Introduction in a text response

[NE2000]

I've come across some conflicting ideas on how to properly structure your introduction in a text response. Given the examiners don't have long to read your essay an intro is pretty important. But how do you structure it? Some people try and get their contention and main points out there while others make it more fluid and others try and have some sort of impact on the reader and sort of leave out their main points. I'm not sure how to go about this...in particular, whereabouts in your introduction do you put your main contention, near the start or at the very very very end or somewhere in the middle?

Would like some advice on this

[Toothpaste]

(I'm apparently not that great at ending the introduction smoothly, so this is just the start of one) Let's say for a Nineteen Eighty-Four topic: ‘The novel shows that fear is the chief weapon used by those in power.’ Discuss.

I'd start off with something like ...

The Totalitarian government portrayed in George Orwell’s “Nineteen Eighty-Four” employed various techniques of fear enforcement to regulate and control its citizens, but however, it was only effectively executed with the addition of language manipulation.

I get on with the contention straight away and with this topic I just somehow "see" (easier for some topics but not all) that I can do the "yes, but however" contrasting/exploration straight away. The examiner would know exactly what I'm going to talk about and that's good. (Also included the key words incorporated in a different way).

Next, to continue on with what I have told the examiner ...

They recognised the instillation of terror would abolish any acts of retaliation, and so brought upon measures to facilitate deception – leading to a society in which the citizens unquestioningly obey their government.

Expanding on my contention and throwing in a bit of context.

Throughout the novel, Orwell demonstrates ....

The "author did this for this purpose...", "author has this idea in mind to illustrate this theme..." mentionings can be put in every paragraph.


Here's what it sounds like as a whole:

The Totalitarian government portrayed in George Orwell’s “Nineteen Eighty-Four” employed various techniques of fear enforcement to regulate and control its citizens, but however, it was only effectively executed with the addition of language manipulation. They recognised the instillation of terror would abolish any acts of retaliation, and so brought upon measures to facilitate deception – leading to a society in which the citizens unquestioningly obey their government. Throughout the novel, Orwell demonstrates .... (etc)

... and just because I feel guilty for not completing the above I'll chuck in another example.

When I'm short of time to think it sounds like:

“The novel suggests that an accurate understanding of the past is necessary both to the individual and the wider community.” Discuss.

George Orwell's dystopian novel, “Nineteen Eighty-Four”, emphasised the need to have an accurate knowledge of the past by stressing the disastrous outcomes of tampering with history. The totalitarian rulers of Oceania employed drastic measures to suppress historical events that were reinvented to lie parallel with their most recent version. It was no coincidence that the past documented the very lives each individual was bound to, and underscored the absolute need for the beholder to ‘become conscious’. In order to prevent rebellion, the government fabricated and erased critical reminders of life before the revolution that would pose a threat to their uncouth leadership. Ultimately, Orwell suggested that an unaltered past permitted an individual’s mind to roam free from restrictions.

It's missing the contrasting/exploration of other views (which I think gives an intro that extra tick) but it works alright (you can do it in the body). Other things I've missed: talking about whether it's necessary to 'both' or not - if I was correcting this I'd assume that it's heading towards the "both" affirming contention. Also lacks metalanguage, but again, recoverable within the next few paragraphs.


If I was in the examiner's shoes, I'd want to read a fluent essay that has its points clearly outlined (yep, "out there"!). Anything longwinded and I'd think "this kid doesn't understand in depth what he/she is talking about and is just rote learning random points for the exam".

So yeah, if you were going by how I write, just get your points across and show that you understand what the topic is asking you. I usually state parts of my main points explicitly in the intro but expand on it greatly in the relevant paragraph to give it that "oomph". For credibility, I'll just say that it definitely worked in the exam according to the statement of marks. Sorry for the lack of examples.

[NE2000]

Thanks for the help!!!

[lukeperry91]

Thanks toothpaste, I also learnt from your post =]

This may be a dumb question but is it possible for a novel to be 'dystopian'? Isn't dystopian an adjective describing the world depicted in the novel? Or is it ok to call a novel dystopian?

[Toothpaste]

Thanks toothpaste, I also learnt from your post =]

This may be a dumb question but is it possible for a novel to be 'dystopian'? Isn't dystopian an adjective describing the world depicted in the novel? Or is it ok to call a novel dystopian?

Hm, good question actually. I've seen it used to describe the genre (e.g. "blah blah blah dystopian literature ... dystopian text") and I've never been corrected on it which led me to assume it was alright to use it in that kind of context. Ask a teacher and report back?

[polky]

There are many ways of doing this, but the structure I used was:
1) Contextualising sentence
2) 3 main topic sentences
3) Connecting the topic sentences to the question/prompt

Example: Hard Times essay prompt
“How could you give me life, and take from me all the inappreciable things that riase it from the state of conscious death?” Louisa’s lament is at the heart of Dicken’s warning in Hard Times.  Do you agree?

Introduction:
Charles Dickens’ nineteenth century novel, Hard Times, explores the influence of the Utilitarian philosophy of Facts on individuals and society. (contextualise, connect the themes of the prompt with the text) Through the use of characters such as Louisa, Tom and Bitzer, Dickens shows that a life based solely on fact and rationalism has adverse effects on individuals, as the products of a purely factual education are devoid of emotions and only driven by self-interest.  Dickens also demonstrates the adverse effects that a fact-based society, one that is only concerned with profit and gain, has on the natural environment and on mankind in general.  Finally, Dickens espouses the importance of Fancy and emotional growth, suggesting that it is the emotional qualities, such a loyalty, love and compassion that will redeem mankind. (3 main topic sentences/contentions) Louisa’s lament is at the heart of Dickens’ message in Hard Times – that a life based solely around facts is a life that is dead and unfulfilling, and that emotions and imagination are needed to lead a fulfilling and wholesome life. (Linking the prompt and your 3 topic sentences)


I guess the most important bit is the last part, where you link what you are going to talk about for the next 3 paragraphs with what the question is actually asking.  This ensures that the examiner knows that what you are talking about actually has relevancy. 

[shinny]

There are many ways of doing this, but the structure I used was:
1) Contextualising sentence
2) 3 main topic sentences
3) Connecting the topic sentences to the question/prompt

Example: Hard Times essay prompt
“How could you give me life, and take from me all the inappreciable things that riase it from the state of conscious death?” Louisa’s lament is at the heart of Dicken’s warning in Hard Times.  Do you agree?

Introduction:
Charles Dickens’ nineteenth century novel, Hard Times, explores the influence of the Utilitarian philosophy of Facts on individuals and society. (contextualise, connect the themes of the prompt with the text) Through the use of characters such as Louisa, Tom and Bitzer, Dickens shows that a life based solely on fact and rationalism has adverse effects on individuals, as the products of a purely factual education are devoid of emotions and only driven by self-interest.  Dickens also demonstrates the adverse effects that a fact-based society, one that is only concerned with profit and gain, has on the natural environment and on mankind in general.  Finally, Dickens espouses the importance of Fancy and emotional growth, suggesting that it is the emotional qualities, such a loyalty, love and compassion that will redeem mankind. (3 main topic sentences/contentions) Louisa’s lament is at the heart of Dickens’ message in Hard Times – that a life based solely around facts is a life that is dead and unfulfilling, and that emotions and imagination are needed to lead a fulfilling and wholesome life. (Linking the prompt and your 3 topic sentences)


I guess the most important bit is the last part, where you link what you are going to talk about for the next 3 paragraphs with what the question is actually asking.  This ensures that the examiner knows that what you are talking about actually has relevancy. 

That's basically exactly what I did as well. Another bonus of this kind of structure is that it basically acts as a very detailed plan in itself. What I did in trial exams and the real exam is think of my points during reading time, jot down literally a word or two to describe each paragraph's idea, and then make the introduction into a plan itself.

[mba]

Be vigorous, sharp and to the point. State your contention then get to 3/4/5 discussion points. Examiners will not sift through long winded introductions to find out what your essay will be telling them. You have less then 10 minutes (some say only 3!) to impress them. You must omit needless words/sentences and be to the point. You must also be sophisticated in your vocab use.

[nerd]

But you shouldn't just list your three/four/five main points (your paragraphs). That just makes for an overly structured and clumsy introduction. It should flow. I usually write my introduction as an abstract of sorts - just presenting the general jist of my essay, giving a general overview. Within that i introduce my main points.

Example: (Maestro by Peter Goldsworthy)

Topic - The cast of characters in “Darwin 1967” appear “larger than life in [this] steamy hothouse”. Discuss.

Peter Goldsworthy’s Darwin is not merely a setting of Maestro. As the location in which the key events of the novel take place, Darwin takes on a personality of itself, shaping the lives of the individuals who live in the isolated town. Rather than simply acting as a backdrop for the action, Darwin appears to define the very spirit of the characters who inhabit the rural city. As the relentless seasons roll in and out, bringing with them the suffocating humidity of the wet and the often intolerable heat of the dry, those who find themselves living in Darwin appear to adapt, and often transform, with the change in season. Individuals appear to take refuge in the simplicity of the Darwinian landscape, moving to Darwin to escape real life but eventually finding themselves in the process. Additionally, Darwin appears to catalyse the growth and maturity not only of the adolescents, but also the adults, who inhabit the city. Finally, Goldsworthy uses Darwin to emphasize the eccentricities of the characters that live in the remote town, juxtaposing them against the seemingly simplistic landscape to highlight their gradual transformations and underscore their subsequent growth into more mature and sophisticated human beings.

[mba]

No you don't just list them. They have to be worked into the essay so it is succinct and sophisticated - it is important though to be straight forward and to the point. Rambling with lots of sophisticated words means nothing if your writing has no content.

Structure is important for people who are not the strongest in English. The exam requires you to express yourself thoroughly, in a very short period of time. Not everyone can write "freely", for them structure is a must.

Btw, 'additionally' and 'finally' shouldn't be used in an essay. 

[costargh]

No you don't just list them. They have to be worked into the essay so it is succinct and sophisticated - it is important though to be straight forward and to the point. Rambling with lots of sophisticated words means nothing if your writing has no content.

Structure is important for people who are not the strongest in English. The exam requires you to express yourself thoroughly, in a very short period of time. Not everyone can write "freely", for them structure is a must.

Btw, 'additionally' and 'finally' shouldn't be used in an essay.  

Oh get off it (your high horse that is).

Just like you're not supposed to use first person pronouns? Oh yeh but I've been told for a specific essay I'm writing RIGHT NOW for Uni that it would be odd if I DIDNT use first person due to the fact that the research I conducted was ethnographic.

Not saying to use first person for your essays (as this is not usually recommended) but get off it, additionally and finally are the least of your worries!

[ninwa]

I preferred the "abstract" technique too. I never actually outlined my arguments because I thought it would bore the examiners. Rather, I took the underlying theme running through all of them and briefly detailed that theme instead.

Then again polky got a far higher study score than me so her way is probably better

Example: (Maestro by Peter Goldsworthy)

Topic - The cast of characters in “Darwin 1967” appear “larger than life in [this] steamy hothouse”. Discuss.

Peter Goldsworthy’s Darwin is not merely a setting of Maestro. As the location in which the key events of the novel take place, Darwin takes on a personality of itself, shaping the lives of the individuals who live in the isolated town. Rather than simply acting as a backdrop for the action, Darwin appears to define the very spirit of the characters who inhabit the rural city. As the relentless seasons roll in and out, bringing with them the suffocating humidity of the wet and the often intolerable heat of the dry, those who find themselves living in Darwin appear to adapt, and often transform, with the change in season. Individuals appear to take refuge in the simplicity of the Darwinian landscape, moving to Darwin to escape real life but eventually finding themselves in the process. Additionally, Darwin appears to catalyse the growth and maturity not only of the adolescents, but also the adults, who inhabit the city. Finally, Goldsworthy uses Darwin to emphasize the eccentricities of the characters that live in the remote town, juxtaposing them against the seemingly simplistic landscape to highlight their gradual transformations and underscore their subsequent growth into more mature and sophisticated human beings.

To be honest, I think that introduction is FAR too long. Mine usually were no longer than 6 or so lines handwritten, and I don't have particularly small handwriting.

Something like:
Peter Goldsworthy’s Darwin is not merely a setting of Maestro. As the location in which the key events of the novel take place, Darwin takes on a personality of itself, shaping the lives of the individuals who live in the isolated town. Rather than simply acting as a backdrop for the action, Darwin appears to define the very spirit of the characters who inhabit the rural city.
is sufficient I would've thought. The rest can be woven into your arguments.

[mba]

No you don't just list them. They have to be worked into the essay so it is succinct and sophisticated - it is important though to be straight forward and to the point. Rambling with lots of sophisticated words means nothing if your writing has no content.

Structure is important for people who are not the strongest in English. The exam requires you to express yourself thoroughly, in a very short period of time. Not everyone can write "freely", for them structure is a must.

Btw, 'additionally' and 'finally' shouldn't be used in an essay. 

Oh get off it (your high horse that is).

Just like you're not supposed to use first person pronouns? Oh yeh but I've been told for a specific essay I'm writing RIGHT NOW for Uni that it would be odd if I DIDNT use first person due to the fact that the research I conducted was ethnographic.

Not saying to use first person for your essays (as this is not usually recommended) but get off it, additionally and finally are the least of your worries!

Chill out mate if you didn't realise it was a JOKE, I though that would have been made obvious by the emotion.

Judging my essay writing via a forum response, haha you are good. I don't think forum posts are meant to be written in any way such as an essay. What ever makes you happy though!

Btw on the first person, you may have to do it in Uni but in VCE I have been told to never use first person. We must always be objective in our writing. The teacher says I and we don't allow this.

[nerd]

I preferred the "abstract" technique too. I never actually outlined my arguments because I thought it would bore the examiners. Rather, I took the underlying theme running through all of them and briefly detailed that theme instead.

Then again polky got a far higher study score than me so her way is probably better

Example: (Maestro by Peter Goldsworthy)

Topic - The cast of characters in “Darwin 1967” appear “larger than life in [this] steamy hothouse”. Discuss.

Peter Goldsworthy’s Darwin is not merely a setting of Maestro. As the location in which the key events of the novel take place, Darwin takes on a personality of itself, shaping the lives of the individuals who live in the isolated town. Rather than simply acting as a backdrop for the action, Darwin appears to define the very spirit of the characters who inhabit the rural city. As the relentless seasons roll in and out, bringing with them the suffocating humidity of the wet and the often intolerable heat of the dry, those who find themselves living in Darwin appear to adapt, and often transform, with the change in season. Individuals appear to take refuge in the simplicity of the Darwinian landscape, moving to Darwin to escape real life but eventually finding themselves in the process. Additionally, Darwin appears to catalyse the growth and maturity not only of the adolescents, but also the adults, who inhabit the city. Finally, Goldsworthy uses Darwin to emphasize the eccentricities of the characters that live in the remote town, juxtaposing them against the seemingly simplistic landscape to highlight their gradual transformations and underscore their subsequent growth into more mature and sophisticated human beings.

To be honest, I think that introduction is FAR too long. Mine usually were no longer than 6 or so lines handwritten, and I don't have particularly small handwriting.

Something like:
Peter Goldsworthy’s Darwin is not merely a setting of Maestro. As the location in which the key events of the novel take place, Darwin takes on a personality of itself, shaping the lives of the individuals who live in the isolated town. Rather than simply acting as a backdrop for the action, Darwin appears to define the very spirit of the characters who inhabit the rural city.
is sufficient I would've thought. The rest can be woven into your arguments.

Interesting...my teacher said that our introduction is the most important paragraph and that it should be the longest...

[xXNovaxX]

^^ I would have to disagree, although it is important, because it is the FIRST thing examniers read of ur piece, it is also able to show them u can be concise, and put ur argument 2getha. However, on the VCAA website a few years back (PM for link if necessary) a person rote a 2-3 LINE intro, and was rated very high. So yeah.

Put it this way, i think if u didnt rite an intro iit would maybe take 2-3 marks off from 10? just a random guess.