Whether or not you've posted before, anyone's free to join in at any point!Every Saturday from now to the exam, I’ll post 1-2 letters-to-the-editor or short editorials from The Age. The aim is that, weekly, those who join in will post
a. a short analysis
b. feedback on one other person’s analysis.
NOTE: anyone can post without being added to the spreadsheet; and anyone can join at any time, even a few weeks down the track! If you ask to ‘join the club’, I’ll add your name into
this Excel spreadsheet, where I’ll record whether you’ve posted your analysis and given feedback each week, as a form of accountability. If we get enough people, it'll turn into a points-scoring competition, where you get a point for each piece posted and each piece of feedback marked, plus bonus marks for extra-helpful people and those with the greatest improvement.
This is not a replacement for other work and full LA essays; it's just something small and consistent that also involves giving and receiving feedback and accountability.
Why join in?>
Short and easy. Getting up the time, motivation and confidence to write a full essay can be quite daunting. Start with something short and simple like this to build up confidence!
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Consistency. Because it’s small commitment (very short piece) and you don’t have to search for articles, it’s easy to do this little and often, which is where you’ll make the most improvement.
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Accountability. Everyone can see if you haven’t done it, and I’ll personally pester you by PM if you don’t post for a couple of weeks. Hopefully we can guilt-trip you into working
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Get feedback and work collaboratively.
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Easy to get into the mind of the assessor. Giving feedback on other people’s work is a super valuable experience that should send your own marks skyrocketing; and since it’s just a short piece which you’ve just written on yourself, it should be quick and easy rather than a large time commitment, and give you more ideas for your own writing!
No matter whether you’re scoring 2/10 or 10/10, I’d love you to join. This is for all! If you think you’re hopeless, don’t feel shy about posting your piece, we won’t judge; and don’t be scared to give feedback, it’ll still help someone, and even more yourself. I know I would have been terrified to post too, but
put your ego aside; do you want people to see you as hopeless now, or come exam results day? If you think you’re above other people’s feedback, then … well post anyway, we still want you round despite your ego
. Unsure of how to give feedback? Read through other people's feedback in
Compilation of Language Analysis Feedback.
How do I structure a piece?Totally up to you; you can do a mini 500 word essay, with full-on brief intro, conclusion and short body paras, or you can just dive straight into one paragraph of analysis after a 2-sentence summary of the contention and overall approaches.
Because the focus is on improving analysis rather than dealing with a whole article, don’t stress about structure.
To reduce clutter, please clearly label your posts with bold large font headings, identifying which letter you’re analysing or whose work you’re marking. Please put your pieces in spoiler tags too so other people don't read them before writing!
Weekly letters and linksThe spoilers below contain each week's letter, plus links to people's pieces and feedback (so you can see who to give feedback to).
WEEK 1: 'This ordinary bloke has finally had enough'
This ordinary bloke has finally had enoughI'm just an ordinary bloke, with a $400k mortgage, two kids in primary school, two at work. The missus works part time and I drive a truck 55 hours a week. We make ends meet. I love my footy and don't give a rats about politics; in fact I haven't voted in 40 years. It's taken a while to get to this point but I am sick to death of the lies and deceit, sick of being taken for an idiot – by pollies and union leaders who brazenly abuse their perks.
And then when some ordinary Aussies return home from camps that have been set up on islands to protect me from "soft" borders and complain of the abuse of kids and the rape of their mums by people I'm paying to protect me, I'm told the "whingers" are just disaffected liars with a political agenda. And when a bunch of doctors leave their cushy well-paid jobs to help out in these gulags and return home saying, "Geez, Greg, things are pretty crook!", what am I told by pollies? Nothing. They simply change the laws to shut the docs up and threaten them with two years in jail. Why? So they can continue to lie to me about their solution.
I'm ashamed to say all this went through to the keeper. I just kept working, focusing on my family, making ends meet. The final straw was: "We can't comment on operational matters because we can't alert the baddies to our tactics." It's enough to make you want to fly a plane into Parliament. (I suggest a paper plane with your concerns written on it delivered to your local member.) And me? I'm off to enrol.
Greg Trenton, Neerim EastLinks to pieces and feedbackvcelife +
feedback (Splash-Tackle-Flail)izzywantsa97 +
feedback (Burt Macklin)paper-back +
feedback (cosine)Burt Macklin +
feedback (me)tommyl97 +
feedback (Burt Macklin) WEEK 2: Big Tobacco
Background: a confidential survey was run in schools which included questions about students' smoking habits and purchase. Big tobacco companies then attempted to get access to this data, presumably to target their marketing more effectively to teens.
Letter:
As a medical practitioner for half a century I have witnessed firsthand the destruction of lives by tobacco products. I view it as nothing short of evil. It is incomprehensible how anyone other than a criminal or sociopath could justify promoting and profiting from an addictive product, known to cause mortality and morbidity.
While Big Tobacco may be acting within the law, it has abandoned any pretence to be ethical or moral. For such pedlars of death to entice those of a mature age to take up such a lethal habit is shameful, but seeking to influence children to risk their health would be diabolical. I expect that employees of such companies must struggle with their inner voices. I can only assume that lawyers who defend these organisations have somehow quarantined their consciences.
Graham Lum North Rocks
Links to pieces and feedbackcosine +
feedback (sunshine98)sunshine98 +
feedback (Splash-Tackle-Flail)paper-back +
feedback (Burt Macklin)Splash-Tackle-Flail +
feedback (duo0024)duo0024 +
feedback (tashhhaaa)Burt Macklintashhhaaa +
feedback (vcelife) +
feedback (TheAspiringDoc) WEEK 3: Death Penalty
NB it's evidently American as we don't have the death penalty in Aus (my free The Age limit ran out for the month
)
People are scary as hell. No, I am not talking about death row inmates. I am talking about you, the average everyday human.
The death penalty is a stain on our already embarrassing criminal “justice” system. Until we go 20+ years without a single wrongful murder conviction there is no conceivable argument in favor of the death penalty that does not intrinsically make the case that murdering some innocent people is perfectly fine and justifiable as long as we kill some bad people too.
Read some comments from ordinary people today on Reddit, when it was pointed out that life imprisonment is cheaper than the death penalty (due to the costly appeal process):
“The solution to that is so simple: no Death Row. Sentence is passed and carried out same day.”
“Rope is cheap and re-usable. They knew how to handle this in the old days….”
“Two shots to the back of the head. Way cheaper.”
“Ideally, repeat offenders would just get put down immediately.”
“That’s because we allow them too many appeals. It would be extremely easy to lower the cost. Give them a couple years of appeals and then hang them.”Their bloodlust is so high that they are honestly making the case that we should remove some, or all, of the protections against executing even more innocents! These people are literally arguing that we should make it easier to accidentally kill good people if it means we can kill more bad people for cheaper.
That is horrifying. I feel like much of the world never thinks shit through past their initial emotional reaction to things and that is why you people are just as terrifying, if not more so, than the violent criminal that is spending his life in prison. You people vote.
Links to pieces + feedbackvcelife +
feedback (TheAspiringDoc)Burt Macklin +
feedback (TheAspiringDoc)WEEK 4: Melbourne Airport's Toilets
Shameful introductionI have travelled often and each time I have been at Melbourne Airport I have been disgusted at the state of the toilets. For a First World, rich, well-resourced country, these are Third World standard; dirty floors, grubby toilets, broken or cracked furniture and grimy sinks. The facilities don't look like they have been updated for years.
Considering how expensive all the services at the airport are, I would think that some of the profit should be used on appropriate and necessary facilities for travellers. Cleaners must be the lowest paid in the workforce, so it seems unconscionable behaviour to economise on their services at the expense of public health and safety. And since the airport and its facilities are the first introduction for overseas travellers to what Melbourne and Australia offers, I think this is shameful.
Esther Lewin, CaulfieldLinks to pieces and feedbackTheAspiringDoc +
feedback (duo0024) +
feedback (literally lauren)duo0024 +
feedback (TheAspiringDocscottg15 +
feedback (TheAspiringDoc)That Other Guy +
feedback (TheAspiringDoc)Coffee +
feedback (scottg15)Burt Macklin WEEK 5: Banning smacking
Letter 1The idea of banning smacking is based on nothing but nauseating, dewy-eyed, new-age catch-phrases - ‘socioemotional needs’, ‘emotional affirmation’ and ‘rich parent-child relationships’.
Giving the cheeky brats a good ol’ wallop or two won’t hurt ‘em. I want my kid to grow up to be an honest, upright guy. Someone who can take what comes. Someone who can shoulder his duty without a whimper. Someone who reminds me of the spirit and courage of our dying Anzacs. Not a washed-out wimp who needs to be wrapped up in cotton wool and take the occasional recourse to smelling salts on a lace handkerchief to nurture his fragile delicacy.
They knew how to do it in the good ole days.
Jem Fitzwiggin, FootscrayLetter 2Banning smacking. The idea terrifies me. Why should the government steal my chance to build bonds of love and respect between myself and my child?
I'm sure you're very familiar with these broad discipline types showcased in supermarkets.
Type 1: ‘No Henry, we’re not buying that, we’re going.’ The mother struts self-consciously up the aisle… halts indecisively… turns and flutters ineffectually back. The irresolute, frazzled nagging repeats ceaselessly, as little Henry crows triumphantly; he knows he’s already won.
Type 2: A ceaseless torrent of yelling and abuse – an accumulation of fermenting anger at all his crimes from yesterday, last week, last month. The child cowers in sullen fear and anger.
Type 3: a firm, solid smack. Instant obedience. Instant forgiveness and love, as the child cries into the warm, comforting arms of his mummy. It’s over. Finished. They can move on.
Somehow they think banning type 3 discipline will better our relationships and society. But I have yet to meet someone who can give one conceivable reason why a simple, firm, open-handed smack is more damaging than prolonged violent verbal abuse. Tell me. How on earth can forcing parents towards types 1 and 2 develop parent-child love, trust and respect? Which type do you want for your child? Which type do you want for your society?
Angie James, ToowoombaLinks to pieces + feedback:
scottg15literally lauren's comments WEEK 6: Controlled burns
Letter 1I am not aware of one instance in which a controlled or planned burn has subsequently stopped or slowed the progress of a bushfire. From the present Lancefield disaster back to the fire that devastated Wilsons Promontory, and further back, many controlled/planned burns have become out of control. In addition, the poor air quality in regional areas caused by controlled or fuel-reduction burns seriously affects the health of residents. This ridiculous practice must cease. The only basis for controlled burning is the desire of successive state governments to be seen to be doing something about bushfires.
Authorities need to focus on such things as the prevention of arson, the education of machinery operators, and the use of 21st-century technology to locate fires as soon as possible after they start, so that they may be extinguished quickly. Where, during our bushfire season, are the large jet air tankers used in the US?
John Christiansen, St KildaLetter 2: Living in fear and dreadWe live at the edge of the Great Dividing Range and lost everything on Black Saturday. With much care, we rebuilt to protect ourselves and our home and we are hyper-vigilant about weather conditions. Why did we bother?
On Tuesday, embers blew in from the Lancefield bushfire, 41kilometres away. Someone had lit a fire on the edge of a forest going into forecast days of extreme heat and strong wind. This person was not an arsonist but an employee of the Environment Department. How can it have been so irresponsible?
Anyone with a grain of sense can see these forests are already in drought. Moreover, it is ironic that a strategy intended to protect people and assets from fire actually subjects them to that very trauma and loss. We are extremely nervous that one day the Environment Department will earmark our forest for a useless reduction burn and everyone from here to Marysville will re-live that tragic day in 2009.
Bonny Francis, Upper PlentyLinks to pieces + feedbacktashhhaaa +
feedback (me... bangali_lok)elysian +
feedback (me) WEEK 7: Two random pieces
(Yes. These are totally unconnected, but I was in a real rush and grabbed the first two half-decent pieces I could find.)
Letter 1It's heartening to see governments responding compassionately by moving to legalise medicinal marijuana. One reason is the realisation that those in need will source the drug anyway. Clearly it is preferable for governments to control supply than for citizens to take matters into their own hands. The same argument applies to medically assisted dying, also a means of relieving suffering yet seemingly a bridge too far for most politicians. Similarly, citizens who seek to avoid suffering will continue to hasten their own deaths without waiting for permission. But those deaths will occur by less suitable means, causing trauma to families and to those who find their bodies. Our politicians need to find the courage to act decisively in the matter of voluntary assisted deaths, and to show the same compassion that is evidenced with medical marijuana.
Bob Thomas, Blackburn SouthLetter 2: Wean governments off the revenueJonathan Holmes highlights the pitiful situation that poker machines have created in this country. The ABC's program Ka-Ching Pokie Nation revealed the worst as far as problem gamblers and their families are concerned. Many hundreds of thousands of people are directly and indirectly affected in this way. The onus is on the gambler to be responsible for the product that makes people addicted in the first place. The bells, sounds, music etc are all there to suck people in to this legalised and government-endorsed "theft". Granted, more than 180,000 people are employed in pubs, clubs, casinos and other places with gambling facilities. Good for those people with jobs, but at what cost? Revenue-shifting at its best. The state governments "love" the tax revenue. The losses with pokies in clubs, pubs and casinos amount to $12billion. But governments really give out only a pittance to combat problem gambling. We need political action on this issue. We need to drastically cut poker machine numbers, reduce problem gamblers and losses and wean governments off the revenue. Politicians in the past may have failed but we should not give up fighting against powerful and entrenched interests and show how greedy and manipulative these interests really are.
Peter Allan, BlackburnLinks to pieces + feedback99.90 pls +
feedback (me)
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