MHS Writing Topics + Essays + Advice XD

[pixelgraphicsful]

I don't like your use of "quality snacks". Why not say "more appealing healthy snacks" is that's what you mean? (I'm not sure what you mean by "quality")

Cool, I'll stick with "more appealing healthy snacks.'

[pixelgraphicsful]

Hi!

So today's creative writing was kind of strange. I was going to put in a twist but never managed to incorporate it well. Anyway, the plot was:
Every time I heard the ice cream truck it reminded me of home.

Also, the aggravating thing is that I wrote this in 15 minutes and 1 second. :/
Here it is!
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Selby reclined nonchalantly on his favourite wooden chair. It was a scorching day, the glowing sun burned the skin on Selby's neck like a welder's iron. A group of birds soared gracefully in the sky, forming a well practised V-formation. Selby admired the way they flew - so perfectly aligned, nothing ever falling out of place, unlike his home. An ugly memory surfaced and Selby attempted to push it away, but he was too late...

It was a frosty winter's day. A spine-chilling wave of gust raced in the air, causing Selby to hug himself tighter. He turned his head to watch his brother - tall handsome but foolish, Selby idolised him. Out of the blue, a cacophany of bells of whistle disturbed the duo's ears. The two watched curiously as a large, brightly decorated van rolled into their driveway. A large man marched to talk to him. Dumbfounded, his brother obliged. Selby had ran into the house, white with fear. Seconds passed, then minutes, until Selby finally muttered up enough courage to see what had been done.

Selby didn't know what his brother had done to deserve it, but when he walked out, his brother had vanished, along with the ice-cream truck. Investigators, followed, police were all over the house for days. In the end, Selby's brother was declared dead.

An all-too familiar jingle interrupted Selby's flashback, as a white van rolled into their driveway.
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[pixelgraphicsful]

Hi!

Today's essay was persuasive and the prompt was:
Should people traveling in airplanes have to undergo intensive security screenings?

I wrote this in 15 minutes.
Thanks for reading! XD
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People travelling in airplanes should not have to undergo intensive security screenings because doing so will increase the number of people that miss the airplane, create nation wide panic and decrease tourism.

Firstly, forcing an intensive security check before one enters an aeroplane will add stress to many people. Most people do not often go to the airport, therefore many are late to the airport. It is undeniable that the airport process, requiring long waits, checks and lines, is already extremely long. Why add more stress to citizens by necessitating an intensive screening? The only result is more unhappy customers. Therefore, people travelling in airplanes definitely should not have to undergo a long security screening.

In addition, making an intensive security screening mandatory before one can enter an airplane will spread unwanted panic. If the regulation is released. The public may believe that there is lots of danger upcoming and spread fear across the country. Thus, the government should undoubtedly not force airplane users to undergo intensive screenings.

Lastly, citizens travelling in airplanes ought not have to undergo a large security screenings because doing so will decrease tourism. As aforementioned, added security usually occurs when there is a large threat. Who would want to travel to a country where they might be harmed? Hence, people definitely should not have to endure an intensive security screening before going on an airplane.

Citizens should not have to undergo an intensive security screening before travelling on an airplane because doing so will increase the amount of late people, create fear and reduce tourism.
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[heids]

Should people traveling in airplanes have to undergo intensive security screenings?

People travelling in airplanes should not have to undergo intensive security screenings because doing so will increase the number of people that miss the airplane, create nation wide panic making an over-the-top claim like this could decrease your credibility because it makes your argument sound ridiculous/outrageous and decrease tourism.

Firstly, forcing an intensive security check before one enters an aeroplane will add stress to many people. Most people do not often go to the airport; therefore many are late to the airport. It is undeniable that the airport process, requiring long waits, checks and lines, is already extremely long. Why add more stress to citizens by necessitating an intensive screening? The only result is more unhappy customers. Therefore, people travelling in airplanes definitely should not have to undergo a long security screening. This is a good paragraph because it clearly explains things in more detail, and I really like the question in the middle!  Excellent effort and nice writing.  To improve: explain even further about the impacts (could split into multiple paragraphs): what do ‘unhappy customers’ lead to?  Poor business for airline companies?  Stress and worry for the reader if they’re ever forced to undergo this, as they’ll be late?  Loss of money for people who miss planes and can’t get a refund?  Etc.  Especially try to present it as impacting the reader, not just detached words like ‘customers’ and ‘people’.

In addition, making an intensive security screening mandatory before one can enter an airplane will spread unwanted panic. If the regulation is released. The is released, the public… public may believe that there is lots of danger upcoming and spread fear across the country. Thus, the government should undoubtedly not force airplane users to undergo intensive screenings.
This is obviously trying to come up with an unusual argument, but it’s pretty weak because it’s quite far-fetched.  You could explain more the impact of this (what does it matter if fear spreads across the country? what could it cause?), and could combine with a slightly shortened version of the next paragraph, as they say similar things.  This would let you expand more on better, more solid arguments (i.e. your first para which has multiple possible ways it could go).

Lastly, citizens travelling in airplanes ought not have to undergo a large security screenings because doing so will decrease tourism. As aforementioned, added security usually occurs when there is a large threat. could explain more here – people will think there’s a large threat and therefore might not come – this half implies that increased security will increase threats and thus decrease tourism.  Also, I know you’re time-limited, but to improve, try to explain more the impact of this.  Builds fear --> decreases tourism is what your paragraph looks like; could make it closer to home to the reader with builds fear --> decreases tourism --> decreases country’s economy --> decreases reader’s standard of living. Who would want to travel to a country where they might be harmed? again, I like the rhetorical question, adds power to your writing Hence, people definitely should not have to endure I also like the word ‘endure’, as it makes it sound difficult/arduous – choosing powerful words like this increases persuasiveness an intensive security screening before going on an airplane.

Citizens should not have to undergo an intensive security screening before travelling on an airplane because doing so will increase the amount of late people given the power of your argument earlier, this feels quite a weak summary of it; focus more on people missing planes, increased stress, etc. – dunno, they just feel more powerful than ‘more late people’, create fear and reduce tourism.

I felt quite 'mixed' about this essay - had some really STRONG points that made me pretty excited, and then some weaker points.  Keep up paragraphs like your first body, though, and you'll be killing it.

[pixelgraphicsful]

Hey Bangali_Lok,
I did not want to post this essay yesterday. This is because I probably had a few extremely random arguments.  And it wasn't even that late, yesterday, it was like 8 pm.
Well anyway, I've decided to write these essays in the early afternoon 1pm-ish. At least, until school starts again.

Well, once again, solid correction. I've really drifted away from where I started when I first wrote one of these. 

ALSO! With, the time management, I'm normally pretty good with persuasive writings, but lately my dad's trying to get me to improve my handwriting. lol. So I've kind of being trying to write the essay in this really cursive way. Slowing me down a ton. But I do get what he means, since my writings is pretty much illegible. Anyway, should improve with time. XD

Thanks!
Uhhhghhghghggasjdflsajeoif! Got to write my creative writing now. Wish me luck if you read this.
\(≧︣-≦︣)/

[pixelgraphicsful]

Hello!
I feel I just wrote the most random story ever. Lol.
Anyway, I wrote this in 15 minutes and the prompt was:
The melody of the music box soothed me.
Here it is! XD
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Tom lay reluctantly on the bed. Painfully, he nurtured his stomach with his hands. Seconds passed, minutes, hours. Tom groaned in agony, Tom stared around the room, his room. The ground was littered with textbooks, toys and papers. Each, telling its own story. The walls were encrusted in soot. Posters flashing vibrant colours were hanged up in a feeble attempt to disguise the dirt. Despite having lived in it for years, Tom felt there was something missing, something that was just out of reach.

A sharp pain to the knee struck Tom, and he reciprocated by grabbing it. His mind floated, higher, and higher. He imagined what heaven was like. A place where he didn't need to think, read or feel. Tom grimaced at his pain, thinking desperately of a way to calm it. Then out of the blue, a rusty cog turned in his head. He remembered something, a wooden box, he realised. Tom tried to remember where but he couldn't put his hand on it. Tom rammed his hand at the floor in despair. Causing a box to spring from the covers into his hand.

Tom knew what to do, he turned the knob and waited for the music to calm him.
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Damn, the ending was REALLY rushed. Gosh, I need to improve on that!

[pixelgraphicsful]

Hello! 
I didn't write an essay yesterday because I HAD to go shopping from the whole morning to the afternoon and after, I went to see a movie with a friend. After that I was tired and I just started reading until I went to sleep. 

Anyway, today, I'm back.
I wrote this essay in 14 minutes and 55 seconds.
The prompt was:
Should teachers have to pass a basic skills test every ten years to renew their certification?
Thanks!

Also, derpiest rebuttal ever!
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Teachers should not have to pass a basic skills test every ten years to renew their certification because doing so is uneccessary for teachers and is a waste of money.

Teachers ought not have to qualify for a basic skills test every decade because doing so is practically pointless. Ten years is a long time and practise makes perfect. If a teacher has been teaching for ten years, his or her skills will definitely be proficient. Therefore, teachers should not have to pass an elementary skills test every decade to renew their teaching license.

Teachers undoubtedly should not have to pass a basic skills test every ten years because doing so would be costly. If such a test is created, the government would be forced to spend money creating the test, distributing the test and checking the test. As aforementioned, a basic skills test every ten years is virtually pointless. Do you want to see the government waste our money on unnecessary tests? Teachers definitely should not have to pass a basic skills test every decade to renew their certification.

The opponent may argue that some teachers may have developed a medical condition that restricts him or her from teaching well, therefore it is important for the government to know. However, if teachers are sick, why would they continue teaching?

Teachers unequivocally should not have to pass a basic skills test every ten years to renew their certification because it is unecessary and a bad use of money.
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[TheAspiringDoc]

I don't like your use of "quality snacks". Why not say "more appealing healthy snacks" is that's what you mean? (I'm not sure what you mean by "quality")

After reading  guide that Bangali recently referred me to on conciseness, I feel that 'quality' would be the better choice for just that reason..?
 

[pixelgraphicsful]

Hello!

I've officially written the stupidest essay ever.
No kidding, I think I'll take tomorrow off, considering it is the last day of the holidays.

Anyway, do not read this, it's just to prove that I wrote something today.
Actually, don't, it's not worth your time.

I wrote this essay in 14 minutes and 44 seconds and the prompt was:
The subway stopped suddenly inside the tunnel.
Okay!
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Taking a sip of his coffee, Jerry lounged back on his seat. He stared emptily at the tracks in front of him. He then drifted off to sleep. If Jerry had kept his eye open for another minute, he would have noticed a dark figure creep cautiously behind his seat.

Thomas watched in glee as his plan unfolded. A telltale snore arose, causing Thomas to duck in fear. Looking back and all around him, Thomas breathed heavily. Checking once more that the operator was truly asleep, Thomas searched the large control panel for something that may cause panic. A large button with the words "force stop" caught his eye. "Perfect," he thought.

Upon pressing down on the button's shiny, unused surface, Thomas braced himself. Moments later, almost as if a large boulder had suddenly rammed itself in front of the vehicle, the train halted suddenly, sending both Thomas and Jerry flying.

The impact was tough for everyone, wild screams were heard, and people jumped in fear. The time finally came, as Thomas strided into the main train section and posed for a selfie.
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Umm, LOL, this wasn't a joke. I actually wrote this.
I really need a break XD

[pi]

After reading  guide that Bangali recently referred me to on conciseness, I feel that 'quality' would be the better choice for just that reason..?
 

But the two are not synonymous, so I disagree.

[heids]

Hello! 
I didn't write an essay yesterday because I HAD to go shopping from the whole morning to the afternoon and after, I went to see a movie with a friend. After that I was tired and I just started reading until I went to sleep. 
...
No kidding, I think I'll take tomorrow off, considering it is the last day of the holidays.

What do you think the word 'holidays' means?   As in... you think... you should be allowed a moment from your books just because it's holidays!?!

Next holidays (and why not during the school term? ), give yourself more than a day off please.

After reading  guide that Bangali recently referred me to on conciseness, I feel that 'quality' would be the better choice for just that reason..?

The point of conciseness is to remove any 'fluff' that doesn't add anything to your message, but that does not mean compromising specificity because that's taking something out of your message.  It's like compressing a jpeg to really low quality - you lose something.  'Quality' doesn't show the way they're good - healthy? tasty? visually appealing? made from high-quality expensive ingredients rather than homebrand? etc.  Being more specific is always a plus, because it shows you're thinking deeper and ends up crystal clear and helpful - and inevitably takes more words.

[pixelgraphicsful]

What do you think the word 'holidays' means?   As in... you think... you should be allowed a moment from your books just because it's holidays!?!

Next holidays (and why not during the school term? ), give yourself more than a day off please.

The point of conciseness is to remove any 'fluff' that doesn't add anything to your message, but that does not mean compromising specificity because that's taking something out of your message.  It's like compressing a jpeg to really low quality - you lose something.  'Quality' doesn't show the way they're good - healthy? tasty? visually appealing? made from high-quality expensive ingredients rather than homebrand? etc.  Being more specific is always a plus, because it shows you're thinking deeper and ends up crystal clear and helpful - and inevitably takes more words.

Hey Bangali_lok,
Thanks for the concern XD,
but the truth is I actually don't work that hard.

The thing is, I want to work hard, to be productive during the holidays, but I get sidetracked extremely easily. 
Honestly, I only spent like 2, occasionally 3 hours a day doing actual study/work in the holidays, and the rest I procrastinated. 
Now that I've re-read it, it does sound a lot more dramatic than I intended, I was trying to say 'take the day off' from the essay.
 

Anyway, you've put a smile on my face. 
Thanks

[heids]

The thing is, I want to work hard, to be productive during the holidays, but I get sidetracked extremely easily. 
Honestly, I only spent like 2, occasionally 3 hours a day doing actual study/work in the holidays, and the rest I procrastinated. 

In year 7, me and homework did not even know each other's names.  Especially not in the holidays.

Stop describing a situation that sounds too much like me now, every day, to be pleasant!   Should've grown out of that by now

Anyway, you've put a smile on my face. 
Thanks

Entirely reciprocated.  You just put one on mine

[pixelgraphicsful]

Hey Guys,

So, I wrote this essay in 43 minutes.
The reason for that is, I've decided (with approval from friends XD) to make my handwriting more legible!
That meant learning a new sort of handwriting. Pretty much, I've just being practising this handwriting for about 4 weeks.
Impressive number, I know, but only like 10 minutes every day.

Inevitably, I'm really slow when I write words in my new handwriting. Up until today, I've been using my faster (read: illegible)
handwriting to write these essays. Today, I've decided I would have to write neatly on these essays too if I wanted to actually adopt it.

I'll give you an  example of what motivated my change. 
http://i.imgur.com/Nk4L1xr.jpg

Lol...
Pretty horrible? Agreed.
Anyway, here is the one I wrote today that took 43 minutes...  / /
http://i.imgur.com/0DcRtQN.jpg

Was it worth it?
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The prompt was:
Should people be allowed to keep exotic animals like chimpanzees or tigers?

Oh! Also, I kind of cheated writing this. Prior to writing this, I looked up some information about the topic since I wasn't really familiar with it. Oh well, here it is.
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People should not be allowed to keep exotic animals like chimpanzees or tigers because allowing so will boost the exotic animal trade, is cruel to exotic animals and poses a public safety risk.

Firstly, permitting people to keep exotic pets will harm animals by promoting the trade of them. If such a law is legalised, more people will purchase exotic animals leading to more sellers of such 'pets.' The trade of exotic animals is extremely brutal to animals. Wild animals are forcefully removed from their natural habitat and sold as pets. Do you want your pets to be traumatised? Therefore, exotic animals definitely should not be kept as pets.

In addition, people ought not be allowed to keep exotic pets like chimpanzees or tigers because allowing so is unjust to such animals. It is undeniable that exotic animals are difficult to keep as pets. This is because exotic animals require special care, housing, diet and maintainence that the average person cannot provide. When one realises that they can no longer keep these animals. The exotic animals are euthanized or abandoned. Hence, exotic animals undoubtedly should not be restrained as pets.

Lastly, wild animals should not be allowed to be pets because allowing so is a large threat to the public. Although some exotic animals may seem cute , they are often extremely dangerous. The shocking number of incidents which have involved children and adults being wounded by tigers, bitten by monkeys and asphyxiated by snacks. (lol wtf) Thus, people should not be allowed to keep exotic animals as pets.

Wild animals unequivocally ought not to be kept as pets because doing so traumatises animals by encouraging the trade, is brutal to animals and is a large safety risk to both the owner ad the public.
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Overall, I don't feel I've reasoned out my arguments well enough despite, you know, taking 40 minutes to write.
Any feedback? 

[pixelgraphicsful]

Hello!

Today I wrote the essay in 15 minutes and the prompt was:
Shopping was my number 1 hobby

It was a pretty interesting prompt to be honest.
Anyway, my internet's really slow today, so I tried to keep this short.

Just so you know, I did write this in the neater handwriting.
I think I'm getting the hang of it. 
This was pretty short, as a consequence. Oh well.
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Divia slowly took a siip of her coffee. She savoured it, as if she was a connosseur. Upon finishing it, she flipped open her laptop's cover, revealing a stylish, black keyboard perpendicular to a large glass display.

Divia then booted up the laptop and sat nonchalantly on her favourite chair - an old one that allowed her to roll around on the floor. The coffee worked like magic and minutes later Divia was feeling exceptionally bouncy. She stared enthusiastically as she watched the computer connect to an online shop. Once the familiar, clean interface of the site popped up, she could not contain her excitement.

Divia stayed on the virtual shop for exactly ten minutes. Upon which, she purchased twenty miscellaneous goods. She found it difficult to stop, with each purchase granting her a desirable rush. At last, she finished and sank back into her seat.

"Time to cancel all those purchases."
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Wow, it was REALLY short.