don't know what to do and parents will kill me...

[lalala123]

Hi guys,

Apologies if this is in the wrong thread.

So exams have been finished for quite a while and now I feel very 'bad' about them - not the exams in general but my whole Year 12 performance. I've lied to my parents saying that I got 'okay' marks in SACs and stuff when really I didn't. I promised them that I will get a 95+ ATAR (because that is what they want and that is the bare minimum for them) and they are expecting me to do Commerce at either Melbourne or Monash next year (because they are Go8 unis and the only ones that they approve of, and they even admitted they will judge me if I don't go to one of those 2 unis). They want me to do Commerce because they don't think I'd be good at anything else and I'm also more likely to get a job with a Commerce degree as opposed to an Arts degree, for example (Arts is actually more what I want to do tbh, but I feel that I'd be stronger on the Commerce side). Most of our family friends are already in uni/graduated from uni and did med/law/commerce degrees, most at Go8 universities so there's always this comparison and expectation I will do the same.

But to be honest, I don't think I will even get a high enough ATAR to do Arts or even Commerce anyway. So I was thinking about doing Year 12 again. I know, I've read these forums for quite a few years and I know it's a bad idea to do Year 12 again, but is it really? The only thing is that my parents are so against me doing it and they will think of me as an embarrassment if I were to do that. My plan was, that when VCE Results come out, I would 'lie' to them about my results and pretend I got a 'decent' ATAR, enough to get me into Commerce at Melbourne, but I will actually be going to RMIT or CAE to re-do VCE (probably different subjects though to make it interesting). The only issue is, I have already been offered a place at RMIT, and CAE enrolments have not closed yet so I am yet to enrol there, but CAE has a wider variety of subjects. Also, for both institutions, you will need to be 18 or you will need parental consent, and I don't turn 18 until 2 months after the Year 12 year begins in 2016. CAE said I still needed a signature from my parents. When I get my ATAR in 2016, I will confess to them and hopefully I would have done much better.

I don't see any cons to repeating Year 12 for me, personally. For me it is another year to re-establish yourself and such. I know people say that you can do another course and transfer, but really - what are the chances you'll score high enough marks anyway? I have friends at university who have said that it's very easy to 'just pass' their units rather than aim for really high marks that allow them to transfer. Also, doesn't doing a diploma or TAFE course potentially ADD an extra year as well, just like doing Year 12 again is? So it's the same result. Personally I didn't find Year 12 stressful either (but then again, I rarely stress).

The main issue is my parents and this. I understand why they treat me like this and to be honest, I actually respect the fact that they want high marks out of me. They were both highly educated (both have postgraduate qualifications from Monash as international students) so I would feel so bad if I don't do well and even right now I feel so guilty. I don't know how to revolve around the fact that they will think of me so lowly and basically get really mad IF I want to repeat Year 12. I don't want to forge their signature either.

In the case that I DO get a high enough ATAR (not gonna happen but still), I will withdraw my enrolments at RMIT/CAE and go to university if I am happy with what course I end up with.

Lol to anyone who finishes reading it

TL;DR I 'failed' Year 12 this year. My parents are expecting me to get into Commerce at UoM/Monash with an ATAR of 95+. I want to repeat Year 12 at RMIT/CAE but parents won't let me as they consider it embarrassing and disgraceful.

[spectroscopy]

It sounds like you've looked around the forum and read about the cons of repeating year 12. I definitely suggest you heed people's warnings. It's not worth the social issues and wasting another year of your life to please your parents who you might not even please in the end anyway. You're much better off doing a course that is similiar to what you want with a lower atar requirement like a b.a at rmit or something which is still a good degree, then apply to transfer after a semester or a year. Never repeat year 12 unless something happened like an illness or death that left you completely out of action for like 2 months +
Everyone I know whose repeated has regretted it and I know people who did alright their first go around and get high 80s then just get so over it and do way shitter the second year to the point where their atar didn't change.

Do an arts course with a lower atar requirement that you'll get into and move into the next phase of your life. I know all about parental pressures because I've faced it as have most of my school for years and repeating year 12 is never ever the right option in this scenario.

Also, I've known kids who've pulled off big lies like this to their parents. Mostly Indian/Asian kids and to be honest the ones that are honest and just tell their parents what's up in the long run over years end up in a much better position then the ones who pulled off big lies and eventually came clean. The dishonesty kills parents so much more than the disappointment.

[Glasses]

It sounds like you've looked around the forum and read about the cons of repeating year 12. I definitely suggest you heed people's warnings. It's not worth the social issues and wasting another year of your life to please your parents who you might not even please in the end anyway. You're much better off doing a course that is similiar to what you want with a lower atar requirement like a b.a at rmit or something which is still a good degree, then apply to transfer after a semester or a year. Never repeat year 12 unless something happened like an illness or death that left you completely out of action for like 2 months +
Everyone I know whose repeated has regretted it and I know people who did alright their first go around and get high 80s then just get so over it and do way shitter the second year to the point where their atar didn't change.

Do an arts course with a lower atar requirement that you'll get into and move into the next phase of your life. I know all about parental pressures because I've faced it as have most of my school for years and repeating year 12 is never ever the right option in this scenario.

Also, I've known kids who've pulled off big lies like this to their parents. Mostly Indian/Asian kids and to be honest the ones that are honest and just tell their parents what's up in the long run over years end up in a much better position then the ones who pulled off big lies and eventually came clean. The dishonesty kills parents so much more than the disappointment.

I very much second this. Particularly the part at the end. I know you're worried about how your parents will react, but if you do lie to them, it will feel like an enormous burden until they find out, or until you tell them - and even then, it really is a huge lie, and you may risk damaging your relationship with your parents altogether.
I understand that at the moment you are really concerned about how they'll react, but ultimately, the impact (from being honest) will probably be more short-term, than if you were to lie to them about going to uni and your ATAR.

Additionally, despite the common attitude, in my opinion, there isn't anything wrong with going to TAFE, or a non-GO8 uni. And even if you do really want to attend Monash or Melbourne, you can always try and transfer to one of these universities. (However, I do believe that it would be harder to transfer externally, than internally). - But if you meet the prerequisite subjects, I am quite confident that you could get into a Commerce (or Arts) degree at a non-GO8 uni.
But that being said, if you do want to study arts (what would you like to do as a career/major in by the way), I implore you to do arts!! I say this with the utmost respect, but it is your life. If you study something that doesn't interest you, chances are, you're just going to be miserable, may end up dropping out, and/or will end up with uni fees for a course you didn't even want to do anyway.



Lastly, I would also strongly recommend that you go and see a professional (i.e. - psychologist) about this matter, because they will be able to give you an expert opinion, and can help you in deciding what you'll tell your parents, and/or how you can deal with the situation. (They may also offer to have a joint-session with your parents if you wish). - And of course, it's all confidential!



Best of luck.

[anna.xo]

Coming from someone who's done all sorts of things behind their parents back, it's not something I would recommend. Because the whole time you'll be repeating year 12 or studying somewhere else, all you will be thinking about is the stress and trouble you will be in if you get caught. And that is not productive to your study or your happiness.

I recommend that you talk to your parents about what you really want, and tell them your choice. It can be up for discussion but at the end of the day, you've made the choice and it's up to them how they handle it. Eventually your parents are just going to have to accept it or disown you. Bottom line, all you have is you at the end of the day and I'd want my happiness to be a priority over anyone else's. Good luck !

[96n_n]

as hard as it might sound, tell your parents the truth. i think you'll appreciate it as well as them too in the long run. it's not worth your time spinning webs of lies, just come clean. regardless of your star, you are their child so they'll always put you before their pride. like other replies, just go to a uni with a lower atar and apply for mid-year transfer. it's honestly not worth repeating the whole of year 12 again. just work hard and go all out within the 12 weeks of uni and get a wam above 75 which will likely guarantee a place in melb uni commerce. as cliche as it sounds, they'll come around - trust me.

[zsteve]

Don't redo year 12 - it's probably way worse than doing any degree out there - the secondary system is slow, boring, and often incompetent. At least in uni you'll be learning new stuff - an incentive to do well. Would encourage getting out with the truth - no matter what you've done... don't make it worse

[lalala123]

Thanks guys for your replies

Don't redo year 12 - it's probably way worse than doing any degree out there - the secondary system is slow, boring, and often incompetent. At least in uni you'll be learning new stuff - an incentive to do well. Would encourage getting out with the truth - no matter what you've done... don't make it worse

I would be doing different VCE subjects anyway so it's interesting
But if I struggle with basic VCE how will I be able to adapt in ANY university course

as hard as it might sound, tell your parents the truth. i think you'll appreciate it as well as them too in the long run. it's not worth your time spinning webs of lies, just come clean. regardless of your star, you are their child so they'll always put you before their pride. like other replies, just go to a uni with a lower atar and apply for mid-year transfer. it's honestly not worth repeating the whole of year 12 again. just work hard and go all out within the 12 weeks of uni and get a wam above 75 which will likely guarantee a place in melb uni commerce. as cliche as it sounds, they'll come around - trust me.

But isn't it really hard to get high enough marks to transfer? There's no guarantee that any time during my first or second year that I will get high enough marks, no matter how hard I've worked despite working fairly hard in VCE.

Additionally, despite the common attitude, in my opinion, there isn't anything wrong with going to TAFE, or a non-GO8 uni. And even if you do really want to attend Monash or Melbourne, you can always try and transfer to one of these universities. (However, I do believe that it would be harder to transfer externally, than internally). - But if you meet the prerequisite subjects, I am quite confident that you could get into a Commerce (or Arts) degree at a non-GO8 uni.
But that being said, if you do want to study arts (what would you like to do as a career/major in by the way), I implore you to do arts!! I say this with the utmost respect, but it is your life. If you study something that doesn't interest you, chances are, you're just going to be miserable, may end up dropping out, and/or will end up with uni fees for a course you didn't even want to do anyway.



Lastly, I would also strongly recommend that you go and see a professional (i.e. - psychologist) about this matter, because they will be able to give you an expert opinion, and can help you in deciding what you'll tell your parents, and/or how you can deal with the situation. (They may also offer to have a joint-session with your parents if you wish). - And of course, it's all confidential!



Best of luck.

Yeah personally I don't see anything wrong with going to TAFE or a non Go8 uni, but that's just my parents perception and they will heavily judge me and be embarrassed among their friends because their friends will ask them what I'm doing in uni and stuff (Except my parents won't mind me going to TAFE after I've finished Uni, just not before).
Not sure if I can get 25 in English so that makes me scared as well that I won't get into ANY university.

I've spoken to careers counsellors at my school, and like everyone else, they said that I should not repeat Year 12 (obviously) - also, this is why barely anyone repeats Year 12 except in extreme situations.

Also, my school told me that I was "too dumb" and I kinda just wanted to prove everyone wrong

[appleandbee]

I haven't had great Internet connect the past two days (in my cousin's apartment in Singapore), so I'll give you my take now.

Repeating year 12
I don't think you should do it, but for different reasons than the aforementioned ones. Firstly, please note that I don't have any disrespect for people that repeat year 12. With no disrespect to those institutions ( I realise they have their own purposes), I don't think CAE or RMIT are great environments if you are aiming for a high ATAR. The majority of the students in those institutions are high school drop-outs or adults. They are more doing VCE for the purposes of attaining an educational certificate rather than aiming for a high ATAR. Furthermore I've heard that at at CAE, only about 45% of the students receive atars of 70+. While I'm definitely not implying that you'll most likely get an atar below 70 seeing that you went to Macrob, my point is that it is extremely difficult to score in the high 90s ( not implying that it would be possible easy to do so in a good school, but it's so much more difficult in RMIT/CAE). For the majority of subjects, the teacher support is horrendous. The effects of this may not be as pronounced in maths/science subjects where an intelligent person could complete the course on their own, but in humanities subjects, teacher support is pivotal for the most part because they have special assess to various material and they can critique your work. This is why the top scores in humanities are dominated by students in top private and selective schools. You also better be rank 1 there with the atar you are aiming for .

Most people don't recommend it because improvements are usually extremely marginal and weren't worth the extra year. Most people would be dissapointed with a marginal improvement. As Hamo94 said in a another thread, dramatic improvements don't happen overnight. Especially with a large number humanities subjects, a high degree of subjectivity exists. I've seen people in the humanities who deserved  high 40s SS/50 being scamed with low 40s SS despite a good exam performance nonetheless. Also if you are doing new VCE subjects, how do you know for sure that you won't encounter issues in those subjects that may prevent you from scoring highly?

With the uni grades and transfer jazz, I think that people get mediocre results because they put very little effort into uni compared to VCE where there seems to be a lot more at stake. In humanities subjects, first year subjects don't assume prior knowledge and assessments are take home so one could do well if they put in effort (I did the first 2 units of Philosophy at UoM and got H1s so I'm speaking from experience.  In arts subjects, I know quite a few people who didn't get stellar ATARS (90-95) but ended up doing very well, because subjects in uni are different from VCE. Also in Uni, assessments are marks by your lecturers or tutors so you know their style or markings and things they like unlike VCE.

If you do proceed with repeating year 12, this is worth noting.

Lying to parents

Yep, don't do it. While your parents will probably be mad as fuck if you don't do well, they probably won't be like that forever. Hopefully at some stage in life you will achieve greater, more important things that will largely overshadow poor VCE results.  As the others said, it will be worse when they find out the truth.

[anna.xo]

With the uni grades and transfer jazz, I think that people get mediocre results because they put very little effort into uni compared to VCE where there seems to be a lot more at stake. In humanities subjects, first year subjects don't assume prior knowledge and assessments are take home so one could do well if they put in effort (I did the first 2 units of Philosophy at UoM and got H1s so I'm speaking from experience.  In arts subjects, I know quite a few people who didn't get stellar ATARS (90-95) but ended up doing very well, because subjects in uni are different from VCE. Also in Uni, assessments are marks by your lecturers or tutors so you know their style or markings and things they like unlike VCE.

I don't think this is completely true. Mediocre results can come from far, far more than just *not doing work*. If you do go for the uni and transfer route, please please please do something you LIKE or have some sort of interest in, or is your strength. Because if you don't, you'll 1) struggle to do well and 2) uni will feel pointless and your motivation will die. Especially cause transfers are based on grades, it'd be much smarter to make life just a little bit easier on yourself.

[Callum@1373]

Just my two cents, but do what you want. Don't be afraid of doing what your parents don't want you to do. That your parents would judge you depending on the course you do and uni you go to is absolute b*******. Take them out of your life for a moment, listen to what the others are saying  above and go with it. Don't try to sneakily do VCE again and not tell your parents, instead, do VCE again (if that's what you want) and if your parents talk crap about it, ignore them because that's bloody ridiculous that they would try to steer you in a direction. Do what you want not what they want 

[96n_n]

But isn't it really hard to get high enough marks to transfer? There's no guarantee that any time during my first or second year that I will get high enough marks, no matter how hard I've worked despite working fairly hard in VCE.

getting a 75 wam is hard but is doable. in my opinion, choose a course from another uni in which you will enjoy and therefore will likely to do well on. In my first year of uni, I struggled adjusting to the lifestyle and so my wam suffered. Trust me, if you work consistently you will be able to get a 75 wam easy. as long as you don't leave it to the last minute everything should be fine. utilise all the programs offered by the course, interact with the lecturers, form a study group etc and you should be able to transfer mid year, if not by the end of the year. oh, and I realised you go to macrob. obviously there is a reason as to why so in your first year of uni, maintain focus - i know some people at my uni (melt uni) from your school that have the ability to perform very well but have just simply neglected simple marks etc. In my opinion, I think you should be capable of transferring if maintain consistency and put in the effort.

[lalala123]

Thanks guys for your replies

Ahhh I still don't know what to do

[keltingmeith]

Look, you're pretty much in a catch 22.

If you tell your parents, they'll probably be really pissed, and I'm guessing that as much as repeating year 12 seems the only option for you atm, they won't let you do it, and so going to uni might just not happen. (which is pretty counter-productive for what they want, from what I can gather)

If you don't tell your parents, though, they will find out. On the off chance they never find out, the guilt will continuously eat away at you. In the end, you will cause yourself irreparable amounts of anxiety and might even completely destroy your relationship with your parents.

Given the situation, you should do what will make you happy. No matter what happens, your parents won't be happy, so you may as well take the path of least resistance. None of us are you, so none of us can tell you which path will make you happy. That's something you need to think about and decide. I'm of the same mind of everyone else, and that it will probably be better for your mental health to just tell them. As I said, though, this isn't for me or anyone else to decide - so simply ask yourself this: "In which path do I think I'll be most happy?"

[YellowTongue]

Given the situation, you should do what will make you happy. No matter what happens, your parents won't be happy, so you may as well take the path of least resistance. None of us are you, so none of us can tell you which path will make you happy. That's something you need to think about and decide. I'm of the same mind of everyone else, and that it will probably be better for your mental health to just tell them. As I said, though, this isn't for me or anyone else to decide - so simply ask yourself this: "In which path do I think I'll be most happy?"

I very much agree with this. Yes, you may not have performed to your highest standard in Year 12, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to repeat the year. Just think about what you want to do with your life, and go from there. If it is necessary to repeat Year 12; do it. If you would only be doing it because your parents don't completely understand the system; don't do it. Do what you want to do 

It is clear that you feel as if you can't get much support from your parents, however I would suggest trying to talk to them about this. After all, they know you better than anyone on the Internet, and they probably know quite a bit about  the "big world". I think you need to tell your parents how you feel and discuss this issue with them. They might be annoyed at first, but you will feel better for relieving yourself of this burden. And then, your parents may be able to help you with your decisions. 

Another thought, does your school that you did Year 12 at have a guidance counsellor that you could make an appointment with? This could really assist you in making decisions about your future.

I wish you all the best 

[slothpomba]

Ultimately, they're you're parents and they do love you. They will adapt, trust me on this. They will get over it eventually or come to see it from your point of view. It may be a little testing for awhile but most likely, it will be OK .

This is a very elaborate lie. It will be extremely psychologically testing, it will always be on your mind. You will have to cover up things, they may notice little discrepancies. When/if they do eventually find out, i reckon it would be far worse for them to discover you staged an elaborate charade.

As someone else said, you seem to be aware of the pros and cons. The cons really do far outweigh the pros though.

-----

I would highly recommend you go to uni. There's only some things you can come to learn with experience and time. Many of us have gone to uni and know what its like. We know what its like to be in your position too. Coming out the other end we still say uni is the better option.

Ultimately, it will be up to you but i recommend you do go do a uni course.

Once your ATAR comes out and its the change of preference period, we can help you go through the courses to find the best one which you can likely get into given your ATAR.

Don't forgot we're all here for you though. You can always post on these forums and there is the ATARNotes chat (down in my signature, a bit dead lately though).