Context Identity and Belonging (Creative) Need Help

[iceatonic]

Hey guys/girls I need some quick help and advice on my Imaginative essay about Summer of The Seventeenth Doll. I'm not the best writer so just keep that in mind
My Essay

Spoiler

Prompt- 'We possess true identity when we belong to ourselves and not others'

Gender Roles - Identity Holder

1950's Australia was lead by gender roles through societies expectations and morals.Men were to work, be strong and bring home the money. Women once married had to cook, clean and stay home. Their identities were covered up by the man as well as losing their place, joining the man.

It was my birthday in two days, I was turning eighteen. "You will finally become a women Mary, married life is great, you wont be hat'in". These words from my Mother was all I could think about, I enjoyed being alone and the ability to be free and go out to the park all the time, watching my Father make all the decisions frightened me for what was to come. Being an individual, being Mary, I did not want to be known as  a Mrs Smith or Mrs John. I was a free women even though I still had to help Mother with the house , everyone knew me as Mary and I made my own decisions. Mixed emotions was how i was feeling for my birthday, Father said he would give me a sweet roll and a couple of bucks to get a new dress, that was going to be good. I was an adventuring type of person, I always wanted to go to outside and explore, climbing trees was the best. I wanted to help Mother with chores, although I was scared about getting married I did not want to change my lifestyle.

Married life in Australia was seen as a normal life. Once becoming an adult, women were then married, to meet societies expectations and make there family proud. Women would then be known as the man's wife and not independent, making their identities  be covered up, hidden by the man's identity.

"Mary can ya get me another beer hun"
"I need'a get to work, make sure ya tidy up"
This was married life. Hearing my husband leave I went straight to tidying up, so I could get the end days rest. I'm still not used to being stuck at home all day, having to tidy up. Not able to travel any more as much, i have no clue how ill survive. I felt my old self disappearing. I had to run some errands  so I headed off to the shops, this was my only adventure.
"Good afternoon, Mrs Southern" my neighbour yelled.
Before...when I was seventeen, i use to walk the same route, yet I was known as Mary, not Mrs Southern! Being a wife i felt I had lost a part of me. Mrs Southern, cleaner, chef, grocery getter. No longer Mary, the exciting adventurer, I was bland and normal like everyone else.

1950's Men were seen as tough hard workers, usually travelling far distances to work. In this time women would have down time, to recover and be themselves. Women had less burden and identities were uncovered.

Husband had gone to work, this time he had a big journey ahead of him. TWO WEEKS HE WAS GONE, TWO WEEKS. While I loved him...at times, this was the moment I could become my former self. I will be able to go out more, being my 17-year old self, I will definitely be going out more, might take a trip down to Lakefall tomorrow, relax and remember the good old days.I had to get my own job, I was finally going to be known as Mary again.

Lives in 1950's Australia had crucial events that society expected as well as stereotypes to become. Married life changed identities and covered them with a false identity. Identities that were strong could be unleashed and true identities are shown when they are alone, with nothing to hide.

Would love any tips or approaches for my writing and any examples if you have them thanks!