English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)

[jamonwindeyer]

It's that time of the term again. I received my Brave new world assessment and put together a quick introduction. Would one of you kind fellas mind taking a look and let me know what you think?

Kind fella reporting for duty

Spoiler

Politics illustrates the ultimate powerlessness of ordinary people.
To what extent is this view represented in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?

Dystopian texts are an hyperbolic representation of the state of political affairs in contemporary society. Excellent start - Pretty much all my dystopic essays push this point Composers of such texts utilise the conflicting ethics of a dystopic society to extrapolate the disturbing ideas of manipulation to depict the underlying powerlessness of the people. A little expression issue here, to _____ to ______. Feels a little long and should be broken up a little. By ascribing these ideologies to an applicable medium the composer is able to create an atmosphere that allows the audience to understand the truth behind political actions. What do you mean by 'atmosphere' here? Do you mean, like, a world space? Huxley’s Brave New World deeply investigates the dystopian themes of inculcation, dehumanisation and totalitarianism while Oliver Stone’s biographical political thriller Snowden depicts the modern political obsession of being omnipotent and manipulative. Both texts explore the advances in technology and exercises the similar themes of power and manipulation to create a totalitarianistic and dystopic society where individuals are stripped of their intrinsic autonomy. Fantastic.

Love your work - A few places to tidy up expression but the concepts themselves are excellent

[Wales]

Kind fella reporting for duty

Spoiler

Politics illustrates the ultimate powerlessness of ordinary people.
To what extent is this view represented in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?

Dystopian texts are an hyperbolic representation of the state of political affairs in contemporary society. Excellent start - Pretty much all my dystopic essays push this point Composers of such texts utilise the conflicting ethics of a dystopic society to extrapolate the disturbing ideas of manipulation to depict the underlying powerlessness of the people. A little expression issue here, to _____ to ______. Feels a little long and should be broken up a little. By ascribing these ideologies to an applicable medium the composer is able to create an atmosphere that allows the audience to understand the truth behind political actions. What do you mean by 'atmosphere' here? Do you mean, like, a world space? Huxley’s Brave New World deeply investigates the dystopian themes of inculcation, dehumanisation and totalitarianism while Oliver Stone’s biographical political thriller Snowden depicts the modern political obsession of being omnipotent and manipulative. Both texts explore the advances in technology and exercises the similar themes of power and manipulation to create a totalitarianistic and dystopic society where individuals are stripped of their intrinsic autonomy. Fantastic.

Love your work - A few places to tidy up expression but the concepts themselves are excellent

Sounds good I'll fix it up and repost my entire essay in a few days.

Your essay on the notes section is awesome btw 👍

[jamonwindeyer]

Hello!
Attached is my English folio response...exploring inner journeys in relation to the play Macbeth...
It's due Tuesday....any feedback would be greatly appreciated! thanks heaps!!
Details are included in the attached document. 

Hey!! So I've given you feedback in your Document itself, just so I had the text and everything in front of me. I think your analysis is effective (see my comments for a few minor things you might want to fix!). If your analysis of the novel and your reflection is as good as what you've done so far I reckon you should do really well good job!

[Blazeee]

Hey!! So I've given you feedback in your Document itself, just so I had the text and everything in front of me. I think your analysis is effective (see my comments for a few minor things you might want to fix!). If your analysis of the novel and your reflection is as good as what you've done so far I reckon you should do really well good job!

WOW!!! you are amazing!!! Can't say how much this helps! awesome!!!!!!

[georgiia]

 

[bethr]

Could I send in my essay plan for a mod a task on Tuesday? I know I don't have 15 posts but I'd appreciate even the smallest of feedback!

[jamonwindeyer]

Could I send in my essay plan for a mod a task on Tuesday? I know I don't have 15 posts but I'd appreciate even the smallest of feedback!

Hey bethr! Normally I'd say definitely all good to pop a plan up, but we've just had two essays posted just before you, all due Tuesday! So post it up, and fingers crossed, but no guarantees we get to it in time unfortunately

georgiia and herb123, we'll do our best to get you feedback before Monday night, but no guarantees either unfortunately.

Side Note: To anyone reading this thinking of getting some feedback, please give us time to get it to you. We really want to be helpful, but a 24 hour turnaround is (usually) just not quite possible. Especially in a week like this week with lectures being organised, uni exams happening, Elyse is travelling - Busy times! Try and give us a few days to get it marked, then a few days to implement the feedback - A week before due date is a safe margin!

[Wales]

Could I send in my essay plan for a mod a task on Tuesday? I know I don't have 15 posts but I'd appreciate even the smallest of feedback!

Go for it I'll try give some feedback on it if Jamon is busy marking the other 2 essays. He's a busy man

[bethr]

Hey bethr! Normally I'd say definitely all good to pop a plan up, but we've just had two essays posted just before you, all due Tuesday! So post it up, and fingers crossed, but no guarantees we get to it in time unfortunately

georgiia and herb123, we'll do our best to get you feedback before Monday night, but no guarantees either unfortunately.

Side Note: To anyone reading this thinking of getting some feedback, please give us time to get it to you. We really want to be helpful, but a 24 hour turnaround is (usually) just not quite possible. Especially in a week like this week with lectures being organised, uni exams happening, Elyse is travelling - Busy times! Try and give us a few days to get it marked, then a few days to implement the feedback - A week before due date is a safe margin!

Hi, thank you so much. I know it's last minute, and I'm normally more organised than this but I've had so many assessments this week and English was my last priority. I understand if you can't get it back to me on time!

[Wales]

Hi, thank you so much. I know it's last minute, and I'm normally more organised than this but I've had so many assessments this week and English was my last priority. I understand if you can't get it back to me on time!

Did you want feedback on both identity and love?

Do you have an essay question you wrote this in accordance to? Might be easier to judge.

[bethr]

Did you want feedback on both identity and love?

Do you have an essay question you wrote this in accordance to? Might be easier to judge.

We've been given two themes which we may be asked. The plan includes my quotes and analysis of it as I really struggle with synthesis under pressure

[georgiia]

Hey bethr! Normally I'd say definitely all good to pop a plan up, but we've just had two essays posted just before you, all due Tuesday! So post it up, and fingers crossed, but no guarantees we get to it in time unfortunately

georgiia and herb123, we'll do our best to get you feedback before Monday night, but no guarantees either unfortunately.

Side Note: To anyone reading this thinking of getting some feedback, please give us time to get it to you. We really want to be helpful, but a 24 hour turnaround is (usually) just not quite possible. Especially in a week like this week with lectures being organised, uni exams happening, Elyse is travelling - Busy times! Try and give us a few days to get it marked, then a few days to implement the feedback - A week before due date is a safe margin!

Sorry about the short notice, I've never submitted an essay here before so I wasn't totally aware, but I'll definatly give a week in future!!!
Sorry!!!

[jamonwindeyer]

I have a module B assessment for T.S.Eliot on tuesday and I VERY URGENTLY need someone to provide overall general feedback, what I've done well/what I can strength for an essay I wrote this morning. Although it wasn't timed, I did it mostly closed book. My assessment requires us to discuss only one poem and we must respond to a "to what extent" equation after herring an audio on someones opinion. This was just an easy I wrote for practise, and Id very much appreciate feedback.
Thanks!

Hey Georgia! In the interests of trying to get you some feedback before your assessment tomorrow, I'm not going to go through the whole thing in detail, just provide some overall comments! It won't count towards your 15 post requirement and you can come back and use those another time

- Good ideas presented in the introduction - Be sure they are expressed clearly. Being overly verbose will hinder you sometimes. Nice work - I'd avoid first person at the end there though!
- Excellent analytical style, fantastic links to the context of the 21st century reader
- Be sure that every quote you provide has a technique associated with it, avoid saying "the line" as much as possible. It should always be "the simile" or "the symbolism in", etc etc
- Be sure of your arguments - Don't say a conclusion is 'plausible,' argue it home as if there is no other truth!
- Avoid rhetorical questions (unless this is a speech)
- Try to discuss themes not characters (don't discuss what we learn about Prufrock, discuss what we learn more generally - Even if you then link to something more general, Prufrock isn't a necessary step to that end)
- Be sure to make a judgement, the question is asking "to what extent," you need to put in evaluative verbs, even something as obvious as "to a significant extent," to answer the question properly.

Hopefully the last minute feedback is helpful - Good luck

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey Ive got a Mod B Essay on Citizen Kane on tuesday for my trials
could i get feedback on it and some tips on how i can perhaps make it more flexible to mould for different questions
(btw our school makes us do our personal response as a separate paragraph)

Hey herb! As above, in the interests of getting you this before tomorrow, just some quick comments:

- Be sure your ideas are broken up properly with commas, in some places I had to do some grouping in my head to make sense of your sentences.
- Be succinct - The last sentence in your introduction, for example, says "the text is timeless" in about two or three different ways. Watch out for this sort of redundancy!
- Nice structure to your paragraphs, concepts well set up and well brought together
- Be careful not to retell the plot as a way to argue your point, watch for places where you are just writing what happened in the text. Focus should be on techniques
- Ditto, don't tell me what techniques reveal about Kane. Tell me what they reveal about the themes and what they teach the audience directly!
- Add a little more beef to your conclusion, really bring things together properly and make sure you've responded to the question (when you have it) correctly

Hopefully this little bit of last minute feedback is helpful - Good luck

[Blazeee]

Hello Susie!
Thanks very much for this!! appreciate it heaps!