and conspiracies.I Goodwill is a political instrument which can insure stability of a Prince's reign, presented in the metaphor in “Better to have a name for miserliness, which breeds disgrace without hatred, than, in pursuing a name for liberality. Great use of embedded quote. The idea of breeding disgrace connects to Machiavelli's belief that Hatred will cause a civilization American spelling, you mean civilisation* to worship and attempt to not disappoint the ruler as the goodwill with present a lenient affect. Medici had proven to have used this quality as he was feared by most of the Italian populace as his family was known for their brutal carnage. Again we have a lot of placing the plot in context and only one piece of analysis. I'd be aiming for at least 3 per paragraph.

The treatment of morals have various consequences which can heavily affect a society depending on how people use it. Excellent thesis statement! Super clear.This concept is explored in both ‘Julius Caesar’ and ‘The Prince’ though they both hold opposing views on the idea of freewill vs vs is colloquial - try verse or "as opposed to" fortune. From Shakespeare's various plays, it is evident that he supported fate in saying that it cannot be controlled but rather an enigma which is part of everybody's life. "As is a common feature in other Shakespearean plays, fate remains as an enigmatic, uncontrollable aspect of human existence.He would have had faith that England would rise up and surpass distress after the Queen's death. In ‘Julius Caesar’ Cassius expresses to Brutus using figurative language that “The fault dear Brutus is not in our stars, But in ourselves that we are underlings” (Act 1 Scene 2). In this scene, Cassius uses machiavellian Machiavellian* manipulation to seduce Brutus into murdering Caesar, which is a sly act though may result in a good conclusion for all republicans.

From ‘The Prince’, it is gathered that Machiavelli believed that Free Will can conquer fortune as it is a person's ability and use of morals which can exceed enemies expectations to winning and controlling a populace. Machiavelli believes that free will should be controlled as free will of the masses brought most of the empires to fall. Personification in “for fortune is a woman and in order to be mastered she must be jogged and beaten” (chapter 25) uses hyperbole to express the eager and importance of how fortune must be dominated so free will can be achieved. As of analysing ‘The Prince’, it is noticeable how Machiavelli was using his sense of Free Will to seduce Medici into restoring his political role.

The use of morals derives from specific ethical qualities which produce certain types of characteristics for various personas. Through play ‘Julius Caesar’, Shakespeare uses the historical context of Caesar to possess the mind of his audience in realising complications arising from the threat of Queen Elizabeth. In comparison ‘the Prince’ highlights Machiavelli's ideas on free will vs fortune and how he believes it can sustain a kingdom in which he absolutely disregards morals. I'd put one more sentence here to tie it all together!

End Notes:

-The paragraphs need some more beefing up, I'd aim for at least three pieces of textual analysis in each paragraph, and less context/plot retell. The way to tell if something is plot retell is by recognising a sentence about the plot that doesn't have a technical analysis attached to it. So consider going through and wiping out the first few sentences of each paragraph, and instead summarising that into one sentence.
-Each paragraph needs to have a super clear direction about what is being discussed. Characters as the vehicle for discussing morality? The tension between the need to do right by yourself as opposed to your people? The obstacles in the way of becoming truly moral?
-The introductory details of the text should be summarised in the introduction, with the year of the text in brackets, and the composer's identified early.
-Machiavelli and Machiavellian needs a capital letter.
-Just double check your Microsoft Word is set to English (Australia) and not English (US)

Let me know if anything doesn't make sense

[elysepopplewell]

i was wondering if someone has done Mod A: Pride and Prejudice and Letters to Alice to help me out with my essay and give me any feedback, much appreciated since its my weakest module.

Hi there! Here is your essay in the spoiler below I didn't study Pride and Prejudice, but I've marked a few essays on it so I have a bit of an idea about the texts

Spoiler

The Challenges of living your own life is an idea which connects Pride and Prejudice and Letters to Alice on First Reading Jane Austen.
How is this idea shaped and reshaped in these texts from different contexts?

The connections that have been explored in the texts have allowed society to gain a better understanding of themselves and the way their lives has been shaped and reshaped over time. I think this could be worded better in a way that I'd put the idea of challenges forward, rather than the benefit and purpose of connecting texts. Just because it is the essay question, and the texts haven't yet been identified, I think it's better to privilege the question before the idea of connecting texts (the module requirement).Through the composer’s ability to encapsulate shared values produces a criticism of the Victorian and Postmodern period, Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice (1813) and Fay Weldon’s text Letters to Alice on First Reading Jane Austen (1986). The challenges throughout the text allows the audience to reflect on the impact upon their daily lives. Both texts implement ideas of a changing society and how it has affected society. I am not getting a lot of the "challenges of living YOUR OWN LIFE" in this introduction. I see the challenges, and I see the way it asks responders to reflect, but it could be worthwhile making a connection between the way that the texts explore life's challenged? I think it's more the wording than anything, because you've definitely identified the ideas in an implicit way, perhaps it just needs enhancing. The first sentence might be the best place to do that.

During the Victorian era, Austen highlights the significance of understanding other people’s judgement in order to learn from your one's (I think this just formalises the register a bit! mistakes. Elizabeth is faced with many challenges that alter the way she perceives her world. Austen characterises Elizabeth as being intelligent, levelled headed and displays discernment. “His character was decided. He was the proudest most disagreeable man in the world.” The hyperbole represents Elizabeth’s first impression of Mr Darcy and became the central reason for her dislike towards him, after one conversation she wasn’t meant to hear. I'd be trying to embed this quote! Before you read the proceeding question, you're confused about who the "he" is. So I'd be trying to embed it!Elizabeth’s grudge against Mr Darcy was furthered fuelled by Mr Wickham’s story. Elizabeth “found the interest of the subject increase, and listened with all her heart, but the delicacy of it prevented further inquiry”. Beautifully embedded! Elizabeth displayed a flawed judgement about Mr Wickham as she ignored Jane’s advice about Elizabeth’s quick judgement towards Mr Darcy based on Wickham’s opinion. As Elizabeth progresses throughout the novel “she began now to comprehend that he was the exact man, in disposition and talents, who would most suit her”. The discerning tone creates a contrast to Elizabeth’s previous judgement of Mr Darcy, her perception has changed changes as she learns from her mistakes. She I think "she" is a bit colloquial here, but we've repeated Elizabeth's name a lot. Perhaps refer to her as "the protagonist" makes a judgement after seeing Darcy in Pemberley, the place where he is most comfortable as well as hearing what he did for her sister, Lydia through Mrs Gardiner’s letter. “Indeed he has no improper pride. He is perfectly amiable.” Elizabeth respects her father and decides to tell him that she loves Mr Darcy and is clearly a good match for her as he has good qualities. This part here has no textual analysis, but rather plot retell of a challenge. Perhaps the consonance of "improper pride" is worth talking about. Due to Elizabeth’s understanding of discernment it has allowed her to overcome the challenges in her life that can shape and reshape the way she perceives the world around her.

In post-modern society, our This is up to personal preference, but if you'd like to keep things in formal register, then refer to "one" instead of "our" - but it is up to you! ideas are shaped and reshaped that challenge our daily lives, as it emphasises the importance of the world around us. I really like the way you are linking to a modern audience, it's very compelling! In comparison with Elizabeth, Alice is a young, intelligent woman who seeks advice from her Aunt Fay. In Letters to Alice On First Reading Jane Austencomma, Weldon highlights the importance of Alice’s development. Weldon explores the challenges through Aunt Fay the world through discernment. She tells Alice, “You must read, Alice, before it’s too late. You must fill your mind with the invented images of the past…” Try not to leave quotes on their own as an individual sentence. It doesn't read as flowingly as it does if you just put a little something at the start, or embed it The imperative language empathises the importance of Alice’s developing development to improve as Aunt Fay wants Alice to learn from this gain a better understanding of discernment. “The world is very real, and not made up of an insubstantial web of rights and wrongs, and ins and outs...” the metaphor depicts that the understanding the world around us can allow us to learn about our world. Alice learns that it is okay to make mistakes as long as she learns from them.  The use of high modality in, “If you persist with your novel, Alice, you will find it difficult to finish” the high modality terminology shows that Aunt Fay has placed doubt in Alice’s mind making which makes it difficult for Alice to show a better judgement of herself and the world around her. “In the city… there is relevance, purpose and meaning: it is a wonderful place”. The extended metaphor of the City of Invention was made up as reality is in fact far from perfect, it appeals to the readers as we all have the desire of a happy ending. Alice learns a sense of discernment which allows her to achieve her goal of writing a best-selling novel, in the end despite the challenges of living your own life. Wonderful link back to the reader!!!!

The ability to display empathy allows one to understand their world better and understand themselves in the process. Wonderful! Elizabeth lacks empathy towards Charlotte’s decision to marry Mr Collins. She allows her views of marriage to interfere with her ability to understand the situation. “Happiness is entirely a matter of chance”. Again, embed. All Charlotte really cared about was being able to have a stable lifestyle in order to do so she accepted Mr Collin’s proposal. Elizabeth responses responds to this in such a condescending tone as she does not understand Charlotte’s reason to marry Mr Collins. “Charlotte the wife of Mr Collins, was a most humiliating picture!”. This full stop isn't necessary if the exclamation mark point inside the quotation mark is there The irony and intrusive narration further elaborates Elizabeth’s stubbornness stubborn nature to understand the bigger picture. Elizabeth shows her growth and development as she seeks advice from her sister, Jane about Mr Collins and Charlotte’s marriage. “I must think your language too strong in speaking of both, I hope you will be convinced of it by seeing them happy together” Jane expresses empathy and hopes that Elizabeth will understand. Elizabeth grows as she visits Charlotte in her home in Hunsford. “Elizabeth in the solitude of her chamber had to meditate upon Charlotte’s degree of contentment… and to acknowledge that it was all done very well.” This is Elizabeth’s turning point as she may not accept the marriage entirely but she understands Charlotte’s reasoning. Elizabeth and Darcy started their relationship on bad terms, as Elizabeth overheard Mr Darcy saying that “She is tolerable but not handsome enough to tempt me”. Elizabeth’s immediate response was showing a quick judgement clouded by her lack of empathy and understanding of the situation. Elizabeth shows transition as she later regrets her first impression of Darcy. “She had been blind, partial, prejudiced, absurd”, the use of listing shows her resentment and this has allowed Elizabeth to understand empathy. Great point, listing.Evidently, this has allowed Elizabeth to shape and reshape the world around her through her greater understanding of empathy.


Similarly, in Letters To Alice, Alice as she embarks on understanding that knowledge is power through empathy. Empathy Try not to start a sentence with the same word as the last one ended with.allows Alice the ability to grow as an individual and to gain knowledge. “It is easier for the reader to judge, by a thousand times, than for the write to invent” exaggerates the idea of the audience needing to understand the value and perspective of the writer in order to feel a connection with them. This parallels the way Aunt Fay critics Jane Austen. Aunt Fay empathises the need to read, as reading is a way to teach others about the world around them. The audience must emphasise with the writer as it is harder to invent something with purpose that allows the reader to learn something. Aunt Fay refers to Alice as a child as “you do not know little Alice, how recent or lucky you are”. The condescending tone that Aunt Fay uses allows her to criticise Alice by talking to her as a child. This limits Alice’s potential which acts as a challenge in order for Alice to grow. Knowledge is a key element in Alice’s growth as it teaches her empathy. “Human nature does not change over the centuries” shows a certain tone as knowledge is the one think that can be gained through literature. By reading you are increasing your knowledge of yourself and the world around thus clearing the challenges that Alice had once faced in the beginning. See end note about inclusive first person and second person narration“We must learn to stand in other people’s shoes and look out at the world with their eyes, or die” The exaggerated tone is used to stress the importance of empathy. In order to show empathy Aunt Fay stresses, the idea that Alice must understand other people’s opinion. Thus through the understanding that knowledge is power as it teaches Alice the importance of displaying discernment to on mould and remould the world around her.

In Fay Weldon’s Letter To Alice On First Reading Jane Austen highlights the importance of empathy and discernment which is later reinforced with Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. The challenges faced in both texts have highlighted the challenges of living your own life that has been reshaped and shaped.  Aim for at least three sentences in your conclusion! I'd give a more thematic sentence to start the conclusion off, and then continue

End Notes:

I suppose the biggest thing that is stopping your flow from being flawless is the way that quotes have been incorporated. You've done the right thing by not saying, "as the quote says..." because that draws attention to the quote and makes it less seamless. But, giving a quote a sentence of its own regularly draws too much attention to the quote and makes the analysis seem like an after thought, rather than one strong argument. The more you can embed a quote, the better!

The only other thing I really want to draw your attention to is your use of second person narration and inclusive first person. I think the second person narration is dangerous, when you say "you." Just because it assumes the way I'm reading it. I always preferred to take on the formal register and say "one may realise..." or, "a contemporary student of the work may recognise..." rather than "we can see..."
It definitely isn't a huge thing, but it is something to consider. I personally think that the more formal your register, the more sophisticated that your overall analysis comes off.

You've done a really good job of flicking between the texts throughout and linking them in their ideas. You've also done a really strong job of linking to the essay question! I think that is one of your strongest assets, which will be great for an exam! What a skill to have on your side!
Let me know if anything doesn't quite make sense

[jamonwindeyer]

All I really need advice on is how to properly integrate readings/productions, could someone check if I have done it in this para? Thx!

Hey Laura! Sure! I'd be happy to give you some quick feedback on the paragraph

Spoiler

Hamlet is primarily concerned with the search for meaning in a corrupted world. Good conceptual start. The theme of corruption is explored in productions such as the Simon Russell Beale adaptation, where Hamlet expresses disgust at the disruption of the Great Chain of Being. This was a sense of moral order highly valued in Elizabethan times, with the king placed as the head of the Church, and thus an act of murder or treason against him was seen as a sin against God. You could be a little more succinct with this explanation, but good! Due to the subversion of this order through Old Hamlet’s murder, Hamlet perceives Elsinore to be “an unweeded garden that grows to seed, things rank and gross in nature possess it merely.” (1.2) The motif of dying vegetation is employed throughout the play to represent the decaying morality of the disrupted world. I'm a fan of putting technique and quote in the same sentence, if you can. The metaphorical depiction of Elsinore “growing to seed” also suggests an aspect of wastefulness in this kingdom. Perhaps a specific audience link would work well here? Hamlet is later almost prophetic in his belief that this corruption will ultimately lead to death and destruction, stating that “Foul deeds will rise, though all the world o’whelm them to men’s eyes.” (1.2) Try to frame LESS around Hamlet the character, and more around the composer! Remember, Hamlet is a puppet of the composers ideas. Hamlet’s use of imperative language demonstrates his firm conviction in the “foul” corruption of Elsinore. Ditto here, Shakespeare needs credit! The theme is hence integral to the play, and continues to have textual integrity to audiences today seeking meaning in a corrupted world.

What I think you are missing here is an exploration of how the modern adaptation uses compositional techniques to accentuate Shakespeare's themes for the modern audience. So, Simon Russell Beale has interpreted this play, it isn't identical to Shakespeare's. How does it differ? And here is the key, how do these differences make the play and its themes more relatable for the modern audience?

I think you are on the right track here! But that notion of textual integrity and playing to the modern audience needs just a little bit more focus

[BPunjabi]

Spoiler

Does the treatment of personal morality in Julius Caesar and The Prince reveal similarities or reinforce the text's’ distinctive qualities?

Morals are distinctive qualities which every human possess, but how they choose to act upon it builds up and forms their character. I don't think this is worded as well as it could be in the end part of the sentence here. "act upon it" doesn't sound as though it is relating to morals, but more emotion. Perhaps, "how an individual chooses to action their moral duties/compass/direction/sense..." Sheakespeare's Dramatic play, ‘Julius Caesar’ conveys this the imposed idea of morals by forging the historical concept of the Roman monarch, Julius Caesar, with Shakespeare's political context, while focusing on a goodwill vs hatred and free will vs fortune approach. Probably will need some rewording so that we only say Shakespeare once but, it needs to be said at the start where I inserted it, and not at the end.In comparison, political treatise ‘The Prince’ Name the composer, and a date in brackets if available incorporates historical events as well to evidently support the concepts put forward to assist a leader/a monarch in running a perfect kingdom. As both texts use historical references to compare qualities exposed in righteous characters, Is this missing the end part?

‘Julius Caesar’ is a dramatic play, written by William Shakespeare in 1599 This information could and should be put in the introduction I think! That way you can get right into analysis here and the information won't take away from your points. depicting the historical monarch Julius Caesar whose life is influenced by the playwright’s, No need for a comma here. Elizabethan era political context. Shakespeare attempts to communicate to the audience his dilemmas with the ruling government which is implemented into the playpossessive apostrophe here.s four main characters and the machiavellian capitalise Machiavellian choices they adopt. These four main characters are Antony, Brutus, Julius Caesar and Cassius who have opposing ideals of morality and good will vs hatred. This sounds too introductory - your marker knows these characters and they won't need to be introduced to them by you Throughout the play, the evident power struggle between good and evil persists which reinforces ideas of morality and more importantly persuasion. In Antony's funeral speech (page 745) I'd suggest against page numbers because you haven't identified the edition of the book you are reading, so the page number doesn't mean much to a marker. Instead, I'd be inclined to just use a description of the scene, "the funeral scene" or "scene 5." , it is noticeable how Antony contains the qualities to seduce the fickle plebs in seeing the horror and mutiny behind Brutus’ act of murdering Caesar.  At this point we are nearing towards the end of the paragraph and we haven't yet had anything to do with textual analysis. I'd be getting rid of the introductory details at the beginning, and instead concisely outlining in just one sentence that the characters are vehicles for the struggle between good and evil morality.The repetition of “Brutus was an honourable man” throughout the speech? manipulates the situation relating to Shakespeare wanting to seduce his crowd into choosing a side within the play and their problems with the Queen. From this scene it is evident that Shakespeare attempts to beguile the crowd into realising the problems with the infamous Queen Elizabeth and how it could dramatically place England into turmoil if she suddenly dies without a heir. This paragraph lacks concision and detail. The sentence at the beginning should identify the focus of the essay in relation to the essay question. Then, each sentence thereafter should either be detailing a specific example from the text with a technique, or explaining that technique in relation to the essay question. If your sentences aren't doing these, then they are waffling. So, I suggest cutting back on the first few sentences, and then hitting hard with the analysis. It is a Module A essay, so a sentence or two on context is fine as it is relevant.

In comparison What are you comparing? Not just the texts - because that is clear in the introduction. "In comparison to the use of characters as a vehicle for the struggle between..." or something like that. Be specific.is Niccolo Machiavelli's political treatise ‘The Prince’ written in 1509 Again, dates should be in the introduction for his lord, Lorenzo De Medici. During the composition of the Prince, Italy was in a turmoil state as Italian leaders were being assassinated and quickly replaced, similar to the concept presented in Shakespeare's play. Great link!Machiavelli himself was a political associate who had a strong relationship with the past governor of Italy though it broke the relationship broke? Try formalising this instead of being colloquial. after the new leader took back the reign and exiled Machiavelli. ‘The Prince’ specifically is a guideline contrasting the perfect handbook to running a kingdom. It seems that Machiavelli totally disregards morals if it means becoming the ideal ruler.  Machiavelli believes that if a leader has the power to gain people's goodwill, then that ruler has no reason to fear hatred and conspiracies.I Goodwill is a political instrument which can insure stability of a Prince's reign, presented in the metaphor in “Better to have a name for miserliness, which breeds disgrace without hatred, than, in pursuing a name for liberality. Great use of embedded quote. The idea of breeding disgrace connects to Machiavelli's belief that Hatred will cause a civilization American spelling, you mean civilisation* to worship and attempt to not disappoint the ruler as the goodwill with present a lenient affect. Medici had proven to have used this quality as he was feared by most of the Italian populace as his family was known for their brutal carnage. Again we have a lot of placing the plot in context and only one piece of analysis. I'd be aiming for at least 3 per paragraph.

The treatment of morals have various consequences which can heavily affect a society depending on how people use it. Excellent thesis statement! Super clear.This concept is explored in both ‘Julius Caesar’ and ‘The Prince’ though they both hold opposing views on the idea of freewill vs vs is colloquial - try verse or "as opposed to" fortune. From Shakespeare's various plays, it is evident that he supported fate in saying that it cannot be controlled but rather an enigma which is part of everybody's life. "As is a common feature in other Shakespearean plays, fate remains as an enigmatic, uncontrollable aspect of human existence.He would have had faith that England would rise up and surpass distress after the Queen's death. In ‘Julius Caesar’ Cassius expresses to Brutus using figurative language that “The fault dear Brutus is not in our stars, But in ourselves that we are underlings” (Act 1 Scene 2). In this scene, Cassius uses machiavellian Machiavellian* manipulation to seduce Brutus into murdering Caesar, which is a sly act though may result in a good conclusion for all republicans.

From ‘The Prince’, it is gathered that Machiavelli believed that Free Will can conquer fortune as it is a person's ability and use of morals which can exceed enemies expectations to winning and controlling a populace. Machiavelli believes that free will should be controlled as free will of the masses brought most of the empires to fall. Personification in “for fortune is a woman and in order to be mastered she must be jogged and beaten” (chapter 25) uses hyperbole to express the eager and importance of how fortune must be dominated so free will can be achieved. As of analysing ‘The Prince’, it is noticeable how Machiavelli was using his sense of Free Will to seduce Medici into restoring his political role.

The use of morals derives from specific ethical qualities which produce certain types of characteristics for various personas. Through play ‘Julius Caesar’, Shakespeare uses the historical context of Caesar to possess the mind of his audience in realising complications arising from the threat of Queen Elizabeth. In comparison ‘the Prince’ highlights Machiavelli's ideas on free will vs fortune and how he believes it can sustain a kingdom in which he absolutely disregards morals. I'd put one more sentence here to tie it all together!

End Notes:

-The paragraphs need some more beefing up, I'd aim for at least three pieces of textual analysis in each paragraph, and less context/plot retell. The way to tell if something is plot retell is by recognising a sentence about the plot that doesn't have a technical analysis attached to it. So consider going through and wiping out the first few sentences of each paragraph, and instead summarising that into one sentence.
-Each paragraph needs to have a super clear direction about what is being discussed. Characters as the vehicle for discussing morality? The tension between the need to do right by yourself as opposed to your people? The obstacles in the way of becoming truly moral?
-The introductory details of the text should be summarised in the introduction, with the year of the text in brackets, and the composer's identified early.
-Machiavelli and Machiavellian needs a capital letter.
-Just double check your Microsoft Word is set to English (Australia) and not English (US)

Let me know if anything doesn't make sense

Thank you so much Elise for that post. It has helped me a lot. I thought in the English lecture you said its interesting if you enter your writers in the second / third paragraphs depending on the body?

Moderator Edit: Offensive term removed.

[BPunjabi]

I was just rereading the comments and I cant believe how much effort you have put into this.. How do you guys honestly get the time to do all this. I sincerely apologise for my impatience before.

[pels]

Heyo,

Here is a Module C essay I wrote on Auden's poetry, if someone could kindly mark this for me. Thank you

Spoiler

Question - How do composers construct texts that reveal both the reasons for and impact of people's particular political motivations?
In your response make reference to TWO of Auden's poems.
Two chosen poems: 'Spain', 'O What Is That Sound?'

Throughout history, there have been many events that have occurred that have allowed for mankind to attain certain beliefs and perspectives in relation to politics and therefore political motivations, upon further reflection of the past. Poets such as the witty English poet W.H. Auden born in York in 1907 were inspired to write pieces which criticised/commented on the reasons for and the impact of people's political motivations, through their own unique representation of key historical events or figures throughout the ages.

As a result of his political sympathies, Auden believed that for his work to be considered valid he must experience the cruelty of war firsthand, and thus was inspired to go to Spain in 1937 at the time of the Civil War. “I am not one of those who believe that poetry need or even should be directly political. But in a critical period such as ours, I do believe that the poet must have direct knowledge of the major political events.” This reveals that Auden believed that his political motivations were only strengthened and valid if he experienced firsthand the political events of the war. As a result,  Auden's most renowned texts which include 'O What Is That Sound?' as well as 'Spain', have indefinitely influenced and revealed both the reasons for and impact of his  particular political motivations.
A text that has distinctly revealed both the reasons for and impact of people's particular political motivations is Auden's poem titled 'Spain'. Through this poem, Auden is commenting on the past, present and future endeavours of Spain, and the immediacy of the suffering and restrictions imposed by the Civil War. In doing so, Auden directs this poem to the general public of Europe during the late 1930's. 

The poem  emphasises the pain and struggle that is to come but the amending and joy of 'tomorrow'. War and death are presented in the poem through the vast geography and use of imagery, "and the nations combine each cry". This reveals Auden's political motivations, as he wanted for the young left-wing Pro-Marxist English writers to show their support for the Spanish Republicans fighting in the Civil War, which is exacerbated through the use of the words "intervene" and "descend", highlighting a true need for support against the villainous Nationalists. 

The poem is written with three main tones. A nostalgic tone as seen through 'yesterday' (the past), a lamenting tone for today (the present), and a hopeful tone (for the future), although the overall tone is wistful, emphasised through final statement "May say Alas but cannot help nor pardon." Auden's use of this tone is indicative of the cruelty imposed on Spain by the right-wing Nationalists led by Franco, and by implementing this tone in the poem it reveals Auden's political motivations against the right-wing Nationalists.

Auden's use of descriptive language, through the manipulation of both positive and negative imagery, are used to create overpowering images in the readers mind. The vast imagery through the "motionless eagle eyeing the valley", and "tomorrow the bicycle races", juxtapose heavily to the notion of "to-day the struggle". The personification used in stanza 14, "Yes, I am Spain" makes it evident that  the Nationalist forces are an obstacle for Spain, restricting its freedom as well as its inhabitants freedom and normal way of life, and thus influencing the reader to take a side on the issue of war.
Symbolism is also manipulated by Auden in 'Spain' in stanza 18. "To the medicine ad, and the brochure of winter cruises have become invading battalions", is symbolic of the extreme changes that Spain had faced due to the conflict of war, and reveals a true juxtaposition between a once desired location, now changed into a battlefield. In addition to this, Auden reveals that the right-wing Spanish Nationalists under the rule of General Franco, had superimposed their fascist beliefs upon the people of Spain, which Auden comments on through the quote "Corrupt heart of the city.", reinforcing the huge divide between the rich Nationalist landowners and businessmen) versus the Republicans being agricultural labourers and middle-class workers).

All in all, Auden's poem 'Spain' was evidently created on the basis of his political motivations against the Nationalist Spanish regimes, and is a direct call to political action and support for the  Republicans, as it reflects an great sense of the people involved in this tragic political war and the personification of Spain as a living entity itself.  Similarly, Auden's  poem titled 'O What Is That Sound?'  is reflective of the impending doom and generally the universality and everlasting tragedy of war, as well as the general impact that fascist regimes such as those of Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini during the 1940's had on such Western cultures.

The tone of the poem is achieved instantly through the title 'O What Is That Sound?', which creates a sense of ambiguity for the reader, in the sense that it is uncertain what sound Auden is referring to in the title. Through the title, an eerie mood is imposed instantly, reinstating the sense of impending doom.
'O What Is That Sound?' is structured in the ABAB rhyme scheme, which is in correspondence with the two voices heard throughout the poem, assumed to be one male and one female.  Auden establishes a strong relationship between the two voices, which makes the poem seem much more personal, putting it in the much larger political picture of war, whilst also creating sympathy through descriptive words such as 'wounded'. Therefore, Auden's political motivations are reinforced through the way he portrays the effects that war has on people, and its everlasting universality.

Additionally, through the use of images such as that of the 'scarlet soldiers' and the 'cunning farmer', Auden presents a variety of images of war that are ambiguous in relation to the time period they are set in, which emphasises the negativity of war throughout the ages. Ideally, Auden's political motivations are seen as he cleverly paints the war as a lost cause and  a dark and disturbing time in history.

The confusion of the female voice is exacerbated through her constant asking of questions - stanza 2 - "Over the distance brightly, brightly?", as well as "O what is that light I see flashing so clear." Through the use of these literary techniques,  Auden is able to portray a life of impending demise and the everlasting effects of war. By portraying the woman as scared, requiring reassurance from her partner, Auden could be  commenting on the panic and distress brought upon the world due to the political parties during that period in history, particularly Hitler's Nazi Party and Mussolini's Italian army.

Auden's political motivations  are represented in the final stanza of the poem through the stark imagery and symbolism. "Their feet are heavy on the floor, And their eyes are burning", contrasts to the previous stanzas in which the conversation between the two voices is quite stable and then builds up to a climax, lurking closer to disaster. The imagery of the burning eyes reinforces the hate and lust for power that fuels the soldiers marching ahead. Auden represents this overpowering notion in such a distinctive way which connects with the reader effectively, creating sympathy and affinity for the characters in Auden's poem.

Also, what would be a good way of concluding this? Cheers

Mod Edit: Added spoiler

[elysepopplewell]

Thank you so much Elise for that post. It has helped me a lot. I thought in the English lecture you said its interesting if you enter your writers in the second / third paragraphs depending on the body?

Sorry, what do you mean by enter your writers?

I was just rereading the comments and I cant believe how much effort you have put into this.. How do you guys honestly get the time to do all this. I sincerely apologise for my impatience before.

No stress, glad it's helped you!

[BPunjabi]

Sorry, what do you mean by enter your writers?
No stress, glad it's helped you!

Sorry, I meant that in the introduction im pretty sure I heard you say not to include the writers of the text, though introduce them in the body paragraphs following as it is an interesting approach.

[zachary99]

I have 15 posts! Yay haha
Here is my module A (Richard) essay from my trial. What should i do to make it better?? and a rough score?.......i think my teacher marked me to easily so i want to know your opinion  Thanks!
Question: something like “how is our understanding of authority contributed to by a comparative study?”

Authority places individuals in a position of power and can be attained from individual determination or through divine intervention. Shakespeare’s King Richard III represents the consuming nature of authority through the corrupt antagonist, Richard. The play was written with the utilisation of literary devices that would ascertain the attention and connect with his 16th century Elizabethan audience. Our understanding of Richards authority is enhanced through Al Pacino’s post modern docudrama Looking For Richard as he tries to uncover “what is this thing that gets between us and Shakespeare?”. Through the manipulation of film and documentary techniques, Pacino is able to connect with his American audience and to simplify Shakespeare’s understanding of authority and power.

The notion of authority can lead to corruptive ramifications when it is abused. Shakespeare wrote his the play King Richard III in the 16th century for a spiritual Elizabethan audience. The people of his time had witnessed the fight for control through the ‘War Of The Roses’ , which set the contextual backdrop of the play. The Elizabethan society was hierarchical and authority was gained from hereditary. Shakespeare represents Richards hunger for rulership and its corruptive nature through animal metaphors for example when Lady Anne calls him an “unmannered dog”. Richards’s desire for influence and power derive from his deformed physiognomy. In the play, Richard is portrayed as a ‘hunchback’, depicted from the quote “Deformed, unfinished sent before my time...half made up” . Shakespeare uses exaggeration of Richards physical appearance to portray and represent his sinister character and lust for control. The desire for dominion emerges from Richards’s intrinsic evil nature. Shakespeare represents the ambitious characteristics of authority through Richards asides and soliloquies where Richard expresses his “determination to prove a villain”. Through these techniques, Shakespeare takes advantage of situational irony as Richard informs his audience of his scheming plans that will result in him gaining a position of authority.

Al Pacino recognises the contextual differences between Shakespeare’s context and his post modern audience. Hence, Pacino appropriates the portrayal of the corruptive nature of authority as 1990 Americans do not associate this value with physical “deform[ities]”. Thus, Pacino manipulates Richards thirst for rulership through positioning in his docudrama Looking For Richard. During an opening scene, Pacino is acting as Richard, standing over the body or the dying King Edward. The low angle shot represents the notion of authority being gained from individuals crafting their own position in society, not from family hereditary. The linguistic features regarding the corruptive nature of authority is hard to understand for Pacino’s audience as Shakespeare “used a lot of fancy words”. As a result, Pacino dons black attire when acting as the Machiavellian Richard to connect with his audience and contribute to their understanding of the evil nature surrounding power and authority. Voiceover commentary is as a didactic tool used to guide Pacino’s audience on what Richards ambitions of power were, thus contributing to the understanding that arbitrary power and authority is corruptive.

In an Elizabethan context, authority derived from hereditary and through the blessings of God. Shakespeare’s society had unanimity on religious perspectives, the notion that God was in control and distributed rulership to those he had anointed. Shakespeare thus made Richard “deformed” to represent Gods punishment and lack of blessing. As a result, Richard is “determined to prove a villain” to so signify his ability to usurp authority by his own means. Acts of ambition resulting in Richards rise of leadership include the betrayal of his brother and murder of his two nephews. The nature of authority stemming from sovereignty contributes to the purpose of the play; to convolute Richards’s humanity and affirm the Tudor claim to the throne, a family who were believed ordained by God.  Shakespeare’s choice of textual form, a play, is utilised to connect his thoughts to his current 16th century audience and emphasise the notion that rulership derived from sovereignty.

Post modern 1990’s societal attitudes of divine powers and spiritual life are significantly juxtaposed against late 16th century perspectives. The contemporary trend away from religious beliefs has lead to the worldview that individuals gain positions of authority on the basis of their own freely chosen actions. Al Pacino accounts for his audience’s lack of spiritual reference in his docudrama. Rather he uses rapid camera shots, aligned with dramatic non-diegetic audio to depict and emphasise Richard being punished his guilty conscience, rather than divine retribution for his abuse of authority. The archival images and ‘ghosts’ during Richards dream exemplify Richards freely chosen actions that were driven by the opportunity to gain control.

Thus Al Pacino has successfully contributed to our understanding of the nature of authority in Shakespeare’s King Richard III as he reshaped the ideas that authority is attained through the divine order, and is corruptive. The appropriation of these values in Looking For Richard occurred through selected film and documentary techniques to connect with modern day beliefs, which are juxtaposed against 16th century Elizabethan paradigms. It is from a critical study of both texts that our understanding of influence and authority is enriched.

Comments: A good sustained response, however not one your best essays.

[lozil]

Hi! I'd very much appreciate if someone could read over my mod c! Thanks

Spoiler

(N.B. this is a generic essay without a question)

Real, remembered and imagined landscapes have the potential to profoundly influence individual’s perceptions of themselves and their worlds, however, the transformative power of these landscapes is largely dependent on the individual’s attitudes and engagement with their surroundings. This is reflected in Alain De Botton’s multi-modal travel memoir, The Art of Travel, which utilises renowned ‘guides’ from the cultural Western canon to affirm an ‘everyman’ persona which discusses changing human experiences in differing landscapes. Joanna Newsom’s song In California is similarly hybridised, drawing elements from Baroque, folk, alternative and avant-garde music, yet in contrast to De Botton, represents landscapes as detrimental and lacking in transformative power due to the persona’s lack of engagement with her landscapes. Through a study of both texts, it is evident that individuals can perceive the same landscapes in different ways due to their differing contexts and levels of engagement; thus bringing upon their landscapes a new and individual meaning.

Exotic landscapes are often glorified to convey an unrealistic utopia, able to heal negative psychological states and bring about personal fulfilment. However, this process is not assured, with the transformative nature of real, imperfect landscapes being largely dependent on individual attitudes. This is conveyed in the introductory chapter, On Anticipation. De Botton employs the multi-modal genre of The Art of Travel to visually represent the appeal of imaginary, idealised landscapes, such as the double page spread of Hodge’s landscape painting Tahiti Revisited (1776). It depicts a beautiful but obviously glorified representation of a Tahitian river bathed in light and framed by picturesque mountains, accompanied by palm trees and two nude female figures bathing by the riverside. The painting exudes luxury and exoticism, and by tapping into the Western cultural canon, De Botton highlights how the Western tendency to romanticise exotic cultures can lead to disillusionment in the “reality of travel”. De Botton proceeds to claim, “Those responsible for the brochure had darkly intuited how easily their readers might be turned into prey…” This utilisation of predatory imagery, “darkly intuited” and “prey”, reveals how commercial institutions have appropriated this desire for personal happiness, representing real landscapes in a glorified and imaginary way, and contributing to the disillusionment by the audience of the “repetitions, misleading emphases and inconsequential plot-lines” in experiencing real landscapes. Rather, he argues paradoxically, “it seems we may best be able to inhabit a place when we are not faced with the additional challenge of having to be there”, as the fulfilling nature of the landscape, as imagined by the individual, is disrupted by their disillusioned state of consciousness. This is highlighted through the juxtaposition of the rich imagery of the imagined “azure sky … sand the colour of sun-ripened wheat”, followed by the balancing statement “yet this description only imperfectly reflects what occurred within me, for my attention was in truth far more fractured and confused…” De Botton concludes that “happiness is not material or aesthetic but stubbornly psychological”, and that idealised or imagined representations of any landscape will not automatically inspire or transform the individual if they hold negative, closed-mined attitudes and do not engage with the landscape spiritually and emotionally.

In California follows a persona who, due to an unspecified tragedy, seeks catharsis by moving to rural California, seeking what she imagines to be the transformative qualities of a new, natural landscape. Yet, the persona becomes disillusioned as she cannot escape the trauma of her past, despite what she imagined to be the landscape’s omnipotent rehabilitating qualities. This is depicted through the varying representations of nature over the course of the song. Through alliteration and accumulation of natural imagery in “I tried to understand / the dry rot, the burn pile / the bark-beetle, the black bear”, the persona expresses her desire for what she imagines are the cleansing properties of the natural world. On each ‘b’ syllable, the singer anticipates the beat, and with the introduction of the rich resonant sound of the brass instruments, her excitement and expectations are conveyed. However, the song ends with “for it has half ruined me / to be hanging around / among the Daphne”, using symbolism to convey her disillusionment with her new landscape as her mental state is unchanged, like Daphne, a plant with beautiful, scented flowers but sporting poisonous berries. Furthermore, the paradox of “I don’t belong to anyone” and “I don’t want to be alone” is reinforced as the two phrases are sung with the same melody, conveying that her imagined expectations do not match up to reality of her new landscape.

Natural landscapes, real and remembered, can have an immense impact upon the way individuals perceive new landscapes, as well as their own identities. This is shown in On the City and Country. De Botton explores the paradigms of renowned Romantic poet, William Wordsworth, of the cathartic nature of real and remembered natural landscapes in alleviating the negative psychological states derived from corrupting city environments. Using hyperbole, De Botton conveys the extent to which Wordsworth believed cities “foster a family of life-destroying emotions including anxiety, envy and pride.” Himself “afflicted of these ills”, De Botton immerses himself in natural landscapes, using simile and imagery to juxtapose the absurdity of city life with the calming qualities of the natural world in, “The lights of surrounding offices looked like a grave old man bedecked in party decorations … soon it would be over the fields of Essex, then the marshes, before heading out over the mutinous North Sea waves… I felt my anxieties abate.” De Botton concludes that the natural world is “an indispensable corrective to … the smoke, congestion, poverty and ugliness of cities”. In fact, he extends this statement, arguing that even natural landscapes in their remembered form have the same cathartic powers; quoting from Wordsworth’s poem Lines Written a Few Miles Above Tintern Abbey, “Though absent long … I have owed to them [the natural world]. / In lonely rooms, and mid the din   / Of towns and cities, [these memories have] passed even into my purer mind / With tranquil restoration.” Through relying so overtly and distinctly upon Wordsworth’s poems, De Botton authenticates his view of the restorative power of remembered natural landscapes in corrupting city environments; concluding with the aphorism, “A few moments in the countryside …. could number among the most significant and useful of one’s life”.

In California also addresses the power of remembered landscapes, yet disputes De Botton’s representation of the cathartic powers of remembered and natural landscapes. The persona attempts to “make a new start / in California”, mourning the “foolishness” of her past as the orchestra builds to a climax. These instruments abruptly cut off, leaving the solo voice and harp, when the persona finds that “some nights / I just never go to sleep at all … / fully abandoning / any thought of anywhere / but home / my home.” Truncated line length, coupled with the abrupt ending of the climax, conveys the persona’s confusion and isolation in her new natural environment, which she believed would be cathartic. Furthermore, despite the persona’s intense homesickness, she simultaneously knows that she will not find relief at old home. She represents it as “my home where the darkness does fall so fast / it feels like a mistake / (just like I told you it would / just like the Tulgeywood)”. Pathetic fallacy is used, with the “darkness” that falls on the persona’s home representing her own sorrows, while an intertextual reference is made to Lewis Carroll’s poem The Jabberwocky as the persona likens her old home with the hostile Tulgey Wood in which the Jabberwock was said to reside. In the last stanza of the poem, the persona laments that “it has half ruined me to be hanging around … I am overgrown / I have choked my roots on earth / as rich as roe.” Through the use of natural metaphorical imagery, the persona likens her memories to lecherous “roots as rich as roe”, which have corrupted her new landscape and prevented growth, thus presenting natural and remembered landscapes in a negative “choking” light.

The immense spiritual effects of real landscapes upon individual identity are demonstrated in On the Sublime. Extending upon notions of the cathartic qualities of natural landscapes in On the City and Country, this chapter discusses how sublime landscapes instil within individuals a sense of the vastness and omnipotence of sublime landscapes, causing human anxieties to fade into an eternal perspective as they serve as a reminder of “human frailty and insignificance.” The power of sublime landscapes is reinforced visually through De Botton’s extensive use of pictures in this chapter, predominantly Romantic paintings of nature by renowned artists such as Loutherbourg, but also encompassing manufactured liminal landscapes such as airports and cityscapes, as seen in On Travelling Places. Sublime landscapes force individuals to contemplate their significance in the world, or lack of, and “may help us to accept more graciously the great unfathomable events that molest our lives and will inevitably return us to dust”. Through the use of low modality language “may”, however, De Botton highlights that individuals can only gain these benefits if they genuinely engage with their landscapes. In the chapter On Possessing Beauty, De Botton personifies beauty as being “fugitive … and how long it stays in our memory depends on how intentionally we have apprehended it”. The ‘guide’ for the chapter, John Ruskin, advocates drawing and word painting landscapes, “because this teaches us to see; to notice, rather than to look.” Through including Ruskin’s instructional passages from his guide The Elements of Drawing, De Botton reveals how art-making forces individuals to notice the disparity between their preconceived notions of the landscape, compared to the landscape’s actual composition, leading to a greater understanding of self as it incites “a conscious understanding of the reason behind our attraction to certain landscapes.” Only through consciously engaging with landscapes can individuals can embrace the power of sublime landscapes and “accept without bitterness or lamentation the obstacles we cannot overcome and events we cannot make sense of”, with this spiritual interaction leading to self-enrichment and elucidating a definite sense of personal identity.

De Botton’s arguments can be applied to the persona from In California, who expects her new landscape to be automatically cathartic, without engaging in the landscape. This can be seen through the constant anecdotes which riddle the song, reinforced by her metaphorical description of her current life as “an endless eventide” of memories. During these anecdotes, the song is invariably in a happy, major key, ironically conveying a melancholy nostalgia in which the persona longs for the comfort of her old home yet is repelled by the trauma she experienced there. Because of her attachment to her past life, she fails to engage with her new environment, conveyed through the use of passive language “watching” and “wait all night”, such as in “watching the fox pick off my goldfish / from their sorry golden state”. Here, the antithetical images of “fox”, thought in folklore to signal deceased spirits, and “goldfish”, with connotations of prosperity and harmony, are used to represent how her memories prevent her from moving on and finding happiness in her new landscape. This spiritual entrapment is conveyed through the metaphor “You cannot come and see me / for you cross the border of my heart”, in which the persona likens her mental ‘borders’ with physical entrapment. Thus, the persona fails to engage with the beauty and sublimity of her new natural landscape, representing it instead as confining and oppressive, with this absence of contemplation leading to a lack of spiritual peace and enriched self-identity.

De Botton’s multi-modal text The Art of Travel addresses the effects of real, remembered and imagined landscapes upon individual identity and perspective, using ‘guides’ from the Classical Western canon to authenticate his arguments. It is only though investigating the true beauty of real landscapes that individuals elucidate a sense of self-awareness and spiritual fulfilment. In contrast, Joanna Newsom’s song In California represents the consequences of individuals failing to engage with their landscapes, leading to anguish, confusion and alienation.

[fizzy.123]

Can someone please mark my Module C essay for BNW! Thanks!

The political framework within societies can initiate curiosities which lead individuals to seek the truth. Aldous Huxley’s 1931 novel, Brave New World, explores the role of technology and the government to dictate conditioned individuals in the World State. Similarly, Steven Spielberg’s 2001 film Artificial Intelligence analyses the impact of technology and science within society as a means of questioning the truth. Both works explore the role of politics and its consequential negative ramifications upon individuals and society as a whole. (Conclude introduction by answering the question)

The ramifications of technology and science can be detrimental as they dictate the state of humanity. Huxley’s Brave New World explores the impact of technology and science in controlling individuals thought and action. The Bokanovsky’s process of human cloning is a key aspect of Huxley’s World State. The repetition of “major instruments of social stability” connotes the significance of this scientific process as a means of controlling humanity to maintain a façade of social stability. The government’s usurpation of power and control over individuals dictate their experience of the surrounding illusive world. The high modality of “our suggestions. Suggestions from the State” implies the conditioning of individuals by which they become restricted to values that the government holds for them. Mond diminishes the importance of god as something that “used to be”, naturalising the notion that everyone is gods property but religion in the modern world is superfluous.  Through the text, Huxley manipulates the concept of god to be incompatible with “machinery and scientific medicine” thus rendering its importance futile for social organisation. God becomes obsolete in Brave New World and instead is replaced through the motifs of “Ford”, demonstrating that even religion has been replaced by reverence for technology. Fordian knowledge is propagated through the locking away of sacred texts, depriving citizens of the truth, religion and art for the sake of happiness, reiterating the notion that “history is bunk”. Huxley uses the demarcation of individuality as a vehicle for exploring his fears and fascination of technology at the turn of the 20th century.

A society full of expectations can place restrictions on individuals to act a certain way. Spielberg’s Artificial Intelligence explores the benefits of technology and science in fulfilling the desires of those in power. The film opens in a dark setting, symbolising power and control to illustrate the control technology has within society. The use of machine intelligence is an important aspect of society because of its potential to allow politicians to artificially recreate the substance lacking in society. Spielberg’s microcosmic world parallels Huxley’s literary trope of the World State where humans are conditioned and surrendered physically, emotionally and spiritually through the Bokanovsky’s process. The human characterisation of the mecha robot contrasts with the World State in which conditioned humans are devoid of all feelings. The proximity of the protagonist mother with the robotic child asleep in the incubator parallels the hypnopaedia process of the World State. The restricted nature of the mecha robotic child is juxtaposed with his “real” brother. His actions become controlled by a superior being alluding to the incapacity of mechanised individuals to fully develop as normal human beings. (closing sentence according to Q)

The concept of the truth can be dangerous as it has the ability to initiate thoughts about life and purpose. The repetition and italicisation of “Soma” emphasises its importance in the world state. The government of Brave New World retains power by making its citizens so happy and superficially fulfilled through “Soma” drawing them away from questioning the truth about their personal freedom. Huxley’s world state becomes a replacement for “Christianity without tears”, connoting religion to be in adequate because humanity still experiences misery, war and poverty. In this phony world, the Savage desires truth and beauty, however Mond rejects the importance of truth substituting it with “universal happiness”, the utopian reference reinforces the illusory façade of the World State. The increased consumerism furthers the distraction from seeking the truth by provoking insights into government beliefs. Mond considers the paper he is reading to be “dangerous and potentially subversive” as he worries that purpose will make people think about God and question the truth. Huxley uses the ironic thought to portray the incompetence of the world state in its quest to successfully satisfy man’s greater questions and curiosities. The employment of formal language and parentheses of “mother and father (grotesque obscenity)” demonstrates the irrelevance of these terms in the World State.  The world state draws on the abnormality of humanity by forcing sexual promiscuity to be a matter of obscenity, contrasting with the natural instinct of individuals. The manipulation of language becomes a vehicle through which the World State controls citizens in an attempt to prevent individuals from questioning the truth. (Link back to Q)

Questioning the truth can sometimes be perplexing. Artificial Intelligence explores the importance of emotions with the assistance of technology and science. Unlike Brave New World where parents are seen as a “grotesque obscenity”, Spielberg manipulates technology to become a platform for strengthening the importance of maternal relationships and their emotional associations. Technology holds the ability to create a mechanically engineered child who has immense feelings towards his mother. The facial expressions illustrated through the frontal camera angle portray the significance of having feelings within humanity. The use of the low camera angle creates empathy for the child as he does not know that he is a robot, reinforcing the ability of political regimes in manipulating the truth for individuals.  He falls into believing he is a normal boy, contrasting with the conditioned humans in Brave New World. Although Spielberg enforces the importance of emotions in society, it becomes an artificial construct that is used to propagate the values of those in power. The absence of background noise and music creates a tense atmosphere as the dad starts to doubt the creation of the robotic kid. The father’s questioning serves as a didactic warning against diminishing individual thought in an attempt to abrogate social power. Spielberg’s notion of thought parallels the government in BNW doubting the purpose of conditioned children as a threat of initiating questions of purpose and truth. (Link back to Q)

Both composers draw on their perceptions of science and technology in allowing the government to take control of society and maintain power. The questioning of the truth however, is a result of the negative ramifications of science and technology. Huxley focuses on the benefits of technology by using it to condition humans and create a state full of individuals that have been shaped to behave a certain way. Spielberg similarly adopts technology and science to comment on the dangers of manipulating concepts that are beyond the control of individuals.  Together both composers draw on the natural instincts of emotions and humanity to force the audience to question intentional intervention.

[jamonwindeyer]

Hi everyone!

So with the lectures just gone we are a tad behind on our marking (the three markers did about 20 lectures between us)!! We aim to get caught up as soon as possible, so thank you to everyone for your patience!

Based on my checks; the following users have met post count and will have their essay marked ASAP:

- pels
- zachary99
- lozil
- fizzy.123

The following users have not met post count:

- Iha (you have just enough for one more essay marked, but you've posted two, and this one was second. Get to 85!)

Everyone else in this thread (I think) has either been marked or knows that they need more posts to get marked. If you think I've missed your essay, let me know!! Otherwise, we'll get you caught up ASAP!

As a further message, your HSC English Exam is one week away! We anticipate our marking boards are going to get very busy, especially this one, and so if you want to guarantee that your essay gets marked by the time your exam is done, you need to get it up sooner rather than later. We'll do our best to move through as quickly as we can, but we can only do so much. Act early to avoid disappointment!!