MHS Writing Topics + Essays + Advice XD

[COLORS]

Hey COLORS,
I haven't done the one about if inanimate objects could talk. I'll do that next time but today I'll have to write persausive.

A realist is a thing! Gosh, I've never seen the word.
Yes I think a supernatural element would spruce up my writing.
I've been reading a lot of adventure and action books, trying to see how authors write and trying to figure out when some adjectives are appropriate. I've written supernatural essays before. It's a superb idea, I can easily incorporate it and it is very grabbing.

Overall, thanks for your corrections.
And your useful solution to my promplem.

Ooh. Books are awesome.

Sometimes supernatural-ish things don't work for some prompts, so it's okay to write the way you did!

Keep up the effort (:

[pixelgraphicsful]

Hi COLOURS and pi, and maybe some other individuals. 
I've finished today's persuasive writing.

Well, this one is the bomb.
I completely flunked this one.
I wrote it in 20 minutes since I had no ideas.
The prompt was:
Should we reduce the voting age to thirteen?
I was going against doing so.

I literally spent 4 minutes thinking about two more arguments besides, that the votes would be invaluable.
I have to get better at writing dodgy prompts, I have a feeling something of that difficulty will arise on the actual test.

It would be fantastic if someone could clear up a question of mine.
pi told me that I should not use "I" so I'm trying to write stuff like:
Thus, defeating the infamous opposition argument."
I realised I use "I" a lot and I would like to know variables for it so I don't sound monotonous.
I know thus, obviously and hence, anything else? 

ALSO, AtarNotes says "shrinked" is not a word, it isn't?

Thanks to some suggestions, I've attempted to make this piece formal.

Anyway, here it is.
As usual, this is everything I wrote in my little textbook, no modifications.
I always cringe at the obvious errors. (thanks COLORS)

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A rebellious idea of whether the voting age be lowered to thirteen has caused some commotion. If the voting age is reduced to thirteen, the votes would be invaluable, it will lead to more harmful laws and will still support democracy. Hence, the voting age should undoubtedly not be shrinked to thirteen.

Firstly, the vote of a thirteen year old will be worthless. Statistics show that young teenagers are ignorant about politics. At such a youthful age, they are too focused on academics to understand what they are vouching for. We will have a poor government if the voting age is lowered to thirteen.

Secondly, the law will ultimately spark similar thought among the public. If the bill is passed, people will start wondering about possible disastrous laws like reducing the drinking age or the driving age. The two mentioned luxuries are exceedingly hamful if given to the minds of children. Downsizing the voting age will lead to hazardous thoughts among the nation.

Lastly, while some state that democracy has to be given to the youthful population the truth is that they will receive the voting rights eventually. Thus defeating the infamous arguement.

Voting is a privilege not to be taken lightly. If the rights are handed to thirteen year olds, the nation will be faced with valueless votes, ideas of destructive laws that are similar will surface and will not be going against democracy. Thus, the voting age should unequivocally not be reduced to thirteen.
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[pixelgraphicsful]

Ooh. Books are awesome.

Sometimes supernatural-ish things don't work for some prompts, so it's okay to write the way you did!

Keep up the effort (:

Thanks SO MUCH for the compliment.
I get really motivated by little things like that.

Moderator action: please stop posting ascii art...

[pi]

Sorry in advance, hopefully you read this constructively.

As you said yourself, this isn't a great response.

In addition to your arguments, which I think are pretty weak, I'm not happy with some specific parts:
1) "Firstly, the vote of a thirteen year old will be worthless." <- avoid such strong negative language
2) "At such a youthful age, they are too focused on academics to understand what they are vouching for" <- lol this is definitely not true, most 13 year olds are more preoccupied with playing games or sports or something. Maybe a lot has changed in the 8 years since I was 13, but I doubt it.
3) "Lastly, while some state that democracy has to be given to the youthful population the truth is that they will receive the voting rights eventually. Thus defeating the infamous argument." <- this, to me, looks like a "rebutta paragraph for the sake of a rebuttal paragraph". I'd argue that you didn't even present an alternate view or a supportive view, it just didn't sound like rebuttal at all, just a strange addition to the piece.
4) I still find you dropping "fancy" words in odd locations, I personally don't like it, but I think you should take someone else's opinion on this too.

I liked the structure of your conclusion, thought it was spot-on, obviously the content of it I didn't like that much but that's a fault of the body paragraphs However, I thought the line "Voting is a privilege not to be taken lightly" was probably the best line you wrote in the piece!

I disagree that this is a "dodgy" topic, there are plenty of arguments on both sides,you just didn't think of them And that happens to the best of us, and is all part of learning, so DON'T WORRY!

Utilise websites like this to enhance your learning once you've tackled a persuasive prompt. Then, write it again a week later to see what you've learnt.

Lots to improve on, but time is on your side!

pi told me that I should not use "I" so I'm trying to write stuff like:
Thus, defeating the infamous opposition argument."
I realised I use "I" a lot and I would like to know variables for it so I don't sound monotonous.
I know thus, obviously and hence, anything else? 

Good job on removing "I" and "we" from your writing!

I'd refrain from using "infamous" in that way, it's a good word, but it's not really the correct use of that word. If you're going to make a rebuttal, you don't have to word it like a battle with an enemy, it's just an opinion. Maybe something I'd write in year 8 to end such a paragraph would be:
Hence, the alternative argument of <x> is nonsensical.
Therefore, the view of <x> is the more logical one.
etc.

It's an essay, not a war

[pixelgraphicsful]

Sorry in advance, hopefully you read this constructively.

As you said yourself, this isn't a great response.

In addition to your arguments, which I think are pretty weak, I'm not happy with some specific parts:
1) "Firstly, the vote of a thirteen year old will be worthless." <- avoid such strong negative language
2) "At such a youthful age, they are too focused on academics to understand what they are vouching for" <- lol this is definitely not true, most 13 year olds are more preoccupied with playing games or sports or something. Maybe a lot has changed in the 8 years since I was 13, but I doubt it.
3) "Lastly, while some state that democracy has to be given to the youthful population the truth is that they will receive the voting rights eventually. Thus defeating the infamous argument." <- this, to me, looks like a "rebutta paragraph for the sake of a rebuttal paragraph". I'd argue that you didn't even present an alternate view or a supportive view, it just didn't sound like rebuttal at all, just a strange addition to the piece.
4) I still find you dropping "fancy" words in odd locations, I personally don't like it, but I think you should take someone else's opinion on this too.

I liked the structure of your conclusion, thought it was spot-on, obviously the content of it I didn't like that much but that's a fault of the body paragraphs However, I thought the line "Voting is a privilege not to be taken lightly" was probably the best line you wrote in the piece!

I disagree that this is a "dodgy" topic, there are plenty of arguments on both sides,you just didn't think of them And that happens to the best of us, and is all part of learning, so DON'T WORRY!

Utilise websites like this to enhance your learning once you've tackled a persuasive prompt. Then, write it again a week later to see what you've learnt.

Lots to improve on, but time is on your side!

Good job on removing "I" and "we" from your writing!

I'd refrain from using "infamous" in that way, it's a good word, but it's not really the correct use of that word. If you're going to make a rebuttal, you don't have to word it like a battle with an enemy, it's just an opinion. Maybe something I'd write in year 8 to end such a paragraph would be:
Hence, the alternative argument of <x> is nonsensical.
Therefore, the view of <x> is the more logical one.
etc.

It's an essay, not a war

I've got thick skin, I'll tell you that. 

Your feedbacks invaluable and I take no offence to any negatives are the first few seconds of disappointment.

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1) My tutors been telling me that too, now that I think about it.
I'm certain I can adjust to that easily.
2)So realism is the priority? Okay, I'll try to keep that in mind. Will also be easier to write about I guess.
3)I remember having one minute on the clock at that moment and scrambled to produce something. lol, probably how I ended up with that. Also, is the rebuttal paragraph necessary? Can it replace one of the three body paragraphs?
4)Am I really, I tried my best to stop it. Oh well, I'll try harder.

Thanks a lot for your encouragement, boosted my motivation a lot.

When you talked about not to use harsh words. Could that possibly connect to what my tutor says in our Text Analysing lesson.
Apparently, you're supposed to respect the author of the essay even if you dislike them.
Anyway, I'll keep what you've said in mind. Thanks

Moderator action: please stop posting ascii art...
I apologise for the ascii art. It think you're (whoever the moderator is, I'm assuming you) referring to the text art. Sorry for my ignorance, I'll stop it.

[pi]

2)So realism is the priority? Okay, I'll try to keep that in mind. Will also be easier to write about I guess.

Not so much a "priority", more of a "pre-requisite". Your stance must be reasonable an realistic, assuming most 13 year olds have a focus on academics is simply wishful thinking or maybe a reflection on yourself. It's not what happens in real life.

Also, is the rebuttal paragraph necessary? Can it replace one of the three body paragraphs?

The truthful answer: no one really knows. I don't think any prep company has definitive proof that one needs or doesn't need to write one. I was told to write one, I got in. So I advise my juniors to do the same

Moderator action: please stop posting ascii art...
I apologise for the ascii art. It think you're (whoever the moderator is, I'm assuming you) referring to the text art. Sorry for my ignorance, I'll stop it.

That was indeed me Thanks

[pixelgraphicsful]

HI GUYS

Finished today's creative essay.
Not much to say except that I went overtime on this one like 3 minutes overtime, since I couldn't think of anything to write.

Anyway, the prompt was,
By the time I reached the train station, she was gone.
As you might have guessed, I wrote this in 18 minutes.

Also, I kind of failed. Since the "she" in the prompt was replaced by a man in my story.

Good news, I think I have very little "forced" vocabulary in this essay.
I should try to write faster I believe. Any tips on how to have legible and fast writing will be greatly appreciated. i.e A specific pen? Way to hold the pen? Different Handwriting? All inputs will be appreciated.
As always, all mistakes are not typos. OKay? All grammatical errors too are misakes I made in the actual essay.
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I was born ready, I thought to myself as I dubiously glanced at skiing gogles stacked elaborately on the shelves. Brushing away the immediate shock of the sheer variety the store offered, I was stuck in the dilemma of what colour I should purchase. After staring at every possibility numerous times my muscles started aching. Hence, I carefully placed the large snowboard on the floor. The absence of dust was evidence gave me an idea of the amount of money spent to create such a luxurious feel of the shop. I had law expectations, viewing negative reviews online.

Due to the weirdly tranquility of the store, I almost jumped out of my skin when somebody bumped into me. Muttering an apology, I moved out of the way for the old man. Stealing a curious peek at the person, I experienced a tingling sensation. Scanning the man, I saw his moustache fall to the ground. The man instinctively ducked, trying to mask his mistake as the need to tie his laces. Adrenalin pumped into my system, jolting my muscles and skyrocketing my alertness. Realising what was going on, I tackled the "grandpa."

The man flung his walking stick at the shelf and bolted. Enraged at the sight of him escaping. I will not back down that easily, I told myself and ran after him. I gasped for air as I pushed myself harder. My efforts was worth it as I saw the man toss a square object at me. It fell on the ground. I picked it up confirming that it was my wallet and continued springing after him. A while later, exhaustion had gotten the better of me, as I watched him disappear across the train station. I shaked my fists in anger, shouting out rude remarks.

I had finally understood why the store was so isolated.
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[COLORS]

HI GUYS

Finished today's creative essay.
Not much to say except that I went overtime on this one like 3 minutes overtime, since I couldn't think of anything to write.

Anyway, the prompt was,
By the time I reached the train station, she was gone.
As you might have guessed, I wrote this in 18 minutes.

Also, I kind of failed. Since the "she" in the prompt was replaced by a man in my story.

Good news, I think I have very little "forced" vocabulary in this essay.
I should try to write faster I believe. Any tips on how to have legible and fast writing will be greatly appreciated. i.e A specific pen? Way to hold the pen? Different Handwriting? All inputs will be appreciated.
As always, all mistakes are not typos. OKay? All grammatical errors too are misakes I made in the actual essay.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was born ready, I thought to myself as I dubiously glanced at skiing gogles stacked elaborately on the shelves. Brushing away the immediate shock of the sheer variety the store offered, I was stuck in the dilemma of what colour I should purchase. After staring at every possibility numerous times, my muscles started aching. Hence, I carefully placed the large snowboard on the floor (sounds weird. Sorry, it just stuck out to me. Since when did he pick up a snowboard?). The absence of dust was evidence, gave me an idea of the amount of money effort spent to create such a luxurious feel of the shop. I had law huh? expectations, viewing negative reviews online.

Due to the weirdly tranquility tranquil atmosphere of the store, I almost jumped out of my skin when somebody bumped into me. Muttering an apology, I moved out of the way for the newcomer, an old man. Stealing a curious peek at the person, I experienced a ("strange" would go nicely here) tingling sensation. Scanning the man his suspicious figure, I saw was startled to see his moustache fall to the ground. The man He instinctively ducked, trying to mask his mistake as the need to tie his laces. Adrenalin pumped into my system, jolting my muscles and skyrocketing my alertness. Realising what was going on, I tackled the "grandpa."

The man flung his walking stick at the shelf and bolted. Enraged At the sight of him escaping, rage boiled within me. I will not back down that easily, I told myself and ran after him. I gasped for air as I pushed myself harder. My efforts was worth it as I saw the man toss a square object at me. It fell on the ground. I picked it up, confirming that it was my wallet and continued springing after him. A while later, exhaustion had gotten the better of me, as. I watched him disappear across the train station. I shaked shook my fists in anger, shouting out rude remarks.

I had finally understood why the store was so isolated. (Sounds weird and didn't make much sense to me. No one knew he was a thief, right? So they had no reason to avoid the store. Maybe try writing something a little deeper.)
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Ah. Sorry. It's the holidays and I'm bored, so I've been lurking around on AN a lot lately.

I'm not exactly an English guru, but there were some words that stuck out. I bolded them.

I think you should put single-quotation marks around 'thoughts'.

Your opening is wonderful. No "forced" vocab. As for your pen question, I went to OfficeWorks and bought a blue pen with this really.. uh.. idk. Small, sharp tip? I hate fat ballpoint pens. Writing in cursive is less tiring and faster, but that might be just me. I know heaps of people who despise joint writing, and (probably) have a faster pace than me. ;--;

I gripped the pen a little too hard during the exams. My fingers were dying by the end of fifteen minutes oops.

[Coffee]

HI GUYS

Finished today's creative essay.
Not much to say except that I went overtime on this one like 3 minutes overtime, since I couldn't think of anything to write.

Anyway, the prompt was,
By the time I reached the train station, she was gone.
As you might have guessed, I wrote this in 18 minutes.

Also, I kind of failed. Since the "she" in the prompt was replaced by a man in my story.

Good news, I think I have very little "forced" vocabulary in this essay.
I should try to write faster I believe. Any tips on how to have legible and fast writing will be greatly appreciated. i.e A specific pen? Way to hold the pen? Different Handwriting? All inputs will be appreciated.
As always, all mistakes are not typos. OKay? All grammatical errors too are misakes I made in the actual essay.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was born ready, I thought to myself as I dubiously glanced at skiing goggles stacked elaborately Maybe switch this around on the shelves. Brushing away the immediate shock of the sheer variety the store offered, I was stuck in the dilemma of what colour I should purchase. After staring at every possibility numerous times my muscles started aching. My only problem with this is the link. You're staring but your muscles hurt? If you're muscles hurt I would instead mention how you've been standing around for hours on end, etc. Hence, I carefully placed the large snowboard on the floor. The absence of dust was evidence evident and gave me an idea of the amount of money spent to create such a luxurious feel of the shop. Not quite sure what you're saying here. Be careful with expression and how you're communicating your ideas. I had law Poor? expectations, viewing given the negative reviews online.

Due to the weirdly tranquility Phrase this differently of the store, I almost jumped out of my skin when somebody bumped into me. Muttering an apology, I moved out of the way for the old man. Stealing a curious peek at the person, I experienced a tingling sensation. Scanning the man, I saw his moustache fall to the ground. The man instinctively ducked, trying to mask his mistake as the need to tie his laces. Adrenalin pumped into my system, jolting my muscles and skyrocketing my alertness. Realising what was going on, I tackled the "grandpa."

The man flung his walking stick at the shelf and bolted. Enraged at the sight of him escaping. I will not back down that easily, I told myself and ran after him. I gasped for air as I pushed myself harder. My efforts was worth it as I saw the man toss a square object at me. Unless this store sells strange objects you could probably just say what the object is rather than describing it as a 'square object'. It fell on the ground. It fell to the floor and upon examining it...? Might be a better way to phrase it. I picked it up confirming that it was my wallet and continued springing after him. A while later, exhaustion had gotten the better of me, as I watched him disappear across the train station. I shaked my fists in anger, shouting out rude remarks.

I had finally understood why the store was so isolated.
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Good that you picked up the error in your reading of the prompt albeit a little too late. Definitely something you need to keep an eye out for in exams. Read the prompt a few times and plan so you don't make these mistakes.

The opening is a bit dull in comparison to your last two paragraphs. I think you need to really build up this mysterious atmosphere the store gives. Second paragraph is excellent though and really gets the audience asking "what's happening/what's going to happen?". Good work!

[Dat1guy]

I don't know why but I just thought back on the exam and reminded myself I only did 22 questions without guessing on maths
Now I'm just suking in the corner
My parents are telling me to find a school near my house cause I said I probably can't get in, ima try out for glen Eagles secondary since it's right next to me, doesn't seem too bad lol

[pi]

I don't know why but I just thought back on the exam and reminded myself I only did 22 questions without guessing on maths
Now I'm just suking in the corner
My parents are telling me to find a school near my house cause I said I probably can't get in, ima try out for glen Eagles secondary since it's right next to me, doesn't seem too bad lol

One of my friends went to ISIK college (is that the same as Sirius College?) and got 99.8 as her ATAR.

If you want to get good marks and into a career pathway you like, you need to get yourself out of the corner and do something about it. MHS or any other decent school is just a helpful bonus, you can score highly from anywhere if you put your mind to it and make use of a wide range of resources. You have the advantage of being keen from a young age, you have an advantage over the Year 12's who come onto AN  from crappy schools and realise how much shit they are in compared to well-resourced schools. You can do this.

Mahatma Gandhi — 'Be the change that you wish to see in the world.'

[pixelgraphicsful]

Ah. Sorry. It's the holidays and I'm bored, so I've been lurking around on AN a lot lately.

I'm not exactly an English guru, but there were some words that stuck out. I bolded them.

I think you should put single-quotation marks around 'thoughts'.

Your opening is wonderful. No "forced" vocab. As for your pen question, I went to OfficeWorks and bought a blue pen with this really.. uh.. idk. Small, sharp tip? I hate fat ballpoint pens. Writing in cursive is less tiring and faster, but that might be just me. I know heaps of people who despise joint writing, and (probably) have a faster pace than me. ;--;

I gripped the pen a little too hard during the exams. My fingers were dying by the end of fifteen minutes oops.

Hey COLORS,

Glad to see you on the forum.
Wow, your corrections are pretty much spot on if you ask me.
I've learned a lot from these short weeks, far more than I remember ever in such a small time frame. Your time has been well spent, I assure you.

For the pen thingo.
You don't like thick pens?
I think they make my writing look neater
However, I have to say that I write a lot slower with them, will try out thinner pens in the future. I've been using these pens all the time recently:
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http://mydesk.officemax.com.au/papermate-inkjoy-100-ballpoint-pen-1-0mm-assorted-colours-box-12.html
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I don't know, probably cause the colours make my writing look more organised and legible. Both sets are running out which is why I'm considering other pens.
Just a tiny thing issue that gives this thread a break from the daunting events of the future.

ⓉⒽⒶⓃⓀⓈ

[pixelgraphicsful]

Good that you picked up the error in your reading of the prompt albeit a little too late. Definitely something you need to keep an eye out for in exams. Read the prompt a few times and plan so you don't make these mistakes.

The opening is a bit dull in comparison to your last two paragraphs. I think you need to really build up this mysterious atmosphere the store gives. Second paragraph is excellent though and really gets the audience asking "what's happening/what's going to happen?". Good work!

Hey Coffee,
Once again, I'm surprised on how much better my essay could've being if I did everything that you've advised me to.

As for the dull-ness of the first two paragraphs, I agree completely. It would've helped to build the atmosphere and tension. I will keep that in mind next time.
The first two paragraphs were a bit eh. I focused mainly on the description of everything because during the writing of those two paragraphs, I was still thinking of the plot. I can feel myself improving in terms of generating ideas. So hopefully that won't be too much of an issue in the future.

ⓉⒽⒶⓃⓀⓈ

[pixelgraphicsful]

I don't know why but I just thought back on the exam and reminded myself I only did 22 questions without guessing on maths
Now I'm just suking in the corner
My parents are telling me to find a school near my house cause I said I probably can't get in, ima try out for glen Eagles secondary since it's right next to me, doesn't seem too bad lol

Following pi,

You have NO reason to sulk.
You're extremely accomplished, mainly because you've self-taught yourself academics. Your parents should be extremely proud of you for the sheer fact that you've volunteered to take the exam.

Remember, the inner force is stronger than the outer force.
Although this may sound cheeesy.
The truth is, it's legit.
Even at my age, I've seen countless students receive mansions on tutoring and still come out as an average student.

Since you have the will to learn, you will achieve far in life.

Now, since pi won't let me post ascii art, I'll have to resort to making actual pictures.

[pixelgraphicsful]

Hi Guys,

I am ashamed...
Actually(kind of) failed this piece so hard!
The prompt was:
Should the driving age be raised to twenty-one?

Okay,
SO,
I wrote this in like 20 minutes....
I don't know what happened, I knew my ideas, arguments.
I just blanked out.
Had no idea how to express them, I guess.

A theory for why this happened would be:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, one of my tooth was loose, my dad tried to get it out.
It legit killed so my dad gave me a break so I could rest for a bit.
I decided to write my essay in the break!
Worst decision of the week.
So, I couldn't concentrate at ALL on my essay, and the prompt was really easy, I thought of ideas right away. Just like, couldn't put them down on paper, I guess.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another possible theory would be that I felt like I was repeating myself too much.
As in, like a sentence format I used in my last persuasive essay, I would think of using that again, but then I would think it's bad too overuse the same thing.
Then struggle to think of another one, when I finally do, I've wasted like 30 seconds on a sentence that's not even half decent.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Any suggestions?
Overall, I'm all round confused on how to do the rebuttal paragraph.
Any suggestions, like a format? Would make my day.

Anyway, here is the essay, read it and cringe with me.
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The question of whether the driving age be raised to twenty-one has received significant attention among the public. If the driving age is raised to twenty-one, the action will form a safer driving environment, reduce our carbon footprint and will not be unjust to the car companies. Hence, the driving age should be raised to twenty-one.

Firstly, increasing the driving age to twenty one will reduce road related accidents. When one is eighteen, they may commit dangerous and unwise decisions, while driving. Such hazardous actions include, texting smoking and a lack of attention while driving. It is likely a large proportion of road accidents are sourced from the younger population. Therefore, if the driving age is raised to twenty-one, it will lower the amount of accidents on the road.

Secondly, increasing the driving age to twenty-one will force some to use public transport, ultimately helping the environment. Public transport is a more efficient and environmentally friendly way of travelling compared to cars. If the driving age is increased to twenty-one, damaging carbon emissions will be reduced.

Lastly, while some may state that such change will adversely effect car companies, due to less people willing to purchase cars, the amount of people doing so will be too insignificant to be a issue. Increasing the driving age to twenty-one will not be severely damage car companies.

Driving is a task requiring lots of responsibility. Increasing the driving age to twenty-one will create an overall safer driving environment, will benefit the environment and will not be unfair to car companies. Therefore, the driving age should definitely be raised to twenty-one.
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Spoiler

[move]THANKS FOR READING!!![/move]