English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)

[jamonwindeyer]

Thanks so much for the quick response and the example, I see it much clearer now!

lol i'm in english class right now and i'm paying more attention to this than the teacher

Pretty sure that's just called "ATAR Notes Syndrome"  glad it helped! Your essay is already fantabulous, you'd smash it with or without that change, just an idea 

[jazza47]

Please help mark my essay before my trial exam tomorrow. It is a generic essay on Module C- Judith Wright and ive just shown how the relationships between people and landscapes is conveyed... cause thats the idea of this module, right? Thanks in advance!


Judith Wright is one of the most renowned poets in Australian history due to her representation of the Australian environment and portrayal of the relationships between human and nature. She also shares new perspectives on sensitive issues in our Australian culture such as post-colonialism and indigenous rights. Two of her poems, “Brother and Sister’s” and “South of my days” convey these relationships and issues through techniques specific to their textual form and contexts. Christopher Watson’s short film, “Pilbara Pearl” (1999), also shows the relationship between humans and the natural environment, conveyed in the setting of the hot and dry landscape of north-west, Western Australia. Thus, both texts have similarities in what they portray to their audiences, yet use different techniques suitable to their textual form to do so.

“Brother and Sister’s”, makes audiences think about the relationship between humans and their natural landscapes, and hence, in doing so raises the theme of British colonialism, symbolic of Indigenous rights. “The road turned out to be a cul-de-sac, stopped like a lost intention at the gate”. The first two lines of the poem utilise the technique of personification of the landscape as it “stops at the gate”, and this technique reoccurs frequently throughout the poem to build the idea that it is metaphorically ‘alive’. Wright also employs high modality language in this phrase and further throughout the poem with words such as “never”, conveying the landscapes domination. In this poem, the external landscape is portrayed to be in control and thriving, overruling the three siblings, Lucy, Millie and John, in their internal British landscape with “guilt clocks” and “pianolas”. This idea is created in the line “they knew the plans were lost”, which leaves a sense of lack of fulfilment of the inhabitants of this landscape. “The wall groans in the night”, also uses personification and metaphoric language to convey how the man-made landscape is being overruled by the natural landscape. Irony is created in the final line where John states “There is nothing to be afraid of. Nothing at all,” when clearly there is much to be afraid of with the imposing landscape. Thus, Wright builds a strong sense of the natural landscape overpowering man in this poem.

Wright’s poem, “South of my days”, also represents the Australian environment and the relationship between the natural landscapes and mankind. The title is an existentialist notion, symbolic of winter and death, as the word “South” in this phrase has a negative connotation. In the first line of the poem: “South of my day’s circle, part of my blood’s country”, Wright uses the technique of inversion to emphasise the love the persona has for their country. Circular motion of life is a theme employed in Wright’s poetry, indicating the inability of moving forward or progressing in life. The landscape is then more vividly described in the phrase “clean, lean, hungry country”, where personification is again utilised to convey the real landscape thriving. “The walls draw in the warmth and the old roof cracks its joints”, is when the man-made cottage begins to be described to audiences. The roof is likened to an old person, as it metaphorically cracks its joints. The real and external landscape is thus shown to be overpowering this cottage as it can barely survive this cold and “hungry” landscape. Repetition is utilised in the phrases “seventy years… seventy summers”, which is used as an implicit way of showing time passing in Dan’s remembered landscapes. The constant struggle of winter is a theme raised by Wright to convey how vulnerable man is in this landscape of New England National Park. The poem ends back in the real landscape where the old man Dan, is told by the narrator through high modality language that “no-one is listening.” This contributes to the sense of isolation, and how empowering the real landscape is, showing again the relationship between human and the natural environment.

Watson’s short feature film, “Pilbara Pearl” also depicts the Australian landscape, and in doing so, conveys the relationship between human and nature. Watson chooses the effective textual form of an audio visual to convey these ideas through specific techniques, as in many cases it can be more intriguing for larger contemporary audiences. The short film begins with introducing the landscape through a panning zoomed-out camera shot, which makes audiences aware of the harsh setting. Warm colours such as intense red and oranges, are utilised to convey the hot and dusty conditions, as the camera focuses on the salience image of a dirty and old looking ute moving quickly through the landscape, with Eddie as the driver, although his face is not shown until later. Several fast, close-up camera shots are used to depict the ute shaking violently as it moves through the unforgiving landscape, conveying the overpowering terrain. Meanwhile, Pearl is portrayed to the audience through a high-angle camera shot to be sweating, and obviously struggling in the environment as well, implicitly conveying that mankind and this real landscape have a hostile relationship. This technique also makes her look vulnerable, emphasising this idea. However, a close-up camera shot whilst Pearl emerges her face in the fish tank, portrays, through her facial expressions, that she is now relaxed and calm in this new landscape.

Pearl then becomes part of an imagined landscape, where she is portrayed to have a positive relationship with it. Through the juxtaposition of these cool colours to the previous warm colours, audiences are able to see how this imagined landscape gives Pearl relief and happiness. The several close-up camera shots on Pearl’s face also depicts how she is enjoying this landscape and thus, how she is connected to it. In contrast, Eddie isn’t accepting of Pearl’s Aboriginal practice as conveyed in dialogue: “where did you go this time…,” and thus, leaves Pilbara. However, as Eddie drives away from Pearl, his fascination with this imagined landscape which clearly gave Pearl fulfilment, forces him to turn around. It is shown in the final scene that both Pearl and Eddie experience this imagined landscape together, with close-up camera shots showing their enjoyment and connectedness to this environment. Thus, it is conveyed in Watson’s short film, “Pilbara Pearl”, that although the real landscape has a hostile relationship with character’s, they can find fulfilment and connectedness with imagined landscapes.

   Through the analysis of both Judith Wright’s poetry, with emphasis on the poems “Brother and Sister’s”, and “South of my days”, and Christopher Watson’s short film “Pilbara Pearl”, we are able to see the relationships conveyed between natural landscapes and mankind. In both texts, themes and ideas specific to their textual form are used to convey these relationships, such as post-colonialism and the struggle of mankind with nature. It is evident in all three texts that people have hostile relationships with their real landscapes due to their thriving and imposing nature, however, personas and characters can find peace and enjoyment in their imagined landscapes.

[elysepopplewell]

Please help mark my essay before my trial exam tomorrow. It is a generic essay on Module C- Judith Wright and ive just shown how the relationships between people and landscapes is conveyed... cause thats the idea of this module, right? Thanks in advance!

Hi there, your work is in the spoiler below, with my own comments in bold throughout! Then I'll leave some comments outside the spoiler at the end

Spoiler

Judith Wright is one of the most renowned poets in Australian history due to her representation of the Australian environment and portrayal of the relationships between human and nature. She also shares new perspectives on sensitive issues in our Australian culture such as post-colonialism and indigenous rights. Two of her poems, “Brother and Sister’s” and “South of my days” convey these relationships and issues through techniques specific to their textual form and contexts. Christopher Watson’s short film, “Pilbara Pearl” (1999), also shows the relationship between humans and the natural environment, conveyed in the setting of the hot and dry landscape of north-west, Western Australia. Thus, both texts have similarities in what they portray to their audiences, yet use different techniques suitable to their textual form to do so. Everything is perfect about this introduction except: there is no outline of the exact ideas you'll be discussing as a kind of "thesis statement." Consider writing a thesis statement that doesn't talk about the texts: just a statement about the relationship between people and landscapes, and then you'll use the texts later on to be a testament for that. At the end of this I'll link to my own Module C essay so you can see if you think this agrees with your own style. Essentially, it works because when you open with a sentence that isn't directly about the texts, you make sure that you aren't privileging one text over another, you show you understand the module and not just the texts, and it gives you some proof to your marker that you are ready to flesh out very particular ideas.

Again, I'd start with a thesis statement and not a textual link.“Brother and Sister’s”, makes audiences think about the relationship between humans and their natural landscapes, and hence, in doing so raises the theme of British colonialism, symbolic of Indigenous rights. “The road turned out to be a cul-de-sac, stopped like a lost intention at the gate”. The first two lines of the poem utilise the technique of personification of personify the landscape as it “stops at the gate”, and this technique reoccurs frequently throughout the poem to build the idea that it is metaphorically ‘alive’. Wright also employs high modality language in this phrase and further throughout the poem with words such as “never”, conveying the landscapes domination. In this poem, the external landscape is portrayed to be in control and thriving, overruling the three siblings, Lucy, Millie and John, in their internal British landscape with “guilt clocks” and “pianolas”. This idea is created in the line “they knew the plans were lost”, which leaves a sense of lack of fulfilment of the inhabitants of this landscape. “The wall groans in the night”, also uses personification and metaphoric language to convey how the man-made landscape is being overruled by the natural landscape. Irony is created in the final line where John states “There is nothing to be afraid of. Nothing at all,” when clearly there is much to be afraid of with the imposing landscape. Thus, Wright builds a strong sense of the natural landscape overpowering man in this poem.  So your thesis statement for the start of this poem would read something about how landscapes have the capacity to be controlling of individuals.

If you're exploring the same relationship between landscapes and people in this poem as you are in the first paragraph, then include just a brief sentence to connect them. If you are going to talk about new ideas (not the overpowering potential of a landscape) then write a brand new thesis statement. In your paragraphs, you're definitely showing the relationship between people and landscapes. But, the reader has to read until the end of the paragraph to see that, when it would be most effective if you could give them the mindset before they begin the paragraph, with a thesis statement.Wright’s poem, “South of my days”, also represents the Australian environment and the relationship between the natural landscapes and mankind. The title is an existentialist notion, symbolic of winter and death, as the word “South” in this phrase has a negative connotation. In the first line of the poem: “South of my day’s circle, part of my blood’s country”, Wright uses the technique of inversion to emphasise the love the persona has for their country. Circular motion of life is a theme employed in Wright’s poetry, indicating the inability of moving forward or progressing in life. The landscape is then more vividly described in the phrase “clean, lean, hungry country”, where personification is again utilised to convey the real landscape thriving. “The walls draw in the warmth and the old roof cracks its joints”, is when the man-made cottage begins to be described to audiences. The roof is likened to an old person, as it metaphorically cracks its joints. The real and external landscape is thus shown to be overpowering this cottage as it can barely survive this cold and “hungry” landscape. Repetition is utilised in the phrases “seventy years… seventy summers”, which is used as an implicit way of showing time passing in Dan’s remembered landscapes. The constant struggle of winter is a theme raised by Wright to convey how vulnerable man is in this landscape of New England National Park. The poem ends back in the real landscape where the old man Dan, is told by the narrator through high modality language that “no-one is listening.” This contributes to the sense of isolation, and how empowering the real landscape is, showing again the relationship between human and the natural environment.
No qualms with the content of your work!
Watson’s short feature film, “Pilbara Pearl” also depicts the Australian landscape, and in doing so, conveys the relationship between human and nature. Watson chooses the effective textual form of an audio visual to convey these ideas through specific techniques, as in many cases it can be more intriguing for larger contemporary audiences. The short film begins with introducing the landscape through a panning zoomed-out camera shot, which makes audiences aware of the harsh setting. Warm colours such as intense red and oranges, are utilised to convey the hot and dusty conditions, as the camera focuses on the salience image of a dirty and old looking ute moving quickly through the landscape, with Eddie as the driver, although his face is not shown until later. Several fast, close-up camera shots are used to depict the ute shaking violently as it moves through the unforgiving landscape, conveying the overpowering terrain. Meanwhile, Pearl is portrayed to the audience through a high-angle camera shot to be sweating, and obviously struggling in the environment as well, implicitly conveying that mankind and this real landscape have a hostile relationship. This technique also makes her look vulnerable, emphasising this idea. However, a close-up camera shot whilst Pearl emerges her face in the fish tank, portrays, through her facial expressions, that she is now relaxed and calm in this new landscape.

Pearl then becomes part of an imagined landscape, where she is portrayed to have a positive relationship with it. Through the juxtaposition of these cool colours to the previous warm colours, audiences are able to see how this imagined landscape gives Pearl relief and happiness. The several close-up camera shots on Pearl’s face also depicts how she is enjoying this landscape and thus, how she is connected to it. In contrast, Eddie isn’t accepting of Pearl’s Aboriginal practice as conveyed in dialogue: “where did you go this time…,” and thus, leaves Pilbara. However, as Eddie drives away from Pearl, his fascination with this imagined landscape which clearly gave Pearl fulfilment, forces him to turn around. It is shown in the final scene that both Pearl and Eddie experience this imagined landscape together, with close-up camera shots showing their enjoyment and connectedness to this environment. Thus, it is conveyed in Watson’s short film, “Pilbara Pearl”, that although the real landscape has a hostile relationship with character’s, they can find fulfilment and connectedness with imagined landscapes.

   Through the analysis of both Judith Wright’s poetry, with emphasis on the poems “Brother and Sister’s”, and “South of my days”, and Christopher Watson’s short film “Pilbara Pearl”, we You've just used the inclusive first person for the first time in this essay (unless I missed it earlier). I'd swap "we" for "one" so you add a tone of sophistication!are able to see the relationships conveyed between natural landscapes and mankind. In both texts, themes and ideas specific to their textual form are used to convey these relationships, such as post-colonialism and the struggle of mankind with nature. It is evident in all three texts that people have hostile relationships with their real landscapes due to their thriving and imposing nature, however, personas and characters can find peace and enjoyment in their imagined landscapes.

Instead of fine tooth combing every word here, I'm going to point out two major things that I think you can adjust by the time your trial comes around tomorrow, and it will improve your work!

The first is the thesis statement idea I've fleshed out above. Refer to my own Module C: People and Landscapes essay here to see what I'm talking about. The content of your paragraphs reflects the module, and you certainly show the relationship throughout. But, your introduction is so text-focused that it detracts the attention from the module's requirements. To write a thesis statement, you need to write about the ideas of the texts, without talking about the texts. In your introduction, talk broadly about the relationship between people and landscapes. Then at the start of each paragraph, talk about a more specific section (in paragraph one, you might discuss the power that a landscape has to be overpowering of an individual). This will show your marker that you are confident with the module and prepared to take it on conceptually and analytically.

The second thing I want to suggest is the way you describe techniques. Try to avoid saying "the quote" if you can, and embed the quote in the sentence instead. Furthermore, instead of saying "the author utilises personification when describing..." you can say "Wright personifies..." This works well for your word count because you fit more in for less words, but it also adds to the sophistication of your work. It isn't always possible, and sometimes it will sound awkward. But, usually, avoiding writing, "The author utilises..." or "the composer uses a..." for a technique, means that your work will come across smoother and more sophisticated.

The content of your paragraphs is great, your analysis is there and you make the connections consistently. Between now and tomorrow, if you are brave enough to take on a thesis statement, and just consciously think about the way you introduce techniques for tomorrow, then I think your essay will come across far more sophisticated and fluent!

Good luck for tomorrow!!!

[jazza47]

Thanking you very very very much

[elysepopplewell]

Thanking you very very very much

After your trial, feel free to post back if you want to experiment with thesis statements!

[danielan2016]

Hi there, I got up to my first 5 posts!
I was just wondering if you were able to mark my English Advanced Essay and give me some extra tips? Would mean a lot! Its a 'Module C' essay and the texts I'm doing are "Art of Travel" and "Lost in Translation". Thanks heaps!!

Question: Landscapes affect people in significant ways. Discuss

Representations of landscapes are shaped through the lens of form and language. The ability of landscapes to surpass the boundaries of the finite world is represented through the intricate relationship between people and landscapes. Alain De Botton’s multimodal text and pastiche ‘Art of Travel’ explores relationships with landscapes being shaped by others. Likewise, Sofia Coppola’s movie ‘Lost in Translation’ where two characters find themselves feeling alone and lost in the foreign landscape explores the ways in which travel can open our eyes to new experiences. Both texts explore how travelling to different landscapes can affect people significantly.

In Chapter 1 ‘On Anticipation’, De Botton explores the difference between the imagined experience and the reality of the destination. Alain De Botton looks at travel through the eyes of those who have gone before to ask why people travel and go on epistemological search’s for understanding. De Botton implies that our expectations and perceptions of particular landscapes such as the ‘allure of a white sandy beach’ may not match up with the actual experience. Whereas, such places seem to hold the promises of healing our negative physiological states, “it seems we may best be able to inhabit a place when we are not faced with the additional challenge of having to be there”. Painting’s provide mediated cultural perspectives on landscapes such as the use of the intertextual reference within the novel such as the painting by William Hodges “Tahiti Revisited, 1776” emphasising the idea of an ‘idealised landscape’ with the salient feature of the trees foregrounded and the framing of the landscape to denote its power and beauty which inspires De Botton to consider the brochure he receives in the mail advertising ‘Winter Sun’ in Barbados. The scale of the palm trees and the vector lines drawing our eyes to the endless sea and sand connote warmth and relaxation offered in contrast to the dull grey wintery London. When he arrives in Barbados, De Botton states “Nothing was as I had imagined” and supports this when he metaphorically portrays ideas offering an insight into the effect of imagination on landscape, “my mind and body were to prove temperamental accomplices in the mission of appreciating my destination”. The personification alludes to the way in which his mindset cannot be controlled and this affects the way in which he can appreciate his holiday landscape. Thus, De Botton explores the way individuals experience landscapes through senses and imagination and how they can affect them.

‘Lost in Translation’ explores how travel can change character’s perspectives and teach them about new cultures and landscapes that can affect them. Bob Harris, an ageing film actor is an example of a person who is exposed to new experiences, however his mindset does not allow for him to appreciate his new environment. Tokyo, is a city with different languages, neon lights, commercial enterprises and sky scrapes which is unusual to Bob as its unique to him. On the way to the hotel, Bob is in a cab, jetlagged and the close up of the glass taxi window exemplifies how Bob is separated from the environment symbolising he is less open to new experiences and the music contributes a soporific influence. When we travel, we often look like the odd one out, the mis-en-seen shot of Bob in the lift with nine Japanese men, about a foot smaller than him indicates this as he is the odd one out as an American. Charlotte, however is more open yet unable to find true spiritual enlightenment at the Shrine but enhances dissatisfied. The medium shot of her face crying on the phone to her sister saying “I went to a Shrine today and I didn’t feel anything” showing how the imagined doesn’t always align with reality. Hence, we see the connection with familiar landscapes that forms parts of a political and cultural identity, as characters feel they belong to one place, one religion, one culture. Travel is apparent in exposing people to new experiences. Moving away from comfort zones, characters make unlikely connections with other people they normally wouldn’t meet and yet are unable to escape everyday family responsibilities. In travelling, barriers are problematic and often caused by miscommunication due to different languages. To navigate around Tokyo, Charlotte uses a large map displaying the difficulties of navigating around foreign land as its another language. Thus, by facing new landscapes, characters are effected as they aren’t use to the foreign lands.
Furthermore, De Botton’s chapter, “Exotic” reveals the romance of the completely different worlds in foreign and exotic spaces where the most ordinary things may appear to be exciting simply because they exist in a foreign place. De Botton visits Amsterdam and uncovers its exoticness which is supported by the sign at the Schiphol Airport in Dutch writing and the red front house door which signifies the difference between London’s and Amsterdam’s housing and architecture. De Botton states that the sign “delights me, a delight for which the adjective exotic” which is reinforced by the representation of the visual image of the sign, “the exoticism is located in particular areas: in the double A of Aankomst, in the neighbourliness of a u and an I in Utigang”. However, not only is it the sign that uncovers exoticness but so does the red door, the tone used when De Botton says “I stopped by a red front door and felt an intense longing to spend the rest of my life there” is important as he realises that such little ordinary things are exotic simply because they exist in a foreign country implied in the rhetorical question “Why be seduced by something as small as a front door in another country?”. Thus, De Botton explores that it is impossible to forge an identity through a relationship with the landscape and an exploration of what is significant in the foreign landscape.

In conclusion, representations of landscapes are shaped through the lens of form and language. Through examining ‘Art of Travel’ and ‘Lost in Translation’, we as readers and viewers uncover the ability of landscapes in surpassing the boundaries of the finite world represented through the intricate relationship between people and landscapes and the effect landscape has on people.

[jamonwindeyer]

Hi there, I got up to my first 5 posts!
I was just wondering if you were able to mark my English Advanced Essay and give me some extra tips? Would mean a lot! Its a 'Module C' essay and the texts I'm doing are "Art of Travel" and "Lost in Translation". Thanks heaps!!

Hey Daniel! Awesome job!! Thanks for that, I hope the forums are being helpful for you  your essay is in the spoiler below with comments throughout in bold! 

Spoiler

Question: Landscapes affect people in significant ways. Discuss

Representations of landscapes are shaped through the lens of form and language. The ability of landscapes to surpass the boundaries of the finite world is represented through the intricate relationship between people and landscapes. I feel like those two sentences are a little too disconnected. I'd consider starting with the second one, then saying, "Indeed, these representations are shaped by..." Just to link them a little better. Alain De Botton’s multimodal text and pastiche ‘Art of Travel’ explores relationships with landscapes being shaped by others. Likewise, Sofia Coppola’s movie ‘Lost in Translation’ where two characters find themselves feeling alone and lost in the foreign landscape explores the ways in which travel can open our eyes to new experiences. Both texts explore how travelling to different landscapes can affect people significantly. Try to tie the "representation" aspect of the module into your conclusion, maybe even just change explore to "represent" at a minimum?

In Chapter 1 ‘On Anticipation’, De Botton explores the difference between the imagined experience and the reality of the destination. Try to make your first sentences very conceptual, just like your Thesis, they shouldn't mention the text until the second sentence!  Alain De Botton looks at travel through the eyes of those who have gone before to ask why people travel and go on epistemological search’s for understanding. De Botton implies that our expectations and perceptions of particular landscapes such as the ‘allure of a white sandy beach’ may not match up with the actual experience.Technique? Whereas, such places seem to hold the promises of healing our negative physiological states, “it seems we may best be able to inhabit a place when we are not faced with the additional challenge of having to be there”. Technique? Painting’s provide mediated cultural perspectives on landscapes such as the use of the intertextual reference within the novel such as the painting by William Hodges “Tahiti Revisited, 1776” emphasising the idea of an ‘idealised landscape’ with the salient feature of the trees foregrounded and the framing of the landscape to denote its power and beauty which inspires De Botton to consider the brochure he receives in the mail advertising ‘Winter Sun’ in Barbados. That sentence is reallyyy long, I'd definitely consider either splitting it or removing parts. That last phrase, for example, is just retelling the text. You can remove it! The scale of the palm trees and the vector lines drawing our eyes to the endless sea and sand connote warmth and relaxation offered in contrast to the dull grey wintery London. When he arrives in Barbados, De Botton states “Nothing was as I had imagined” and supports this when he metaphorically portrays ideas offering an insight into the effect of imagination on landscape, “my mind and body were to prove temperamental accomplices in the mission of appreciating my destination”. Textual retell. The personification alludes to the way in which his mindset cannot be controlled and this affects the way in which he can appreciate his holiday landscape. What does this reveal to the audience? Thus, De Botton explores the way individuals experience landscapes through senses and imagination and how they can affect them. Solid paragraph! I'm looking for an ever so slightly more analytical approach, a little less retell, and a few more techniques.

‘Lost in Translation’ explores how travel can change character’s perspectives and teach them about new cultures and landscapes that can affect them. Bob Harris, an ageing film actor is an example of a person who is exposed to new experiences, however his mindset does not allow for him to appreciate his new environment. Tokyo, is a city with different languages, neon lights, commercial enterprises and sky scrapes which is unusual to Bob as its unique to him. On the way to the hotel, Bob is in a cab, jetlagged and the close up of the glass taxi window exemplifies how Bob is separated from the environment symbolising he is less open to new experiences and the music contributes a soporific influence. Don't tell me what happened in the text and use it to link to your theme/concept, I need techniques! When we travel, we often look like the odd one out, the mis-en-seen shot of Bob in the lift with nine Japanese men, about a foot smaller than him indicates this as he is the odd one out as an American. Charlotte, however is more open yet unable to find true spiritual enlightenment at the Shrine but enhances dissatisfied. The medium shot of her face crying on the phone to her sister saying “I went to a Shrine today and I didn’t feel anything” showing how the imagined doesn’t always align with reality. Hence, we see the connection with familiar landscapes that forms parts of a political and cultural identity, as characters feel they belong to one place, one religion, one culture. Good audience link there, but the preceding analysis was too much on retell! You are telling too much about what happens in the text, when you really only need to tell me techniques! Travel is apparent in exposing people to new experiences. Moving away from comfort zones, characters make unlikely connections with other people they normally wouldn’t meet and yet are unable to escape everyday family responsibilities. In travelling, barriers are problematic and often caused by miscommunication due to different languages. Bit too large of a conceptual block without linking to the text there. To navigate around Tokyo, Charlotte uses a large map displaying the difficulties of navigating around foreign land as its another language. Retell. Thus, by facing new landscapes, characters are effected as they aren’t use to the foreign lands.

Furthermore, De Botton’s chapter, “Exotic” reveals the romance of the completely different worlds in foreign and exotic spaces where the most ordinary things may appear to be exciting simply because they exist in a foreign place. De Botton visits Amsterdam and uncovers its exoticness which is supported by the sign at the Schiphol Airport in Dutch writing and the red front house door which signifies the difference between London’s and Amsterdam’s housing and architecture. De Botton states that the sign “delights me, a delight for which the adjective exotic” which is reinforced by the representation of the visual image of the sign, “the exoticism is located in particular areas: in the double A of Aankomst, in the neighbourliness of a u and an I in Utigang”. You are providing a long cute here, without a technique from the quote itself, is that necessary? However, not only is it the sign that uncovers exoticness but so does the red door, the tone used when De Botton says “I stopped by a red front door and felt an intense longing to spend the rest of my life there” is important as he realises that such little ordinary things are exotic simply because they exist in a foreign country implied in the rhetorical question “Why be seduced by something as small as a front door in another country?”. The first part of that sentence was a bit unnecessary, because only the second part of it had the technique! Thus, De Botton explores that it is impossible to forge an identity through a relationship with the landscape and an exploration of what is significant in the foreign landscape.

In conclusion, representations of landscapes are shaped through the lens of form and language. Through examining ‘Art of Travel’ and ‘Lost in Translation’, we as readers and viewers uncover the ability of landscapes in surpassing the boundaries of the finite world represented through the intricate relationship between people and landscapes and the effect landscape has on people. Nice conclusion, but a tiny bit too short. Give me a summary of the different things you've discussed in a bit more depth!

A really cool essay Daniel! You've got some great conceptual ideas throughout which is fantastic, and you have linked to the module aim of representation really clearly in your introduction and conclusion, which is awesome. My feedback will basically follow the thinking that now, since you've got representation in your intro/conclusion, let's turn this into a representation essay!!

The way to do this is pretty simple, more techniques. At the moment you've got a tendency to be doing a bit of retell; it's not the whole essay but a significant chunk. Sentences like this:

To navigate around Tokyo, Charlotte uses a large map displaying the difficulties of navigating around foreign land as its another language.

Straight retell, but you also do this:

When he arrives in Barbados, De Botton states “Nothing was as I had imagined” and supports this when he metaphorically portrays ideas offering an insight into the effect of imagination on landscape, “my mind and body were to prove temperamental accomplices in the mission of appreciating my destination”.

This is a little better because it ties in a technique, but it is still retell. I know this because you've started it with "When this happens." Remember, your marker (on the day) will have read your prescribed text, and only needs a one sentence explanation of your ORT (which you give very nicely in the intro). I don't want plot details, I want analysis!

I want you to try and remove all aspects of retell from your essay, and instead take a more analytic approach. The best way to do this is to go to TEA! For every textual reference:

Technique: What representational choice has the composer made?
Explain: Why have they made it? What do they want to convey?
Audience: What does the audience learn, not about the text or characters, but about landscapes and their impact on individuals in general

You do the audience thing really well in parts of the first body paragraph, but it dies off a little after. Work on this, remove your retell, and your sentences should look something like this: "COMPOSER uses TECHNIQUE, "QUOTE", clearly portraying "THIS", which shows the audience "BLAH." Rinse, repeat 

This is my main piece of feedback. There are other comments dotted throughout, but THIS is the main thing for you to work on. Fix this, and you'll have significantly improved the quality of your response! 

Great work Daniel, there are some great ideas here, just need to work on their expression! 

[foodmood16]

Hey there food mood! I thought I'd just give you some general feedback, if you want something clarified from your previous feedback, let me know!! 

Spoiler

Question: A valuable text has something to say and says it well. How valid is your response to this claim, considering the different contexts in which a text can be received? In your answer refer to your prescribed text, Hamlet, the provided critical response and other evaluations by critics.

Over time, personal ideologies transform to fit with the changing morals and belief systems of the time. However, these beliefs can be challenged by previous medieval attitudes, ultimately changing an individual’s perception of the human condition. Cool Thesis! Unique, not seen it before actually, I like it! Written in 1599-1601, Shakespeare’s ‘Hamlet’ was produced at a time of political and moral disorder in Elizabethan England.  He has incorporated these conflicting beliefs into the characterisation of Hamlet, making him the most psychologically complex character. The antagonising beliefs, including that of the traditional Catholic Church, the rise of Protestantism, and the secular Renaissance Humanist movement are all evident throughout the revenge tragedy and used to evoke audience responses. This makes ‘Hamlet’ a valuable text, both then in the 17th century and in today’s modern society. Very nice introduction! Simple, but it works well. I would like to see a more direct response to the question, but it is very broad, so perhaps that would be a bit difficult 

At first, conflicting beliefs can lead to the question of reality and truth. In ‘Hamlet’, Shakespeare raises the contradiction of belief systems, and how they are represented in the characterisation of Hamlet. Act 1, Scene 5 is where Hamlet and Old Hamlet’s ghost converse, with the Ghost’s imperative command of “revenge his foul and most unnatural murther.” However, the origin of the Ghost is uncertain as he claims he is suffering in “sulph’rous and tormenting flames … are burnt and purg’d away.”  This is retell: You are telling me what happened in the text, but that is unnecessary! Always assume your marker has read your text. The grotesque imagery references hell and purgatory, and is confronting for both Hamlet and the Elizabethan audience. By removing the retell, you can blend the last two sentences together. The act of purgatory only occurs in the Catholic faith, where an individual is cleansed of their sins before preceding to heaven. This differs from the Elizabethan Protestant Church, where such doesn’t exist. The suspicions of the apparition’s origin are increased through the simile “Make thy two eyes, like stars, start from their spheres”. Despite this, the Ghost still expects Hamlet to revenge Claudius, predetermining his own fate. Hamlet’s confusion is furthered in his second soliloquy. “O all you host of heaven! O earth! What else?” Hamlet’s confounded state is reflected here, as he doesn’t know whether to look to God or his own Humanist logic and reason to understand the Ghost’s revelations. You have a very text focused response here, telling me about the characters, I'm looking for wider impacts: What does the audience learn about truth and reality, what is the effect on our perspective? By the end of the soliloquy, Hamlet decides to use the humanist approach, “the book and volume of my brain, / Unmix’d with baser matter” to evaluate whether to seek revenge on Claudius. As a result, Shakespeare challenges the medieval beliefs of the Elizabethan audience, through the contradiction of the oral ideologies of Humanism and Catholic beliefs. In contrast, society today is shaped by a combination of these values, making the text a timeless and valuable one. Well structured paragraph with some good use of techniques, but you do need more analysis, and you are using too much retell!

Conflicting beliefs results in the inaction of vengeance. Hamlet’s actions are restricted by the conflicting thoughts and moral values of the Elizabethan era. In Act 3, Scene 3, Hamlet finds Claudius kneeling asking “Help, angels!” to free his sins. Because of this, Hamlet refrains from killing Claudius by using low modality language, “Might I do it pat, now he is praying”. Retell. Hamlet is restricted in his actions due to the Catholic doctrine, where an unexpected death results in going to hell instead of heaven. He believes this despite his Humanist education, where the logic and reason overrules the religious morals. Remember that Hamlet is a puppet, Shakespeare is using him to SAY SOMETHING to the audience, what is it he is trying to say?  In order to take full revenge, Hamlet must kill Claudius “When he is drunk asleep; or in his rage;/or in th’ incestuous pleasure of his bed” The repetition of incestuous imagery represents Hamlet’s plan to kill Claudius whilst he is in sinful activity to guarantee “his soul may be as damn’d and black / As hell”. Retell. Hamlet’s actions are influenced by the Christian values and result in his inaction and his fatal flaw. Thus, the audience learns about the nature of vengeance?

The traditional beliefs that clash with the morality of an individual eventually take precedence. I like your conceptual topic sentences throughout, they work nicely, but try to lead them into your text a bit more. "This idea is explored by Shakespeare in Hamlet, where..." The last act of ‘Hamlet’ is where Hamlet’s acceptance of fate comes to light, contradicting the Humanist idea of free-will. As critic Kenneth Muir stated in 1963, “Hamlet, although corrupted by the evil with which he is asked to deal, does at last resign himself to becoming the agent of Christian providence.” Good critique. Hamlet’s philosophical thoughts leads him to the medieval values, instead of pursuing the beliefs of his secular education.  In Act 5, Scene 2, Hamlet succumbs to the fact that fate will always be the guide in an individual’s decisions. “There’s a divinity that shapes our ends, / Rough – hew them how we will.” Technique? Retell. This is the first time that Hamlet mentions that not everything in his world is controlled by logic and reason. Shakespeare introduces to the audience that only the divine power determines one’s fate, something they would be familiar with. This is something that Hamlet would not be able to conclude at the start of the play. “Not a whit, we defy augury. There is a special providence in the fall of a sparrow” The metaphor alludes to the Bible, and that God oversees all of life. What is the effect on the audience? Through the paradox of the conflicting Humanist and pagan values, Shakespeare has explored the themes that are universal and applicable to any society, making ‘Hamlet’ a value text.

I love that you are taking a very conceptual approach with this essay. Thesis is conceptual, topic sentences are conceptual, and conclusions are conceptual too. Works very very nicely  Writing style is good, though you could be more succinct at time, and I think the overall structure works well (intro is great) 

I have one primary piece of feedback: You are retelling. You are telling me what happens in the text, what is going on in Hamlet's head, what the reasons behind Hamlet's actions were, etc. As a marker, I don't need to see that because I already know and understand Hamlet really well (I mean, I haven't read it, but I've marked enough Hamlet essays to know) 

You need to analyse. Don't give me ANYTHING about what's going on in the text, no "In Act X Scene X this happens and Hamlet realises this." That is retell. Instead, take your ideas to TEA:

Technique: What technique has Shakespeare used?
Explain: What is Shakespeare trying to SAY? (there is your connection to the question)
Audience: What is the impact on the audience? What do we learn, not about Hamlet, but about your THEMES (vengeance, truth, etc.)

For example;

Shakespeare uses TECHNIQUE, "QUOTE", clearly communicating BLAH, which shows the audience BLAH.

Rinse, repeat 

You use techniques sometimes, and explain most things, and occasionally bring in the audience. I want all of it together for every example, and also, I want your audience impact to be conceptual. I don't want to know what I learn about Hamlet, I want to know what I learn about truth, or vengeance, or whatever theme you are discussing.

That's the big piece of feedback I'll give you! I also think you need more critic inclusions to meet the demands of the question, but the HSC has never specified that, so no big deal there. If you fix the retell and analysis, pretty much everything else in the essay will fall in place around it! Your ideas are great, I just want you to prove them to me properly, through effective analysis 

Thankyou so much Jamon, sorry for not replying earlier. My feedback pretty much said it was an effective response but needed some more sophistication at times, with I know I struggle with. Yours though has helped heaps and I will work on that

[jamonwindeyer]

Thankyou so much Jamon, sorry for not replying earlier. My feedback pretty much said it was an effective response but needed some more sophistication at times, with I know I struggle with. Yours though has helped heaps and I will work on that

Cool, you are welcome! I can be a bit harsh in my feedback, I know that, but I'd prefer to mark harshly and push you guys to do your absolute best 

Sophistication will come through analysis for sure!! Good luck with it, so happy the feedback helped! 

[liiz]

Hi there, this is a module C essay (landscapes - De Botton Art of Travel + related) I've done in preparation for trials and I was just wondering whether someone would please be able to check it out My teacher said that my "related text analysis was clunky at times" and that I had to "intensify the discussion of representation" which I found more difficult than I thought to fix - so I've tried my best!! Any other feedback would be awesome (ALSO as always it is waay too long, so please point out any sentences you think are unnecessary). Thanks so much !!

Spoiler

Landscapes are powerful by means of their ability to transform one’s perspective and facilitate a broader understanding of the world. The experience of real and imagined landscapes can be meaningful and thought-provoking for individuals as they aid in one’s personal growth and sense of identity. Alain de Botton’s, The Art of Travel (2002), is a didactic collection of essays which represents this dynamic relationship between people and landscapes. In a similar way, Samuel Coleridge’s poem This Lime-Tree Bower My Prison (1797) of the romantic period explores the profound influence of landscapes on the protagonist’s perceptions of himself and his appreciation for nature. Therefore, both composers epitomise the experience of landscapes and their significance for people due to the transformation of one’s mindset as well as the acquisition of philosophical insight.

Landscapes can play an integral role in opening one’s mind to new perspectives, as represented within de Botton’s oeuvre. The Art of Travel explores the powerful momentary impact that mundane landscapes can have on the individual psyche in II Travelling Places. He suggests that “architecturally miserable” man-made spaces, such as a service station, can offer a sense of comfort and “reflection” for those feeling lonely and isolated. Initially, De Botton observes how “the atmosphere of solitude...the lighting was unforgiving...the chairs had the strained jollity of a fake smile.” The anaphora of “the” has the effect of listing and creates a sense of sterility and hollowness in its description of objects. The metaphorical language further enables readers to imagine an artificial environment lacking in authenticity and depth of meaning, evoking a feeling of repulsion and distance. De Botton, however, cleverly subverts the audience’s response by personally reflecting on such “transient” landscapes and how they can erase extreme feelings of loneliness. The author states that his experience of the service station was in fact a transformative one; for he felt a “gentle, even pleasant kind of loneliness” due to his feelings being “acknowledged and brutally celebrated by the architecture.” This extended sentence captures the overwhelming impact that the landscape had on de Botton, altering his perception of the desolate landscape to paradoxically, be one of contentment and connection. In doing so, readers are able to reflect and question their own views towards landscapes which are commonly associated with isolation. De Botton evidently represents the complexities between people and landscapes, and the way in which one’s emotional and psychological state can be influenced and shaped by their experiences of different environments. Therefore, The Art of Travel reveals the significance of landscapes on people by means of transforming one’s mindset.

In a similar way, Coleridge’s This Lime-Tree Bower My Prison, represents the importance of one’s mindset in nurturing or diminishing the relationship between landscapes and humankind. The negative perception of the protagonist is a result of being bereft of human companionship as his friends embark on a ramble through nature without him. Initially, the morose tone and description of being a “prison” enables audiences to associate the “lime-tree bower” with darkness and confinement. As these images mirror the narrator’s frustration and isolation, Coleridge’s use of pathetic fallacy effectively engages readers in order to evoke empathy. Additionally, the personal pronouns and inverted syntax of “they are gone and here must I remain” continues to produce an emotional response of isolation within readers as the sense of separation between the narrator and his friends is heightened. However, as the protagonist vividly imagines the landscape his friends “wander” through - “ye purple heath-flowers! Ye distant groves! Thou blue ocean!” - the use of exclamations and shift to a jovial tone reveals how the contemplation of such nature “lifts [his] soul.” A complete transformation of the protagonist’s mindset is indicated to readers through modality as “a delight comes sudden on [his] heart.” Coleridge parallels de Botton’s representation of ephemeral landscapes to be comforting as “the little lime-tree bower” now “sooth’d” the narrator’s discontentment. The diminutive word choice and gentle phonetics causes readers to recognise the calming influence of landscapes on one’s emotional state. The protagonist concludes that “no plot so narrow... may well employ each faculty of sense, and keep the heart awake to love and beauty.” Through personification and evocative language, the transformative power of all landscapes on an individual’s mindset is explicitly communicated. Echoing The Art of Travel, Coleridge denotes how the negativity of one’s loneliness can renew itself to the positive qualities of solitude and further result in a greater appreciation of nature’s beauty and tranquility. As such, Coleridge's poem, like de Botton’s pastiche, represents the significance of landscapes on people due to its ability to transform one’s mindset and value for nature.

Whilst the experience of landscapes can aid in the development of an individual’s perspective, it can also develop one’s philosophical understanding of the world and the needs of the human condition as represented in de Botton’s The Art of Travel. Readers can connect with the author's explanation for how his “winter doldrums” had made him “intensely susceptible to the... large, brightly illustrated travel brochure.” The use of multisensory imagery in the brochure consisting of “white-beaches” and “sweet-smelling fruit” entices the reader into the overwhelming beauty of Barbados which reawakens hope and relief from the author’s “steely-grey” London winter. However, this feeling of elation is disrupted as de Botton refers to  J.K Huysman thought’s on the “relationship between the anticipation of travel and its reality.” The cumulative list of negative images associated with travel like having to “endure unfamiliar beds” and “stand in queues” as well as the reality of a “sore throat” on arrival evokes a sense of familiarity within readers and creates a strong juxtaposition to the tranquil “palm trees” found in the travel brochure. This notion allows de Botton to represent how people shape reality in order for it to conform with their desires, and can often be disappointed with the outcome. In doing so, the author illustrates humankind’s innate “search for happiness” which too often becomes “interchangeable” with exotic and distant places. Botton concludes his book with an ambiguous and reflective tone as “the pleasures we derive from journeys is perhaps dependent on our mindset...than the destination.” As such, readers are offered a philosophical insight into the need to gain a broader understanding and appreciation of “what life might be about” by means of travelling to facilitate contentment, rather than focusing on the end goal. In doing so, The Art of Travel evidently represents the significance of landscapes on people as they can develop and question one’s philosophical understanding of the world and humankind. 

Coleridge’s This Lime-Tree Bower My Prison similarly represents the way in which landscapes can provide individuals with a greater introspection and insight into humankind’s desire for landscapes. The narrator hopes for his friend, Charles, who has “hunger’d after Nature” to appreciate such a “wide wide heaven.” The biblical connotation, reflective of the romantic genre, emphasises the ineffable and “mighty” landscape. In doing so, Coleridge further reveals to readers the intriguing aspect of the human condition which desires to “bow to necessities greater than ourselves,” as De Botton powerfully highlights. Furthermore, the images of heaven create a strong contrast to the “sad” and “evil” city that has prevented Charles from experiencing nature’s beauty. This, again, directly aligns with de Botton’s metaphorical notion that “nature [is] a necessary antidote to the evils of the city.” The true nature of Charles as being “gentle-hearted” is repeated throughout the poem in order for readers to acknowledge how the emergence of his identity parallels with his increasing participation into the landscape. As such, this represents how landscapes can evoke a sense of personal development and shape one’s identity. Therefore, Coleridge’s text represents the importance of landscapes for people due to their ability to aid in one’s philosophical knowledge surrounding the human condition.

De Botton and Coleridge have constructed texts by means of a plethora of literary conventions in order to represent the complex relationship between people and landscapes. The Art of Travel challenges readers to reconsider the significance of landscapes, and their influence on one’s mindset. In a similar way, This Lime-Tree Bower My Prison illustrates how people’s understanding of the world and the human condition can be enriched through landscapes. Therefore, both texts represent the experience of physical and imagined landscapes and their profound significance for people to be meaningful and powerful.

[sudodds]

Hi there! If you have the time, I was wondering if you could have a look over my Module A essay and give me any tips on how I can improve. Last time I had it marked by my teacher (this was for an old assessment task) she gave me 16/20, meaning that this (along with my poetry essay which was also a 16/20 - once I've got enough posts I might upload that one for checking as well if that's okay) is one of my weakest areas, so I really need to give it a "leg up" for trials

Thank you so much!

PS. This was originally a speech, so there might be a few speech features that I have forgotten to get rid of, sorry!

Spoiler

Question:
The challenge of living your own life is an idea that connects Pride and Prejudice and Letter to Alice on First Reading Jane Austen.
How is this idea shaped and reshaped in these texts from different contexts?

"In marrying your nephew, I should not consider myself as quitting that sphere. He is a gentleman; I am a gentleman's daughter; so far we are equal."

In a society bound by the constraints of class and gender restrictions, what chance did Elizabeth, the daughter of a struggling middle-class family, have in marrying, let alone achieving equality with the aristocratic Mr. Darcy? The challenge of living within a society that suppresses your freedoms is key within Jane Austen’s novel Pride and Prejudice, and Fay Weldon’s epistolary non-fiction work Letter’s to Alice. Despite their different contexts, both challenge the status quo in regards to marriage, and how it impacts upon individual freedoms, through shaping and reshaping the key themes of class, gender and the rebellious character. Austen challenges her society through the actions and attitudes of her characters, particularly Elizabeth Bennet, while Weldon re-contextualises Austen’s critique in order to validate their desire for social change, and implore the reader to strive for the same.

Both Pride and Prejudice and Letters to Alice are connected through their critique of the role of class within society, and the challenges it creates within the lives of individuals. Austen was writing during the Regency period, a time of strict social codes and structures, whereby an individual’s class – lower, middle or upper - greatly affected their ability to live their own life, creating boundaries in terms of occupation and income. “Lady Catherine … likes the distinction of rank preserved.” This is demonstrated within Pride and Prejudice through the lifestyles of the various classes; the simplicity of the gentry class such as the Bennets’ in comparison with the extravagance of aristocratic Lady Catherine De Bough’s.
Marriage was crucial within society, as through marriage the strict social hierarchy was maintained. However, through marriage these structures could also be subverted, as marriage provided the opportunity for social mobility and the betterment of one’s situation, particularly for women. Status and wealth were overwhelmingly the key concerns of marriage within Regency England.
In Letters to Alice, Weldon re-contextualises Austen’s perception of her society’s social stratification, giving her contemporary readers a more enlightened understanding of the text. Through Weldon, it is clear that Austen was critical of her society’s views on marriage. According to Weldon, Mr. Darcy “Marry[ing] where he loved, not where he ought,” and the fact Elizabeth has nothing to offer Mr. Darcy but her “intelligence, vigour and honesty” demonstrates Austen seditiousness, going against the social conventions of her time by suggesting the superiority of a marriage based in love and personal connections rather than societal and economic necessity, as it allows for more individual happiness and freedom. Fiction, according to Weldon, enables readers with insight into the freedoms and rights they deserve, but are not afforded to them in reality. The reality for a woman within Elizabeth’s situation would have been Mr. Collins, however through Literature Austen suggests to the reader they deserve more. Through Weldon’s reshaping of key themes within Pride and Prejudice, the reader is able to better recognise Austen’s aims, to expose the superficial and flawed nature of class divisions, and the triumph of personal traits such as intelligence over established class conventions, solidifying Austen as a subversive writer.

Both Pride and Prejudice and Letters to Alice are connected through their discussion of the role of women, and how that creates challenges within the lives of individuals. In order to understand the over-the-top attitude of Mrs. Bennet, one “must understand... the world in which Jane Austen was born.” Austen was writing within a patriarchal society, with her books “studded with [examples of] male whims taking priority … over female happiness.”  This is demonstrated within Pride and Prejudice through the fragility of the Bennets’ situation.
During Austen’s time it was almost impossible for women to lead independent lives, with them at the mercy of male relatives for financial and social stability. For many families, marriage was increasingly important, as it enabled a family to maintain social security that may have been in jeopardy due to misogynistic inheritance laws. Austen represents this through the desperation of the Bennets’ situation, demonstrated by Mrs. Bennet making it “the business of her life to get her daughters married” before Mr. Bennet died, and her anger towards Elizabeth when she rejects Mr. Collins’ proposal, as their union would save their family from destitution.
Through the re-contextualisation of Austen though Letters to Alice, Weldon enables her contemporary audience to better understand the plight of women at the time. Weldon was writing within a society experiencing the impact of second-wave feminism. Women could now vote and take up work previously reserved for men, and though the “get in the kitchen” attitude was still prevalent, it was facing major opposition. Her society was not perfect, but it would be impossible to deny the significant progress made since Austen’s time, and the changes in the abilities of women to live independently. For her post-feminism audience to better understand the plight of women in Pride and Prejudice, Weldon utilises contextual detail and statistics to clarify the characters’ motives. When, according to Weldon, only 30% of women were married, and one of the most popular alternatives was prostitution, Mrs. Bennet’s desperation definitely appears justified.
Through “linking the past of that society with its future,” and bridging the generational gap between the two contexts, Weldon instils empathy within her contemporary audience, and substantiates Austen’s writings as a subversive text, maintaining the role of Literature with a capital L as key in challenging the values and attitudes of society.

Both Pride and Prejudice and Letters to Alice are connected through their use of rebellious characters, challenging the beliefs of those around them in order to teach their readership of the importance of independence. Within Pride and Prejudice, this takes the form of Elizabeth Bennet, whom Austen utilises as her authorial mouthpiece to challenge her society’s values. Elizabeth does not accept the established conventions of her period, desiring for herself the freedom to decide her own life-path. This is evident through her rejection of Mr. Collins, whom she did not love despite their marriage being favourable by society’s standards. “Lizzy has something more of quickness than her sisters.” In Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth’s subversiveness and intelligence is praised rather than discouraged, those qualities leading her to find freedom within a marriage that traditionally would not have been possible for someone of her situation. Through Elizabeth’s action, attitudes and triumphs, Austen implores her readership to rebel also, as it will lead them to greater happiness. Weldon utilises the rebellious character Alice to teach her readership the importance of individual freedom. Despite Aunt Fay’s often inflexible advice on how to achieve success as a writer, Alice rebels against her Aunt’s guidance, and achieves overwhelming success on her own. To be a subversive writer, one must also be a subversive reader, and through Alice’s success, Weldon informs her readers that though they have just read her beliefs, it is critical that they form their own. Therefore, it is evident that through the use of subversive and rebellious characters, both Pride and Prejudice and Letters to Alice implore their readership to form their own values and attitudes independent from societal influence, and thus live their lives according to their own rules.

Through their critiques of the role of class and women in regards to marriage and use of rebellious character, it is clear that both Austen’s Pride and Prejudice and Weldon’s Letters to Alice, despite their socio-historical differences, are connected through their exploration of the challenges of living your own life within a society that continually suppresses your freedom. So, to answer my initial question: In a society bound by the constraints of class and gender restrictions, what chance did Elizabeth, the daughter of a struggling middle-class family, have in achieving equality with the aristocratic Mr. Darcy? The truth is that at the time, she didn’t. However, through the subversiveness of Austen and Weldon’s writings, her chances today would be much greater.
   
1313 WORDS

[Aliceyyy98]

Hi!

Could you please have a look at my Module B Hamlet essay, particularly the intro and conclusion, I am not quite sure how to construct them, as it is only the one text, I am not quite sure what else to include other than my thesis Thanks heaps, please provide heaps feedback, greatly appreciated

[kimmie]

Hello I wrote an essay on Module C for brave new world and V for Vendetta. I got 15/20 for this essay which i memorised and the question was the same so i wrote exactly word to word. Please go brutal because I really need higher marks for trials :/ 


Examine how texts represent the impact political acts may have on individual lives or society more broadly.

Spoiler

Composers employ various elements of their representational mediums to elucidate their critique on the impact of political corruption on the individual and broader society. Through their differing textual forms, composers highlight the abuse of political power through acts such as coercive conformity and social conditioning in forbidding the state to see the significance of the individual. However, society possesses a higher independent power that can challenge tyrannical authority and its oppressive demands that sacrifices one’s individuality. Author Aldous Huxley, applies the medium of a satirical novel in Brave New World (1932) to convey his condemnation of dictatorial states, which propels responders to understand the value of individuality and how the abuse of political power can limit the human experience. Director James Mc Teague draws upon his quasi-historical film through cinematographic techniques in V for Vendetta (2005) to further represent the threat of covert political motivations in driving unjust acts, and suppressing individual liberties. Through both a satirical novel and quasi-historical film, both composers effectively use their mediums to concurrently represent their differing political viewpoints, which propels responders to understand the complexity of the political environment and the negative and positive effects of its exploitation on individuals and broader society.


Composers employ an intended contrast of styles to emphasize how ones’ individuality is subtly negotiated for totalitarian stability. In Brave New World, Huxley utilizes a satiric perspective to represent authoritative brutality through the idea of soma and social conditioning. Huxley exposes the tyranny of conformism through the sardonic use of exaggeration of the happy tenor within “the warm, the richly coloured, the infinitely friendly soma-holiday.” While highlighting Huxley’s cynical take on the consumerist ideology and drugs, the emblematic anaphora allows responders to question the war against drugs, where authority is still unable to eliminate its presence in modern society. These stratagems are recurrent in the novel representing the abuse of censorship as a political act, which is made evident within “the mind that judges and desires and decides- make up of… our [the state] suggestions!” The understatement of ‘suggestions’ emphasises the austerity of the commandments from the state, and the manipulation of the government in instilling an obedient culture within the social classes. Hence, suppressing the intellectual mind that can powerfully catalyse a revolution against authority. In addition, this systematic totalitarian ideology highlights Huxley’s satiric take on the Marxist ideology, which claimed social equality but rather feeds the power vacuum of oppressive dictators. Thus, Huxley effectively uses satire to represent his competing perspective on the impact of political acts and its motivations on individual liberties and society as a whole.
 

In addition, to indoctrinate the population with a cult of culture aimed at conformity is a political act that weakens civil opposition and limits individuality. A broadened representation on the abuse of political control is emphasised through the satiric use of reversal within the asyndeton “community, stability and identity.” Deliberately placing significance on the term community, before identity, reinforces that stability is maintained by coercing an individual to government subordination and depriving the citizen of individuality. This is reiterated through the assonance, “everyone belongs to everyone else” which objectifies and dehumanises the individual to be merely the property of another. However, Huxley emphasises the power of the cooperation between the individual and society that can challenge tyrannical authority and its oppressive demands that sacrifices one’s individuality. Lenina gives evidence to this within “when the individual feels, the community reels” highlighting that political acts will never truly impact everyone, as one’s ideas can be contagious upon the rest of the community and can shake the stability of the government. Thus, Huxley employs satire as a mechanism to propose his critique and dystopian perspective that emphasises that politics is a double edged sword. That is, oppressive political acts such as coercive conformity cannot impact an individual when society stands against tyrannical dictatorships and its injustices.


In V for Vendetta, director, James Mc. Teague employs the medium of a quasi-historical film and through cinematographic techniques, represents his perspective on authoritative brutality. The diegetic wails of terror and close-up shots of Evey’s panicked expression as she is held at knife-edge by the secret police assists with Mc. Teague’s depiction of a dictatorial government’s abusive oppression. Chiaroscuro lighting casts Evey into intense light, emphasising her vulnerability, which positions the shocked audience to consider the dreadful impact of such tyrannical control. However, through the protagonist, V, Mc. Teague represents his underlying concept that acts of political oppression will not impact the individual and broader society, if used as a catalyst to challenge political rule. This concept is further captured through V’s costume, his mask illuminated by low-key lighting, and the close up shot of V orating, “People should not be afraid of their government; governments should be afraid of their people.” Thus, emphasising the forceful impact of negative political acts and its motivations in creating V to “become a monster,” has enhanced his courage to challenge political oppression. This relays, unjust political acts are not an obstacle affecting the individual or society, rather they can become the driving force which unites a community to fight for vigilant justice and overthrow dictatorial states to advance for the better. 


Teague’s satirical representation of the government’s exploitation of the media for political purposes is intended to manipulate the audience to question the extent to which they themselves are victims of such deception and censorship. In the context of the patriot act resulting from the paradigm shift after 9/11 which gave broad ranging powers to the American government to survey suspected terrorists, the director represents political figures to be of barbarous nature. The mid-shot angles and diegetic sounds of swords clashing, captures the satiric use of reversal as government officers attempt to rape a civilian, which highlights Teague exposing the hypocritical nature of authority in challenging the idea of civil protection and safety. Also, through the mise en scene of propaganda posters and curfew signs along with news broadcasts through the media, the director represents the extent of manipulation political acts impose on society. Showcasing a montage of news broadcasts through fabricated issues, such as “civil war,” “water shortages”, “avian flu” and “airborne pathogens,” represents the abuse of media to instill fear within the populace, hence, coercing them into obedience. As such, Mc. Teague positions viewers to consider the corruption of the media and political leaders within their own contexts through a confronting representation of the media’s dishonesty in this quasi-realistic state.


Government authority and the people cooperate in a symbiotic relationship in shaping the political environment and driving society towards advancement for the better. However, technological and scientific advancements are exploited at the hands of authority to impose decisions that negate one’s individuality and coerce society under government subordination. Huxley effectively uses his satiric medium to ridicule such actions and create awareness on the importance of people power. Mc Teague provides insight into the perspective of a hero, who was deemed a historical assassin to highlight the need to challenge authority that suppresses individual liberties. Through various forms and mediums, audiences gain a deeper appreciation and understanding of the political environment and that resilience is necessary to defy against the individual and social impacts oppressive political acts pose.

Moderator Action: Added spoiler.

[Jimmy Barnes]

This is an adaptable module B essay that i've changed up a fair bit, I was wondering if you would be able to give me some feedback regarding changes that have to be made or places where I've gone awry. Cheers a tonne

[jamonwindeyer]

Hi there, this is a module C essay (landscapes - De Botton Art of Travel + related) I've done in preparation for trials and I was just wondering whether someone would please be able to check it out My teacher said that my "related text analysis was clunky at times" and that I had to "intensify the discussion of representation" which I found more difficult than I thought to fix - so I've tried my best!! Any other feedback would be awesome (ALSO as always it is waay too long, so please point out any sentences you think are unnecessary). Thanks so much !!

Spoiler

Landscapes are powerful by means of their ability to transform one’s perspective and facilitate a broader understanding of the world. The experience of real and imagined landscapes can be meaningful and thought-provoking for individuals as they aid in one’s personal growth and sense of identity. Good Thesis!! Very conceptual, works well, you may want to add something about how composers REPRESENT these landscapes (connect to module). Alain de Botton’s, The Art of Travel (2002), is a didactic collection of essays which represents this dynamic relationship between people and landscapes. In a similar way, Samuel Coleridge’s poem This Lime-Tree Bower My Prison (1797) of the romantic period explores the profound influence of landscapes on the protagonist’s perceptions of himself and his appreciation for nature. Therefore, both composers epitomise the experience of landscapes and their significance for people due to the transformation of one’s mindset as well as the acquisition of philosophical insight. Fantastic introduction!

Landscapes can play an integral role in opening one’s mind to new perspectives, as represented within de Botton’s oeuvre. The Art of Travel explores the powerful momentary impact that mundane landscapes can have on the individual psyche in II Travelling Places. Great! He suggests that “architecturally miserable” man-made spaces, such as a service station, can offer a sense of comfort and “reflection” for those feeling lonely and isolated. Good inclusion of quote. Initially, De Botton observes how “the atmosphere of solitude...the lighting was unforgiving...the chairs had the strained jollity of a fake smile.” This line is retell, you can blend this quote into the next sentence and make it more succinct! The anaphora of “the” has the effect of listing and creates a sense of sterility and hollowness in its description of objects. I think calling that anaphora is a bit of a stretch. The metaphorical language further enables readers to imagine an artificial environment lacking in authenticity and depth of meaning, evoking a feeling of repulsion and distance. Good. De Botton, however, cleverly subverts the audience’s response by personally reflecting on such “transient” landscapes and how they can erase extreme feelings of loneliness. The author states that his experience of the service station was in fact a transformative one; for he felt a “gentle, even pleasant kind of loneliness” due to his feelings being “acknowledged and brutally celebrated by the architecture.” This extended sentence captures the overwhelming impact that the landscape had on de Botton, altering his perception of the desolate landscape to paradoxically, be one of contentment and connection. In doing so, readers are able to reflect and question their own views towards landscapes which are commonly associated with isolation. Excellent audience link! De Botton evidently represents the complexities between people and landscapes, and the way in which one’s emotional and psychological state can be influenced and shaped by their experiences of different environments. Therefore, The Art of Travel reveals the significance of landscapes on people by means of transforming one’s mindset. This last sentence seems a little redundant, the sentence before it is a great conclusion! Excellent paragraph, some small slight sections of retell you could remove, being a bit more succinct would benefit you! 

In a similar way, Coleridge’s This Lime-Tree Bower My Prison, represents the importance of one’s mindset in nurturing or diminishing the relationship between landscapes and humankind. Try to make your introduction START with the concept like the previous paragraph, however I do understand this is a flow on, so perhaps not important. The negative perception of the protagonist is a result of being bereft of human companionship as his friends embark on a ramble through nature without him. Retell. Initially, the morose tone and description of being a “prison” enables audiences to associate the “lime-tree bower” with darkness and confinement. As these images mirror the narrator’s frustration and isolation, Coleridge’s use of pathetic fallacy effectively engages readers in order to evoke empathy. Excellent. What does it teach us about landscapes though? Additionally, the personal pronouns and inverted syntax of “they are gone and here must I remain” continues to produce an emotional response of isolation within readers as the sense of separation between the narrator and his friends is heightened. Try to make audience links wider than the text itself, what does it show us about landscapes in general? However, as the protagonist vividly imagines the landscape his friends “wander” through - “ye purple heath-flowers! Ye distant groves! Thou blue ocean!” - the use of exclamations and shift to a jovial tone reveals how the contemplation of such nature “lifts [his] soul.” Great integration of quote into your writing. A complete transformation of the protagonist’s mindset is indicated to readers through modality as “a delight comes sudden on [his] heart.” Coleridge parallels de Botton’s representation of ephemeral landscapes to be comforting as “the little lime-tree bower” now “sooth’d” the narrator’s discontentment. Good inter-textual link. The diminutive word choice and gentle phonetics causes readers to recognise the calming influence of landscapes on one’s emotional state. The protagonist concludes that “no plot so narrow... may well employ each faculty of sense, and keep the heart awake to love and beauty.” Through personification and evocative language, the transformative power of all landscapes on an individual’s mindset is explicitly communicated. Echoing The Art of Travel, Coleridge denotes how the negativity of one’s loneliness can renew itself to the positive qualities of solitude and further result in a greater appreciation of nature’s beauty and tranquility. As such, Coleridge's poem, like de Botton’s pastiche, represents the significance of landscapes on people due to its ability to transform one’s mindset and value for nature. Another excellent paragraph!

Whilst the experience of landscapes can aid in the development of an individual’s perspective, it can also develop one’s philosophical understanding of the world and the needs of the human condition as represented in de Botton’s The Art of Travel. I feel like that sentence ending after "human condition" would be better, then bring in De Botton later! Readers can connect with the author's explanation for how his “winter doldrums” had made him “intensely susceptible to the... large, brightly illustrated travel brochure.” The use of multisensory imagery in the brochure consisting of “white-beaches” and “sweet-smelling fruit” entices the reader into the overwhelming beauty of Barbados which reawakens hope and relief from the author’s “steely-grey” London winter. What does this show about how individual perspectives are developed? However, this feeling of elation is disrupted as de Botton refers to  J.K Huysman thought’s on the “relationship between the anticipation of travel and its reality.” The cumulative list of negative images associated with travel like having to “endure unfamiliar beds” and “stand in queues” as well as the reality of a “sore throat” on arrival evokes a sense of familiarity within readers and creates a strong juxtaposition to the tranquil “palm trees” found in the travel brochure. This notion allows de Botton to represent how people shape reality in order for it to conform with their desires, and can often be disappointed with the outcome. This is a great point, you should try and integrate it throughout your analysis! In doing so, the author illustrates humankind’s innate “search for happiness” which too often becomes “interchangeable” with exotic and distant places. Botton concludes his book with an ambiguous and reflective tone as “the pleasures we derive from journeys is perhaps dependent on our mindset...than the destination.” As such, readers are offered a philosophical insight into the need to gain a broader understanding and appreciation of “what life might be about” by means of travelling to facilitate contentment, rather than focusing on the end goal. In doing so, The Art of Travel evidently represents the significance of landscapes on people as they can develop and question one’s philosophical understanding of the world and humankind.  Fantastic conclusion.

Coleridge’s This Lime-Tree Bower My Prison similarly represents the way in which landscapes can provide individuals with a greater introspection and insight into humankind’s desire for landscapes. The narrator hopes for his friend, Charles, who has “hunger’d after Nature” to appreciate such a “wide wide heaven.” I'll mention this here as well as below: Your quotes are integrated into a very sophisticated form of retell. See my comments below about how to address this. The biblical connotation, reflective of the romantic genre, emphasises the ineffable and “mighty” landscape. In doing so, Coleridge further reveals to readers the intriguing aspect of the human condition which desires to “bow to necessities greater than ourselves,” as De Botton powerfully highlights. Awesome!  Furthermore, the images of heaven create a strong contrast to the “sad” and “evil” city that has prevented Charles from experiencing nature’s beauty. This, again, directly aligns with de Botton’s metaphorical notion that “nature [is] a necessary antidote to the evils of the city.” The true nature of Charles as being “gentle-hearted” is repeated throughout the poem in order for readers to acknowledge how the emergence of his identity parallels with his increasing participation into the landscape. As such, this represents how landscapes can evoke a sense of personal development and shape one’s identity. Therefore, Coleridge’s text represents the importance of landscapes for people due to their ability to aid in one’s philosophical knowledge surrounding the human condition.

De Botton and Coleridge have constructed texts by means of a plethora of literary conventions in order to represent the complex relationship between people and landscapes. I think something more conceptual, like a re-statement of your Thesis, would be better suited to start the conclusion. The Art of Travel challenges readers to reconsider the significance of landscapes, and their influence on one’s mindset. In a similar way, This Lime-Tree Bower My Prison illustrates how people’s understanding of the world and the human condition can be enriched through landscapes. Therefore, both texts represent the experience of physical and imagined landscapes and their profound significance for people to be meaningful and powerful. Excellent!

Another great essay Liiz, this works really really well!!  fantastic conceptual drive, excellent structure with well organised analysis, it's awesome! 

There are a few smaller comments throughout, but I'd have one big one to help you improve. You've adapted an analysis style that is essentially the following:

- Talk about what happened in the text and introduce the relevant quote(s)
- Introduce and analyse the technique

That bit in red is what concerns me; the way you introduce your quotes is very much based within the text itself. This is a representation module, how techniques create meaning, and markers are looking for an understanding that the text is just a medium for the communication of conceptual ideas. By relying (even slightly) on the plot of the text, you suggest to the marker that you haven't reached that level of sophistication.

The plot is irrelevant, in this module, we want a focus purely on technique and meaning!! I know the plot may come through at times, but try to reduce your reliance on it a little. For example:

Initially, De Botton observes how “the atmosphere of solitude...the lighting was unforgiving...the chairs had the strained jollity of a fake smile." The anaphora of “the” has the effect of listing and creates a sense of sterility and hollowness in its description of objects.

Could be put simply as:

A sense of sterility and hollowness is conveyed in De Botton's use of repetitious listing, “the atmosphere of solitude...the lighting was unforgiving...the chairs had the strained jollity of a fake smile."

A simple and perhaps not the best example, but it shows what I mean! Shifting focus ever so slightly to get out of the text.

Besides this, have a look at a few of my smaller comments, but this is a great essay! Awesome work Liiz