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Author Topic: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)  (Read 692021 times)

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jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #450 on: July 26, 2016, 02:07:01 am »
Hello,
Could I please, please, please get some feedback on my Module A essay?
For this task, I only got 12/15 and would really like to boost my mark in this module. Please be as brutal as you can with it. Also I'm a little concerned with the length of it, if you had any thoughts on what parts to cull or make more succinct; I am open to any and all suggestions.
Thank you soo much :D

Hey Isaac! Absolutely, your essay is attached with comments in bold!

Spoiler
The inescapable power of a composer’s context becomes evident through composer’s exploration of universal issues concerning love, which shapes their perspective, language and form; inviting responders to reflect on the values within each context that influence perceptions of love. Whoa! That's a lot of info; try spacing all of those ideas through your Thesis more cleverly to give each one the right amount of attention. In this first sentence, introduce the theme of love properly and let it flow naturally into the next sentence. The complex nature of love is revealed as it cannot be singularly classified; instead contextual values influence contrasting perspectives that challenge other widely accepted contemporary expectations of love. Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s (EBB) 1850s poems Sonnets from the Portuguese allows her to escape from oppressive patriarchal attitudes prevalent within the Victorian era through her ideal love.  Similarly, F. Scott Fitzgerald’s 1955 novel The Great Gatsby criticises superficiality prominent in the Jazz Age, guiding the existential ‘lost generation’ by promoting idealised love. Great contextual links here. Both present similar perspectives that pursuing ideal love, even when condemned by contextual expectations of love and gender, catalyses actions to attain ideal love. The texts differ when exploring the ability to withstand the patriarchy and superficiality, which hinges on the procurement of ideal love. Awesome intro. I need just a little more of the comparative aspects: Question -What do we as a responder gain from a comparative study?

EBB, through the persona, reveals the complexity of love through her own spiritual perception of ideal love; contrasting to the oppressive perception of love within the Victorian era, motivating her to act to attain her ideal love. Try to start conceptual first, then introduce the text later! This sets up a focus on themes and inter-textual comparison of their exploration. Her ideal love is more intense and thus condemned by the patriarchal expectations of women, represented by the utilisation of iambic pentameter in every sonnet “Say thou dost love me, love me, love me – toll” alluding to a heartbeat, symbolising her overwhelming desire for pure love. Tad too long a sentence there, break it up. Her pursuit of ideal love contrasts the Victorian constraint on love and marriage which emphasised status and financial gain; opposing the purity EBB desires. I know its tough, but try to find some synonyms for love: Its repetition can become irksome and distracting for a marker. Through negation and accumulation within “Do not say I love her for her smile … her way of looking ... her way of speaking gently” represents her desire for a pure love that rejects love as shallow and superficial. In her pursuit, EBB is forced to caution love that does not meet her expectations, contrasting Victorian attitudes of women as submissive and obedient towards love, exemplified through celestial imagery and juxtaposition, conveying her attitude of impermanence “Sun rose on thine oath to love me, I looked to the moon.” Good contextual link there. EBB adopts her contexts emerging empirical search for truth, thus challenging uneducated stereotypes of women through her intelligent and wary empirical quest. EBB challenges Victorian perspectives of love to obtain a pure love that meets her expectations exposing her desire to challenge the historical and cultural values of women and love contradicting hers, thus revealing the complexity of love. A solid paragraph, good techniques, but I do think you are leaning a little into the retell side of the spectrum, be careful, and further, I'm looking for a greater emphasis on what we as responders gain from studying this text!

EBB reveals the complex nature of love as she is able to defy restrictive patriarchal values of love that condemn her pursuit, only when ideal love is attained. That concept doesn't quite click with me. 't sonnet XLII, she declares her love for Robert, the intended audience of her poetry, through the repetition of “I love thee” juxtaposing the cautious tone present in every other sonnet, indicating her procurement of her ideal love. Retell. Attaining pure love enables EBB to break free from female stereotypes, exemplified by “hold the torch out where the winds are rough,” utilising tactile imagery to metaphorically capture EBB’s ability to promote her views on gender equality in her patriarchal context, where one women were married, money and power went to their husband whilst EBB remains independent; illustrating complex, contradictory perspectives of love. Sentence too long there, break it up a little, and again step away from the text a little bit! What meaning does the audience garner? Rigid structures on love influence EBB’s chosen form of the Petrarchan sonnet which followed specific rhyme and meter, representing strict Victorian views of love. However, EBB’s manipulation of the structure evident in her unconventional Volta placement in such as “but there, the silver answer rang” in line 13, symbolises her ability to challenge expectations of love and the submissive women when her ideal love is attained. Her ability to withstand gender stereotypes is reinforced as she metaphorically “slackens all those bonds” in sonnet XXXII, reflecting her transcendence of her personal context, ignoring her fathers wishes not to marry due to her disabilities; instead pursuing her spiritual love by marrying a younger man at age 40, older than the average 18-year-old. Retell. EBB exposes the complex nature of love by proving that only by attaining ideal love can she withstand the societal expectations of women by promoting gender equality; and also overcoming personal contextual disadvantage. Try to make these conclusions more universally relevant: What new interpretations has the audience observed? What new understandings do we hold?

Like EBB’s desire for her condemned, ideal love and its subsequent motivational power; F. Scott Fitzgerald also conveys the complexity of multiple perceptions of ideal love by condemning the hedonistic contextual values which contrast Gatsby’s ideal love. Fitzgerald’s repetition of hyperbolised parties centred on wealth and self-indulgence indicate the values of Fitzgerald’s context; exposed in the simile “men and girls came like moths among the whisperings and the champagne and the stars." This is good analysis here, but I'd still love to see some connection to audience! Juxtaposition of cacophonic and euphoric imagery allows Fitzgerald to criticise the immorality of superficial satisfaction from wealth as it causes apathy to repercussions, following America’s success in WWI. Good contextual link. Just like EBB’s desire for pure love, Gatsby’s longing for ideal love was uncommon during the 1920’s where hedonistic attitudes reduced the sanctity of marriage as exemplified by Tom and Daisy’s separate infidelity. Don't use aspects of the text to prove your points, techniques only! Materialistic attitudes force Gatsby to become obsessed with attaining such love, even if impossible. Retell. Biblical allusions accentuate his desire especially when it goes against hedonistic societal norms “He had committed himself to following the Holy Grail” demonstrates his willingness to act in pursuit of his ideal love even if unattainable as his ideal love is represented by Daisy who is corrupt by superficiality and will not fit his ideal love. Retell. Thus Fitzgerald harshly critiques the superficial hedonism of the roaring 20s revealing the complexity of love as it challenges his and Gatsby’s ideal love, just as EBB’s context challenged hers. This quick comparison between the two texts is not enough for the comparative module, you needed to have been drawing these links throughout your paragraphs!.

Unlike EBB’s attainment of pure love, enabling her to withstand patriarchal Victorian values; Fitzgerald conveys the complexity of love in that it is the only platform with which we can withstand contextual values, if not attained, we succumb to superficial values that surround us. Interesting concept here, I like. Fitzgerald’s condemnation of hedonistic values is revealed as Gatsby is unable to procure his ideal love due to Daisy, who Gatsby believes embodies his ideal love, already being consumed by materialism. Retell. The high modal hyperbole present within “Daisy tumbled short of his dreams … because of the colossal vitality of his illusion” portraying the complexity of love as it foreshadows his failure at gaining ideal love. accentuates the complexity of love to a contemporary audience. - That is what I mean by audience link! His inability to attain his ideal love is reinforced through his objectification of Daisy within “his count of enchanted objects had diminished by one” conveying the impossibility of obtaining his ideal love, revealed through the whimsical and fanciful tone; also exposing his superficiality as his ideal love is reduced into a materialistic “object.” Again, slipping into retell a little, remember the characters are puppet for Fitzgerald to convey ideas! Analysing THEIR actions is fruitless, it should be a composer focused affair. Gatsby’s inability to withstand hedonistic attitudes in the rebellion against alcohol prohibition influences the form of the novel as Fitzgerald’s use of characterisation reveals how Gatsby becomes consumed by these hedonistic attitudes due to not attaining ideal love. Contrasting EBB, who declares her independence and challenges patriarchal constraints because she acquires her ideal love. Fitzgerald’s condemnation of hedonistic values is represented by Gatsby, who in his inability to attain his ideal love, becomes consumed by immoral attitudes thus revealing the complexity of love.

Thus the complexity of love is revealed as it is unique and so powerful, that allows for the withstanding of contextual values. A composers’ desire to challenge the attitudes they consider immoral such as the patriarchy and materialism, affect their perspective of love. Exemplified by disparate texts such as Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s Sonnets from the Portuguese and F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby, sharing the perspective that ideal love motivates acts to attain it, going against gender and superficial values. However, only through attaining ideal love is EBB able to withstand gender constructs confining her; conversely Fitzgerald’s protagonist continually succumbs to immoral hedonistic values. Slight retell shifted, but this is a solid conclusion on the whole.

Great essay Isaac! There is some concepts in here I've never seen before, very unique, I like it!!

I'm going to start with the easiest fix: You need synonyms for love. The word appears in your essay 74 times out of just over 1200, that is a tad excessive even for the main theme of your essay. Replace with intimacy, relationships, connections, branch out a little! By re-using the word too often, you end up repeating ideas or very similar versions of ideas, and the marker has to work harder to filter through the word that keeps appearing  ;D

Okay, so now some more substantial stuff. Techniques on the whole are quite effective, and I think once you play around with expression your explanation of ideas will be better too. What is lacking is your audience link. Remember, these texts were composed for an audience, and now we are the universal audience interpreting it; what insights do we gain? Importantly, these are NOT text based, like, I don't care about the characters. I care about what the techniques show me about the themes, and that's it. No plot, no characters, nothing else  ;D

You also rely a little too heavily on retell (giving me parts of the text and using it to prove a point). The text itself is not your evidence here; the techniques and quotes from the composer are your focus. It shouldn't be about the characters, it should be your composer mentioned far more frequently.

And finally, comparative study. I'm not getting comparison between these texts. The idea of this module is to explore how the same ideas are explored by texts in different contexts, and compare and contrast these texts and their construction, language, etc. TO do this, try to draw quick and simple links to the other text in your body paragraphs. You may also consider an integrated response, an example of which can be found at the essay I am linking you to right now  ;D

This is a Module A 20/20 CSSA Trial response written under exam conditions (my own). It exemplifies how you can structure an integrand response, as well as gives examples of audience focused, conceptual analysis. It might be worth a read!

I hope this feedback helps, and please let me know if you have any questions!  ;D

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #451 on: July 26, 2016, 08:30:26 am »


Hey Sudodds! Unfortunately, it goes off the number on the side there! Posts in certain parts of the site don't qualify into your "post count" for this purpose (including the Forum Games, the usual culprit)  :-\  sorry about that! You only need two more though, let me know when you hit it and I'll add you to the list  ;D

ah k :) Will do!
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sudodds

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #452 on: July 26, 2016, 10:11:44 am »
Okay, I think I have the post count up now :) Here's my essay again, thank you so much!! By the way, I fixed up my Module A essay with your suggestions and my teacher has told me that it has improved so thank you!

Spoiler
Evaluate the effectiveness of Eliot’s exploration of the relationship between individuals and their world within his poetry. In your response discuss ‘The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” and TWO other poems set for study.

Throughout his poetry, TS Eliot has made many comments and criticisms upon the dynamic relationship between the individual and their wider context, effectively explaining to his readership what he perceives to be the individual’s role within his contemporary society.  Greatly influenced by the modernist movement, TS Eliot presents to the reader a bleak outlook upon the state of modern society, and the oppressive hold it has upon an individual’s existence through the adoption of the key themes within his poetry – modernity, isolation and meaning. The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock demonstrates the pervasiveness of these ideas within Eliot’s poetry, with the ideas further established through the related poems Journey of the Magi and Rhapsody of a Windy Night.

Eliot effectively explores the impact of modernity upon his contemporary society, and its relation to the lives of individuals, evident within his poems The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock and Rhapsody of a Windy Night. Like many poets of the 20th Century, Eliot was greatly influenced by Modernism, a socio-philosophical movement which sought the replacement of Romantic optimism for pessimistic cynicism as a reaction to the Industrial Revolution and the horrors of the First World War. It was an effort to portray the truth about humanity during a time where humanity, according to modernists, appeared to be at its lowest point, and this is evident within Eliot’s poetry.
The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock presents to the reader a modern urban landscape (the typical setting for many of his poems) of “half-deserted streets” and “cheap hotels,” which serves to introduce Eliot’s perception of the modern world as a mundane ‘wasteland’ that carries through the rest of the poem. Thus, the character of Prufrock acts as a vehicle in which Eliot can represent this further, through a melancholy stream of consciousness that demonstrates his discontent with modern society. This is evident through lines such as “streets that follow like a tedious argument,” which emphasizes the infinitely repetitive and mundane nature of his world, which enables his restlessness to find any meaning or purpose within his life, leading him to his isolation and detachment. The use of enjambment further conveys the labyrinthine, never-ending spatiality of the city and evolves Prufrock’s ‘stream of consciousness’, techniques evident within many of Eliot’s other poems that convey a similar critique of modernity.
Within Rhapsody of a Windy Night, Eliot presents a similarly bleak outlook upon what he perceives to be a decaying society. Within the poem, Eliot describes society through the metaphor “a broken spring in a factory yard, /Rust that clings to the form that the strength has left.” The spring symbolizes Eliot’s world, with the rust of modernity promoting the decay of a strong and true society. Therefore, it is evident that through The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock and Rhapsody on a Windy Night Eliot effectively explores the impact of modernity upon the relationship between the individual and society, through presenting it as a mundane and oppressive force. This leads many readers to, gain insight into Prufrock and other key characters within Eliot’s poem and to recognize their isolation and detachment.

Eliot effectively explores the impact of isolation upon the relationship between an individual and their world through his poems The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock and Rhapsody of a Windy Night. Within almost all of his poems, Eliot presents to the reader an isolated individual, detached from his world. Prufrock’s inability to make decisions in fear of societal judgement – particularly from “the women [who] come and go” – leads to an inability to make connection. His intense fear of human connection stems from the fear of his own vulnerability, the paradoxical element to Prufrock, as he strives for isolation as a means of security, but thus leads him to despair. His isolation is apparent through Eliot’s effective use of imagery within the poem, whereby he creates an atmosphere of loneliness and division between Prufrock and his world. Prufrock describes himself as “a pair of ragged claws / Scuttling across the floors of silent seas,” watching “lonely me in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows.” This lonely image presents Prufrock as an even more isolated individual than the men he observes, for all he can do is quietly watch them as they continue to live their mundane lives.

Loneliness and isolation are also a key theme within Rhapsody of a Windy Night, whereby Eliot presents the isolation and loneliness of humanity within the modern world.
Within Rhapsody of a Windy Night, the narrator, who Eliot also presents through a stream of consciousness, wonders the desolate streets alone at night, with only his thoughts and memories to keep him company. The isolated atmosphere is presented through the use of time as a running motif throughout the poem. Almost every stanza begins with Eliot stating a time in the early hours of the morning, the first being “twelve o’clock,” the cusp between one day and the next. The use of time effectively conveys the narrator’s isolation, as these times fall during periods when almost everyone is asleep and therefore the narrator is left alone. Along with this, the reanimation of inanimate objects, such as the the street lamp who “sputtered” and “muttered,” representing humanity’s breakdown in communication, whereby ironically the inanimate objects are the most alive figures within the poem.
Therefore, it is evident that through The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock and Rhapsody of a Windy Night, Eliot effectively discusses the impact of isolation upon the relationship between an individual and their world, through presenting it as a barrier inhibiting true connection.

Eliot effectively explores the impact of meaning and purpose within an individuals’ relationship with their world through his poems The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock and The Journey of the Magi, particularly in regards to the spiritual journey of their narrators. The struggle to find meaning within a meaningless world is a common element within many of Eliot’s poems, particularly within The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, which features the search for meaning of a profoundly fallible human being. “Do I dare / Disturb the universe? “Throughout the poem, Prufrock ponders upon great philosophical questions pertaining to his role within his world and the wider universe, demonstrating Prufrock’s desperation to find a greater purpose for his existence. It is evident within the poem through Eliot’s inclusion of many other rhetorical questions such as “So how should I presume,” “And how should I begin?” and “Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?”  that Prufrock over-analyses the mundane situations of his life, causing him great anxiety as his inability to make decisions leads to his feelings of worthlessness and meaninglessness. Prufrock feels as if he lacks a purpose, however is too afraid to change this. Therefore, through The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, Eliot effectively explores the role of purpose within individuals lives, and how it affects their relationship with their wider context. However, Eliot does not present purpose and meaning as something unattainable, as evident through many of the religious elements of his poetry, which in the predominant theme of The Journey of the Magi.
A critical moment within Eliot’s life was his conversion to Christianity, which informed many of his ideas and frequently featured within many of his poems. The Journey of the Magi is a reflective text upon religion, and features many biblical allusions, particularly in regards to the birth of Christ. “For a journey, and such a long journey.” Despite the “long journey,” Eliot provides his readers with a finality for the search for meaning, which he perceives to be his religious epiphany and conversion to Christianity. This is evident within the final stanza, where the narrator comments upon “alien people clutching their gods,” demonstrating that after his conversion he is no longer “clutching” for a sense of purpose like those around him, but instead has found his true meaning in God. Therefore, it is evident that through The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock and The Journey of the Magi Eliot effectively explores the role and importance of meaning within the lives of individuals, in that it provides a sense of purpose and control against the mundanity and pressures of modern society.


Therefore, through his poems, particularly The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, and the related The Journey of the Magi and Rhapsody of a Windy Night, Eliot presents his key themes of modernity, isolation and meaning in order to comment and critique upon the current state of modern society and the psyche of humanity. Through this, he effectively communicates his ideas and values upon the relationship between the individual and society, and thus enables his reader with a new perspective upon our role in this world.


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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #453 on: July 26, 2016, 10:49:13 am »
Hey Jamon,

I know you just marked by disc. essay but I this will be the last essay I'll post up for marking until after trials (in 5 days!!). Once again any feedback will be excellent and I wrote this a term ago, so there might be similar issues as the one in my disc.
Thanks so much :))

Spoiler
Significant texts transcend contextual barriers through their multifaceted treatment of enduring thematic concerns. Orson Welles’ metaphysical detective story Citizen Kane(1941) illustrates the centrality of materialistic ambition and power in distorting an individual’s sense of self, undermining their ability to maintain meaningful relationships and impeding their pursuit of happiness. Through his use of avant-garde cinematography, involving his manipulation of language, construction and content,  and treatment of universal human concerns Welles formidably propounds the memorability and relativity of Citizen Kane for Citizen Kane is the “the greatest movie of all Time” – Roger Ebert .

In Citizen Kane, Welles didactically explores how unrestrained ambition catalyses moral degradation and underpins the distortion of an individual’s sense of self. Kane’s exclusive pursuit of power at the expense of morality reflects the widespread use of yellow journalism by media mogul William Randolph Hearst, who perpetrated the misrepresentation of truth for media sensationalism. Initially, Kane’s self-confessed characterisation as a “tireless and fighting champion” for the “underprivileged” establishes his altruistic and benevolent ideals, epitomised by the “Declaration of Principles” in which he definitively asserts that “no special interests are going to allowed to interfere with the truth!”.  However, Welles use of dramatic chiaroscuro lighting, as Kane moves from light into partial darkness to sign the Declaration of Principles, foreshadows his eventual ethical degeneration. Kane’s hubristic ambition for power conveyed by his monomaniac pursuit of “circulation” precipitates his hypocritical descent into “yellow journalism”, as illustrated by his assertion that “If the headline is big enough, the news is big enough”. Kane’s self-aggrandisement, the antithesis of his former altruistic ideals, climaxes in the low angle shot of Kane shredding his Declaration of Principles, an act dually symbolic for Kane’s moral dichotomy and thus, the disintegration of his identity. Through the faux newsreel montage “News on the March” revealing Kane’s paradoxical characterisation as a “communist”, a “fascist” and an “American” in combination with the dialectic between a multiplicity of flashback perspectives, Welles’ further emphasises the fragmentation of Kane’s identity engendered by his ambition for a larger-than-life persona, rendering “Kane... a simulacrum, a chaos of appearances” (Borges)(1941). Aligning with the jigsaw motif, Rosebud, a synecdoche for Kane’s innocence and moral purity, untainted by the corrupting influence of ambition, thus, becomes the metaphoric “missing piece” in the “jigsaw puzzle” of Kane’s identity.  Hence, Citizen Kane illuminates the potential for overriding ambition to engender moral vacuity and destabilise an individual’s sense of self.

By exploring the flawed human desire for excessive control and power, Citizen Kane explicates how an individual’s capacity to maintain meaningful relationships is undermined by egotistical ideals. Mary Kane’s decision to relinquish guardianship of Kane over to “the banker”, Thatcher, violating her maternal duties for financial prosperity, embodies the distorted American Dream of the 1940’s which fostered the pursuance of power and success at the expense of traditional relationships. Internalising his deprivation of maternal love, Kane emerges as a self-centred man who “didn’t believe in anything but Charlie Kane”. However Kane’s egocentrism actuates the inherent instability within his relationships, with the breakfast montage depicting the disintegration of Kane’s first marriage with Emily. Welles’ use of increasing proxemic ranges, showcased through whip pans, conveys their widening emotional gulf, engendered by Kane’s prioritisation of “The Inquirer”, his channel of self-aggrandisement. Thus, Emily laments “sometimes I think I’d prefer a rival of flesh and blood”, exemplifying how Kane’s egocentric pursuits have impaired their relationship. To further satiate his egomaniacal desires, Kane forces Susan, his second wife, to pursue an undesired career as an opera singer. A high angle shot of Susan shrouded in Kane’s elongated shadow as he commands in a forceful tone “You will continue with you singing!”, accentuated by Susan’s retrospective remonstrations “I didn’t want any of it” , reveals how Susan is merely a vehicle through which Kane exercises power to gratify his vanity. Whilst Kane initially “married for love”, Leland captures the infused tension within Kane’s relationships, as he notions Kane ironically “wanted love on [his] own terms”. Ultimately, when Susan leaves Kane, Welles’ use of mise-en-abyme to frame Kane within “echer” style windows, with mirror images of Kane reflected ad infinitum, visually manifests Kane’s narcissistic regression into emotional isolation, “having made his own complete and ruinous investment in himself” (Peter Bradshaw 2015). Thus, in Citizen Kane, Welles propounds how egocentrism compromises an individual’s capacity to sustain meaningful relationships.
Moreover, In Citizen Kane, Welles criticises materialistic gratification for undermining the pursuit of authentic emotional fulfilment. Welles’ concern stems from the “acquisitive society” (Orson Welles 1941) of 1940’s Post Great Depression America, where the dissolute pursuit of transient pleasures eclipsed inner contentment. From the outset, the extreme long shot of Kane’s extravagant mansion, “Xanadu”, a dominating presence in the background, prefigures Kane’s extensive preoccupation with material affluence. However, Welles’ use of shadowy German Expressionist lighting in tandem with an ominous music score conveys the absence of felicity in Kane’s oxymoronic “decaying pleasure palace”.  Xanadu’s grandeur is antithetically contrasted to the simplistic interior of a snow globe, a microcosmic depiction of Kane’s blissful childhood in “Little Salem”, to reveal his innate desire for a bygone period of emotional fulfilment.  In an attempt to ameliorate the emotional void of his material construct, Kane marries Susan whose possession of the snow globe, depicted by a close up shot of her desk, establishes her as the manifestation of his youthful happiness. However, Kane’s pursuit to attain this happiness through an emotional connection with Susan is inevitably distorted by his materialistic ideals.  Susan’s indignant accusation during the picnic scene, “You just tried to buy me into giving you something!”, is ironically punctuated by diegetic music “it can’t be love”, to expose Kane’s perverse commodification of emotional fulfilment.  Thus, Welles foregrounds Kane’s inability to reconcile the dichotomy between his materialistic inclinations and genuine happiness, amplifying the dramatic irony of Kane’s self-reflective confession “I always gagged on the silver spoon”, with the “silver spoon” connoting wealth and privilege.  In the final scene, a sweeping aerial shot over Xanadu’s “loot of the world”, juxtaposed with a closeup shot of “Rosebud”, symbolic for the happiness of Kane’s childhood, buried amidst the “junk”, demonstrates the inherent paradox of Kane’s machinations, forsaking emotional fulfilment and “humanity…in an endless acquisition of material gimmicks” (Alan Stanbrook 1941). Thus, Citizen Kane decries how materialistic obsession ultimately renders an individual’s pursuit of happiness futile.

Welle’s Citizen Kane engrossingly foregrounds the multifaceted complexity of the human experience, through an insightful exploration into Kane’s identity, relationships and pursuit of happiness. Depicting the plight of a man who had “everything he wanted and then lost it”, Citizen Kane poses a cautionary tale against the inhuman extravagance that Kane embodies. It is this didactism, in conjunction with Welles’ revolutionary cinematography which imbues Citizen Kane with an enduring relevance across audiences immemorial.
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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #454 on: July 26, 2016, 04:46:53 pm »
Hi, can i please get feedback for my Module B essay (T.S Eliot)

Hi! I'll copy and paste what I sent to you in AOS essay marking, in case you read this one first:

Hi there! I think that since you were here last, we updated the marking policy :) You can read more about it in the link in my signature below! Essentially, you have to make five ATAR Notes posts in order to get a piece of work marked :) So 5 posts = one piece of your work marked. :)
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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #455 on: July 26, 2016, 09:21:15 pm »
Hello again,

Would you be able to have a look at my Module A essay? I would love it if you could mark harshly and give me lots of feedback :) One of my concerns is that my paragraphs don't deal with the theme in the same way (for e.g., in my paragraph on integrity, i talk about the integrity of the characters in KRIII but the integrity of the process in LFR) Is this ok?

Thanks so much!

jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #456 on: July 27, 2016, 12:17:04 am »
Okay, I think I have the post count up now :) Here's my essay again, thank you so much!! By the way, I fixed up my Module A essay with your suggestions and my teacher has told me that it has improved so thank you!

Awesome, thanks for that! ;D

Woo! So glad to hear it improved, keep working on it and I'll bet you'll smash it out of the park  ;D this essay is attached with comments throughout:

Spoiler
Evaluate the effectiveness of Eliot’s exploration of the relationship between individuals and their world within his poetry. In your response discuss ‘The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” and TWO other poems set for study.

Throughout his poetry, TS Eliot has made many comments and criticisms upon the dynamic relationship between the individual and their wider context, effectively explaining to his readership what he perceives to be the individual’s role within his contemporary society. Try to NOT include your text in the Thesis; the Thesis should be a big, general idea and your text becomes an example of that. The text comes in later, usually in a sentence of the form: "This is shown in TS Elliot's poetry, which..." You say that the Thesis is demonstrated by your text, not formed by it. Greatly influenced by the modernist movement, TS Eliot presents to the reader a bleak outlook upon the state of modern society, and the oppressive hold it has upon an individual’s existence through the adoption of the key themes within his poetry – modernity, isolation and meaning. Good. The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock demonstrates the pervasiveness of these ideas within Eliot’s poetry, with the ideas further established through the related poems Journey of the Magi and Rhapsody of a Windy Night. I feel you need a more conclusive finish here, like "Thus, the audience learns _______," which will also make your link to the question a little stronger.

Eliot effectively explores the impact of modernity upon his contemporary society, and its relation to the lives of individuals, evident within his poems The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock and Rhapsody of a Windy Night. Good concept, but just like your Thesis, try to introduce the concept first and then introduce the text. Like many poets of the 20th Century, Eliot was greatly influenced by Modernism, a socio-philosophical movement which sought the replacement of Romantic optimism for pessimistic cynicism as a reaction to the Industrial Revolution and the horrors of the First World War. It was an effort to portray the truth about humanity during a time where humanity, according to modernists, appeared to be at its lowest point, and this is evident within Eliot’s poetry. Great contextual explanation, but I'd love to see it integrated throughout examples from the text to show HOW the context is evident.The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock presents to the reader a modern urban landscape (the typical setting for many of his poems) of “half-deserted streets” and “cheap hotels,” which serves to introduce Eliot’s perception of the modern world as a mundane ‘wasteland’ that carries through the rest of the poem. Technique there? Thus, the character of Prufrock acts as a vehicle in which Eliot can represent this further, through a melancholy stream of consciousness that demonstrates his discontent with modern society. This is evident through lines such as “streets that follow like a tedious argument,” which emphasizes the infinitely repetitive and mundane nature of his world, which enables his restlessness to find any meaning or purpose within his life, leading him to his isolation and detachment. Technique here? Also, try to take these ideas BEYOND the text, what do WE the audience learn about the impact of modernity on society? The use of enjambment further conveys the labyrinthine, never-ending spatiality of the city and evolves Prufrock’s ‘stream of consciousness’, techniques evident within many of Eliot’s other poems that convey a similar critique of modernity. Within Rhapsody of a Windy Night, Eliot presents a similarly bleak outlook upon what he perceives to be a decaying society. Within the poem, Eliot describes society through the metaphor “a broken spring in a factory yard, /Rust that clings to the form that the strength has left.” The spring symbolizes Eliot’s world, with the rust of modernity promoting the decay of a strong and true society. Great ideas, again, more of an audience link would benefit you here. Therefore, it is evident that through The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock and Rhapsody on a Windy Night Eliot effectively explores the impact of modernity upon the relationship between the individual and society, through presenting it as a mundane and oppressive force. This leads many readers to, gain insight into Prufrock and other key characters within Eliot’s poem and to recognize their isolation and detachment. Solid paragraph! Some more audience links and ensuring techniques are used frequently would benefit you  ;D

Eliot effectively explores the impact of isolation upon the relationship between an individual and their world through his poems The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock and Rhapsody of a Windy Night. Within almost all of his poems, Eliot presents to the reader an isolated individual, detached from his world. Retell. Prufrock’s inability to make decisions in fear of societal judgement – particularly from “the women [who] come and go” – leads to an inability to make connection. Retell. His intense fear of human connection stems from the fear of his own vulnerability, the paradoxical element to Prufrock, as he strives for isolation as a means of security, but thus leads him to despair. Retell, although this is better than the previous sentences. His isolation is apparent through Eliot’s effective use of imagery within the poem, whereby he creates an atmosphere of loneliness and division between Prufrock and his world. There we go, that was analysis there, Elliot used a technique to demonstrate something, but what is the impact on the audience? Prufrock describes himself as “a pair of ragged claws / Scuttling across the floors of silent seas,” watching “lonely me in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows.” This lonely image presents Prufrock as an even more isolated individual than the men he observes, for all he can do is quietly watch them as they continue to live their mundane lives. Your paragraphs need stronger conclusions to re-enforce the concept, and importantly, to re-connect to the question.

Loneliness and isolation are also a key theme within Rhapsody of a Windy Night, whereby Eliot presents the isolation and loneliness of humanity within the modern world. Within Rhapsody of a Windy Night, the narrator, who Eliot also presents through a stream of consciousness, wonders the desolate streets alone at night, with only his thoughts and memories to keep him company. Retell.  The isolated atmosphere is presented through the use of time as a running motif throughout the poem. What is the significance of this? What do we learn? Almost every stanza begins with Eliot stating a time in the early hours of the morning, the first being “twelve o’clock,” the cusp between one day and the next. Retell. The use of time effectively conveys the narrator’s isolation, as these times fall during periods when almost everyone is asleep and therefore the narrator is left alone. First half of that sentence was all that was required, everything after the comma was retell. Along with this, the reanimation of inanimate objects, such as the the street lamp who “sputtered” and “muttered,” representing humanity’s breakdown in communication, whereby ironically the inanimate objects are the most alive figures within the poem. What does THIS show the audience? Use the proper technique too, personification. Therefore, it is evident that through The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock and Rhapsody of a Windy Night, Eliot effectively discusses the impact of isolation upon the relationship between an individual and their world, through presenting it as a barrier inhibiting true connection.  Good conclusion here, you still need it in the prior paragraph though (unless it was supposed to be one huge one).

Eliot effectively explores the impact of meaning and purpose within an individuals’ relationship with their world through his poems The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock and The Journey of the Magi, particularly in regards to the spiritual journey of their narrators. The struggle to find meaning within a meaningless world is a common element within many of Eliot’s poems, particularly within The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, which features the search for meaning of a profoundly fallible human being. “Do I dare / Disturb the universe? “Throughout the poem, Prufrock ponders upon great philosophical questions pertaining to his role within his world and the wider universe, demonstrating Prufrock’s desperation to find a greater purpose for his existence. This would have been PERFECT if you instead said that "Elliot" was the one pondering, because he is, THROUGH the character of Prufrock. It is evident within the poem through Eliot’s inclusion of many other rhetorical questions such as “So how should I presume,” “And how should I begin?” and “Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?”  that Prufrock over-analyses the mundane situations of his life, causing him great anxiety as his inability to make decisions leads to his feelings of worthlessness and meaninglessness. I am going to use that as an example below. Prufrock feels as if he lacks a purpose, however is too afraid to change this. Retell. Therefore, through The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, Eliot effectively explores the role of purpose within individuals lives, and how it affects their relationship with their wider context. However, Eliot does not present purpose and meaning as something unattainable, as evident through many of the religious elements of his poetry, which in the predominant theme of The Journey of the Magi.

A critical moment within Eliot’s life was his conversion to Christianity, which informed many of his ideas and frequently featured within many of his poems. Good contextual link, but it is perhaps not the best choice for the start of a paragraph. The Journey of the Magi is a reflective text upon religion, and features many biblical allusions, particularly in regards to the birth of Christ. “For a journey, and such a long journey.” Despite the “long journey,” Eliot provides his readers with a finality for the search for meaning, which he perceives to be his religious epiphany and conversion to Christianity. Fantastic! This is evident within the final stanza, where the narrator comments upon “alien people clutching their gods,” demonstrating that after his conversion he is no longer “clutching” for a sense of purpose like those around him, but instead has found his true meaning in God. Therefore, it is evident that through The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock and The Journey of the Magi Eliot effectively explores the role and importance of meaning within the lives of individuals, in that it provides a sense of purpose and control against the mundanity and pressures of modern society.

Therefore, through his poems, particularly The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, and the related The Journey of the Magi and Rhapsody of a Windy Night, Eliot presents his key themes of modernity, isolation and meaning in order to comment and critique upon the current state of modern society and the psyche of humanity. Through this, he effectively communicates his ideas and values upon the relationship between the individual and society, and thus enables his reader with a new perspective upon our role in this world. A little more is needed in this conclusion; try adding some more depth about the themes being explored and WHY Elliot's exploration was an effective one (focus of the question, so this judgement should be more prominent).

A great essay here! Excellent ideas, though I do think you could structure them a little better. As an easy bit of feedback to get out of the way, ensure that all your 3 body paragraphs have an appropriate intro and conclusion that connect to your Thesis and to the question as well.

So, you have some excellent textual references throughout this essay, and some great concepts on show. I have two comments on how to improve their expression, and the first is eliminating retell. In this essay, you rely heavily on character actions and how they demonstrate your concepts. This makes it very easy to verge into retell. The thing is, your ideas don't have to change, just their expression, let me show you what I mean  :D

Okay, so take this sentence:

It is evident within the poem through Eliot’s inclusion of many other rhetorical questions such as “So how should I presume,” “And how should I begin?” and “Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?”  that Prufrock over-analyses the mundane situations of his life, causing him great anxiety as his inability to make decisions leads to his feelings of worthlessness and meaninglessness.

The bit that leans towards retell is in red. What I mean by adapting your analysis to make it composer/audience focused is simply taking this same idea and changing how it is expressed:

Elliot's inclusion of rhetorical questions such as "And how should I begin?," effectively develops the character of Prufrock as over-analytical, thus communicating to the audience anxiety can lead to feelings of worthlessness and meaninglessness.

This is an identical idea, just expressed so that it relates to the audience and the composer. No additional plot detail, I've taken the bit in red and re-framed it as characterisation, and besides that, I only get a technique, an example, what it does (characterises), and then what is accentuates to ME!

The bit in green is your second and most important bit of feedback: Judgement.

This is an "Evaluate" question, you need to be making judgements about how effectively the composer has used techniques to convey/accentuate their ideas!! This is most easily done with adverbs like "effectively," though you'll want a variety so you can link to the specific effect being discussed. Essentially, how well does the composer show us the ideas you are discussing? This should not only be threaded through your analysis, but needs to be added to your Thesis and conclusion in a significant way as well  ;D

So take out a bit of retell, add a bit of judgement, three pinches of salt and you'll have a much more powerful essay soufflé  ;) great work!!  ;D

jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #457 on: July 27, 2016, 12:45:29 am »
Attention! The essay marking requirements have been updated, in effect for every essay posted below this mark  ;D The post exchange rate has now been increased to 15, that is, every piece of feedback is now worth 15 posts. 3 essays marked needs 45 ATAR Notes posts, 10 essays needs 150 posts, etc etc. The full essay rules are available at this link! Thanks everyone!  ;D

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #458 on: July 27, 2016, 08:45:52 pm »
Awesome! I'm feeling a lot more confident for trials now this is great :) Thank you so much!
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jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #459 on: July 27, 2016, 09:38:18 pm »
Hey Jamon,
I know you just marked by disc. essay but I this will be the last essay I'll post up for marking until after trials (in 5 days!!). Once again any feedback will be excellent and I wrote this a term ago, so there might be similar issues as the one in my disc.
Thanks so much :))

Hey! That's no worries at all, good luck for your Trials! I'll do my best to give you some useful feedback  ;D essay attached with comments in bold!  ;D

Spoiler
Significant texts transcend contextual barriers through their multifaceted treatment of enduring thematic concerns. Such as! Try and introduce those concerns BEFORE you introduce the text, maintain conceptuality ;D Orson Welles’ metaphysical detective story Citizen Kane(1941) illustrates the centrality of materialistic ambition and power in distorting an individual’s sense of self, undermining their ability to maintain meaningful relationships and impeding their pursuit of happiness. Great concept. Through his use of avant-garde cinematography, involving his manipulation of language, construction and content,  and treatment of universal human concerns Welles formidably propounds the memorability and relativity of Citizen Kane for Citizen Kane is the “the greatest movie of all Time” – Roger Ebert . Slight expression issue at the end there, but nice integration of judgement. Excellent Thesis.

In Citizen Kane, Welles didactically explores how unrestrained ambition catalyses moral degradation and underpins the distortion of an individual’s sense of self. Amazing concept, well expressed, but try to bring in the text after the concept separately. Kane’s exclusive pursuit of power at the expense of morality reflects the widespread use of yellow journalism by media mogul William Randolph Hearst, who perpetrated the misrepresentation of truth for media sensationalism. Initially, Kane’s self-confessed characterisation as a “tireless and fighting champion” for the “underprivileged” establishes his altruistic and benevolent ideals, epitomised by the “Declaration of Principles” in which he definitively asserts that “no special interests are going to allowed to interfere with the truth!”.  Retell, no technique. However, Welles use of dramatic chiaroscuro lighting, as Kane moves from light into partial darkness to sign the Declaration of Principles, foreshadows his eventual ethical degeneration. What does this show the audience? Kane’s hubristic ambition for power conveyed by his monomaniac pursuit of “circulation” precipitates his hypocritical descent into “yellow journalism”, as illustrated by his assertion that “If the headline is big enough, the news is big enough”. An easy way to tell if you are retelling: If you are assigning techniques to a character, then you are retelling. Remember, Kane is just Welles' puppet! Kane’s self-aggrandisement, the antithesis of his former altruistic ideals, climaxes in the low angle shot of Kane shredding his Declaration of Principles, an act dually symbolic for Kane’s moral dichotomy and thus, the disintegration of his identity. Retell. Through the faux newsreel montage “News on the March” revealing Kane’s paradoxical characterisation as a “communist”, a “fascist” and an “American” in combination with the dialectic between a multiplicity of flashback perspectives, Welles’ further emphasises the fragmentation of Kane’s identity engendered by his ambition for a larger-than-life persona, rendering “Kane... a simulacrum, a chaos of appearances” (Borges)(1941). Better analysis, but I'm looking for greater audience impact beyond just learning about the character of Kane. Aligning with the jigsaw motif, Rosebud, a synecdoche for Kane’s innocence and moral purity, untainted by the corrupting influence of ambition, thus, becomes the metaphoric “missing piece” in the “jigsaw puzzle” of Kane’s identity.  Hence, Citizen Kane illuminates the potential for overriding ambition to engender moral vacuity and destabilise an individual’s sense of self. Fantastic techniques and explanations, but overly text focused, you are telling me what happened in the text and what it reveals about the character, where instead, I need what Welles shows the audience about the concept in general! What do we learn?

By exploring the flawed human desire for excessive control and power, Citizen Kane explicates how an individual’s capacity to maintain meaningful relationships is undermined by egotistical ideals. Mary Kane’s decision to relinquish guardianship of Kane over to “the banker”, Thatcher, violating her maternal duties for financial prosperity, embodies the distorted American Dream of the 1940’s which fostered the pursuance of power and success at the expense of traditional relationships. Good contextual link, but still retell. Internalising his deprivation of maternal love, Kane emerges as a self-centred man who “didn’t believe in anything but Charlie Kane”. Technique? However Kane’s egocentrism actuates the inherent instability within his relationships, with the breakfast montage depicting the disintegration of Kane’s first marriage with Emily. Verging on retell, what does this reveal to the audience? Welles’ use of increasing proxemic ranges, showcased through whip pans, conveys their widening emotional gulf, engendered by Kane’s prioritisation of “The Inquirer”, his channel of self-aggrandisement. Thus showing the audience? Thus, Emily laments “sometimes I think I’d prefer a rival of flesh and blood”, exemplifying how Kane’s egocentric pursuits have impaired their relationship. Retell. To further satiate his egomaniacal desires, Kane forces Susan, his second wife, to pursue an undesired career as an opera singer. Retell. A high angle shot of Susan shrouded in Kane’s elongated shadow as he commands in a forceful tone “You will continue with you singing!”, accentuated by Susan’s retrospective remonstrations “I didn’t want any of it” , reveals how Susan is merely a vehicle through which Kane exercises power to gratify his vanity. Retell, see below for example. Whilst Kane initially “married for love”, Leland captures the infused tension within Kane’s relationships, as he notions Kane ironically “wanted love on [his] own terms”. Retell.Ultimately, when Susan leaves Kane, Welles’ use of mise-en-abyme to frame Kane within “echer” style windows, with mirror images of Kane reflected ad infinitum, visually manifests Kane’s narcissistic regression into emotional isolation, “having made his own complete and ruinous investment in himself” (Peter Bradshaw 2015). Retell, but effective integration of other critics! Good job there. Thus, in Citizen Kane, Welles propounds how egocentrism compromises an individual’s capacity to sustain meaningful relationships.

Moreover, In Citizen Kane, Welles criticises materialistic gratification for undermining the pursuit of authentic emotional fulfilment. Welles’ concern stems from the “acquisitive society” (Orson Welles 1941) of 1940’s Post Great Depression America, where the dissolute pursuit of transient pleasures eclipsed inner contentment. From the outset, the extreme long shot of Kane’s extravagant mansion, “Xanadu”, a dominating presence in the background, prefigures Kane’s extensive preoccupation with material affluence. Thus showing what to the audience? However, Welles’ use of shadowy German Expressionist lighting in tandem with an ominous music score conveys the absence of felicity in Kane’s oxymoronic “decaying pleasure palace”. This is less retell, but still missing the audience links and connection to the concept!  Xanadu’s grandeur is antithetically contrasted to the simplistic interior of a snow globe, a microcosmic depiction of Kane’s blissful childhood in “Little Salem”, to reveal his innate desire for a bygone period of emotional fulfilment.  In an attempt to ameliorate the emotional void of his material construct, Kane marries Susan whose possession of the snow globe, depicted by a close up shot of her desk, establishes her as the manifestation of his youthful happiness. Retell. However, Kane’s pursuit to attain this happiness through an emotional connection with Susan is inevitably distorted by his materialistic ideals.  Retell. Susan’s indignant accusation during the picnic scene, “You just tried to buy me into giving you something!”, is ironically punctuated by diegetic music “it can’t be love”, to expose Kane’s perverse commodification of emotional fulfilment. Thus showing the audience ______? Thus, Welles foregrounds Kane’s inability to reconcile the dichotomy between his materialistic inclinations and genuine happiness, amplifying the dramatic irony of Kane’s self-reflective confession “I always gagged on the silver spoon”, with the “silver spoon” connoting wealth and privilege. An audience link would make this sentence much more powerful! In the final scene, a sweeping aerial shot over Xanadu’s “loot of the world”, juxtaposed with a closeup shot of “Rosebud”, symbolic for the happiness of Kane’s childhood, buried amidst the “junk”, demonstrates the inherent paradox of Kane’s machinations, forsaking emotional fulfilment and “humanity…in an endless acquisition of material gimmicks” (Alan Stanbrook 1941). Thus, Citizen Kane decries how materialistic obsession ultimately renders an individual’s pursuit of happiness futile.

Welle’s Citizen Kane engrossingly foregrounds the multifaceted complexity of the human experience, through an insightful exploration into Kane’s identity, relationships and pursuit of happiness. Depicting the plight of a man who had “everything he wanted and then lost it”, Citizen Kane poses a cautionary tale against the inhuman extravagance that Kane embodies. It is this didactism, in conjunction with Welles’ revolutionary cinematography which imbues Citizen Kane with an enduring relevance across audiences immemorial. Solid conclusion, but it is missing the evaluative aspect of this module (see below)!

Another essay full of excellent ideas here diiiii, and you are spot on, my concerns with it are the same your AoS Essay. Audience recognition and textual retell. Your ideas are fantastic, but explored in a very text focused way, and this takes away from the sophistication.

I've already discussed these things with you, but let me give you another example of removing the focus on text. Take this sentence:

A high angle shot of Susan shrouded in Kane’s elongated shadow as he commands in a forceful tone “You will continue with you singing!”, accentuated by Susan’s retrospective remonstrations “I didn’t want any of it” , reveals how Susan is merely a vehicle through which Kane exercises power to gratify his vanity.

Would become:

Welles use of high angle shot accentuate the forceful tone of Kane, "You will continue with your singing!", as Welles seeks to represent how the satisfaction of vanity is damaging to relationships.

Or something similar to that  ;) this sort of analysis not only raises the sophistication of analysis, it makes connections to your paragraph concept much more obvious (this is another slight issue with your essay, but fixing analysis will fix this too)  8)

Another piece of feedback specific to this essay though, is incorporating judgements. This is the critical study of text module, and a big part of this module is judging how well the composer communicates ideas to the audience! You do this really cleverly in the introduction, with the critic's quote, but then the judgement is lost. You need to be frequently using words like "effectively, powerfully, cleverly" etc, to establish your judgement of Welles as a composer. Equally, you can say "ineffectively, inappropriately," negative things, but this is less common a little harder  ;D

So, ensure that you incorporate a judgement through your essay. Establish it in your Thesis, carry it through your paragraphs, then summate it in your conclusion  ;D let me know if you have any questions about this, or any of the feedback!! Very much the same as your AoS essay, once you fix the expression of your ideas they will really shine, because your techniques and explanations are spot on!  ;D

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #460 on: July 27, 2016, 10:43:50 pm »
Thank you So MUCH Jamon, seriously you are the best for marking all these essays!!
Without your feedback, i'd be so lost on how to fix up my essays haha :)

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jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #461 on: July 27, 2016, 10:57:34 pm »
Thank you So MUCH Jamon, seriously you are the best for marking all these essays!!
Without your feedback, i'd be so lost on how to fix up my essays haha :)

Happy to help!! Good luck for your Trials, I bet you'll smash it!  ;D

lowrifunnell

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #462 on: July 28, 2016, 09:05:12 am »
hellooo, could I please have some feedback on my Mod C essay? I've just written the related text and I'm really not sure about it but I dont really know how to improve? thank youuu :)

jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #463 on: July 28, 2016, 11:38:13 am »
hellooo, could I please have some feedback on my Mod C essay? I've just written the related text and I'm really not sure about it but I dont really know how to improve? thank youuu :)

Hey lowrifunnel!! Thanks for posting your essay! Unfortunately you have not met the posting requirements to receive feedback (essay marking rules available here). My math says you need to get to 20 ATAR Notes posts to qualify, as soon as you do I'll be super happy to give you some feedback!  ;D
« Last Edit: July 28, 2016, 08:56:56 pm by jamonwindeyer »

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #464 on: July 28, 2016, 01:18:25 pm »
Hey guys can anyone please give me feedback on my comparative module a essay? Thank you :)