English Advanced Question Thread

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey guys,

Not sure if this is the right place for my questions but yea. I have an assignment that is a combination of both reading task paper 1 and the paper 1. The catch is, instead of the extended response from the reading task this will be replaced by a modified version of the paper 1 essay. So for the last question, we have to use one of our prescribed texts (one Robert Gray poem) and one of the reading task texts as our related. I'm not exactly sure how to prepare for this though. My teacher gave me a practice question and I've attempted it, if anyone is willing to mark it, I will be one very happy student!! Also, for the modified extended response, can anyone give me tips on synthesis as that is the area I need the most improvement in?

THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS!
From theyam

Hey! You can post your response in our marking section to have it marked properly (you'll also need 30 posts for detailed feedback), but some quick pointers on a skim read. I don't have the question so can't judge that aspect, but:

- The use of the word 'responder' when discussing a Discovery concept is a little bit off. The concept should be separate from any textual analysis, a better word would be "individual" just like the very first sentence you wrote.
- Excellent analysis on the whole! Be careful you don't fall into describing scenes/plot points, you were borderline for a little bit in the first paragraph (a nitpick). As a clarity thing, try to always put the technique and quote in the same sentence. That way it is always clear to the marker that you've included it!
- Fantastic job maintaining your conceptual direction throughout the analysis, constantly linking back to the key idea. Really nicely done.

I think this works extremely well. Currently you are sitting on roughly three quotes/techniques per paragraph - If you are keen, you could adjust your word choices, make your explanations super concise, and get to four per paragraph. It would mean taking this:

Gray’s synaesthesia of sense imagery achieves this interpretation. The abattoir is the site for production of human sustenance and paradoxically, death. It is stained with blood “fertilizer thick”, and a “sticky stench… that sent flies mad. The nauseating effect created, provokes readers to be cognizant and thus emotionally responsive towards the brutality nature is subjected to, despite its vulnerability.

And reducing it to something like:

Gray's synaesthesia of sensory imagery creates a nauseating effect in describing the "sticky stench... that sent flies mad," provoking readers to be cognizant and thus emotionally responsive towards the brutality nature is subjected to.

I'd argue this would earn just as many marks as yours - Pretty much all the important bits are there. And vitally, it makes room for extra analysis. That said, I think you are already at a Band 6 standard with what you have, good stuff

[tay.j]

Hi,
I'm using Sky High by Hannah Robert for a related text, and I'm just wondering if I'm getting the right ideas. Its a reflective story that demonstrates a personal discovery, that has been progressing throughout the personas life - they've discovered their loss of innocence and also the responsibilitie that are associated with being an adult.
Am I on the right track/is there anything really obvious that I'm missing?

[Mada438]

Hi,
I'm using Sky High by Hannah Robert for a related text, and I'm just wondering if I'm getting the right ideas. Its a reflective story that demonstrates a personal discovery, that has been progressing throughout the personas life - they've discovered their loss of innocence and also the responsibilitie that are associated with being an adult.
Am I on the right track/is there anything really obvious that I'm missing?

That statement sounds like you're on the right track. Whats your perscribed (remember to make comparisons and contrasts to your perscribed) text?
Also that sounds like a good concept, but wheather thats how you use it depends on the question. Make sure you leave it open to reshaping depending on your question

[tay.j]

That statement sounds like you're on the right track. Whats your perscribed (remember to make comparisons and contrasts to your perscribed) text?
Also that sounds like a good concept, but wheather thats how you use it depends on the question. Make sure you leave it open to reshaping depending on your question

I have to connect it to any one of Frost's poems - not sure which one yet!
Which Frost poem would be best to relate to a text about reflection, self-discovery, loss of innocence, maybe something about companionship?

[Mada438]

I have to connect it to any one of Frost's poems - not sure which one yet!
Which Frost poem would be best to relate to a text about reflection, self-discovery, loss of innocence, maybe something about companionship?

I'm really sorry, this is where my help must come to an end    , because i am not doing Robert Frosts poems, i am doing the tempest as my perscribed. But i'm sure someone that is doing robert frost poems will be able to help you! 

All the best!
Mada438

[rh1A]

I have to connect it to any one of Frost's poems - not sure which one yet!
Which Frost poem would be best to relate to a text about reflection, self-discovery, loss of innocence, maybe something about companionship?

Have you looked at Tufts of Flowers? That's probably the best to relate to those themes.... I am doing Frost at the moment as well 

[theyam]

Hey! You can post your response in our marking section to have it marked properly (you'll also need 30 posts for detailed feedback), but some quick pointers on a skim read. I don't have the question so can't judge that aspect, but:

- The use of the word 'responder' when discussing a Discovery concept is a little bit off. The concept should be separate from any textual analysis, a better word would be "individual" just like the very first sentence you wrote.
- Excellent analysis on the whole! Be careful you don't fall into describing scenes/plot points, you were borderline for a little bit in the first paragraph (a nitpick). As a clarity thing, try to always put the technique and quote in the same sentence. That way it is always clear to the marker that you've included it!
- Fantastic job maintaining your conceptual direction throughout the analysis, constantly linking back to the key idea. Really nicely done.

I think this works extremely well. Currently you are sitting on roughly three quotes/techniques per paragraph - If you are keen, you could adjust your word choices, make your explanations super concise, and get to four per paragraph. It would mean taking this:

Gray’s synaesthesia of sense imagery achieves this interpretation. The abattoir is the site for production of human sustenance and paradoxically, death. It is stained with blood “fertilizer thick”, and a “sticky stench… that sent flies mad. The nauseating effect created, provokes readers to be cognizant and thus emotionally responsive towards the brutality nature is subjected to, despite its vulnerability.

And reducing it to something like:

Gray's synaesthesia of sensory imagery creates a nauseating effect in describing the "sticky stench... that sent flies mad," provoking readers to be cognizant and thus emotionally responsive towards the brutality nature is subjected to.

I'd argue this would earn just as many marks as yours - Pretty much all the important bits are there. And vitally, it makes room for extra analysis. That said, I think you are already at a Band 6 standard with what you have, good stuff

Hi Jamon!

Thank you very much for your feedback! I used the word responder because I believe the poem is based on the audience's reaction rather than the persona. So I thought if I used the word "individual" the marker might think that I'm referring to the persona rather than the audience? Or does it make no difference if I use the word individual?

Thank you~
From the yam

[theyam]

Also, does anyone know what would be a sophisticated term to use for the opposite of when an author builds up to the climax, so like oh bam in your face sort of thing?
Thank you guys~
From theyam

[Mada438]

Also, does anyone know what would be a sophisticated term to use for the opposite of when an author builds up to the climax, so like oh bam in your face sort of thing?
Thank you guys~
From theyam

I believe the term you're looking for is anticlimax?

[theyam]

I believe the term you're looking for is anticlimax?

Oh gosh I can't believe it was that simple XD I'm not sure how I would use that word in a sentence though, because my poet is aiming to shock the audiences so using the word anticlimax sort of connotes that nothing really happens?

From theyam

[Mada438]

Oh gosh I can't believe it was that simple XD I'm not sure how I would use that word in a sentence though, because my poet is aiming to shock the audiences so using the word anticlimax sort of connotes that nothing really happens?

From theyam

Okay so if this is for AOS-discovery, you could talk about how the audience believe that there will be a shocking conclusion, but the author uses the anticlimax to shock the audiience into making a discovery? 

[theyam]

Hi GUYS~~

I have my english exam tomorrow and one the questions will be an essay, We have to use one core text (I've chosen The Meatworks, Robert Gray) and I was just wondering if the my discoveries within this poem will be easy to mould for any question tomorrow:
The discovery of the ramifications of Consumerism: in relation to a world barren of spirituality thus leading to the discovery that our world is a vacuity of moral scruples.
also, can anyone give examples of broad thesis statements so I know how specific/broad they should be?

THANK YOU!
from theyam

[theyam]

guys is this thesis statement general enough that I can mould: The importance of the sudden and confronting discovery of a shameful truth about our world and humanity is characterised by the impact upon the individual. Such discoveries are significant as they have the ability to evoke an emotional response and prompt responders to reconsider one's perspective on our current world and humanity

thank youuu
from theyam

[Mada438]

guys is this thesis statement general enough that I can mould: The importance of the sudden and confronting discovery of a shameful truth about our world and humanity is characterised by the impact upon the individual. Such discoveries are significant as they have the ability to evoke an emotional response and prompt responders to reconsider one's perspective on our current world and humanity

thank youuu
from theyam

Sounds pretty good dude 

[theyam]

Sounds pretty good dude 

Thanks man, i'm just worrying about whether or not this will be like easily mould-able for my exam tmr ;-;