Hi Elyse!
I got my ext 2 back from school (Australians All, the short story about refugees) and I got 36/40, the main comments about syntax and punctuation, also footnoting. I was quite happy with that. However, for my reflection, I got only 8/10. I'd like to raise this mark to at least 9. (please help me achieve this!!!!)
Thank you for your comments about my MW, I'm trying to implement those changes, but I have trials right now!!!!
Attached is my reflection statement. Could you please take a read and leave some comments if you have the time?
My teacher and mentor's main concerns lie in the structure of it. So please please help me in restructuring it.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Hey bananna!
Here's a few things:
-Your document is in US English, so you've got catalyzed instead of catalysed and utilize instead of utilised. Have a look for the z letters and you'll likely need to change them to an s

-A small thing in your intro, I'm reading that your appreciation for words (as inspired by Orwell) brought you to have empathy for the photograph? Just not following the connection between loving words and appreciating visuals.
-"In contrast, using third person to portray Campbell’s hard-headedness creates distance between him and reader, I, increasing the value of his final epiphany. " In this sentence I can't work out what the "I" in the comma splice is for?
-"However, this approach was disadvantageous as I inadvertently wrote all four perspectives in the same style. " In this part, I'd briefly identify that style. Whether it's narrative style, persona style, whatever it may be. Because style could refer to linguistics, your writing process, persona, anything.
-"Experimentation was crucial in the construction of Australians All. Experimenting with font was crucial in the development of Australians All to differentiate my characters. " These two sentences could really just be one, they're quite repetitive.
-"Through an extensive independent investigation, my intentions for undertaking this course have been realised, encouraging me to continue challenging hostile perceptions of refugees. " Maybe, 'continue challenging hostile perceptions of refugees through literature and political discourse' or something like this.
-I think potentially you'd benefit from outlining the stance of Australia on asylum seekers that troubles you most. "Turn back the boats" or "Nauru" or "offshore detention" - which policy is it in direct pertinence to? Because this might be nice at the beginning when contrasted with the anthem. Which, by the way, I adore the title and the way you've included the anthem.
So I think that part of your mark increase will come from the adjustment of language (as above) because the sophistication of your work will increase. Personally, I'm not unimpressed by your structure, and seeing as I don't see a whole lot wrong with it I guess I think I'm not in the best position to help you improve it. I struggled with my own structure - I remember reading some reflection statement's that had managed to put everything (EVERYTHING REQUIRED - y'know, all four million things they want you to talk about), into a perfectly smooth narrative. I ended up pulling mine apart and moving paragraphs around everywhere and then sliding them back into different spots and adjusting the framing sentences. So I suggest speaking to your teacher/tutor and asking them what they think is the downfall of your structure, and then don't be afraid to make big last minute changes to it!