English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)

[Lumenoria]

Ohhh so this is Module B for Year 11? I gotcha - Make sure you don't let them drop you if you get anything even remotely close to 85%. You have a right to do the course you want to do provided you can keep up - I hate schools that mandate getting a Band 6 level mark in Year 11 to do the Year 12 course. Results driven nonsense

Definitely important to contextualise - And you do have a character based question, so I totally get it. I suppose the big giveaway you are too text focused is that the composer isn't mentioned throughout. We are analysing a text for the perspective presented by the composer, so there needs to be a recognition of, "Okay, here's the character, they've been framed this way by the composer to present their perspective." Characters are just puppets that represent and communicate the ideas of the composer.

If you constantly think of characters as puppets it starts to make sense. Because although you talk about the puppet, you are really talking about how the ventriloquist manipulates the puppet, that is always behind everything. And it is the same here

Hey, just wanted to thank you once again for your help, I ended up getting 13/15 (87%) for this essay! However, I didn't finish section 1 (unseen texts for belonging) which I received 10/15 on because of poor time management and it ended up dragging my entire yearly mark down to 77%. God, I'm so annoyed because I didn't make the 85% cut by just 2.5 marks, but it was to be expected. I really really don't want to be forced to Standard because I genuinely enjoy English and I believe I'm capable of taking Advanced for my HSC year, so idk what to do. So I've calculated my total mark for Advanced will be 76% for the entirety of this year, which isn't great I know, but I was ranked 12/70 in the half yearlies with the exact same mark, so I feel like it wouldn't have shifted that much. It's really weird because I'm doing extraordinarily well in English Extension but somehow, my Advanced marks are only subpar. My head teacher came to talk to me today actually and said she'd try to keep me in Advanced (depending on whether I'm in the top 40) because she believes my exam technique is good and will take me a long way next year, but she was pretty obscure—which is stressing me out so hard. She also implied that I'm spreading myself too thin with Extension and would be better off just focusing on Advanced. However, I'm almost definite I want to proceed with Extension next year because we're doing the After The Bomb module, which I know I'll find incredibly interesting.

If you were dropped to Standard and wanted to consult her for an 'appeal', what would you say? Also, what are your thoughts on choosing to keep Extension or not and this entire situation overall? We don't find out whether we've made the cut until this Friday btw. Thankyou so much.

[jamonwindeyer]

If you were dropped to Standard and wanted to consult her for an 'appeal', what would you say? Also, what are your thoughts on choosing to keep Extension or not and this entire situation overall? We don't find out whether we've made the cut until this Friday btw. Thankyou so much.

Congrats on an awesome result on the essay!! I'm sure with hard work you can get your marks in the short answer to the same standard

I'd basically just say, "Look, clearly based on my Advanced and Extension results together, I am a very capable English student. I'm willing to work hard, and I'm determined to keep Advanced and Extension because I believe I will get more out of my HSC year doing those courses. I'd understand dropping me if I was going to hold people back but that is definitely not the case."

Or something to that effect - To force you to drop when you are clearly showing dedication and willingness to improve (and from a solid Band 5 level result, by the way, you aren't failing or even close) is just straight wrong. Don't let them do it (get parents involved if you have to )!

Oh, and if you're doing better at Extension than Advanced, and you had no significant trouble getting all your work done in Year 11, you should definitely keep both in Year 12 especially if you're enjoying them!

[jamonwindeyer]

hey i was wondering if you could have a look at my module B essay for speeches? The question was:"'The issues addressed in speeches are complex and important to personal , political and global contexts, and the spekaer's perspecives are expressed with conviction and authority.' Explore all aspectes of this statement withreference to at least TWO speeches set for study."I did it in 55 min with notes. I hope it's not too hard to read. Thanks so much!!
(It wouldn't let me attach the last part of the essay so i'm attaching it another post,)

Hey! Sure thing, obviously can't do comments throughout so I'll pop my thoughts in dot points below:

- First sentence is probably a taaad long, maybe break it up a little, pop a full stop after "environments" perhaps?
- Good introduction of texts in the intro, links them to their importance to context/values well

- I really like how you approach the macro-structure, the first paragraph on how personal connection is achieved is excellent. Nice change from the typical 'conceptual' structure, and I think it works well for the question. However, doing one paragraph on both texts, then separate paragraphs for them following that, does feel a tad awkward.
- Watch the length of your quotes - You'll obviously have less time than you used in the exam so you'll need to really cherry pick the important bits, make your quotes no more than a line wherever possible.
- The Atwood paragraph on politics isn't as good as the previous, it needs more techniques/analysis and less broad explanation - There's only one technique I can see. Good recognition of her personal and historical context, however!

Oh woops I think I'm missing a page on Lessing maybe! Could you check over the images and I'll finish the feedback when I get what is missing?

[elysepopplewell]

Hey guys,
I rewrote my trial essay for Hamlet and would love some feedback on it.
Thanks so much

Hey Katie! Sure thing chicken wing!

Spoiler

Module B
Hamlet's relationship with other people is significant in his tragic downfall.
Discuss this view of the play, by analysing the impact of Hamlet’s relationship with TWO or THREE characters in the play.
Have to say - a big fan of this question. I didn't even study Hamlet.
Hamlet is placed in an unbelievable situation where, in the process of avenging his father's murder, all of his relationships are put into question. This sentence is opening colloquially because what is unbelievable is subjective. If you want to pursue this style of essay, no issues The play Hamlet by William Shakespeare is a revenge tragedy, thus no matter what Hamlet does it ultimately lead to his downfall. I think the more correct statement would be to say that because no matter what he does he is lead to downfall, the play falls into the genre of revenge tragedy - not the other way around. This is highlighted through Hamlet’s antic disposition and distrust of anyone around him. This sentence isn't super strong - "this is highlighted" following a sentence that needs work is a little confusing for the reader. Try reverse the syntax so you privilege the disposition and distrust at the beginning of the sentence - "Hamlet's antic disposition and distrust of anyone around him is observed consistently..." The play is about a prince’s actions and responsibilities after the murder of his father. No need for this snippet of synopsis His relationships with others are dramatically impacted by the Elizabethan codes that require him to enact his revenge. His relationships with Ophelia, Claudius, Gertrude, Fortinbras are all significant in his life, and many others downfalls. I'd bring out your unique approach a little more - this seems to be the disposition and distrust (or whatever else your concept statements will feature to follow). At the moment we focus a lot on saying "yes" to the essay question instead of saying "yes because..." and "yes this is shown through my unique perspective here and I'll tell you more about it..."

Claudius’ corrupt nature, seen through the murder of Hamlet’s father, leads to them having a very strained relationship. Claudius initially instructs Hamlet to stop mourning and to ‘cast thy nighted colour off’, portraying a lack of empathy to Hamlet’s situation. Once Hamlet learns, through the ghost, of his father’s murder he wishes to test this theory to be certain before he takes action because of the potential consequences in taking revenge. Hamlet concludes his, O What a Rogue and Peasant Slave soliloquy, by stating that ‘the play's the thing wherein i’ll catch the conscience of the king’. The use of metatheatre in the symbolically titled play, ‘The Mousetrap’, presents the murder of the king in similar circumstances in an effort to trap Claudius. However, Claudius soon realises that Hamlet has discovered of the murder, and he then plans to murder Hamlet as he is scared for his own safety. He sends Hamlet on a ship to England where he would be executed,  with his two school friends, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern who he trusts as ‘much as adders fanged’. Notice the way in the italicised bit we are talking about the play in general instead of analysing it. In the sentence before there is mention of the symbolically titled play, but no analysis of the symbolic value. I'd double back over this and re-assess the ways in which you're combining text and analysis - there needs to be a greater privilege of analysis. This metaphor further reinforces, no need for a comma here Hamlet’s distrust of his school friends as he discovers they have a letter for his execution and have betrayed him the whole time. Hence, due to Claudius’ corrupt nature and Hamlet’s distrust of those around him, their relationship is very tense leading to his eventual demise. Excellent concluding sentence!

Another relationship impacted by Hamlet’s commitment to honour his father’s death is that between him and his mother Gertrude. Hamlet criticizes American spelling his mother’s quick marriage to Claudius believing it unbalances the natural Elizabethan order. The phrase ‘O, most wicked speed, to post with such dexterity to incestuous sheets!’ further expresses Hamlet’s anger towards his mother and Claudius using what techniques?. The constant references to time, such as ‘two months’ dead: nay not so much’ and ‘within a month’ show Hamlet’s disapproval of the speed in which the marriage occurred after his father’s death. Nice! Hamlet’s relationship with his mother is strained and he is rude at times as he believes she may have played a part in his father’s death. Gertrude also exclaims, “Thou turn’st mine eyes into my very soul, and there I see such black and grainèd spots”, which through the use of corrupt imagery conveys their tense relationship. Hamlet’s relationship with Gertrude ends with his demise because he doesn’t trust her actions or confide in her about anything leading to a tense, strained relationship. Great concluding sentence again!

Fortinbras is a foil to Hamlet throughout the play contrasting their differing approaches to revenge. Fortinbras has also lost a father, however is hastier in his revenge compared to Hamlet. Hamlet’s soliloquy in act 4, shows him reflecting on Fortinbras actions. He begins by saying ‘How all occasions do inform against me, and spur my dull revenge!’ This quote further conveys how Hamlet believes that the world around him is accusing him of apathy and reminding him of his incapability in completing his revenge. You're not going to lose marks for saying "this quote..." but as a tip for general sophistication, I find that the essays that don't use it read fluently. I'd say something like, "In a conveyance of apathy...Shakespeare uses this declaration to.."He then realises that Fortinbras army had ‘to my shame,  ..imminent death of twenty thousand men.’ This shows Hamlet’s dismay at the doom of these soldiers and how he wouldn’t want anyone to die for no good reason. Hamlet then concludes that ‘O, from this time forth, my thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth!’ This demonstrates a change in Hamlet’s mindset as he vows to think of nothing but the murder of his uncle. Throughout this soliloquy, Hamlet moves through various stages of thought, philosophical reflection and inward reflection of the people around him. This relationship with Fortinbras causes Hamlet to stop delaying his revenge and act on it, leading to his and many other deaths.

Initially Hamlet and Ophelia have a close romantic relationship, which is conveyed through ‘He hath, my lord, of late made many tenders of his affection to me.’ Hamlet had adopted his antic disposition with Ophelia, while she has stopped talking to him due to Polonius which dramatically affects their relationship. He acts mad in Ophelia’s room when he looks ‘as if he’d been loosed out of hell to speak of horrors.’ Noting here that the last sentences have been plot retell.The metaphor in ‘pale as his shirt: his knees knocking each other’, shows how Hamlet is portraying himself in a way different to what is expected of a prince. Hamlet’s madness is also portrayed through his ‘get thee to a nunnery speech’, where he also believes he is under surveillance by Claudius and Polonius. He commands Ophelia to ‘be thou as chaste as ice, as pure as snow’, assuming that all women are unfaithful and will cheat on their husbands. Hamlet and Ophelia have withdrawn from each other and don’t understand each other's position due to these events and Hamlet’s antic disposition. This relationship ultimately ends in Ophelia’s suicide after Hamlet murders Polonius. Therefore, this relationship is significant to both of their eventual downfalls as Hamlet not only feels rejected by his mother and friends by also by the women he loves.

Therefore, throughout the play, Hamlet constantly questions his relationships with other people, which consequently impacts his tragic downfall. This is highlighted through his antic disposition and distrust of those around him. Characters such as Claudius, Gertrude, Fortinbras and Ophelia have strained, tense relationships with Hamlet. These relationships lead to the death of Hamlet and many other characters at the end of the play.

[/quote]

You have a really good understanding of the plot and the way relationships interact in the plot to portray the downfall of Hamlet. Have a look at the criteria for Module B here (I'm just using 2014 as an example):

• Explores skilfully how the portrayal of the complex nature of revenge/
life’s journey/family life/identity/self-determination/independence/
happiness/inspiration/personal experience/nationalism/national identity
contribute to the enduring value of the text
• Demonstrates a well-informed understanding of context, language, form and ideas using well selected and detailed textual references
• Composes a thoughtful argument using language appropriate to audience, purpose and form
It's in these last two dot points that I think we can improve. Particularly looking at context - there's very little reference to context throughout the essay despite it being brought up in the introduction. We need to make sure this is being embedded more. It can be tricky, and I found the best way to do this for Shakespeare in Module B is to look at the contextual values rather than events, and how this is portrayed in the text. Your textual references aren't "detailed" in the way that they often stand in isolation instead of being talked about in relation to other techniques - or because there's usually one technique per quote, instead of looking at the ways the different techniques could come together and compound to create something more meaningful. Whenever there is a quote - search to find a technique and don't forget to talk about the effect, there are some times when the technique is identified but not the effect (like the symbolic play title). This density is important for the fluidity that characterises the best essays, but at the moment we're looking at a few pieces of evidence in each paragraph, with a focus on the interactions of the plot more. Shakespeare's play is so full of great language, it's important to make sure that you are focusing on the language when it comes to Shakespeare - there's just so much at play at any one time. Don't be afraid to compound modality, connotations, and imagery all in the one, often it is the case (with other techniques, though!).

I hope this makes sense to you, let me know what you think
PS. I marked this on the train this morning but didn't post! Apologies!! You've been busy graduating anyway

[elysepopplewell]

Hi all,

Would I be able to get the below essay marked and perphaps a guide to what range im sitting in ( A, B, C, D)

Thank you

Sure thing I studied Yeats so I love reading these essays!

[/quote]

Spoiler

Successful poetry is a persuasive blend of passionate ideas artfully expressed

 Is this your view of Yeats poetry refer to at least two poems?
Interesting question!

The enduring value of Yeats verse was its ability to conform to a vast array of subject matters. As result of this, Yeats can express key ideas that lie at the heart of the human condition through his evocative poetry. Yeats explore tensions of change and stabilitycomma and peace and turmoil through developing an existential understanding of his greater world. Hence, he is able to effectively portray the elements which determine the human experience. He explores these universal concepts through his poems “The Second Coming” and “Wild Swans at Coole” where Yeats can blend these underlining tensions of the human experience together to artfully express the nature of his internal and external worlds. Thus, Yeats renowned poetry allowed for the responder to develop a greater understanding of the universal personal concerns of Yeats. No qualms here!

The Underlining tension between change and stability in Yeats poetry is characterised through characterised by nature, perhaps? nature. Yeats, through his poem “Wild Swans at Coole”, was is able to explore the juxtaposition between the everlasting ever sublime nature and the deterioration of one’s inner self through age. Yeats, through the cumulative listing of “Trees… autumn…woodland…twilight” coupled with a visual metaphor focalises the beauty of nature through its ability to stay constant and stable. Yeats couples this with the antithesis of “autumn beauty” I wouldn't say this is an antithesis, but a juxtaposition of connotations, or a parallel of contrasting connotations. where autumn, a time of change, is juxtaposed to beauty to allude to the everlasting beauty of nature. Yeats further expresses his desire for stability through expressing the “ skill sky” and “ water” to elucidate the stable nature of these natural realms of the natural world Think about your expression here to change it up without the repetition of "natural" . Yeats Five sentences in a row starting with "Yeats" - change it up further describe that whilst sitting at Coole park following his rejection from Iseult Gonne in his personal life there are “Nine and Fifty Swans” where through the Archaic number inversion alludes to the notion that one swan is without a partner acting as a metaphor for Yeats despondent feelings towards Maud Gonne. Through doing this, Yeats is able to explore that through the tension between the external stable beauty of nature and the fleeting, changing nature of humanity. By doing this, Through this and "by doing this" are two consecutive sentence openers - use different wording to avoid sounding repetitious Yeats is able to explore the deep passionate idea of humanity where through an external influence places an individual into introspection regarding their position is society based of nature. More on the repetitive wording - "is able to explore" Hence, Yeats is able to explore the tension between change and stability as a medium to which he is able to explore passionate ideas that lie at the heart of the human condition.

Yeats renowned verse further enables the underlining provocative tension between Change and stability to be characterised through the ever-changing nature of Yeats external environment. Through Yeats synthesizing synthesising* the turbulent political environment of Ireland, he was able to express the distinct element of change that was about to be bestowed upon the world. This allowed his poetry to have universal appeal evident through his poem “ The Second Coming”. Love this sentence - bringing it into greater applicability. Yeats allusion to the gyre “ turning and turning in the widening gyre” coupled with the visual metaphor of the “gyre” represents the trigger for change upon society. Love the way you've used two techniques for the one topic - that piggybacking is really effective. This is coupled with the Yeats’s alluding to “ the falcon cannot hear the falconer” which focalises the loss of control and stability in societal where societal normalities are seen to be disturbed. This allows Yeats to symbolise the change bestowed upon society through the gyre being that “ things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; mere anarchy is loosed upon the world”. The short syntax coupled with connotations of anarchy being destruction depicts Yeats reference towards the effects of the current political scene in Ireland and its effects on society. Again, excellent coupling! Yeats contrast stability against “ the best lack all conviction whilst the rest are full of passionate intensity” to illustrate how the changing nature of society has led to contradictions lured throughout the modern era. As a result, Yeats is able to explore how societal rebirth and renewal is a necessity in society through which he is able to elucidate his views regarding the tumultuous political environment of Ireland at the time. Hence, Yeats illustration of the Tension No need to capitalise between change and stability enables him to express key ideas relating to humanity.

Yeats further evokes the tension between Turmoil and Peace as a medium to express his interpersonal perception of his life. Through his evocative thought provoking poem “Wild Swans at Coole” Yeats is able to explore the enduring turmoil and metaphorical war that is his internal self triggered by his multiple regrets throughout his life.  Yeats describes the swans to " all suddenly mount and scatter” where the visual imagery of this action coupled with the antithesis of “scatter” and “mount” juxtaposes the internal tumultuous regrets of his internal self and the scattered and free thought of the swans. Yeats further employs the pathetic fallacy of “The nineteenth autumn has come upon me” to utilise the medium of nature to allude to his old age and nearing death. This leads Yeats into expressing his tumultuous sense of self through the juxtaposition of “and now my heart is sore” to “their hearts have not grown old” which proclaims the immortality of the swans against his realisation of mortality. This enables "This leads" and "this enables" again, two sentences that begin in similar ways. Variation is key through a depiction of the interaction between nature and the individual which has enabled Yeats to developed a peaceful sense of self through an understanding of his eventual death. As a result of this, Yeats is able to express notion that mortality is eventual for all of humanity that can be uncovered through an epiphany of a tumultuous identity. Thus, Yeats is able to explore how the relationship between turmoil and peace enables him to blend his ideas in relation to his mortality in an artful form.

Throughout his poetry, Yeats was able to expresses personal preoccupations regarding the tension between peace and turmoil that obtained universal ideas. Yeats effectively did this through his poem “The second Coming” through which Yeats was able to explore the tumultuous nature of the world that was overcome by a religious influence allowing for peace to be ensured. This is evoked when Yeats highlights that “Surely some revelations at hand… surely the second coming is at hand” where through the repetition of “surely” coupled with pleading tone focalises the tumultuous nature of the world whilst alluding to the need peace in Yeats world. This need for peace is exemplified through the religious allusion of “When a vast image out of spiritus mundi troubles my sight” where the metaphor of the spiritus mundi alludes to how through turmoil a trigger for peace in created. Yeats description of this religious saviour beast being “a shape with a lion body and the head of a man” hyperbolically illustrates the body divine yet human elements of the trigger for peace in Yeats environment. This saviour beast is seen for “its hour to come round at last” which Yeats describes through a subverted expectation to signify the need and trigger for peace through the continuing turmoil in his personal life. Yeats allows for this element of peace to be exemplified throughout his mainly traumatic poem to allude to peace being spurred through turmoil. Thus, Yeats successful poetry enables him to blend the idea of peace and turmoil perfectly to artfully express both an understanding of his inner and external worlds.

Through successfully completing this blend of passionate poetry, Yeats can explore the holistic elements of the human condition. Through doing this in his poems “The second coming” and “Wild Swans at Coole’, Yeats can create personal poetry with a universal appeal enabling him to express key ideas regarding the human condition artistically.

In my opinion, your strongest quality is your ability to couple techniques together to show the way the piece compounds, instead of dealing with everything in isolation. I'm very impressed with that! Your selection of parts of the text to draw on is also really judiciously executed, and I think that's great. The thing that let's you down is your wording - but it's not too difficult to fix so that's great. Your last two body paragraphs don't grapple with "passionate" as is the wording of the essay question, and your second body paragraph mentions it once. Similarly, there's no mention of "persuasive." As these are key parts of the essay question they need to be tangibly dealt with in the essay - they need to be approached and tackled and treated with care in different lights. Synonyms are of course OK to use, but typically only after you've established that you recognise the significance of the words from the question. I've identified a number of places where you are using repetitive language. Interestingly, it seems to be so often at the start of your sentences. An important exercise for you is to look at your sentence, and then the one before and after it, and see if you're opening it with the same word, or the same string of words. At the end of the first body paragraph I thought I was reading the same thing three times over in slightly different wording because of the way they opened so similarly. You use "is able to..." a fair bit. I'd change up this word to, "Yeats enables the reader to..." and "Yeats explores" and essentially just cutting out "is able to" and leave the following verb as is - it will stand alone!

Otherwise this is a great essay. I've uploaded my own Yeats notes in the "notes" tabs if you haven't seem them already. I'd also make a greater mention of textual integrity - your analysis recognises that you understand the way the text comes together, but it wouldn't be harmful to link to the oeuvre as a whole!

[Lachlan Morley]

Hi Ellyse

Your feeback is awesome and 10 times better then i have ever recieved before by my class teacher

Thanks for your help

After reading it i realsie how repetative i sounded

If i fix these issues up do you think i would be able to break into the 'B' range

[elysepopplewell]

Hi Ellyse

Your feeback is awesome and 10 times better then i have ever recieved before by my class teacher

Thanks for your help

After reading it i realsie how repetative i sounded

If i fix these issues up do you think i would be able to break into the 'B' range

Hey Lachlan, glad to hear this

The first adjustment is making sure you aren't sounding repetitive, and when you've done that I think the overall sophistication will skyrocket, and then after that we need to look at addressing the question, which is the key thing to bumping you into the next range. I have no doubt that when these two things are adjusted, the entire essay will come together really nicely and you'll be sitting in a B

[Lachlan Morley]

Hey Lachlan, glad to hear this

The first adjustment is making sure you aren't sounding repetitive, and when you've done that I think the overall sophistication will skyrocket, and then after that we need to look at addressing the question, which is the key thing to bumping you into the next range. I have no doubt that when these two things are adjusted, the entire essay will come together really nicely and you'll be sitting in a B

Ok perfect thanks Ellyse,

I'll continue to work on it and apply this feeback and  will re submit an essay in a few weeks to see how if i'm getting better

[elysepopplewell]

Ok perfect thanks Ellyse,

I'll continue to work on it and apply this feeback and  will re submit an essay in a few weeks to see how if i'm getting better

I look forward to it!

[Tech9]

Hello Elyse,
Below I will attach my Module responses from A-C. However for Module B i changed it significantly due to an unfamiliar question.

I struggled heavily in Module B in the trials due to lack of depth in my response. I received 13/20. Any savage feedback/ re-editing will be greatly appreciated


Thank you.

Wilson

[jamonwindeyer]

Hello Elyse,
Below I will attach my Module responses from A-C. However for Module B i changed it significantly due to an unfamiliar question.

I struggled heavily in Module B in the trials due to lack of depth in my response. I received 13/20. Any savage feedback/ re-editing will be greatly appreciated


Thank you.

Wilson

Hey Wilson! Welcome to the forums we have a post exchange policy for essay marking that you can read about here, you'll need to be around the site a little before you are eligible for feedback

[zhilin1999]

hey i was wondering if i could get some feedback on the Hamlet essay

[Natasha.97]

hey i was wondering if i could get some feedback on the Hamlet essay

Hi zhilin1999, welcome to the forums!

You will need 50 posts to qualify for 1 essay marked as written in the rationale here

[anotherworld2b]

Hi I was wondering if someone could have a look at my practise response for a exam question please

Spoiler

Question 3 (20 marks)
Explain how Curtin constructs a sense of voice to convey family relationships in Text 3 and compare this representation with Text 1.

In both extracts from the short story Synapses by the American author, Amanda Curtin and the memory The invention of solitude by American author, Paul Auster the representation of family relationships are explored. However, the two texts differ in that the author of each text depict family relationships in differing ways.

In an extract of the short story ‘ Synapses’ by Australian author, Amanda Curtin, the author uses a variety of language conventions to construct the narrator’s  voice. The extract is written in what can described as a childish voice, although it seems somewhat mature at certain parts. The author's deliberate choice of simple diction conveys a relaxed and comfortable tone. This can be seen in the use of words such as ‘little’ and ‘pretty, which create the effect of the author portraying the thoughts of a innocent child. The author utilises first person to describe the loving familial interactions between father and child such as when the father calmly and softly ‘withdrew the hook’ from the child’s hand to emphasise the child’s admiration and love for their father.The overall effect of the voice used in this extract is that of an young child sharing a memory of an everyday outing with their father, a simple yet significant interaction for the child. The use of this detail suggests the author is deliberately trying to appeal to the reader’s sense of connection and familiarity towards the significance of familial relationships.

However, the extracts differ in that the short story Synapses by the American author, Amanda Curtin presents familial relationships in particular father and child relationships as of utmost importance to a young child whereas the invention of solitude by American author, Paul Auster presents familial relationships as somewhat irrelevant and unnecessary.  In an excerpt of the memoir ‘the invention of solitude by Paul Auster , the author uses a variety of language conventions to construct the author’s voice. Auster’s use of colloquial and plain diction in ‘I was remarkably prepared to accept this death, in spite of its suddenness.’ constructs the narrator’s tone of detachment despite the knowledge of the author’s father being dead. The impact of crafting a tone of detachment in the author’s voice evokes a sense of shock by challenging the preconceived expectation of grief towards the death of a parent. The author utilises first person to describe the author’s thoughts ‘I did not shed any tears, I did not feel as though the world had collapsed around’ to enhance the tone of detachment from the death of the author’s father in the author’s voice. In addition, the use of first person narration in describing the author’s duty to ‘write about my father’ as simply a ‘an obligation’ further enhances the author’s voice and a tone of annoyance by the author’s nonchalant acceptance of his father’s death. The overall effect of the voice used in this extract is that of an emotionless son describing his thoughts about the death of his father as somewhat of a annoyance and a burden. This detail suggests the author lacks intimacy with his father and simply does not have a strong and founded relationship.

[KeelzeyMac]

Hiya!
I've read the rules on posting for essay marking, and I know that I have WAY less than 50 posts- but I am getting a bit desperate  My english teacher has yet to reply to my last email, which was around 5 days ago- if there's a way that you would be able to look at my Mod A essay, it would be greatly appreciated!

Our interest in the parallels between The Great Gatsby and Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s poetry is further enhanced by consideration of their marked differences in textual form.
Evaluate this statement in light of your comparative study of The Great Gatsby and Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s poetry.

The marked differences in textual form undertaken by composers reveal not only the thematic parallels between texts, but also the contrasting opinions of the credibility of ideal love within particular contexts.  F. Scott Fitzgerald’s novel, The Great Gatsby, explores how ideal love remains unattainable due to the past’s influence on the present era of the American Jazz Age. Conversely, Elizabeth Barrett Brownings’ (EBB) collection of poems, Sonnets from the Portuguese, explores the transcendental nature that ideal love has over barriers of class structure in Victorian England. While each composer explores both themes and their correlation to the respective context, the vast difference in textual forms gives the readers an insight into the composer’s own opinions of ideal love, and how these are both sustained and subverted throughout each text.

Composers’ treatment of the past influencing their present context correlates to their differing outlooks on ideal love, elucidated through distinct choices in textual form. In Fitzgerald’s the Great Gatsby, the progressive nature of time acts as a catalyst for Gatsby’s inability to “repeat the past”- referring to his desire for an ideal love with Daisy. Fitzgerald utilises the first person narration of Nick Carraway as a conscious voice of pragmatism throughout the novel, thus effectively revealing his own opinions on the desire to achieve the American Dream in this Roaring Twenties context as futile. Nick comments on Gatsby’s feverish desire; looking “around wildly, as if the past were hidden…just out of reach.” The personification of the past as a tangible object elicits pathos from readers, as Gatsby’s desire to achieve ideal love positions him as a heroic individual. However, Fitzgerald’s outlook on the nature of time in the Roaring Twenties- revealed through Carraway’s narration- condemns him to fail, as Nick realistically points out that he “can’t repeat the past.” In this way, Fitzgerald conveys that Gatsby’s inability to recognise time as progressive- and therefore unrepeatable- represents the nature of society in this context; ideal love and the American Dream cannot be achieved with a retrospective treatment of time. Fitzgerald summarises this through his metaphor- “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past”- positioning Gatsby and the Roaring Twenties society as boats trying to ‘beat’ against the current of time in attempting to repeat the past. The combination of Nick’s narration and this final metaphor reveal the distinct textual choices Fitzgerald undertook to convey that ideal love is unachievable through the past’s impact on the present.

Conversely, EBB’s sonnets explore time with retrospective fondness, and her Persona’s ability to achieve the ideal love she desires puts the text at a direct opposition to Fitzgerald’s novel. This ability to achieve ideal love in the Victorian context is revealed through EBB’s historical allusions to Ancient Greece- the pastoral setting of love and courtship. EBB’s Persona laments in her first sonnet of how “Theocritus had sung of the sweet, sad years”, effectively conveying the impact that this past has on her present melancholy. This is elucidated further by the sibilance and musical lyricism of ‘sweet’ and ‘sad’ sounding like an aching sigh, which allows the readers to identify the Persona’s initial outlook on her past as both gloomy and pleasing. When compared to the final lines of the sonnet, as the Persona is “drawn back by the hair” by “not death, but love” it is revealed that the immense power and personification of love indicates a renewal in spirit for the protagonist. In this way, EBB comments on the nature of her Victorian context as fulfilling for achieving ideal love, and directly linked to the past’s impact on the present. EBB’s historical allusion to Greek love and courtship, as well as her implementation of musical lyricism are in direct conjunction to the pragmatic narration of The Great Gatsby. Unlike Fitzgerald’s novel, EBB’s textual form conveys a renewal from the past to the present, and allow the Persona and the composer to reflect on their ability to achieve ideal love.
The barriers of class that composers explore within their respective context are revealed to audiences through different textual forms, thus highlighting the differences of ideal love in each text. Fitzgerald uses distinct class structure as a way to explore how these obstruct the development of ideal love, analysed through the persona and actions of Daisy Buchanan- a character that is metonymic of East Egg’s “Old Money”. Daisy’s own constraints are revealed as she laments that “the best thing a girl can be in this world is a beautiful little fool”- using vague pronouns to allude that a ‘beautiful fool’ is what she herself desires to be. In this way, Fitzgerald reveals that Daisy is aware that she is not foolish enough to believe that she has achieved an ideal and loving relationship with Tom, but inadvertently remains a fool by physically restricting herself to appearance alone. Fitzgerald uses Daisy’s character to comment on the lack of agency that women had in achieving ideal love in the Roaring Twenties- instead being restricted by barriers of social class. He sustains Daisy’s sole value on her appearance, as Gatsby later comments that Daisy’s voice is “full of money”- indicative of his value for her wealthy status and physical attributes. Readers therefore position Daisy as a symbol of the Jazz Age- highly reliant on material values rather than agency and independence, and thus constrained from achieving ideal love. Fitzgerald’s symbolic function of Daisy Buchanan as both a symbol of the Jazz Age and a figure constrained by her own social class reveals how he supports that ideal love is unrealistic in the context of the Roaring Twenties.

EBB’s Persona falls in conjunction to Fitzgerald’s portrayal of Daisy’s character. Instead of a woman being constrained by social class, EBB creates a persona that conforms and subverts these societal standards, reducing their importance and thus strengthening the transcendent nature of ideal love in the context of Victorian England. EBB first conforms to the Victorian requirement of a passive woman in sonnet thirteen, stating, “Let the silence of my womanhood commend my woman love to thy belief.” The repetition of ‘woman’ reveals that EBB is aware of her sonnets being shaped by a Patriarchal code that stops her agency in love. However, EBB also utilises the Petrarchan sonnet form to convey her emotions- a typically masculine template of exploring love- thus strengthening her agency throughout each sonnet. Furthermore, EBB’s Persona employs a ‘commanding voice’ in sonnet twenty one, stating, “Say thou dost love me, love me, love me, toll…”- explicitly demanding love from her recipient. The repetition of ‘love me’ likens her words to a heartbeat, allowing readers to once again connect to the raw immensity of her emotions. Therefore, EBB’s choices of textual form indicate a subversion of the typical ‘Victorian Woman’ as obedient and impassive to love. The Persona’s subversion of class constraints is a contrasting action to Daisy’s conformity in the Great Gatsby- revealing that this subversion is what allows EBB and her Persona to achieve ideal love.

Thus, each composer utilises different textual forms to convey how ideal love is both attainable and unattainable within their context. Fitzgerald’s use of first-person narration, metaphors of time’s progressive nature and symbols of the lack of agency in the Jazz Age limit the existence of ideal love in his context. In opposition, EBB’s sonnets utilise historical allusion, musical lyricism and Petrarchan form to strengthen the transcendental nature of ideal love. This allows both herself and readers to confirm that her Victorian context enriches ideal love’s existence, and thus highlights the marked differences in each text.

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