Spoiler
The wind howled into the night, causing the hair on her arms to stand on ends. Her late night walk usually enlivened her and energised her like no amount of caffeine ever could. Yet, that night, it felt like she’d run a thousand marathons. Her job being at stake, she somehow had to come up with a story, no matter what it took so she could thrust it upon her editor’s face within 48 hours’. As she walked towards the direction of home her intuition warned her. Her heart started racing faster and she clenched her jaw.
It seemed dangerous, and so, she surrendered to her thoughts and changed her direction. In hope of an edgy and uncommon story, she mustered up courage and began the walk into the other side of the town. A hint of reluctance almost stopped her. Most people preferred to keep a distance from those areas – news about precarious incidents taking place, odd and daunting noises were enough to keep the people from wandering around the threshold of this zone. Pupils oscillating, finding final reassurance in whatever slivers of light have dared to venture this far into the alley alongside her, she allowed the darkness to swallow her whole. The writing here is just BRILLIANT - so clear, so evocative. I was being swept up with the story and I loved it!
Dark shadows danced amongst the dark walls, the flickering street lamps encouraging them to do so; following her path excitedly and exhilarating her. An abandoned warehouse stretched onwards – despite her eagerness all bubbled up in her, she felt her hopes fall. A feeling of disappointment rushed up her spine, exhausting her. In this eerie silence there was no possibility of a story. Lingering around for what seemed like forever, with nothing interesting to get a hold on, she decided to find another destination. The path she had kicked and trodden along was dusty, dirtying her shoes. The weather had become chilly, and so the jeans and the flannel she had thrown on failed to keep her warm.
At some point, she bumped into a few people. A ray of optimism sparked within her, and she decided to subtly question them. Much to her frustration, she could barely get them to speak. Hindrance and fury built up in her as she kicked the rocks and pebbles within sight on the road. She stomped off in the other direction when she heard a loud noise that stunned her.
A piercing scream followed by gunfire caused her to jolt, steering her attention to a new light. Eager to see what had happened, she hoisted herself onto a crate and peered into the cracks in the wall. It came as a shock when she encountered a set of steely grey eyes staring back at her. The next few moments came as a blur, the crate collapsed at her weight and she fell at the feet of a man. She raised her gaze slowly at the towering figure in front of her, only to find him again piercing at her. The man pulled her to her feet and the strong smell of cologne hit her. Before she even had the chance to make noise, he hissed into her ear,
“Don’t even think about making a sound, you’ll regret it.”
He held onto her wrist tightly and pulled her along. Finding it difficult to keep up with this strange man’s pace, she stumbled, until they reached the warehouse. Shoving her inside, he shut the door. She couldn’t breathe through fear when she heard the sound of the lock clicking. You have elevated this story SOOOOO MUCH. The intensity is so heightened right now - the imagery is strong, the sentence structures are just right.
Sickening screams attacked her from all sides, she lay there whimpering in the dark. Not sure about this - sickening screams? But she's remaining silent or else she'll regret it? Contemplating her next action, she did the only logical thing that came to mind. Raising the camera to her face, she pulled the trigger. A brilliant light flashed throughout the room, revealing the horrifying scene laid out. She caught a glimpse of a man’s back, but it was the remarkably familiar tattoo on the man’s neck that made her heart nearly stop
“You…stop!”
Yet, her abductor walked off. As she sat baffled, flashbacks slowly reoccurred. For a while her emotions overpowered her, numbing her. Faces flashed in front of her, she shut her eyes to avoid the images. Her mind was a whirlpool of unanswered thoughts, she clenched her fists and dug her nails into her palm. The pain seemed healing. Tears rolled down her face as she recalled the tragedy. A year ago, the shocking news of her Brother Stan’s death knocked on their door. She had stood there numb, unable to grasp the news. In that moment, everything felt agonising. The last thing she did before Stan’s body was taken away was feel the outline of the tattoo on his back.
Time froze. At that moment, she decided to wipe her tears and fight her thoughts. Pulling herself up, she walked across the room in hope of finding an exit. While observing the small room around her, she discovered a door. A ray of hope lit up in her, and she pushed with all her force, which resulted in this seems a bit clinical, I don't like the "which resulted in" because it seems so mathematical. her crashing. She picked herself up and used the walls as her support to assist her. Up ahead, murmurs and people hurriedly conversing caught her ear.
Finally, a beam of light shone through. She tiptoed through the door which led to an entrance, avoiding detection. Then and there, the scene that she witnessed shook the Earth beneath her feet. In front of her, the figure held a knife, coated and dripping in deep red - he slowly raised his head. The light breeze gently blew on his messy tresses, a glow revealed his face. It was Stan. She could not be mistaken, the same Stan she saw a year ago, lifeless and dead, was in front of her in a monstrous state covered in shades of blood, with a dead body hung on hooks beside him. Tears welled up and began to stream down her face, an intense fear clouded her mind. Her escape looked ominous.
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Topic: Free AOS Creative Writing Marking! (Read 354146 times)